My brother is 33 and has never had a girlfriend

[Yeahsussu]

Hi there, my brother is 33 and he has never had a girlfriend, as far as I know of. It´s like he doesn´t know how to approach women and even around me, his little sister (i´m 28), he´s always acted a bit nervous kind of, even though were family. He´s never even had a date to our house. Lately I have started wondering if he is gay or something, but I would just find that very unlikable, but you never know.

This is really not my business i know, it´s his life, but I would just like to see him "move on" with his life. He´s just working during the days and in the evenings he´s pretty much just at home in his apartment. I don´t think he has a lot of friends and not really that good at socializing and meeting new people. I think he feels quite alone.

 

He´s average looking, has a good job and a nice and kind personality. We live in a small town so meeting new people is not the easiest. Sometimes when my parents have mentioned that he should go find himself a women he just gets very annoyed, and I do understand that.

 

I don´t even know why I´m writing this, i guess I´m just seeking advice if there is something I can do? I´m very outgoing, total opposite to my brother, so i feel it quite frustrating to know that he´s just sitting in his apartment doing nothing with his life.

[Luckydad]

Your brother may have limited options, as you say, because he lives in a small town. Additionally, he may have some social awkwardness that may prevent him from further reaching out of his comfort zone.

 

He also may be just plain happy being single.

 

Being in a romantic LTR isn't the be all end all of one's life. Some people are simply more prone to being happier alone, and can justify it quite easily. 50% divorce rate, with approximately 50% of marriages that don't end in divorce being "unhappy" means a very slim margin for LTR happiness/success.

 

Even though you are his sister, and admittedly care about his happiness, sometimes letting the ones we love live their lives is the best thing we can do for them.

[will1988]

Hi there, my brother is 33 and he has never had a girlfriend, as far as I know of. It´s like he doesn´t know how to approach women and even around me, his little sister (i´m 28), he´s always acted a bit nervous kind of, even though were family. He´s never even had a date to our house. Lately I have started wondering if he is gay or something, but I would just find that very unlikable, but you never know.

This is really not my business i know, it´s his life, but I would just like to see him "move on" with his life. He´s just working during the days and in the evenings he´s pretty much just at home in his apartment. I don´t think he has a lot of friends and not really that good at socializing and meeting new people. I think he feels quite alone.

 

He´s average looking, has a good job and a nice and kind personality. We live in a small town so meeting new people is not the easiest. Sometimes when my parents have mentioned that he should go find himself a women he just gets very annoyed, and I do understand that.

 

I don´t even know why I´m writing this, i guess I´m just seeking advice if there is something I can do? I´m very outgoing, total opposite to my brother, so i feel it quite frustrating to know that he´s just sitting in his apartment doing nothing with his life.

 

If he gets agitated when your parents bring it up then maybe he is gay. He could also be asexual. Did he try dating a girl once, or have a major crush on a girl once and she hurt him some way? The reason I ask is I had a friend who was decent looking but would not go after girls. The reason being was that a girl broke his heart and swore off women... he lost his drive for them. He was not gay however, at first I thought he might have been. I told him I was fine with it, and he was one of my closests friends. He told me he was asexual. He said he was not sexual attracted to anyone anymore. That could be your brother.

 

If you want to help him maybe introduce him to some of your single female friends, or even create a dating profile for him online with his likes, and pictures and email girls pretending to be him and then tell him about it when you can finally set up a date for him. A little manipulative but it may work.

[Radu]

I was more or less your brother 2yrs ago, though i did have a few 'relationships'.

Go and talk to him.

 

You are his sister, you are worried about him ... just talk to him.

[AD1980]

Im in the same positon at 32..Im just shy around women i dont know and not good at flirting..

 

Add in im scared of rejection and have low self esteem in terms of attracting women plus all ym freidns are married and i have no single wome nin my social circle so its tough

 

At this point ive become kinda numb to it and just figure this is my plight

[Yeahsussu]

Your brother may have limited options, as you say, because he lives in a small town. Additionally, he may have some social awkwardness that may prevent him from further reaching out of his comfort zone.

 

He also may be just plain happy being single.

 

Being in a romantic LTR isn't the be all end all of one's life. Some people are simply more prone to being happier alone, and can justify it quite easily. 50% divorce rate, with approximately 50% of marriages that don't end in divorce being "unhappy" means a very slim margin for LTR happiness/success.

 

Even though you are his sister, and admittedly care about his happiness, sometimes letting the ones we love live their lives is the best thing we can do for them.

 

Yes he may be absolutely happy being single, but I would just like to see him happy with someone and not being so alone all the time. But then again, it is his life. He has never even talked about girls (or boys for that matter), it was very rare that he ever brought friends home when he was younger, so I think he is quite alone. He moved out when he was about 23 and he is very independent, never been a "mummy´s boy".

 

I´m not planning on doing something, really. I´m just trying to understand. It´s like he´s accepted that he will be single for the rest of his life and he is not even trying to find a partner. I would just like to see him do something fun with his life, and not just work. He has barely been abroad or travelled. It´s like he doesn´t put any effort into anything. I know this is also frustrating for my parents, they are of course happy that he´s got a good job and a nice place to live at, but they´re getting older and would like to have grandchildren one day.

[Luckydad]

Yes he may be absolutely happy being single, but I would just like to see him happy with someone and not being so alone all the time. But then again, it is his life. He has never even talked about girls (or boys for that matter), it was very rare that he ever brought friends home when he was younger, so I think he is quite alone. He moved out when he was about 23 and he is very independent, never been a "mummy´s boy".

 

I´m not planning on doing something, really. I´m just trying to understand. It´s like he´s accepted that he will be single for the rest of his life and he is not even trying to find a partner. I would just like to see him do something fun with his life, and not just work. He has barely been abroad or travelled. It´s like he doesn´t put any effort into anything. I know this is also frustrating for my parents, they are of course happy that he´s got a good job and a nice place to live at, but they´re getting older and would like to have grandchildren one day.

 

Since you are his sister, I would talk to him. Find out what his goals and aspirations are. See if he really is as unhappy as you think he is. If he truly is unhappy (Or lonely, frustrated, ect.), then being there to give him a little "push" in the right direction may be just what he needs. Maybe you have friends or friends of friends that might be interested in meeting him? Mabe there's a local club or group that caters to his interests (whatever they may be) that you could put him in touch with?

 

I know a couple who never go anywhere or do anything for themselves. They work and sit at home when not at work. They never travel or go out. Last Christmas, their family bought them a week's stay at a hotel in the mountains. They also cleared time off with their respective employers, in essence forcing the couple to have a little vacation. Maybe something like this could work for your brother?

 

However, if he's honest with you and tells you that he's perfectly content being single and alone, take him at face value. Some people, myself included, prefer a simple and uncomplicated lifestyle and have no desire to "be with someone", even in the short term.

 

Good luck!