IndianGuy87 Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 No, you present yourself poorly when you say things like: Which I quoted for you already, but I guess you missed it the first time. Also, I think you need to own what you're doing here. Quit trying to backpedal and pretend that you are not intentionally insulting the OP and implying (or saying outright - I'm not going back to look right now) that she's a superficial, creepy bad woman for considering this man's job status and living situation at this stage of his life when deciding whether to date him. Please just answer this: Is there ANY aspect of a woman that you consider when thinking about dating her aside from her interior goodness? Or is any age, career, physical characteristic, lifestyle, number of children, etc. part of what concerns you? Well? People work for money or they wouldn't work at all. For generations and centuries, it's women who stressed the important of men working and not stressing women for work. Back then, it's understandable but nowadays when even women can work, men still hardly care whether a woman works as compared to women who do. Working has everything to do with money because if it didn't, who would be crazy to give all those hours to work? By the way, this thread is about OP and not me. Anyways I'll still answer it. I wouldn't date anyone over 5 or 6 years older than me. I don't think I'm mature enough to handle or satisfy whatever needs they desire. I'm fine with whatever career she would be in unless it's sex related or blood money related. Physical characteristic? I go to the gym and stay healthy so I prefer her to stay fit like me. And I actually wouldn't mind if she has children if I find her really enjoyable to be around. If she's nice and puts me in the comfort zone then I'm okay.
CptObvious Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 37 year old male who was laid off and had to move back in with his parents. He is currently finishing his graduate degree and trying to look for a job. wow that's a creative way of saying "poor and about to be in even more debt"
IndianGuy87 Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 Sure, that's very inspiring... but then lets meet the guy in 5 years time. What sort of a care giver will be be now? In her mid-late 30's a woman will probably be looking for a guy who's got his act together, is financially stable and she can probably settle down with. Is a 35 year old woman going to move in with this guys parents? Get real! Which is why I advised the OP not to date the guy if she questioned all those things. You don't really know the guy and why he couldn't get his act together on time but he's still on the brink of getting a degree so the last thing he needs is your typical predictable woman that would question his action. Just let the guy do his thing and let him find someone who wouldn't mind dating him even after all this rather than still think about dating him by asking a question on the message board. I'm being real here by saying the OP should not date him like my original post. Ever since then, I've had constant replies from all kinds of women
carhill Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 So, let's tie this thread into a recent thread by the OP for discussion purposes, since this thread is apparently a hypothetical. A single dad with full custody of his son lost his job and moved back home with his parents to go to school to pursue his PhD. His parents take care of their grandson to save on childcare costs and provide him a home to live in while furthering his education. The OP 'had a good time' on the date and found him to be attractive, intelligent and witty. During, she finds out about his familial, job and living conditions. No one asked the OP if she found the man in the OP good-looking, intelligent, witty, or any other similar driver for attraction. That dynamic would be an interesting one to explore. IME, having dated a lot over the last 30 years, 'explanations' for not dating someone usually result from insufficient attraction at the base level. With sufficient attraction, subsequent revelations, like those proffered in the OP, are viewed in a different, more positive perspective, respecting the emotions which drive the rational process. This is how we get stories on these forums of how a woman dated or married a 'loser', though she was quite enamored of that 'loser' until she wasn't. His 'loser' qualities (not inferring 'loser' about the gentleman in this example) were sufficiently outshone by her attraction to him. When that attraction changed, her 'opinion' changed to match it, and the man became a 'loser'. Myself, if faced with a woman who had returned home to pursue her PhD, I'd be looking at the lady herself, what her PhD pursuit was, her passions in life and her family and relationship history, presuming there was attraction evident to impel those 'looks'. Things would work out during 'get to know', aka 'dating'. If there was synergy, that. If not, that. So, OP, had the man you went on a date with last Friday turned out to be the man in this hypothetical thread, would you continue to date him? 2
IndianGuy87 Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 I think you need to get away from the keyboard and go out to experience real life a bit more. Ironic, considering you're the one with thousands of posts on here and also you kept asking me whether I know the guy OP was mentioning or not when you seem to act like you have me all figured out that I need to "experience real life a bit more". Anyways, all I said was from the rich guys who were lazy that they never have any problem dating women and when their relationships do end, it's almost every time because the guy ended up dumping the girl. And yeah, blue collar men generally do have it much tougher in the dating game than rich guys living off their parents money and that's from what I've seen with my very own eyes. I don't need to experience real life even more like you say because I experience enough and even if I did and never spent my time on the keyboard, I highly doubt it would change that fact.
