bellalove Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 Hi everyone - I am in a reallly complicated situation, not sure what to think of it. I have asked some of my male friends and they give me TERRIBLE advice so I think maybe finding people who can take this a little more serious would be the best route to go. I met a man 7 years ago, on the last day of our spring break down in Florida - we are the same age but went to two different schools, probably about 8 hrs apart. After meeting him, we added one another to facebook but didn't communicate at all - I wanted to pursue something but didn't try due to the big distance. Welll during that 7 yrs I moved to a city much closer to him, he's now 2.5-3 hrs away. We didn't communicate until he emailed me telling me how gorgeous I am and that although we barely know each other he wanted to let me know that. We started emailing everyday throughout the day, then progressed to texting and phone calls. He ended up coming to see me a few weeks later, he brought flowers, was incredibly sweet, kept telling me how happy he was to be with me and how much he liked me and how he was happy things worked out the way they did. We were intimate. We made plans to try to meet up again the following weekend but things came up and it didn't work out. By that point, the holidays were right around the corner, we both have family aways away so we weren't able to meet up but made plans to for new years. From the time I saw him, up until right before I was supposed to see him again, we were in constant contact - texting/calling, nothing was out of the ordinary. Then a few days before I was supposed to see him again he just stopped out of nowhere. Of course I started to panick and would text him only to get no reply. I facebooked him, but would get a reply days later telling me he was unsure of the distance and didn't know if he could handle it and he was going through some struggles but didn't want to talk about them. I tried to save the relationship, I didn't guilt trip him by any means but did tell him we could make it work and I wanted to see him still. He didn't reply and I kinda left it at that. I didn't text him/call him/facebook him nothing. I kinda kept tabs on what was going on with any interactions with girls, there would be new pics put up but no girls were in it/no new girls added as facebook friends/no new posts on facebook by girls etc. I don't THINK there was another girl involved but I guess I could be wrong. About a month passes and out of nowhere I get a comment on a new pic I posted saying I was looking good. I thanked him and left it at that. Then valentines day he texts me wishing me a happy vday and we started texting again, he talking about how he would like to see me again and asking how I've been. Then a few days later texting at night, this continuing for a few days in a row. Some texts telling me how I looked amazing in a new pic I posted etc. I want to say he misses me and still has feelings but I don't know how guys operate. There are some days (unlike in the past) where he'll just stop texting me out of nowhere. I don't try to continue the conversation but a part of me feels that he's the one who needs to try if he's the one who messed up. Also, we haven't once discussed what happened when he just stopped talking to me. Can anybody give me advice on what I should do? I guess I would like a guy's insight on what his intentions likely are, is he wanting a relationship? is he wanting someone to hook up with (i would think if that was the case he wouldnt look for someone 3 hrs away). And what should i do? Play hard to get? Be sweet? Has anybody been on either side of this situation?
FitChick Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 He's dating women locally but when there is a lull in the action he contacts you. Ask him when he will be moving closer because you don't want a long distance relationship. Or you can just move closer to him. 1
Green Light Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 But the big question is: does he come in and out of your...oh...never mind. 1
stillafool Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 The next time he wants to get together insist that you meet him at his house or apartment. This guy may be married. 3
TaraMaiden Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 The next time he wants to get together insist that you meet him at his house or apartment. This guy may be married. My thoughts exactly......
Author bellalove Posted February 25, 2013 Author Posted February 25, 2013 lol i'm 100000% sure he's not married. we have other friends in common and i've met his MALE roommate
Cutiepie1976 Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 lol i'm 100000% sure he's not married. we have other friends in common and i've met his MALE roommate Oh goodness! You know nothing about the guy!! Creeping his Facebook page tells you nothing! You realize he can control what you see on his page? You understand that people can have more than one account...and for a host of reasons? You realize that cheaters use someone to cover for them? Have you ever tried to go visit him? But more to the point, he's not interested in a relationship. He got what he was after when he visited. He'll be back when it's convenient for him. You are wasting your time if you're looking for more than the occasional hookup when he wants one. Unfortunately, some folks mistake online communication as getting to know someone. You get this sense of connection and familiarity for someone that is all in your mind. In reality it was never there. Sorry. 1
Author bellalove Posted February 27, 2013 Author Posted February 27, 2013 you all are absolutely ridiculous. i'm just going to leave it at that.
