spottydogg Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 ok here it is...im 40 shes 25 we met 6 yrs a go she was 19,, we had drug fulled relationship holidays good times she wanted marriage from the start i promised her it in the end we were very much in love and still are the connection is very strong... drugs stopped fun stopped i got older and she got more confident with her same age friends (grewup),, her cousin got married and divorced yr later,,(she said thats it im never getting married) our sex life efforts were comftable no passion anymore, her friends, sisters cousins etc were all getting married or divorced or drama in ther lives.. we had a baby and things got worse i felt repressed and uninterested in her and her drama filled life and was drinking every evening she was unfulfilled.. baby made it harder etc etc.. Her confidence grew i noticed didnt do anything to complment her couldnt be botherd teacher /student relationship,, we rowed a lot she left few times with baby to go to mothers 2-3 times..i thought she needed space etc, was blind to the reality of who we had both become.. finally..she went to another wedding,, came home and said 'i cant do this anymore'' left.. i tried few times to stop her, then told her to go was sick of the attitude and bs like she had changed into one of these drama queens... i went on holiday (already booked for me and my daughter of 14) this was 3 days after she left..i was heart broken this time i new she ment it..when i was away i rang her she told me she had kissed a guy at the wedding (broke my heart again),, for the next 4 months we argued cryed, anger hate, frustration, nastyness etc etc,, i did all the classic desperate man stuff .finally she moved on to this guy (with all the pushing i told her to f..u..off just do it etc etc.. now shes telling me she loves him and hes marriage material...but she has and still does test me all the time im guilty of getting hope and talking it through with her txting etc and next day she screems shout 'do u think im just gona come running back in romance its OVER'..ive done everything i can now thers no more ties to talk about other than the kid and thats arranged to,so 6 months later ,,i have no ties (financial or otherwise i dont have to see her unless for 2 mins with kiddo etc..this has taken 6 months i went no contact before for 3 weeks and she said she was happy i called her i thought i was over it but it just brought me back to start healing all over again..at that time she told me she hadnt slept with new guy becasue she didnt want to be that girl,, i told her she already was, txtd the guy and told him oh so uve been waiting 5 months now eh patiently like a lapdog(jelously) but i new what that outcome would be i kinda forced the pair of them to just get on with it and i thought that would end and i could move on...wrong...so even right now its been 3 days no contact after i said lets just leave it now afer drunk txting pity etc cant handle it for the kiddo so sad.. i get a txt today asking about our dog(shes never interested) i told her no its ok, thers no reason to contact each other anymore it just causes pain and humiliation..and wished her the best,, reply ..shame i miss the dog i understand its all good take care x what the hell is going on? she was very selfish in relationship struggled to every recieve good things or surprises monaed ehan she didnt get them and never ever gave or did anything unless she really felt like or was told 'come on then' sort it out.. i have real problems everyday letting go and ive been through the mill with her im at the stage where thers nothing to talkabout at all and im in no contact to get it out of my life forever,, but everytime i get that txt it makes me wonder if thers a chance and how sincere she is.... so i ask... is ther a chance of a reconciliation,,,is she **** or should i just stick hard and fast to no contact and move on.. its been 6/7 months regards Matt
Author spottydogg Posted February 25, 2013 Author Posted February 25, 2013 update....ive been in no contact since 4th feb 1 txt about the kiddo,, i bumped into the new guy and told him what i thought of him (that caused a lot of fear in him) and pissed the ex off.....any advice folks?