Drseussgrrl Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 Ironic, considering you're the one with thousands of posts on here and also you kept asking me whether I know the guy OP was mentioning or not when you seem to act like you have me all figured out that I need to "experience real life a bit more". Anyways, all I said was from the rich guys who were lazy that they never have any problem dating women and when their relationships do end, it's almost every time because the guy ended up dumping the girl. And yeah, blue collar men generally do have it much tougher in the dating game than rich guys living off their parents money and that's from what I've seen with my very own eyes. I don't need to experience real life even more like you say because I experience enough and even if I did and never spent my time on the keyboard, I highly doubt it would change that fact. I don't believe you're a med student.
Els Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 I have been a property manager for nearly 16 years thank you. yeah I don't have a job right now but through no fault of my own. new company bought the building I managed and used me to get all the tenant info I had and so they could understand the paperwork. Once this was accomplished they got rid of me. my old company is looking for new properties and would rehire me immediately. I spent nearly 13 years with them. guys like myself are not losers. we just get stuck in untenable situations. So, 16 years as a property manager and you don't have enough saved up to survive on your own while looking for another job? That's a problem all of its own, innit?
IndianGuy87 Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 I don't believe you're a med student. I'll live! Funny how women get so personal here when I'm trying to answer questions from my realistic point of view.
Els Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 I go to the gym and stay healthy so I prefer her to stay fit like me. So... some people have savings, a job, and their own place and prefer a person with savings, a job, and his own place as well. /thread 1
IndianGuy87 Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 So... some people have savings, a job, and their own place and prefer a person with savings, a job, and his own place as well. /thread Hence I told the OP to not date him if she really questions those things about him for the sake of him, like I should not date obese women just because I question her unhealthiness and she deserves someone better who is willing to appreciate her for her. Tell me something that I don't know?
IndianGuy87 Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 Ironic, considering you're the one with thousands of posts on here and also you kept asking me whether I know the guy OP was mentioning or not when you seem to act like you have me all figured out that I need to "experience real life a bit more". Anyways, all I said was from the rich guys who were lazy that they never have any problem dating women and when their relationships do end, it's almost every time because the guy ended up dumping the girl. And yeah, blue collar men generally do have it much tougher in the dating game than rich guys living off their parents money and that's from what I've seen with my very own eyes. I don't need to experience real life even more like you say because I experience enough and even if I did and never spent my time on the keyboard, I highly doubt it would change that fact. I meant to say from all the rich guys I KNOW. And the blue collar guys that I've met have a much harder time in dating girls than those guys I've met. That's what I meant to say.
jma500 Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 So, 16 years as a property manager and you don't have enough saved up to survive on your own while looking for another job? That's a problem all of its own, innit? I had over $15000. but ate through it on bills a couple years ago when I originally left my company. thinking I could do better and got used by a subsequent company ((at least I got a recommendation) I am human and humans make mistakes. I pay weekly rent BTW so I am living off no one.
Estate Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 Which is why I advised the OP not to date the guy if she questioned all those things. You don't really know the guy and why he couldn't get his act together on time but he's still on the brink of getting a degree so the last thing he needs is your typical predictable woman that would question his action. Just let the guy do his thing and let him find someone who wouldn't mind dating him even after all this rather than still think about dating him by asking a question on the message board. I'm being real here by saying the OP should not date him like my original post. Ever since then, I've had constant replies from all kinds of women great attitude dude.
Imajerk17 Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 (edited) I don't think that guy is "dating material"--until he gets his life sorted out that is--and I wouldn't date a woman in that position. I've been lucky in that I have dated too many ambitious people. One woman I dated for 5 months supported herself AND put herself through nursing school waiting tables, all the way across country from where she grew up. She hardly had any help from her parents. Another woman I dated bought herself and her two kids a house, and our dates were 50-50. For every time I paid, she paid the next time. Out of the two of us, she actually was the more mature one. Another woman I dated has her own business as a personal trainer. She worked her ass off to get there. See my point? I can't date someone I don't respect and admire in some way. Hopefully you're the same way. Edited February 25, 2013 by Imajerk17
Els Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 I pay weekly rent BTW so I am living off no one. Then why are you comparing your situation to the guy in the OP?
jma500 Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 Then why are you comparing your situation to the guy in the OP? Just thought the circumstances seemed similar. about the same age, both put out of work (unless he quit his job). I just don't see where this makes him or myself a bad person/undateable.
