Sun Devil Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 Guys, give me your opinions about them. Tell me the advantages and disadvantages of both
Estate Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 Social Circle: You're being safe. You're limited in options If it goes bad, bye bye social circle Cold Approach: Unlimited options Probably scary to most but be a man and do it. Negative? None.
TouchedByViolet Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 Cold approach has the highest risk of failure and requires the most social skills. The good thing is you can really ask out anyone who you see and find interesting. Social circles are nice because you can learn about someone before asking them out. You can kind of get a feel for them, there personality and see if dating might actually work. Limited options though. Not all of us have large social networks. Also, if things go poorly it can be difficult to avoid awkwardness. 1
MrCastle Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 I don't understand "limited options" in your social circle. Your options are as limited as you let it be. More people in your circle, more success you have. Yes in terms of approach, cold approach gives you the most volume, but when you narrow those girls down to 1.) single 2.) attractive 3.) attracted to you, you get the same results.
Casablanca Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 I don't understand "limited options" in your social circle. Your options are as limited as you let it be. More people in your circle, more success you have. Yes in terms of approach, cold approach gives you the most volume, but when you narrow those girls down to 1.) single 2.) attractive 3.) attracted to you, you get the same results. Social circles will always be smaller than the number of women in public you can cold approach, that is why it is limited
MrCastle Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 Social circles will always be smaller than the number of women in public you can cold approach, that is why it is limited Yeah but in my opinion they cancel out. Because when you approach a girl in your social circle, you already know what her situation is, and if she's been showing interest in you. In cold approach, you know nothing about them. Like I've said before, I know a man on another forum who has chronicled his successes and failures of cold approaching in a journal. I believe he's up to 108 girls and like 26 numbers. Of those 26 numbers, I believe he's had 3 dates, and 0 lays. I'm certain in that time I could garner more than just 3 dates and 0 lays using my social circle. Which goes back to my original post; cold approach gives you more volume and nothing more. I know guys on pua forums who approach 20 women a day and get nowhere. I know guys in real life who use social circle like me and absolutely crush. You think oh, more girls = higher chance for success, but when it boils down to it, no. It may give you a higher chance of getting numbers, absolutely, but success is solely dependent on you and who you are, not how you approach. I've also said different things work for different men due to many different factors. I've rarely cold approached, and none of my real life friends have. We're all pretty happy where we're at romantically. Take it for what it's worth.
MrCastle Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 Let me also add I think in general you should be open to any and every avenue when it comes to love. You could approach 100 women and go nowhere, and then one day you run into your soulmate. It is what it is. Just be open to all avenues (except OLD because we all know it sucks) 1
Estate Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 I don't understand "limited options" in your social circle. Your options are as limited as you let it be. More people in your circle, more success you have. Yes in terms of approach, cold approach gives you the most volume, but when you narrow those girls down to 1.) single 2.) attractive 3.) attracted to you, you get the same results. How does that make any sense. If you only want to date in your social circle then you are limited ONLY to girls in your social circle... of course its limited. And once you've dated one of them you've pretty much ruled out the rest from ever being with you. If you are saying "grow your social circle by approaching more people" isn't that by definition cold approaching? 1
TheGuard13 Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 Then there's the ever popular "Cold approach, but it ends up you somehow both know all the same people in various cities without ever having met or been aware of each other". Yayyy.
miss_jaclynrae Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 I don't have a large group of friends. My best friend is a mom and she is pretty much the only true friend I have. If I had waited to meet someone via social circle I would have been screwed. Cold approach dating is more fun anyways. What is the fun in dating someone you already know? The whole fun part is GETTING to know someone. Besides, if I am in the same social circle and we haven't dated yet then I would automatically disregard the guy.
MrCastle Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 How does that make any sense. If you only want to date in your social circle then you are limited ONLY to girls in your social circle... of course its limited. And once you've dated one of them you've pretty much ruled out the rest from ever being with you. If you are saying "grow your social circle by approaching more people" isn't that by definition cold approaching? My posts have to be cleared by mods so I can't go back and forth as I normally would. Cold approach to me is approaching a stranger on the street. Anything else to me is a warm/more social approach. Approaching girls in class, at work, etc to me are not seen as cold approaching. Nor is meeting friends of friends through real life or facebook etc. So when I say expand your social circle, I'm talking about exploring those avenues. 1
hppr Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 Most of the women I've dated over the years have been through friends but I almost always took the initiative once I saw them/we were introduced. To me, that's sort of a combination. Yes, there have been times when I saw some random girl and flirted with her somewhere and got a number but they never really grew into anything. You can't make a relationship off of being attracted to one another you need common interests, compatibility, and it's easier to find those within a (healthy) social network. Now if your social network, your friends are unhealthy...you don't have many, they don't respect you, then you need to do some growing. Do something new, go someplace else, make a big change in your life. For young guys this is hard if they are still in school but once you graduate college, get a job...you are pretty much free to just uproot yourself and go wherever the hell you damn well please, be however you wanna be, that sort of thing. It can be scary as hell leaving familiar surroundings but most people find that it is worth it. I don't have a large group of friends. My best friend is a mom and she is pretty much the only true friend I have Besides, if I am in the same social circle and we haven't dated yet then I would automatically disregard the guy.[/QUOTe] Those two things are kind of sad honestly. 1
Imajerk17 Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 Yes. As in you ought to be doing BOTH. Do cool things and meet the people who are there doing them with you (CrossFit, yoga, rock-climbing gym, dance class, poetry). And as you go about your day and you see a woman you want to meet, go meet her. Because you are doing so many cool things, you will have things to talk about with her on a date. I am seeing 3 women whom I met via a "daytime" cold approach. Anyone who says this can't be done has no idea of what they are talking about. 2
StanMusial Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 Most of the women I've dated over the years have been through friends but I almost always took the initiative once I saw them/we were introduced... I have a similar experience. Also, all through my 20's and even early 30's I would cold approach in bars/clubs with moderate success. I found that girls into that scene tend to be shady though. I think the advantage of social circle is that you are vetted and vouched for to a certain degree so there's that. With cold approach you have to have time to go out and play the numbers game. Time is a valuable resource to me but maybe not to someone younger. Also with cold approach you better be good looking and smooth or expect a lot of rejection and be able to handle it.
