crude Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Men aren't as demanding as you think. I see married men who stay with 60 year old women who weren't even attractive at 20. These guys have worked all their lives to support women who have done next to nothing (unless watching soap operas is considered important). They're outsiders and virtual strangers to their kids, have precious little to show for their lives, yet they persevere, and will live out their lives with their less than dream girl wives. Men usually settle and stay the course. Link to post Share on other sites
123321 Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 So if I am being too cynical, please inform me so. So. Most divorces are initiated by women in America. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 I know that what I have is not perfect but nothing in this world is so no use in craving things don't exist. I do think she is as close to it as humanly possible so no I do not feel I have settled at all. We live in an era where people tend to always want the bigger and better thing. They trade their car in every few years and they can have a gorgeous house in a great location but want a Mcmansion in some rich gated community. You couldn't pay me to live in one of those places but that is what people consider success. This attitude also transfers to relationships and both genders are guilty of it. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
miss_jaclynrae Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Ok, but I dont sit around and lament how I dont have my dream car or my dream house...Im satisfied with what I have...but men seem to do that with women. I disagree. I have never irl heard a man in a happy healthy relationship ever convey the idea that he could definitely do better. In happy and healthy relationships, that woman become his dream girl. Even for me, could I find a Man with better hair, and a better body? Probably, but my boyfriend is so amazing that he is my dream man. I don't need more, the traits he has makes him the man I have always wanted. I'm not settling, I am just so happy to have him in the first place. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Drseussgrrl Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Ok, but I dont sit around and lament how I dont have my dream car or my dream house...Im satisfied with what I have...but men seem to do that with women. I'm guessing you've never had a man crazy in love with you? It's a wonderful feeling, honey, and once you experience it you won't be making these blanket judgments about men. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
kaylan Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Ive posted on here before most men dont have the options to obtain their dream girl (looks and personality wise) so they settle for the best they can get. All of my exes were average looking dudes but they were hot to me. I also really liked their personalities or the ones they displayed in the beginning before they changed months later down the line. I dont think Im always looking for the "best thing" objectively out there. With my last ex I had a cuter guy who I worked with who made constant moves on me and generally tried to get into my heart. He also had a better career than my ex but since I was happy with my ex, I didnt entertain the thought of dating him. Im trying to not be cynical, but I have struggled with this notion that most men have to "settle." Its a huge reason why I think getting a boyfriend is a bit of a waste of time. Why should I tie myself to someone who feels they can always do better? Its pretty disappointing and disheartening to me to hear my average-guy friends the way they talk about their wives/girlfriends when they arent around and they can be completely honest. These guys arent jerks either, they are your typical average joes. I think alot of the stuff woman post about their dates and boyfriends on this site boil down to the fact that their boyfriends arent completely satisfied with him and are with them for other motives (mostly that they like having a girlfriend, cant be alone, external validation sort of thing). Just to clarify, by settling I mean you have a girlfriend but you are not completely happy with her. You would most likely leave her if someone slightly better came along and you were very sure that person felt the same way. I am not talking about falling madly in love with an average looking woman and any hotter woman who walks by isnt more appealing. (I have yet to meet a guy who has done that this by the way.) So if I am being too cynical, please inform me so. On top of being cynical...you are contradicting yourself. Didnt you JUST create a thread yesterday that said most men only date outside of their league, and hold out for girls who are "better" than them? Come on now OP. Which is it? Do men settle or do they hold out for the best above their league? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