Chi townD Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 (edited) Well, she was lying to you when she said she didn't sleep with him because she wasn't that type of girl. If you believe that, then I have a bridge to sell you. Cheaters only tell you the bare minimum to make it seem not as bad as what it really is. Plus, I hate to say it, but there's a big age gap between the two of you. I mean, you met her when she was 19. By most standards, she was still a kid and didn't know what she wanted out of life yet. And as she left her teenage years and entered into her young adult years, they change and then their feelings change. HOWEVER, she's still young enough to play a lot of mind games. And she was playing them on you quite well. Time to move on dude. Ignore her. She made this choice and she has to live with the consquences of her actions. So, do not respond to any texts emails or phonecalls. If you have Facebook, block her. Do not interact with her or her new guy. All this negative crap that you're putting on her and this douche rocket ONLY reaffirms to her that she made the right choice by losing you. Now, she doesn't have to feel guilty about her behavior. By your actions (i.e. threating the douche rocket), you're giving her everything she need to forgive herself and continue on with this dude. If you don't respond, you don't answer, then you give her NOTHING! She doesn't know where your head is at. She doesn't know how much pain your in. She doesn't know if you hate her or not. She doesn't know if you're moving on or not. SHE DOESN'T KNOW ANYTHING! And that would drive her bat sh*t crazy. But, all this arguing and hateful things being said back and forth, well....she knows where your head is at and now she can give herself permission to say, " Well, if this is the way he acts, I'm glad to be rid of him!" She has no reason to feel guilty. I strongly recommend that you go NC on her, heal and move on. Make positive changes in your life and find a girl closer to your own age that's done playing games and just wants a good man that's going to treat her right. Edited February 25, 2013 by Chi townD
Author spottydogg Posted February 25, 2013 Author Posted February 25, 2013 Thank you thats exactly what im doing, its a tough path with the kiddo but im done with the fighting etc, i left it with a nice comment about her being happy and that we had good memorys etc and ive accepted the breakup and her new relationship and apologised for my behaviour being down to emotions and wished her the best.. I think you may have got bit confused there... i dont think she cheated she actually wanted my blessing lol..and said 'she didnt want to be that girl' i.e she didnt want to be the girl who left and jumped in to bed with this dude took her 5 months to transition..but she got there eh!..
Chi townD Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 Yeah, the best thing for you to do is just co-parent with her. Any text that should be answered should be in reference to the kid. Nothing else. Any phone conversation should be limited to the kid and the kid alone. Nothing else. If she asks how you're doing, just say "fine" and steer the subject back to the kid. Time to move on dude.
Author spottydogg Posted February 25, 2013 Author Posted February 25, 2013 was this :)x,, then 2 hrs later i got another reply.."hey its all good i will tell him what u said i dont want any anamocity, ther isnt any need for it, hope you well,X"..... to which i replied.. breaking up was the right thing to do we had major problems and moving on was gona be tough for all of us..It was a special time for both of us and we shared some great times that will probally never happen again i dont think some people will ever have what we had in a life time and you will always be important to me.."... i thought that would make her heart sink and her head spin as to what she has actully done and lost.. shes had nuff time to miss me and my family and friends.
Author spottydogg Posted February 25, 2013 Author Posted February 25, 2013 the guy shes finally got with is 32 and looks older than me .
Author spottydogg Posted February 25, 2013 Author Posted February 25, 2013 would anybody here in a similar situation have her back?.. ive been reading about the gigs and the dumpee making it impposible for the dumper to come back, i think thats what ive done here subconciously she couldnt get past my defences?.....
Dark Phoenix Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 Your ex was bad news from the start Yes, she is a GIGSer You stayed in the relationship too long and saw things and had consequences that you did not/should not have seen had you known better early on and walked away Will she come back... probably at 30 when her life sucks so bad and she goes through the list of losers shes dated in the past and no one wants her back. Thats 4-5 years from now. I dont know about you, I wouldnt wait on someone that long, especially someone like her. Now the problem you have is not getting into relationships with other losers in the future. You have all the tools now, seen all the red flags, went down with the ship. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to clean up your life, kick the drugs/alcohol and whatever shady **** you do, focus on self stability, be single, clean up your mess, ignore her lame attempts at contacting you (breadcrumbs). I assure you... once you do this... it might take more then a year... you will find someone better suited where you dont need drugs and alcohol to date them to lie to yourself that it will work out...
Author spottydogg Posted February 26, 2013 Author Posted February 26, 2013 all good advice, thats the plan i have to. stay single watch from afar and keep stum:cool:.. the sad thing is we could of worked it out if she had been older and i had made a effort to keep a hold of her but id lost the spirit and i had failed all her tests anyway so i had subconciously givenup it was draining. thers no drugs anymore (3 yrs) just a few pints on a saturday with me mates and plenty of sleep. cheers dudes.Matt
Dark Phoenix Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 fyi... you had no chance she was a ticking time bomb... it was going to happen no matter what
Author spottydogg Posted February 26, 2013 Author Posted February 26, 2013 is that because of her age?...
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