adelia Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 One of my downfalls is forgetting conveniently the ways they hurt me. id much rather forget or rationalize why or play down what theyd done. so ive decided to make a list so i remember. its not so i dont forgive because i do but i cant forget because forgetting means opening the door again to being abused. You... Lied to me about who you were and used someone elses identity. both scary and illegal You played head games with me continually so id second guess my thought process you patronized me by saying i was the only one but at the same time insinuating i wasnt-cruel. You took my kindness and made me feel dumb you stripped me of my dignity I lost so many tears on you tears that werent necessary These are a few if what i need to remember when i feel my bad memory creeping back..
stevie_23 Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 Wow. It sounds like you are SO much better off without him, and I am SO glad you are only wanting to remember those things because you want to avoid repeating them again in future relationships. Because if you’re remembering them due to any residual love feelings about him or the relationship, that is a waste of your energy and happiness.
Author adelia Posted February 26, 2013 Author Posted February 26, 2013 Well it's been a process and it's not been easy because his other good qualities or what I deem to be true are the things I fell in love with. However I have to keep reminding myself they more than likely were lies as well.
magnoliasoutherly Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 You... Lied to me about who you were and used someone elses identity. both scary and illegalWhoa. That alone would not only seal the deal on any permanent break up, I would never forget that. EVER.
Author adelia Posted February 27, 2013 Author Posted February 27, 2013 Whoa. That alone would not only seal the deal on any permanent break up, I would never forget that. EVER. Yes but when you fall in love with someone you thought you knew it's still very real despite it all being shattered to pieces. So I have just as much right as anyone else to go through the motions.
jagdude14 Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 It sounds like you were better off without him. That is scary. My issue is the good memories. There were so many the good ones haunt me
Author adelia Posted February 27, 2013 Author Posted February 27, 2013 It sounds like you were better off without him. That is scary. My issue is the good memories. There were so many the good ones haunt me Here too. That's the problem There's something that drew us to that person. If it were all bad it'd be too easy.
magnoliasoutherly Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 I have just as much right as anyone else to go through the motions.Where did I say you had no right? Anyone can go through emotion, sure. Everyone has a right to it, but inviting it is what you did. There is no way around it. You got involved with someone who obviously had problems and now you're here. See the connection? If you want to get through this, you're going to have to drop the overly defensive act. The good news is that you've learned from this experience and I doubt very much you'll grow an attachment to someone like this again. You're already a step in the right direction.
Author adelia Posted February 27, 2013 Author Posted February 27, 2013 Where did I say you had no right? Anyone can go through emotion, sure. Everyone has a right to it, but inviting it is what you did. There is no way around it. You got involved with someone who obviously had problems and now you're here. See the connection? If you want to get through this, you're going to have to drop the overly defensive act. The good news is that you've learned from this experience and I doubt very much you'll grow an attachment to someone like this again. You're already a step in the right direction. My apologies I came off the wrong way! No I was more defensive with myself because I have this thing going in my mind that says because it never existed I should be over it but it's like any other person dealing with loss. Loss comes in many forms. I'll be the first one to kick my own behind for some of my unhealthy thoughts. Most would be over it the second they found out the truth. Instead of an emotional doormat and always reverting back into the mode of looking for the good when that isn't the issue at hand.
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