Bluerain Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 Hi everyone Will be as brief as I can. My partner of almost 18 years dumped me 9 months ago! [neither of us felt a need to marry...personal choice, no kids]. The relationship was very loving, caring, lots of fun......clearly he felt differently in the end! I was completely blindsided the day he told me he loved me but was no longer in love...yet only the night before he came home with the usual little gift telling me how much he loved me! I'll add to that, he was a homeboy...very rarely went out and even then it was usually a sporting event! I wont go into boring details, but I was and still am in some ways devastated beyond words...but the fact is he didn't want me and I had to accept that! He just packed his things and left...I refused to be his 'friend' and said don't contact me if that's what you want...a friend.. It's still so hard, I adored him [actually contemplated suicide twice] So when he left I made inquiries and he was dating a few women, he made contact after one month via text asking if I was ok....I didn't reply. Found out where he was living and am aware that he is now seeing a divorcee [approx 6 months] with a 10 and 12 year old. Ok, so here's my issue, I never let on what I knew, he has no idea at all that I'm aware of anything. NC still, and I have resigned myself to the fact that he wont be coming back....although some days I struggle so bad after all those years together....that they mean nothing to him clearly! I am upset that he has just moved on as though I were nothing to him after 18 years, pleased that I managed to stay NC, it was the right decision although I have had to fight with it at times. But yeh, the thought that he just left with no repercussions is killing me, I feel he should have told me outright, he owed me the truth...he owed me that much! I'm struggling...please help me understand why I feel this way. I wish him well, would never want to see him in pain...but I'm so hurt and angry!
ja123 Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 I feel he should have told me outright, he owed me the truth...he owed me that much! Did he not tell you the truth? He said he wasn't "in love" with you. Anyhow, I feel for your pain. Eighteen years is a long time. It's devastating that it didn't work out. Please get some professional help if you have any more suicidal thoughts. What are you doing for yourself these days to help you cope?
Author Bluerain Posted February 25, 2013 Author Posted February 25, 2013 Yes he did say that...but to act as though he was in love with me and tell me so for all those years...isn't cool...a cheater should come clean IMO!
Author Bluerain Posted February 25, 2013 Author Posted February 25, 2013 Sorry, meant to add I found out he had been seeing someone just 3 weeks before he left! Who stays with someone all those years, he lies and cheats...and then states ''I'm not in love with you''. Sorry but I feel he owed me the truth!
Sari Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 Sorry, meant to add I found out he had been seeing someone just 3 weeks before he left! Who stays with someone all those years, he lies and cheats...and then states ''I'm not in love with you''. Sorry but I feel he owed me the truth! I know it must be so hard on you as you have been together such a long time, but putting that to one side, he is a dirty rotten cheater and a liar! Doesn't matter how lovely he was for 17.9 years, he was a d-bag for the last couple of months and really that shows the measure of him as a man (or not, as the case may be!). If I were you, I'd get a bit angrier. How dare he show you such little respect after such a long time together?! Why do you wish him happiness when he has treated you like this? I'm not saying you need to get bitter, but get him in perspective. He turned out to be a selfish pig and a coward to boot, the only feelings you should be working on having for him are pity and disgust, and then eventually apathy. Big hugs x 1
Author Bluerain Posted March 18, 2013 Author Posted March 18, 2013 Thanks Sari, yeh I got angrier, reading your reply seemed to 'wake' me up a little. Just so glad I went NC....and 10 months in...I've taken back my power, he no longer controls my thoughts....all that pain, unbearable pain has finally lifted and I really think NC had much to do with it as I maintained my dignity and pride...and that's something he can never take away from me.
Minadee Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 I have the upmost respect for you for sticking to NC, it is really inspiring. I am so sorry about what an utter callous b*stard that man was to you, no one deserves that. Please see a counceller if you ever feel suicidal, but never let this man run the way you feel anymore. He is out there living his life without a care in the world, you should be too because you deserve more than anything, to be happy! I wish you all the best! xxx
Author Bluerain Posted March 18, 2013 Author Posted March 18, 2013 Minadee, you are so right! I should be thankful he left and I am...but still there's a small part of me that can't forgive him....I just hope there is karma...and that one day he will feel the pain I felt. But other than that...10 long months NC [apart from a text from him that I ignored] I'm finally coming out of that long dark tunnel..it really did help me.
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