nativeca Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 hello, i need advice and opinions. i grew up very sheltered and i have no friends that i can talk to. i have been married to the same man for about 10 years. shortly after we met and began dating, he asked me to move in with him and his roommate and i accepted. i was having problems with my living situation at the time and i felt like i really loved him and couldn't be without him. i learned from that point on he had a horrible temper and treated timid people like dirt and that included myself. i would talk with him, freeze up, cry, apologize and as time went on things escalated to me yelling at him for being so nasty to me. he seemed to enjoy upsetting me and would mock me when i would cry. when he was content and done ignoring me for a couple of days he would be loving and nice til everything started back up again. throughout the years he has slowly calmed down, but i do feel damaged for putting up with what he did to me. i am not in love with him at all even though he has always done a lot for me. he does allow me to stay at home with our baby, if i need something from the store he will get it for me. he has always bought me expensive gifts for christmas/birthday and i feel guilty for it since he doesn't manage money well. my problem with him is that he snaps and speaks sharply to me like he always has. if i say that i want something different than what he suggests for a home repair he speaks this way to me. if i ask him a question and he gives an answer and i want to know more about the answer or if i have something to add to the conversation he bites my head off. he felt as though i was trying to make fun of him which i wasn't. he becomes very defensive with me. he tells me not to take it personally because he's "just showing emotion", but it feels this "emotion" is directed at me. if someone else acted this way to him he would be pissed. he says when i bring up these situations i'm making everything worse between him and i. he says we can't even go a week without me having an issue with him. most of the time i won't even mention his behavior and just remain calm. i want to be a good example for my baby. at times he will even threaten to stop paying the mortgage so he can walk away completely. he says i always find the bad in things and that i should be greatful for what i have because of all the things that i listed above. he says he won't promise not to speak disrespectfully to me again because it will happen. i can't stand when he speaks to me in the way that he does because my father would always speak to me that way when i was a child. sometimes, when i talk he rushes what i say telling me to, "get to the point!" i just feel bad. i have tried getting out after the birth of the baby, but was unable to find a place for my baby, dog and i. he never treated me like crap while i was pregnant, but after the baby was born he reverted back to the way that he was. he continuously breaks up with me too and tells me to fix the relationship. i would just like some advice, thoughts, opinions or questions if you have any. am i too sensitive or ungreatful?
stevie_23 Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 No way. This sounds like an abusive relationship. You KNOW that you don’t deserve his poor treatment of you, right? It doesn’t matter if most of the time he’s nice to you. He should ALWAYS be nice to you. He should show you the MOST respect of anyone, and yet I suspect he shows his friends, work colleagues and a stranger in the street more respect and courtesy, patience, etc than he does for you, his own wife! Do you want your child to grow up being treated the same way? Try to view it a bit objectively, from a distance – if your child was 10 years old and trying to tell him something, and he rushed the child through rudely and put them down verbally, and the child got upset and didn’t feel happy about this, would you think the child was being too sensitive and ungrateful? NO!
Recommended Posts