smh124 Posted September 2, 2004 Posted September 2, 2004 OK, here's my story: Met this girl in Nov '02. I was instantly in love with her. I had feeling for her that I've never had before. We started dating and she moved in with me last summer. Everything was great until the beginning of this year. Suddenly we became like roommates. Never hung out, never had sex, never did anything together besides get on each other's nerves. So this past May, she left me for a week. I was heartbroken. But I let her back a week later. A month went by and I couldnt get over this. I wanted to be alone and I didnt want to be with her anymore. I was miserable and making her miserable as well. So in June I broke it off with her and she went back to live with her parents. And then about a month ago, i see her in a bar. We have some small talk. Thats when I started to think about her again. 2 weeks later I saw her again (with some dude). We spoke even more this time and we agreed to go out on as friends. Ever since then, she has now been on my mind 24 hours a day. When we went out, she told me about 5 times that this guy was not her boyfriend and she only wanted to be friends but he wanted much more. I asked her if she would give me a 2nd chance and she said she wants to be with me she cant b/c she doesnt trust me that i wont hurt her again. And we have spoken since about the same thing. She says she misses me terribly, stilll loves me, but I dont deserve a 2nd chance b/c of how much i hurt her. And she has 2 much pride to date me again. I asked her if she wants me to just go away, she said absolutely not. I once again feel the love for I did when i first met her. I feel like I let my only true love go. And I need her back. I've been miserable without her. And I think we were meant to be together, just living together really screwed us up. Any advice on how I should handle this?
j_nelson Posted September 2, 2004 Posted September 2, 2004 hey man...more or less, i am in the same situation as you...girl says she misses/loves us but can't be together because we hurt them too bad....so...you have had your time apart from each other....you both realize you want to be together...... now you have to make a decision....you either be her friend and hope things work out that way (slowly build her trust etc.)...I tried this earlier in the summer...didn't work...I wanted to be together and didn't like the friends business...the problem when both people still love each other and want to be together (but for some reason they can't - fear of being hurt???) is that its hard to create boundries....i know when i was 'friends' with my ex and we were together (in person) it was like nothing changed...the physical stuff was still there, the laughs, good times etc....that's what makes it so hard...its there but you can't have it if you know what i mean.... so you have to decide...do you want to be friends and likely suffer because you love this girl and shes not ready to enter the relationship again? i said no. instead im doing the no contact thing...im not saying that is always the best solution, but if you really love this girl and shes not ready to commit to you, this might save you some pain....no contact is hard too, but i think overtime it gets easier...... its up to you!
Author smh124 Posted September 3, 2004 Author Posted September 3, 2004 J nelson, How long have you done the "no contact" thing? Has she called you? Does she say she still has feelings for you? IT is gonna be really hard to eliminate this girl from my life. Thanks for the advice! Steve
j_nelson Posted September 3, 2004 Posted September 3, 2004 Well...unfortunately this is the second time I have used the no contact strategy. We had been together nearly 5 years. First breakup came just before the 4 year mark (problems which i caused - nothing to do with other ppl)...she wanted to be friends but it was far too hard for me (she was acting completely different, hanging out with another guy - basically being an idiot)...i started no contact and 5 weeks later (the day after her high school grad) she called and apologized about everything, wanted me back.....broke up the second time exactly a year after the first.....we have been 'broken up' since april...however we continued to see each other when we could for the first few months of summer (she now lives 2 hours away) and things (when we were together in person) were normal....it was when we were apart, that she would act like the girl I don't know again....disrespectul, selfish, unreliable etc. finally i realized what was happening and decided no contact was the best thing for us until she gets her act together and shows some maturity. I started the no contact thing 5 days ago.....no, she hasn't called. i am leaving for school in less than a week so i don't know what will happen. she told me 3 weeks ago that she still loves and misses me......trust me, i know what you are feeling....i'm doing it right now....it sucks, im not gonna lie...but im not gonna be strung along and have her continually disrespect me either.... if your girl (ex) is still treating you well and YOU can handle JUST being FRIENDS than I think it would be great to keep in contact with her and go that route...my situation may be a little different...i can't be friends...not yet anyway.
Author smh124 Posted September 3, 2004 Author Posted September 3, 2004 j nelson, I dont know if I can just do the friend thing. That would mean that I would have to accept her dating other guys and that is a real problem. Steve
j_nelson Posted September 3, 2004 Posted September 3, 2004 Yup...it's true...either way you are going to have to accept it I guess....but as a friend you would have to be around it and possibly hear about it....
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