tom22 Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 So, I’m not entirely sure what I’m looking for with this, and it isn’t a question as such, but any thoughts on how I should continue to deal with this situation would be greatly appreciated. It’s just nice to write it all down and see what you guys think. I’ll start from the beginning (apologies if it drags on a bit!): I have been using OLD for quite a while now, with varying success (I’ve met some nice people and had some nice dates, but nothing that has lasted). Anyway, I started speaking to this girl nearly 7 months ago. She is slightly older than me (she’s just turned 26, I’m 23). From the start, we had playful, flirty conversations and it was great, we really clicked. The thing was, we live just under 2 hours from each other, and from the start she had pretty much ruled out anything happening between us because of the distance. I was fine with this, although I am more open to a LDR, but we continued talking anyway. Over the next few weeks we kept flirting more and more, and it got to a point where the flirting turned more into sex talk, and we planned a one off meet up… basically a dirty weekend, one off. It sounds an awful dirty thing to do and it isn’t the sort of thing I would usually do, but we just got so carried away with each other. So even though we had planned this, we assured each other it would turn into nothing more. So, a few days before our “date” I decided it just wasn’t a good idea. I knew that one of us would want more and end up getting hurt, so I called it off. She was totally cool with it and had said that she was having second thoughts about doing it. So we left it there, stopped talking (for a timescale context, at this point, it was the start of November 2012). So having not heard from her for about a month, she texts me just basically saying “hey, hope you are well”. Although I was thrilled to hear from her, I questioned why she was contacting me again. She said that she loved talking to me and kind of missed our chats. So we start texting again. This time though, there is no more of the dirty flirting talk, but she sends me the occasional picture of her, like she was going for a Christmas party and had a new dress she wanted my opinion on…. but nothing sexual. And this is how our texting has been ever since. I send her the occasional photo of me and she sends some back. It has become such a weird situation because we have never met, never even spoken on the phone, yet she confides in me. She texts me when shes feeling down and we talk. Like, she has been with a guy since January, and the other day they split up. And the first thing she does is text me to tell me about it and vent out. She was really hurting because of what he had done to her, so she just needed someone to listen, and that’s the person I have become for her (We even joke that we are pen pals!). And so there we are… the story of my near 7 month relationship with a girl that I have never met or even heard her voice! It’s kind of embarrassing to admit that I have feelings for her, and I am certain she has them for me too, but I just feel we are way too far down the line to make anything of it. I would love to meet her one day, and we have agreed that we owe it to each other to meet. I would want nothing more than to finally meet and we fall for each other in real life but I’m terrified of that not happening and that meeting would cause us to lose the unique relationship we have developed. Like I said, there is no answer I am looking for, just opinion of what to make of this would be nice.
CarrieT Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 I hate to tell you this, but there is nothing unique about your situation... When I was OLD, I was very definite about only dating guys within a certain radius, although I was often approached by men who were in other states or other countries. I did a lot of chatting with these men - and a lot of frank, sexual talk as well - because they were "safe" in that it was anonymous. The biggest problem is that you have invested more into a "relationship" with her because of what you have created in your mind and the reality is NEVER what it appears to be that you have designed by not having met. Of course there is the possibility that you two could meet and become friends, but if you are serious about OLD, than stick to those people you can actually have a physical relationship with. The internet ones are illusive at best.
salparadise Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 Two hours is not so far away that you couldn't manage it if you really clicked, and if both of you were open to it. My opinion is that if you're both interested and attracted that you should meet and see where it goes. I think these "relationships" where there seems to be a lot of chemistry but you've never met are just a fantasy and a distraction. It can preclude you from finding and becoming fully invested in a real relationship, assuming that's what you want. The possibilities are a) you meet and fall in everlasting love, in which case two hours is a small price to pay, b) you meet and it doesn't hold up in person, in which case you're at least out of the fantasy and back to real life, or c) you meet and have a brief whirlwind romance, but realize that there is no long-term potential, in which case you part as friends and one-time lovers and get on with your respective lives. To me, any of the three outcomes is better than staying in the imaginary realm indefinitely. As far as one or both getting too invested, that's just a risk you have be willing to accept to have any romance in this life at all. It is possible to have one relationship that never ends, providing you don't outlive the other person, but you never know which one that might be, and you'll probably never find it unless you're willing to risk getting your heart broken. In fact, the real trick is to dissolve the barriers to loving and being loved rather than fortifying them for protection. Playing it safe equals missed opportunities. The caveat is that you should probably balance your openness with the progression of a relationship and reciprocation by the other, to some degree. I say go for it.
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