miss_jaclynrae Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 I'm guessing you've never had a man crazy in love with you? It's a wonderful feeling, honey, and once you experience it you won't be making these blanket judgments about men. It really is amazing. Once you experience feeling like a mans dream woman you will understand that with the right person, you are one another's dream person in a dream relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Originally Posted by Mme. Chaucer I don't expect such a guy to be alone for the rest of his life - that's up to him. But I certainly expect any self-respecting woman to steer vastly clear of any guy who is dating her because he feels like he can't "do any better" than her! I assume an intelligent guy would keep that fact a secret. That's usually the smart way to go... Someday, I predict that you will have an intimate relationship. And by the word "intimate" I am not referring to sex, though that is likely to be included. And when that time comes, you will understand the concept that the basic, underlying truths about an individual and about the relationship will be known by both partners. Even if it's not spoken of openly. If a fellow is with a girl because she is "the best he can get" and he feels he's entitled so something in the girlfriend department, even if he begrudgingly accepts her as a last resort … she KNOWS it. And if she decides to go for that, the prognosis is grim. Same goes for genders reversed. You know, a few decades ago, people really needed a husband or a wife. Life for the poorer segments of the population really took the extra pair of hands to get through, and for rich people, political and status liaisons were often crucial to families. In those times, I don't think it was nasty for people to accept the best prospect that presented themselves for marriage. I could be viewed more like a business arrangement that mainly needed to be workable. Those days are over. Spending your valuable life force with a person who is with you only because you are "the best they can get" and they don't think they should be "expected" to remain on their own would be a letting yourself down in a terrible way, IMO. Plain, ugly, poor, fat, disabled, sick, old, etc. people ALL can be loved for who and what they really are. People should hold out for that, IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
fortyninethousand322 Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Someday, I predict that you will have an intimate relationship. And by the word "intimate" I am not referring to sex, though that is likely to be included. And when that time comes, you will understand the concept that the basic, underlying truths about an individual and about the relationship will be known by both partners. Even if it's not spoken of openly. If a fellow is with a girl because she is "the best he can get" and he feels he's entitled so something in the girlfriend department, even if he begrudgingly accepts her as a last resort … she KNOWS it. And if she decides to go for that, the prognosis is grim. Well, let's be honest, there are people predicting that someday the Cubs will win the World Series. Maybe they're right, but it's not very likely. In any case, I often wonder about the claims made on LS about the amazing psychic powers that women somehow possess. That they can somehow sense if a guy is a desperate loser or if he is only with her because he thinks she's the best he can get, even if he does his best to hide it or pretend otherwise. And yet, women can't sense if a guy is a dangerous jerk/abuser/cheater/whatever. They date them because they get fooled by their witty charm or something. Seems like nature played a cruel joke: women have a sixth sense about a guy's true feelings, but not if he's a really dangerous guy. Only if he's settling or a desperate loser. Weird... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
aliceb1987 Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Not trying to make a generalisation here as there are exceptions to every rule,but i think it's because men tend to 'date up' and women tend to 'date down'...hence why you more often seem to see pretty girls/women with men who they could do a lot better than,and why guys often try to chat up girls who they don't have a hope in hell with! I guess us girls should take a leaf out of their book! Link to post Share on other sites
man_in_the_box Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Yeah that is insane. I cant imagine being married to someone Im not attracted to. I once tried to date a guy I wasnt attracted to when I was young and after 3 months I felt I was going insane. I dont think Ill end up that way- I actually like being single so if I never got married it wouldnt make me desperate in that way. Maninthebox, I wasnt insulting you. You just put into words better what I was thinking Oh, okay - I misinterpretated then, sorry. I suppose either gender can, whether it is valid or not, feel like they need more from a relationship. Perhaps men more likely feel that something about appearance is lacking, maybe it's something else for women with career, looks, personality. Still I hold on to the belief that the amount of people unhappy with their relationship is somewhat equal unless there's some physical evidence that it is not. If a fellow is with a girl because she is "the best he can get" and he feels he's entitled so something in the girlfriend department, even if he begrudgingly accepts her as a last resort … she KNOWS it. And if she decides to go for that, the prognosis is grim. People might be better at hiding emotions then you think. I speak from personal experience here, I'm not proud of it but there were stages of my relationship when I really was not happy and felt like it was mediocre at best. I'm not sure how much realized that this was happening as I am pretty 'good' at internalizing problems like these sometimes. It is my first relationship and I just really did not know what to do with these feelings without hurting her. Luckily things have changed for the better and she is aware now of that bad period between us. But I still wonder whether she was really aware of the extent of these feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Statements like this is the reason why Im posting this thread. I feel most men do feel they are settling, a lot of them wont admit it though. I am less trusting of men now and prob if I get into a relationship, will never feel he is really all that into me. I overheard these guys saying things and they had no idea I was in the next room. I feel sorry for their wives/girlfriends You didn't answer my question. Why do you think it is wrong for a man to settle? Link to post Share on other sites
