What do I do :(?

[kam93]

So, here's the story..It's kind of long. I got together with my boyfriend on New Year's Day 2012. He is in the military, and was stationed 800+ miles away from me at all times. We had known each other for 3 years before we got together. When I first met him he was a partier, and I didn't want to get involved with him at the time. Once we started talking a few years later I thought he was different. I fell in love very fast. He told me he realized I was all he wanted. While we were together we only got a very short period of time together every couple months. It was hard, but we made it work...or I did I should say. I found myself planning all the trips for us, paying for the cost of getting there, and then he paid for everything once we were there. We always had issues with my family because they didn't think he was right for me. They made things very tense. He wasn't as close to God as I needed him to be, and my family knew that. I stuck around though hoping that maybe it would become more of a passion in his life. He had a very weird way of thinking, very screwed up in my opinion...He told me that I could be with someone else if I wanted to because he had been with other girls sexually...He said he had to be in the room though so that the other guy wouldn't hurt me, and that I could even do it once we were married as revenge for what he had done with other girls before we were together I guess. I chose to ignore that red flag. But then in October though I went through a mild depression because he was soon to deploy. He didn't know how to handle it, so he would just ignore that it was happening. I paid over a thousand dollars to fly out to Georgia and go to a military ball with him, then stay in a cabin together for the weekend for his birthday. It was an absolutely amazing weekend, and he treated me like a princess. We had sex for the first time that weekend, and it just messed with my emotions even more. After we said our goodbyes, he was coming back to Indiana in 2 weeks for Christmas for leave before his deployment. I was an absolute mess after we said goodbye, knowing that our next goodbye would be for over a year. Well, after that weekend he became very very distant. He wouldn't answer texts, he ignored my calls or got pissed when he answered. I didn't hear from him for 2 days while he got wasted with his friends. We argued 24/7. During our last phone call he was laughing on the other end while I was crying..It hurt a lot. His roommate was making crude comments in the background, and he was laughing at what he said instead of trying to work things out with me...He even told me he had to go so that he could work out, leaving me an emotional mess. I called him back a few hrs later and he was still very pissed off. I told him that I had fought for him since day one and didn't deserve to be treated horribly. He didn't even argue about it, just basically gave up at that point. He said well I guess this is goodbye then..we gave it our best shot. I was heartbroken....Needless to say I gave him another chance while he was in Indiana for leave. He ended up telling me I was heartless and that I never cried, etc. I asked him if us ending things was what he wanted, that I was still willing to fight for him. He just said I don't know probably 20 times...We left it like that...I got a drunk phone call from him the night after, but didn't answer it because my phone was off. The last text messages we had were on January 3rd. I asked him why he called, and he said he was so drunk he didn't remember. I told him it wasn't my problem anymore, and that was the end. I'm just still so confused by it all and it's been almost 2 months since the last break-up, and 3 months since the initial one. I feel horrible for breaking things off before a deployment, and would've stuck by him no matter what, but I feel like you can't be the only one fighting to make it work...I'm just so lost in my emotions that it's hard to breathe somedays. He hasn't even tried to contact me at all. I am trying to move on, but I feel like everything ended SO quickly that I can't process it...What should I do???