OSCAR_BUSTOS21 Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 I will thank you all in advance for your comments, firstly I would like to say I'm very confused as is she. I broke up with her after christmas, ridicolous reasons and things had been very poor about a month before that. We'd had a very bad arguement in November and I believe that me not wanting to move location to her town was the major reason, however I also said some awful stuff. Fast forward to January when I tried to get her back, she said she needed time to heal and space. So I played hard to get, made about every mistake going and then 2 weeks ago told her I wanted her back and said she had 3 weeks, dumb move. Anyway since a converstaion last week I have realised she is bitterly hurt and miserable. I told her I needed nc and she told me that wasn't an option and that she would get back with me now if I was gonna leave, even though it wasn't right. We see each other twice a week, make love like never before, she initiates contact and tells me she will always love me unconditionally. So my questions for you good people is: - She indicates that she loved me that much that she stopped caring about herself and is no longer happy. i.e. she wants to be happy before progressing onto getting back. TRUE/FALSE?? - She says she has to rely on herself for happiness, because what happens if I leave her again states shes broken. TRUE/FALSE?? - What am I supposed to do, I want to get through this with her by my side?? - What I'm thinking is, is this possible for someone to love u that much that they forget themselves? - What should I do? I will do anything for her. - Will nc make her realise that she misses me, contact is hurting with her as I love her so much? It is so plentiful but we are not together. Now for all of you that think I'm a complete dick don't worry, I'm suffering big time now. I'll do anything to get her back, I truly love her and wouldn't attempt to get back if I didn't. She has asked to go to counselling with me, which I would love to try. Stuck.
richard9 Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 agree i dont think you should have put pressure on her by saying a time scale, you are kind of forcing her into a decision at a difficult time in her life. however: - She indicates that she loved me that much that she stopped caring about herself and is no longer happy. i.e. she wants to be happy before progressing onto getting back. TRUE/FALSE?? true, i cant totally understand where she is coming from, chances are the time you have had apart has made her realise that she doesnt even know who she is herself anymore. an example, when my ex split with me i went to go buy some music for my car, i found myself subconsciously going to what she liked, i stepped backed and asked myself what music i wanted to listen to, the answer, i didnt even know! i had to go back to before i met her and buy something i used to listen to that i enjoyed. she wants to learn what she likes, who she is and what makes herself happy, before she rushes back into the relationship. - She says she has to rely on herself for happiness, because what happens if I leave her again states shes broken. TRUE/FALSE?? true, exactly, if the relationship breaks down again and she hasnt had the time to realise who she is again, then she will have to go through the same pain this is alot to ask of someone and should not be done so lightly imo - What am I supposed to do, I want to get through this with her by my side?? in this instance ONLY if she agrees i would suggest texting her, maybe once a week to ask how things are. do not mention getting back together or that you miss her, simply enquire as to how she is and if you can do anything to help. if she says NO, do not push it. and if she does not text back at any stage WAIT for her to be ready to text back. give her all the space she needs. - What I'm thinking is, is this possible for someone to love u that much that they forget themselves? yes, i did. and im slowly rebuilding myself, it takes time and the pain is something i would never wish on anyone. Will nc make her realise that she misses me, contact is hurting with her as I love her so much? It is so plentiful but we are not together. do not use NC for this reason, its for you both to develop (especially her). think of it this way, did you like the person she was when you first met her? that is the person she is trying to find now! and when she is ready you have the chance to be with her again. not many people here can say that, you are one of the lucky ones believe me! She has asked to go to counselling with me, which I would love to try. when she is ready i think that would be an excellent idea, but give her some space and time to find herself, she needs it more than you know imo
Author OSCAR_BUSTOS21 Posted February 25, 2013 Author Posted February 25, 2013 (edited) I would like to thank u for your insights very much. I am my own worst enemy at times and can ruin things very quickly. Not now, I'm sticking to my plan, its hurting like hell not being with her but hey ho. I just hope she comes back. Your right about the music, I bought two cd's from my favourite band that I listened to nearly 4 years ago before we met. I'm actually trying to re-invent myself, I have some great friends and concentrate on going out as much as possible. Would she meet other guys though, to try?? Edited February 25, 2013 by OSCAR_BUSTOS21
richard9 Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 Would she meet other guys though, to try?? obviously i dont know her but i would say no, when you fall that deeply for someone that you lose (or give) yourself you are blinded to everyone else but them. also if you are planning on getting back together you need to TRUST her when she says she will always love you. from what you have said she wants, it sounds like the last thing on her mind is another guy, she needs the space for herself. perhaps she is thinking the same thing, will you find another girl, that is why you need to be there for her WHEN (and only when) she needs you.
Author OSCAR_BUSTOS21 Posted February 25, 2013 Author Posted February 25, 2013 She did ask me if I had been with other women to which I replied no. I just don't like anyone at this stage. I'm gonna check your situation out richard. So I wait and be there for her, she normally states when we can meet and I never intiate contact. The unconditional love convo happened just last night so maybe I'm making a break through. I have never known anything like this but she has been through something similar with an ex boyfriend and they got back together. She stated only a few weeks back that if we get together it will be marriage and for the rest of our lives. Damn I wish I'd appreciated every moment with her, if she comes back I will. 1
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