TheBigQuestion Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Well, let's be honest, there are people predicting that someday the Cubs will win the World Series. Maybe they're right, but it's not very likely. In any case, I often wonder about the claims made on LS about the amazing psychic powers that women somehow possess. That they can somehow sense if a guy is a desperate loser or if he is only with her because he thinks she's the best he can get, even if he does his best to hide it or pretend otherwise. And yet, women can't sense if a guy is a dangerous jerk/abuser/cheater/whatever. They date them because they get fooled by their witty charm or something. Seems like nature played a cruel joke: women have a sixth sense about a guy's true feelings, but not if he's a really dangerous guy. Only if he's settling or a desperate loser. Weird... I don't advocate anyone "settling," but this idea that women are by and large these hyper-intuitive mind-readers is utterly false. Many, many women have the emotional intelligence of a brick wall and are oblivious to what is going on right before their eyes. Link to post Share on other sites
noble Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 I think some people date people they are initially attracted to sexually, but that the personalities don't click. For example, me and my boyfriend get along really well and we TALK a lot, about everything. We're really close, and although we've been together five years we still are very much in love and very happy, we have sex regularly and cuddle all the time. I feel supremely happy with him. Of course, there are things he does that annoy me but that's just the type of stuff that comes from dating a real person, and I'm sure I annoy him sometimes too. I've been told I'm pretty and I get flirted with occassionally, but no one could ever compare to my boyfriend. There is no chance that I would ever leave him, and i really don't think he'd leave me if something "better" came along. Better looking girls exist, for sure, but we are attracted to one another's personalities. I think a lot of people don't have that, so they never really feel deep love for their partner. I think if a guy is dating a girl he doesn't really love on a deep level, then as soon as he gets comfortable and another "new" and "exciting" girl comes along, he will leave. Mostly because the attachment he has to his current gf will probably be the same level of attachment to the new gf. However, real love isn't everywhere. I think it is a rare thing to find someone you really connect with and love deeply. That's why i would never ever trade my boyfriend in.. and physically, he looks a lot like Adrian Brody, so some girls probalby thing he's weird looking cause he's tall, and thin, and has a big nose that is crooked. But when I look at him I just think he is the most attractive man in the whole world... I'm not the most beautiful thing ever, either, but my boyfriend is always telling me I'm pretty, or that he loves my hands and my face and my this and that, so I think it's just like if you really love someone deeply then you see them as really beautiful. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kimberlydoll Posted February 25, 2013 Author Share Posted February 25, 2013 You didn't answer my question. Why do you think it is wrong for a man to settle? Because its not fair to the woman. Im pretty sure youd feel ****ty about yourself if your girlfriend settled for you and honestly was with you because nobody better would want her. Unless you are devoid of emotions Some women (and men too) are very lacking in emotional intelligence but there are ones out there that have alot of it. I know many women that do Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Im trying to not be cynical, but I have struggled with this notion that most men have to "settle." Its a huge reason why I think getting a boyfriend is a bit of a waste of time. Why should I tie myself to someone who feels they can always do better? Its pretty disappointing and disheartening to me to hear my average-guy friends the way they talk about their wives/girlfriends when they arent around and they can be completely honest. These guys arent jerks either, they are your typical average joes. If you are talking about wives and marriage, I think this question would be better answered by husbands on the marriage forum, where it is easy to find posts by long married husbands who adore their wives, even during marital difficulties. Soxfan's post on this thread is an example: I'm sorry that the men you've met have given you the impression that men are this way, but we're not all that way. I personally want to fall in love again, and get married. I want to be with one women for the rest of my life. I would give anything for this. I thought I had that, but my wife left me after 11 years of marriage for another man. I'm tired of dating to be honest. I prefer girls in my league. I like average girls with good personalities and are out going. I never thought about leaving my wife even during the bad times. My love for her never dwindled even when she threw me away. If I'm not happy then I would just end the relationship. I don't hang around just to be with someone. Believe me I don't want to be alone, but it's not worth being with someone your not compatible with. Here on LS, there are a lot of guys who struggle to find any girlfriend, and don't want what they can easily get. So for them, "settle" is a nasty reality at this point. But when most guys choose a woman to "settle down" with--they choose a woman who is the cream of the crop in their eyes. Emphasis: in their eyes. A well adjusted adult man isn't trying to find the hottest woman to boost his status. He's looking for real love. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 if you really love someone deeply then you see them as really beautiful. Well said! And very true Link to post Share on other sites