Goldenbrwn Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 (edited) Women care a lot about status and money... just one of the ways that many women are more shallow than men in general. (Where men are generally more shallow about looks) I think that is why they get so defensive on this topic they don't want to feel like bad people for doing what comes natural and rejecting a man with low status & money. This thread was never going to end well for you indian lol. Edited February 26, 2013 by Goldenbrwn
IndianGuy87 Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 Women care a lot about status and money... just one of the ways that many women are more shallow than men in general. (Where men are generally more shallow about looks) I think that is why they get so defensive on this topic they don't want to feel like bad people for doing what comes natural and rejecting a man with low status & money. This thread was never going to end well for you indian lol. Yeah, that's pretty obvious. Anyways we are in times where women get just as much educational opportunities as men and almost get paid just as much as men. They are still not equally paid in certain areas due to sexism but equality is slowly reaching there at work. By the way, when it comes to looks then I don't see how men happen to be more shallow than women. Women, no matter how short or tall she is prefer and aim for taller men. The percentage of virgin females after a certain age is way lower than the percentage of virgin males. Like I've been mentioning few times here, 85% of women are attracted to only 15% of the men who they consider as dating worthy. In their early lives majority of them only go for guys who they consider as really attractive to have their sexual needs satisfied. Due to the lack of available men that they consider attractive, they happen to "settle for less" if the guy has a decent amount of money. If the concept of a marriage between one man and one woman didn't exist, the human race would have been like the animals in the animal kingdom where only 1 male is allowed to mate with 20 females. I've seen many good looking guys who go out with girls that aren't even close to being as good looking as him and few times even with overweight girls but it had nothing to do with the money since these girls weren't rich. The only times I see an attractive woman going out with a man who is lesser attractive is when he's rich. So yeah, I don't see how men happen to be more shallow than women in terms of looks. People might say how the fashion industry stresses so much importance in women's looks but they are controlled by gays and women themselves, not by straight men.
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 Just thought the circumstances seemed similar. about the same age, both put out of work (unless he quit his job). I just don't see where this makes him or myself a bad person/undateable. If something about a person renders them to be perceived as a bad fit by another person - this does not mean that they're perceived to be a "bad" person. I'll ask again - are there not qualities a woman can have, aside from her sterling character traits, that would show YOU that she was not someone YOU were interested in dating?
Michelle83 Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 37 year old male who was laid off and had to move back in with his parents. He is currently finishing his graduate degree and trying to look for a job. For me it would depend on what the graduate degree was in to an extent and whether the job market would hold promising. As long as it appeared he wasn't using school and living at home as a way to avoid the real working world, it wouldn't bother me if the connection was there. 1
RogerWallace111 Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 It just depends how serious his plans are and more than anything else, how he acts about the situation and talks about his future. Does he seem smart ? In a general sense- perceptive, relatively articulate, "emotionally intelligent" ? If so his situation sounds completely tolerable. I've known male & female boring f*cking nitwits without an ounce of what I consider natural, intrinsic intelligence, or a cool personality, who pull decent to big money at "respectable" jobs. I also know amazing people struggling financially, who, after 30 seconds of conversation and some eye contact, you will know are smart and "real" (considering you yourself are real enough to recognize it). It's a bit strange that at age 37 he would opt to live with his parents in this situation, but, suppose his options were to: stay in a hotel, look for a cheap but likely shoddy roommate situation, intrude by staying on a friends couch, or stay with his parents with his own bed/room for free- I don't blame him. Of course you don't wanna date a "bum". Few do. But his situation sounds worthy of some understanding/tolerance, if you read him as being an intelligent, cool person otherwise. If he's one of those immature-ass, self-absorbed, man-boys with some false sense of entitlement, that's another story.
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 I would date him if I assessed that he is intelligent, capable and genuine. I can tell that very quickly, 1 coffee date is enough. This reminds me of a guy I met that was 38, "in between jobs" and lived with his grandmother. He was very physically attractive but it was quickly obvious that he is a complete deadbeat. He framed it as "wanting to help his grandmother in her old age" - but I could see through it as wanting to live rent free because he is completely broke. I discovered inconsistencies in his story through some very quick questioning in less than 30 mins 2
Els Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 Just thought the circumstances seemed similar. about the same age, both put out of work (unless he quit his job). I just don't see where this makes him or myself a bad person/undateable. I think most of the people here who would be cautious about dating the guy in the OP, would be fine with it if he had had the savings to stay afloat by himself instead of living with the parents. I don't know ANY woman who requires that her man never gets laid off - because everyone knows that that is part of life. 1
jma500 Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 If something about a person renders them to be perceived as a bad fit by another person - this does not mean that they're perceived to be a "bad" person. I'll ask again - are there not qualities a woman can have, aside from her sterling character traits, that would show YOU that she was not someone YOU were interested in dating? Overweight - couldn't keep up with me. As a photo artist I can be on my feet for hours at a time. I work out three nights a week. mostly running exercises. I started training for a race last fall but caught a cold. a little chunky would be ok but no more than that. Smoker - same reason as above plus it gives me migraines. Heavy Drinker - too many alcoholics in the family. B**** - wouldn't tolerate it. my eldest cousin is married to one of these and is miserable. Shes also a barfly.
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