Circumstantial Breakup: Has this scenario ever happened to you?

[singme2sleep]

My ex broke up with me for what I call "circumstantial reasons". It started out great, we met in an unlikely situation and both of us felt like it was fate. I completely fell in love with him and he with me. But as time went on, he began to experience set-backs in his life. He lost his job, got behind on his child support as a result, had to move back in with his parents and them to top it off he got into a car accident and really messed up his car. It ended up being god fault and his insurance wouldn't pay the thousands in damages so that was basically the straw the broke the camel's back. I knew that he was feeling down about himself and when he did there was nothing I could say to cheer him up. He'd tell me that he just needed to snap out of it on his own, so I got used to backing off and giving him space.

 

Then one weekend he got sick, and I didn't see him like we planned. After days of him being alone and in bed, he decides he wants to break up. Tells me he feels like his life is such a mess and it wouldn't be fair to drag me down, as much as he cares about me. I was totally blindsided and beyond upset. We've been going no contact for over 3 weeks now, and I'm so miserable. I try to stay busy and distract myself but I miss him like crazy. I wish I knew what he was thinking/feeling and if he misses me at all.

 

I've only had one other serious relationship before him and I honestly wasn't in love. I was the dumper and 5 months later the guy actually contacted me asking if I wanted to get together for coffee. So with my current ex, he could miss me and want me back at some point since we were actually in love. This was the type of relationship where he called me his "Mrs" and we talked about what we'd name our kids someday.

 

At first I was angry and confused by how he could walk away from what we had, but as days went by I began to understand his reasons. You can't be happy in a relationship if you aren't happy with yourself first. And as much as I wanted to make him happy, he has to find that within himself. But it still hurts because I think about all our good times and all I want to get him back.

 

So my question is has anyone ever gone through a breakup like this, where the other person walked away because they were sad/depressed and felt they couldn't carry their own weight in the relationship? What were the circumstances and did you end up getting back together or separating for good?

[Amelie1980]

Yeah I had a bu like this. look for my old threads.

 

It's been 2 months since it happened still no sign he wants me back.

[KatZee]

At first I was angry and confused by how he could walk away from what we had, but as days went by I began to understand his reasons. You can't be happy in a relationship if you aren't happy with yourself first. And as much as I wanted to make him happy, he has to find that within himself. But it still hurts because I think about all our good times and all I want to get him back.

 

So my question is has anyone ever gone through a breakup like this, where the other person walked away because they were sad/depressed and felt they couldn't carry their own weight in the relationship? What were the circumstances and did you end up getting back together or separating for good?

 

True. BUT, majority of the time dumpers say this, it's only because they want to put the weight of the breakup on them. They don't want to hurt you by being honest. This situation happened to me TWICE. Neither guy did I get back.

 

The first time it happened my boyfriend at the time used this as the excuse to end it. He was so stressed out. He didn't want to drag me down that path with him, he didn't want to put me through that. I was a great girl, but he needed to work things out.

 

We never got back together. YEARS later (because we're still friends to this day) he tells me that what he said was complete BS. That's not why he left me at all.

 

The second time was my most recent ex. He legitimately is in a bad place in life. (Well he was when we broke up almost 10 months ago). He said the exact same thing, "I can't be happy in a relationship unless I'm happy with myself. I'm so stressed out. I need to be single to clear my thoughts.

 

A month and a half later he's bringing a new girl around his family. Again, complete BS.

 

They just feel bad, they don't want to hurt you, so instead of being honest, they try to play the martyr and they lie. Don't bank on him coming back. Don't hold out hope that you'll get back together. It's over. The relationship is done.

[Addison312]

Yes. A month ago my bf broke up for those reasons. Don't hold out hope. The relationship is over, whether its all BS or not. He doesn't want a relationship. Try to see it in black and white. No gray.

[NoLeafClover]

Yes. A month ago my bf broke up for those reasons. Don't hold out hope. The relationship is over, whether its all BS or not. He doesn't want a relationship. Try to see it in black and white. No gray.

I had a circumstance BU when i got a pimple on my penis.

Turned out it was just a pimple...and this turns out to be just a joke(seriously story never happened)

 

I guess what Im trying to say is that Circum. BU are just another reason to BU. Truthfully every BU is a circumstance BU to me. It's just a matter of some things are better left unsaid. I would not tell the girl I'mbreaking up with Im not attracted to her or that Im interested in someone else for example(w.e call me an ahole), well unless she was being a b***. BUT that is a heck of a circumstance BU if you ask me.

 

On another note, if someone is having a bad situation, they'd want you to be there, not tell you to go away.

 

"Hey I am hanging down this thing rope and all I need is a "F*** " from your pocket full of "F***s", could you please Not give me one and move on" - What ? that makes no sense.

[todreaminblue]

i havent had a circumstancial break up before nor would i accept one, when you are in a relationship , the relationship probably starts with you being happy with yourself,and then the trials hit, you have bad days you have good days,I dotn get into a relationship without knowing i can handle them in it as i woudl handle them otu fo one,ina relationship you get to share trials and good times together.....thats my opinion , when you have trials, a problem shared is a problem halved with the benefit of a completely unique perspective.....when i get into a relationship i am not just talking dating, but a relationship, that relationship is also part of me...like trials, like good times, circumstancial happenings can define a relationships strength.....to endure..i would be a little worried about one that failed doe to stressors that are external..as soon as times get rough , the tough actually dotn get going no one person goes through life and relationships scot free, you give up or go hard....or go home.....simplicity..deb

[spiritofjosh]

Usually (mainly on other forums I visit) I try and be the more positive side to situations where the OP just gets bombarded with harsh opinions that may or not be fact, but I agree with the rest.

 

My ex from three years ago was with me for 5 years and we genuinely loved each other. I had gone through a very watered down part of my life like your now ex. I had lost a very good job, my car motor blew and I was getting very little from unemployment as well as having a hard time finding another job. I was depressed and it showed greatly BUT I wanted nothing more than to have my girlfriend there with me. Me being alone wouldn't change anything that was happening and it wouldn't make me think of a better plan to improve everything. If anything my girlfriend could help because two heads are better than one.

 

Unfortunately during this time she broke up with me because she assumed I gave up and didn't care about her or myself anymore and the rest is history. But that's her fault in the opposite situation. With me, a partner was what did help, not my seclusion.

[singme2sleep]

I really appreciate everyone's honest opinions about my situation. I'm not trying to sound like a niave girl, but I truly believe that his reason for breaking up wasn't BS. I know my ex pretty well and I've seen how he reacts to things. Unfortunately he is the kind of person that pushes others away in times of need, instead of clinging to them. He has to work on himself and I'm not saying I'm going to wait around for him to get his act together, it just isn't easy to move on from the person I thought I would marry.

Edited February 25, 2013 by singme2sleep

[OSCAR_BUSTOS21]

However dumped her but regretted it. I have since asked for her back, but she says that she needs to heal and has lost herself along the way. She intiates all contact, we date twice a week, make love all of it. I believe her when she says she needs to be happy before giving the relationship another chance. Hell she even said last week when I said I'm backing off that she would get back with me if I walked out of her life. I'm trying not to be controlling though so left that one. If and when shes right she may or may not come back, who knows.

[singme2sleep]

Oscar- You broke things off, but was it because you felt like my ex did or she did?