Negative Nancy Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Statements like this is the reason why Im posting this thread. I feel most men do feel they are settling, a lot of them wont admit it though. I am less trusting of men now and prob if I get into a relationship, will never feel he is really all that into me. I overheard these guys saying things and they had no idea I was in the next room. I feel sorry for their wives/girlfriends I've witnessed it too...makes you wonder what they say about YOU. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kimberlydoll Posted February 25, 2013 Author Share Posted February 25, 2013 I find it very strange how men are being chastised for "trying to date up" by some of the very same posters who claim men will "**** anything that moves". Sex and relationships are two different things Colez. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kaylan Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Are all of these men dating up or is it simply our perception that most women are of better quality than most men? What's your initial impression of the girl/couple in these photos? Is she more physically attractive and better dressed than him? http://www.picvalley.net/u/2733/1382427006913072601360298467xAgjX0Ng8Krl1noe0TIN.JPG http://www.picvalley.net/u/2676/8781233824691549051360298245sDYmVrMH6M58ZRL5epQk.JPG http://www.picvalley.net/u/2383/4362322928406951681360298062oPhZ1uVMRE4AiYBg8LZv.JPG Id say the guys of a higher league and could def land hotter babes. Not that the girl is unattractive...she is attractive...I just think guys that look like him can easily get sexier girls. Link to post Share on other sites
ltjg45 Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Because its not fair to the woman. Im pretty sure youd feel ****ty about yourself if your girlfriend settled for you and honestly was with you because nobody better would want her. Unless you are devoid of emotions Some women (and men too) are very lacking in emotional intelligence but there are ones out there that have alot of it. I know many women that do That would provide that either person has proof showing that their partner is settling. Esp. for the male. If a female is settling, the male is not going to understand it unless it makes logical sense like, for example, cheating and flirting despite being in a relationship. Women can tell more easily because they are far more emotional people than men. Men can't unless logic shows it. As for me, I can find my dream girl or a female that I'm settling with and, in the end, I will treat both women the same: as if she is indeed my dream girl after all. As long as our personality click, the rest doesn't really matter. Looks fade over time. Money doesn't buy what I really want in an actual relationship. The ability to find love and companionship for the duration of my life? The value of that can't be compared to anything else in life. With that said, I have like tons of women that I would consider "my dream girl" so I doubt I will actually be settling in the end after all. If I can't see myself being with this woman after 20 years of marriage, there is no way you can tell me that I'm settling with her. To find someone that is clearly better than her in all 3 phases of my attraction to her (looks, money, and especially personality) is so low that I have better chances hitting the shots and winning the jack pot. Literally. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kimberlydoll Posted February 25, 2013 Author Share Posted February 25, 2013 She looks in his league in the first 2 pictures. The picture of the guy wasnt really that clear either Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Men generally 'settle down' when entering a LTR or marriage; they 'stop looking' so, in essence have 'settled', in a positive way, for someone whom they wish to be their life partner. Hence, 'settled down', with 'down' not referring in any way to the quality of their settling, but rather merely as a colloquialism referring to the change from bachelor to committed boyfriend or husband. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Because its not fair to the woman. Im pretty sure youd feel ****ty about yourself if your girlfriend settled for you and honestly was with you because nobody better would want her. Unless you are devoid of emotions Some women (and men too) are very lacking in emotional intelligence but there are ones out there that have alot of it. I know many women that do So then what should the man do if he can't get the girl he really wants, the girl he doesn't consider settling? As for a girl settling for me? I really wouldn't care, as long as I was attracted and liked who she was. Frankly though, most women can get whomever they want so they wouldn't have to settle unless they were considered undesirable by most men. Link to post Share on other sites
PJKino Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 She looks in his league in the first 2 pictures. The picture of the guy wasnt really that clear either Perhpas thsi is where the disconnect comes in because women seem to overrate a womens looks and underrate a guys looks so to her shell give the nod to the women looks wise in most cases In that picture the guy is clearly better looking then the the girl imo 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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