MushyPeas Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 Hey all I'm clearly as you can tell, new to these forums. Stalked you all for a bit before joining cuz i'm creepy like that. Me and my boyfriend of 4 years broke up not even a week ago, 5 days to be precise. He broke up with me. Our relationship has been a complete rollercoaster, a first for us both, him being 16 and me being 18 when we first got together (I clearly was a bit of a cradle snatcher). We have been through so much but always held strong together. We've struggled through terrible times, he cheated and lied, I became a nasty bitch and a few times quite volatile towards him which is something I have felt sick to my stomach for ever since. But we decided to move on, I decided to trust again etc etc. I've tortured myself mentally for a good 6 months, every year since we got together something has gone wrong and I was EXPECTING it to happen this year too...I couldn't stop thinking it was going to happen or that I was going to get hurt, sometimes staying up til ridiculous o clock imagining the scenario of it happening, completely mind ****ing myself over. This spilled out into our relationship and i became paranoid and upset, I managed to keep this from him barely but I suppose it was only a matter of time before it started to affect us in a big way. I let this imaginary **** consume me totally. The day he broke up with me, I didn't know what to do. He came and stayed over my house, we talked even though this was pointless as he made his feelings clear (that he couldn't do this anymore, that the relationship had changed both of us for the worst..which it definitely had and that he just wanted us both to be happy, which meant not being together) and despite my protests and promises that we could make it through all the ****, he left. A few days of no contact, he messaged me on facebook...at the time I was so ****ing angry that he had contacted me, I'd make it clear that if this is what he wanted, I couldn't continue to see him or speak to him (this was and is going to be hard as I would consider him a best friend too). I have just replied to him. And I honestly feel so at peace and calm. His message was basically "are you okay?" to which I replied "Yes I am, and I really hope you are too" (fake it til you make it guys n gals). I apologised for everything that had happened because it's been so hard on both of us, and I wished him the very best and hoped that he would be the happiest he could be. So he replied pretty much straight away apologising too, telling me the only thing he wants is for me to be happy...right person wrong time etc etc. And then i deleted him. I feel like a dick for deleting him, especially as I still have the rest of his family added but it's too much to even pretend to be friends, it's 100% over, and I can accept that but what I can't do is see him moving on, especially if there's a tiny chance that this could hinder me moving on. I have had a few days to reflect on the situation and even though i miss him terribly and it hurts too much for words, these last few days have been the calmest I have felt in MONTHS. No "what ifs" or "who is he with" because it is no longer my business, I have had some of the best nights sleeps, alone. I feel slightly sick admitting that, because I want nothing more than to slip back into things with him but this means even more questions and worries, I just want to be me again and I haven't been for a long time. Sorry this is so long, I seriously don't expect anyone to read it I just feel so much better having said it all. I think it's so important for everyone here to give yourself a damn break once in a while. You can drive yourself mad thinking of how you could have done things differently or making promises of change or even playing the blame game, just be you for awhile. Allow yourself those weak moments where you break down completely. Build yourself back up and carry yourself with pride. AND DO THINGS I just booked a ticket to see a ska band on saturday and i'm going to go on my own and dance like a lunatic. DO THINGS no matter how scary or hard it is (I am ****ting myself). Just a quick question to end this, what do I do about his family? I was thinking of deleting my current facebook and just starting from scratch because that is how I get in contact with a lot of my friends, I was so close to everyone in his family but I'm not sure what to do, I should be thinking of me but I can't help but feel as though they'd be offended and it's unnecessary for me to take it out on them?
richard9 Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 I think it's so important for everyone here to give yourself a damn break once in a while. You can drive yourself mad thinking of how you could have done things differently or making promises of change or even playing the blame game, just be you for awhile. Allow yourself those weak moments where you break down completely. Build yourself back up and carry yourself with pride. AND DO THINGS I just booked a ticket to see a ska band on saturday and i'm going to go on my own and dance like a lunatic. DO THINGS no matter how scary or hard it is (I am ****ting myself). Just a quick question to end this, what do I do about his family? I was thinking of deleting my current facebook and just starting from scratch because that is how I get in contact with a lot of my friends, I was so close to everyone in his family but I'm not sure what to do, I should be thinking of me but I can't help but feel as though they'd be offended and it's unnecessary for me to take it out on them? thanks for writing and some very good advice imo and the fact that you are going to see the band alone shows how strong you are as a person!!! if you can fall and do things by yourself you are well ahead of the game, i myself walked straight into the nearest mma gym on my own, takes some balls after a knock down!! family is a difficult one, i personally did delete my facebook, simply because (maybe paranoid, i dont know) i thought her family might go onto my profile and let her know what i was doing now we were apart. i wanted to go truly NC. you are not taking it out on them, you dont owe them anything. the relationship didnt work out, they will understand that, and they will understand that you need to get on with your life. dont feel guilty about it and am sure alot of people will read your post and take some advice from it, me included!
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