miss_jaclynrae Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 Those two things are kind of sad honestly. Meh, to each their own! I don't mind at all, I have those groups of friends that I go out with every once in a while, but as for TRUE friends I will take the one I have! She is amazing and I would rather have her than ten good friends any day. Besides, it works perfect, my boyfriend only has his one best friend too, so it is just one other way that I got lucky! I don't think it is sad at all.
GravityMan Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 My definition of "cold approach" is the same as MrCastle's (i.e. street, mass transit, etc). I don't think many guys have the social skills or confidence to pull it off well. Most either try too hard or come across as lame or overly PUA-esque. Furthermore, some people simply dislike being cold approached and may even reject ALL such approaches. Your only chance with such people is to meet them via your social circle or some sort of common interest activity or work/school. Also, "social circle" doesn't necessarily has to mean that a mutual friend voluntarily introduces the two of you. It could simply mean that, thru your network, you have an "in" to parties, activities or other events that you would have otherwise been either unaware of or uninvited to. You could then meet people during that event. The link between you two could be a friend of a friend's sister or more distant than that. 1
JuneJulySeptember Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 (edited) Social circle I would say. But both can work (even though cold has never worked for me). Here's why. The truth, Jack. It's mostly about looks, looks, and looks for both women and men. So, here's what you need to find (since you are a man). A girl who likes your looks or will give you a chance despite your looks, maybe because she doesn't care about them that much, but very preferably the first. The slow climb and trying to present different facets of your personality is a much higher and difficult road. Either way, you are going to have to go through a lot of numbers to get to that success. Also, you can increase your odds by straddling a little bit closer to women who are closer to you physically. Didn't you say you were short and white/Asian? So, go for short women who are white or Asian. It will improve your odds. The last time I came on here dispensing advice, one of the struggling guys dismissed it saying it was just luck. Yea, it was luck! Luck that you create by going through a lot of rejections and a lot of NOs. When you finally find a woman who is attracted to you physically (and I'm warning you, it may take MANY years) you will be AMAZED by the results and how easy things are right off the bat. I'm not kidding. It will blow your mind. Edited February 26, 2013 by JuneJulySeptember
Casablanca Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 Yeah but in my opinion they cancel out. Because when you approach a girl in your social circle, you already know what her situation is, and if she's been showing interest in you. Oh I totally agree, I think most people will always have more successes within a social circle than cold approach. (unless they really ask out like 20 women a week or something)
Joaquin Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 Guys, give me your opinions about them. Tell me the advantages and disadvantages of both Try all possibilities, including work. But Fwiw, my own experience has been that girls met through social network or relationships that evolved through the day in day out of work, have by far proven to be a better match in terms of like mindedness, values, the way they treated me and my family, the way they treated others. 1
normal person Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 Try all possibilities, including work. But Fwiw, my own experience has been that girls met through social network or relationships that evolved through the day in day out of work, have by far proven to be a better match in terms of like mindedness, values, the way they treated me and my family, the way they treated others. I think this is great advice. Also, don't think that cold approaching and social circle are your only two options. I think the best thing you can do is turn the tables: if you can publicly demonstrate that you're charismatic, funny, very personable, etc without going overboard, there will be women (and people in general) who will want to come talk to you rather than vice versa. This is so much easier than cold approaching (which I think is weird). Garner her attention indirectly and just wait. If she doesn't actively seek out your attention, she will have at least acknowledged you and your good qualities. Then she's already "primed," your approach is more luke-warm than cold, she already knows you have desirable qualities. Example: Yesterday I was at a real estate agency looking for an apartment. I was talking to my agent and the broker and really making them laugh about how much I hated them for their exorbitant brokerage fee (15%, ridiculous!). I mean, we were really having a visibly good laugh about it. There was a pretty cute girl agent sitting at an adjacent desk and when she saw how much fun we were having she took out her headphones and came over to talk even though I'm not her client and she didn't stand to make any money off of me. I was funny and engaging, she's in love with the apartment I'm getting and thinks I'm fun, now she's coming to my housewarming. Minimal effort, I was just having fun as I normally would and her attention was a collateral gain. It works.
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