MidwestUSA Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 you all are absolutely ridiculous. i'm just going to leave it at that. Really? We are? In seven years you hooked up with him one time, and you are expecting what exactly? You track him by monitoring FB postings and "likes". Who is ridiculous? 1
Author bellalove Posted February 28, 2013 Author Posted February 28, 2013 you bring up my friends give me terrible advice - well that being "go to his door with a trenchcoat on" or "call him up and talk dirty to him". that's why i went here, i wasn't looking for advice like that - so before you go ahead and attack me for bringing up my guy friends advice, inquire. second, just because you all think he's married and are convinced of it doesn't mean he is. why would i have ANY reason to think he is? your'e telling me that before i met him 7 yrs ag, he created a fake facebook profile for the purpose of not telling me about his "marriage"? that's ridiculous. He has been on my facebook for 7 yrs for crying out loud, we have several mutual friends, I have friends from his college that KNOW him, he has over 800 friends on this "other" facebook profile, his FAMILY is on his profile and his sister has a PICTURE from last summer with a caption about how they are the only single ones in their family, and he has pictures dating back to 2005 on this "other" facebook profile. When I say this "other" facebook profile, it's for those of you who say that he may have created another facebook profile for the purpose of not telling me he's married. I KNOW he's not married. Read my post again if you don't understand what advice I was asking for. Not somebody telling me he's married and arguing with me when I tell you he's not. I'd appreciate those who are not so rude and catty. 1
TaraMaiden Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 You know what? it doesn't matter what we think. He's playing with you. Why? because he can. Because you respond and follow. "Actions speak louder than words". What has he done to make you feel comfortable, secure and contented with his attention? I know it seems glaringly obvious, but why don't you ask HIM what's going on in his head? Nothing here is of any value, use or purpose to you. So - go to source. It may be your only option. Have a good life. Bye!
runningfar Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 I don't think you should bother with this guy one second of your time. Enjoy the flattery with the pictures but he would need to pick it up a LOT more to even be worth turning your head again. You already tried that. I don't think he's married though. Could be sleeping with a bunch of different girls. But a marriage conspiracy is ridiculous.
Author bellalove Posted March 1, 2013 Author Posted March 1, 2013 Thank you runningfar - you're advice is much more valuble then the RIDICULOUS posts of him being married. and the cattiness from users like taramaiden. i came here looking for advice, not for rude people to tell me he's married and that i'm wrong for thinking he's not - when I'm 100000% sure he isn't married. o and taramaiden i will have a nice life. thanks for being rude.
TaraMaiden Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 Oh get over yourself, dearie. You've been here 5 minutes you think I give a damn? I still think you need to ask him what his 'game-plan' is.... 7 years, like this? Don't you think you've wasted more than enough time on a possible probability?
Leigh 87 Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 Thank you runningfar - you're advice is much more valuble then the RIDICULOUS posts of him being married. and the cattiness from users like taramaiden. i came here looking for advice, not for rude people to tell me he's married and that i'm wrong for thinking he's not - when I'm 100000% sure he isn't married. o and taramaiden i will have a nice life. thanks for being rude. Tara Maiden is not a "catty" type of person. She is just very, very, very straight forward. She tells you exactly what she thinks is the truth, and that is all. She does not bother saying it in an extra nice way... As for this guy - if he really wanted to be with you, he would make it known. I agree with the others, that say: you cannot really get to know someone online. In some cases, that is.. I do think there are some situations where you CAN get a "feeling" about someone online. Then of course there are plenty of examples where you just don't know a person online at all. It does not sound like the guy is married at all; that is not what Tara Maiden was implying... she is just saying that he is not acting like he wants to be with you, and is therefore just playing around; if you want to get serious with someone, do not bother with guys who play games. ................................ I wish you luck, and remember that: as close as you can get to a person online, it does not necessarily mean it will translate into real life. It can, but not always. This guy would very well like you, but is not the type who wants to invest real feelings into a person who lives hours away; therefore, although he may like you, he shuts off his feelings and tries to create some distance, in order to not develop strong feelings for you. In all honestly though... I think if he realllllly liked you, and felt something for you, he would continue to talk daily on the phone, and eventually have applied to a college or applied for a job near you.... I believe that your one meeting together, along with phone concversations, would be enough to establish how strongly he felt about you.... To some men, that is enough interaction to "know" if your worth pursuing. I would say there is only a small chance that he reallllly really likes you and has a "feeling" about wanting to be with you.... I know he is hours away from you, but it is my opinion that if a guy is seriously into you, he will make it known, he will tell you, rather than dissapear and ignore you. Do you really want to bother with a guy that is 3 hours away and cannot be bothered to make it obvious that he wants to be with you? OR, do you want to find a local guy who is crazy about you and who makes it very CLEAR he wants to be with you?
Author bellalove Posted March 1, 2013 Author Posted March 1, 2013 Reread all the posts. "My thoughts exactly" in response to someone saying he may be married - she definitely did imply he was married. She can be straight forward without being rude and catty. I'm not trying to defend him or say he wants to still be with me (which btw he HAD been saying prior to the funk we got into), I'm also not saying he isn't playing games. I simply came here looking for advice, and got some rude responses when I stated that he wasn't married and that they were being ridiculous for thinking so. I appreciate the input, trust me and am going to not pursue anything unless he tries and continues to try. As for Taramaiden - does it kill you to be kind? "I don't give a damn"? IF you didn't you wouldn't continue to post on this!!! You get over YOURSELF.
