What sort of person insults someone for being an introvert?

[SpiralOut]

I am trying to come to terms with being an introvert, as I have dealt with a lot of misunderstandings, insults thrown at me, and even people talking to me or about me as though something is wrong with me. I also have some social anxiety and I'm willing to be that it comes from the pressure in this society to "be social" because that is the "normal" thing to do. I have spent most of my life feeling like something is wrong with me and I need to change. So I've been analyzing the whole situation, trying to see things from a different perspective . . . and yeah it's possible that I am overanalyzing things . . .

 

It has always stuck me as odd that someone would insult me so openly to my face about being quiet. I'm trying to understand WHY someone would do this, aside from the fact that they are being a dick.

 

When I look back over all of these incidents, I notice something. Most of the people who insult me are

 

1) very talkative. They are more social than me. This means they are either a) extraverts or b) introverts trying very hard to act extraverted.

 

2) lacking some social skills. And I don't just mean that they are rude enough to insult other people. I mean they do things like a) ask inappropriately intrusive questions (cross boundaries) b) give advice that makes no sense and wasn't even asked for c) discusses in detail their personal problems either with or right in front of people they hardly know (again with the boundaries) d) crashes a perfectly good conversation by interrupting it with a long-winded story that is entertaining but leaves everyone just sitting there in silence afterwards with nothing to say anymore - conversation thusly killed (I've had this happen to me after I put a lot of effort into getting an interesting conversation started) e) just talks to you about whatever they want and don't notice or care if you are interested f) ignore or don't get social cues g) talks to people as if they don't understand anything

 

and on and on and on.

 

I'm getting a little peeved that people who do these things would accuse me of being a bad conversationalist. It's true that my conversation skills haven't always been the greatest, but it seems hypocritical of them to insult me for that.

 

My question is: Do you think it's possible that these insults are coming from people who want to be popular? Maybe these are people who love to talk but aren't good at it so they take out their frustrations on the quiet people? Telling themselves that at least they are social? At least they aren't as bad as someone like me? Like maybe they are insecure about being liked and accepted, so they look around for someone who isn't fitting in so they can feel good about not being that person. OR maybe these are frustrated introverts who are trying to change myselves, so they insult me to separate themselves from me in a "I am nothing at all like you" sort of way.

 

But what do you think? Could this be what is happening?

[dj572]

I am introverted as well. I have always had issues with social situations. It has caused problems for me with relationships. It caused problems for me in school as well and it has caused issues at work. At my current job we have meetings and team building exercises and I skip the one's I can and try to slip under the radar in the one's I can't so I don't get singled out. I am 38 now and I have come to terms with it. I don't put myself in uncomfortable situations anymore just because somebody thinks that it is the normal thing to do. It used to bother me but I think I really came to terms with it in the past couple of years. My last long term girlfriend was very extroverted and she preferred being around groups like I prefer being alone or in one on one situations. The difference was I accepted the fact she enjoyed groups and parties but she could never grasp the fact I didn't like social situations. She said I was weird or would tell me to get over it. I have found most extroverts do not understand introverts. The only understanding I have found has been from other introverts. Just do what you need to do for yourself and try not to worry about what other think. I have found some fellow introverts to talk to and that helps too.

[todreaminblue]

I am trying to come to terms with being an introvert, as I have dealt with a lot of misunderstandings, insults thrown at me, and even people talking to me or about me as though something is wrong with me. I also have some social anxiety and I'm willing to be that it comes from the pressure in this society to "be social" because that is the "normal" thing to do. I have spent most of my life feeling like something is wrong with me and I need to change. So I've been analyzing the whole situation, trying to see things from a different perspective . . . and yeah it's possible that I am overanalyzing things . . .

 

It has always stuck me as odd that someone would insult me so openly to my face about being quiet. I'm trying to understand WHY someone would do this, aside from the fact that they are being a dick.

 

When I look back over all of these incidents, I notice something. Most of the people who insult me are

 

1) very talkative. They are more social than me. This means they are either a) extraverts or b) introverts trying very hard to act extraverted.

 

2) lacking some social skills. And I don't just mean that they are rude enough to insult other people. I mean they do things like a) ask inappropriately intrusive questions (cross boundaries) b) give advice that makes no sense and wasn't even asked for c) discusses in detail their personal problems either with or right in front of people they hardly know (again with the boundaries) d) crashes a perfectly good conversation by interrupting it with a long-winded story that is entertaining but leaves everyone just sitting there in silence afterwards with nothing to say anymore - conversation thusly killed (I've had this happen to me after I put a lot of effort into getting an interesting conversation started) e) just talks to you about whatever they want and don't notice or care if you are interested f) ignore or don't get social cues g) talks to people as if they don't understand anything

 

and on and on and on.

 

I'm getting a little peeved that people who do these things would accuse me of being a bad conversationalist. It's true that my conversation skills haven't always been the greatest, but it seems hypocritical of them to insult me for that.

 

My question is: Do you think it's possible that these insults are coming from people who want to be popular? Maybe these are people who love to talk but aren't good at it so they take out their frustrations on the quiet people? Telling themselves that at least they are social? At least they aren't as bad as someone like me? Like maybe they are insecure about being liked and accepted, so they look around for someone who isn't fitting in so they can feel good about not being that person. OR maybe these are frustrated introverts who are trying to change myselves, so they insult me to separate themselves from me in a "I am nothing at all like you" sort of way.

 

But what do you think? Could this be what is happening?

 

I am always told to be myself .....just be yourself deb......and i am the queen of analysling......i do it while i am not talking which is often.....for me i dotn knwo how you feel , but its hard to trust that i am interestign enough to talk to , i have shizo affective disorder ...so when i am in a situation ifeel insecure voices happen,its like listening to two conversations at once......i have to really focus...so soemtimes i fele i can be intense......so yes understand the introvert thing.....most people see me as bubbyl and friendly and i am that way,,,,,,,and i can be that way....put em in a new situation by myself or somewhere i havent got someone who knows me well and what i go through and its hell...i manage always do ......but it isnt pleasant...

 

 

i think all people should accept others even ones they dont particularly like, there has to be an acceptance of differences, however different soemone is they deserve to have the right to be themselves, to choose how they wish to behave and to choose what they wish to say, that includes people who sometimes say inappropriate things....sing off key,have tics and twitches and insecurities mental illnesses social anxiety, half those problems would go away with acceptance compassion and understanding.....not so much the singing off key ........thats a life long thing

 

 

no one has the right to judge another for their attitude or behavior..we can know that thats not teh way we like to behave..we can only look into our own hearts to define how we behave...no one person has the right to make another feel inferior.....go the introverts......woot woot....lol...easy to say on anonymous forum...hang on i write my name on the end of my posts....crap...oh well woot woot....deb

Edited February 25, 2013 by todreaminblue