Yookie Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 I don't see any clear evidence of a marriage either but there is definitely someone else involved with him. He ignores you for an entire month? Who's pictures is he complimenting during that absent month? I wonder how many other women he's involved with. Bottom line is that he is not 100% focused on you and building a relationship with you. You are the perfect hook up by the way because you live too far to check up on him on his turf. He can easily block you from seeing Facebook pictures and posts that would incriminate him.
Leigh 87 Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 Reread all the posts. "My thoughts exactly" in response to someone saying he may be married - she definitely did imply he was married. She can be straight forward without being rude and catty. I'm not trying to defend him or say he wants to still be with me (which btw he HAD been saying prior to the funk we got into), I'm also not saying he isn't playing games. I simply came here looking for advice, and got some rude responses when I stated that he wasn't married and that they were being ridiculous for thinking so. I appreciate the input, trust me and am going to not pursue anything unless he tries and continues to try. As for Taramaiden - does it kill you to be kind? "I don't give a damn"? IF you didn't you wouldn't continue to post on this!!! You get over YOURSELF. I am sorry you find particular people to be rude. I can see how it could come accross that way, but really... Tara Maiden spends a lot of time on here because she likes to help people. Why else would Tara Maiden come on here and waste all her time giving people advice? She wants to help you. And countless other people on here. Her style is blunt and it can come accross as rude. Just know she has not intended to upset you, and she DOES care about people and hope you come out of this experience on top. It is when people ignore advice given and assume people were just trying to be mean, that you are wrong; people respond because they WANT to help you. Personally, after thinking more about this guy - most guys generally know after talking to a women for a prolonged period of time, wheather or not they have strong feelings for her... I have talked to guys online and over the phone, only meeting them once in person; I have had a couple of guys very interested in me based on phone conversations and one meeting alone. I guess it comes down to how strongly this guy "feels it" with you. No one is doubting that he does not like you, but he does not like you enough to pursue anything with you. I think by now he would know if he was interested enough to try a relationship with you. He knows you well enough to know how into you he is. This is a tough one. Surely he must have liked you to bother to go and visit you..... I mean, he could have probably got sex from a girl closer (unelss he was desperate and bad with women and needed to travel 8 hours just to get laid?) Sadly, really really liking you is not enough! If a guy was crazy about you and if he really "felt something special" about you, he would not have acted the way that this guy does. In summary: the guy may really like you, but he is not crazy about about you to bother with a relationship. Some people may argue that he does not know you well enough, and you do not know him well enough, to even know how you both feel about each other... I disagree, from personal experience.
TaraMaiden Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 Reread all the posts. "My thoughts exactly" in response to someone saying he may be married - she definitely did imply he was married. She can be straight forward without being rude and catty. I'm not trying to defend him or say he wants to still be with me (which btw he HAD been saying prior to the funk we got into), I'm also not saying he isn't playing games. I simply came here looking for advice, and got some rude responses when I stated that he wasn't married and that they were being ridiculous for thinking so. I appreciate the input, trust me and am going to not pursue anything unless he tries and continues to try. As for Taramaiden - does it kill you to be kind? "I don't give a damn"? IF you didn't you wouldn't continue to post on this!!! You get over YOURSELF. Actually, I consider myself to be an extremely kind person. I just refuse to sugar-coat stuff with unnecessary embellishment. And if people get 'prickly', I reserve the right to get 'prickly' back. And if you check the thread, the first person to take umbrage at the responses - was you. You called someone 'ridiculous'. You didn't say you found the ADVICE ridiculous. You said you considered the poster to be ridiculous. People are going to take umbrage when you lash out like that. The sad problem is, we've had situations like yours posted before. Many times. And sadly, in an awful lot of cases, it turns out the person in question was either in a long-term committed relationship - or married. Sadly, electronic communication means that you can be whoever you want to be. There are countless stories of husbands creating second, third, even fourth 'profiles' on FB, they have several email addresses and even multiple 'phones with which they contact different people. Some people DO go to these lengths. So the reaction was "here we go again". You joined LS a couple of years ago, but you don't post that often. many of us are old die-hard regulars, and we come here pretty much every day.... so familiarity with this kind of issue isn't surprising. Ultimately, you've spent 7 years concentrating on this man - but it would appear he definitely doesn't seem to be putting YOU first. Really, rather than questioning what's happening with him - question why you feel this should or could be 'a happening thing', and why you set such store by it, when you could actually be developing something better with someone closer and more constant. It takes 2 to tango. He's been doing this for 7 years. But you've been letting him.
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