ptp Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 Women always say how personality matters a lot, so what personality traits make for a good boyfriend as opposed to a guy who has a great personality but is seen only is a friend. Some guys always get the short end of it and are only seen as a friend, while other guys always seem to better. Can you describe the differences? I have my own ideas based on my observations, but I would like to know what others think. DISCLAIMER: Yes I realize a lot of the difference is purely based on looks, but what else?
SmileFace Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 -Looks -If he is available -If he is actually attracted to me 3
Author ptp Posted February 25, 2013 Author Posted February 25, 2013 -Looks -If he is available -If he is actually attracted to me Thanks SF, I was hoping to find somethings to work on for myself, but if it is that simple then a guy who is seen as a friend will always be seen as a friend without any chance of improving his position. Kind of sobering to think about.
PhoenixRysing Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 Thanks SF, I was hoping to find somethings to work on for myself, but if it is that simple then a guy who is seen as a friend will always be seen as a friend without any chance of improving his position. Kind of sobering to think about. Not at all. Almost all of my adult relationships started out with me being friends/coworkers/long term acquaintances and then one day the switch flipped on for me. After that I asked them out and ball got rolling! I rarely meet men that I am attracted to at first glance. I need to know the mind before the switch flips so my single male friends are way ahead of the game! It was never anything they changed or did, just continued good conversations, laughter, and time spent getting to know each other. Then I literally woke up and thought, "hmmm - I think I have a crush him." 3
Sanitarium Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 I rarely meet men that I am attracted to at first glance. Extremely high standards?
PhoenixRysing Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 Extremely high standards? No, my loins just don't work that way. You could put a god among men in front of me and I would not register his attractiveness unless he talked to me intelligently, made a funny joke, and got me thinking. My girly parts are inextricably tied to my brain. No mind stimulation = no stimulation at all. However, once the neurons are firing, a man becomes a sexual being to me. Until then, no matter how traditionally good looking he is, I just won't/don't see him. After that, you would be hard pressed to tell me he wasn't a god, whether anyone else would agree with me or not. Don't get me wrong, I am not immune to a gorgeous man, I just don't get turned on looking at him. I see him the same way you see a piece of art. While I might appreciate his beauty, I don't want jump his bones. Let a man tell me how he runs his network infrastructure or share his perception of the cosmos - yum. 9
Eggplant Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 Empathy & caring is a big turn on. It helps if the guy has a dog whom he loves. If I see the guy standing up for the person being picked on and not just going with the crowd, wow Intelligence and wit, these are really attractive. Sense of humor -- this demonstrates resilience to life's ups and downs, as well as intelligence. 2
Sanitarium Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 No, my loins just don't work that way. You could put a god among men in front of me and I would not register his attractiveness unless he talked to me intelligently, made a funny joke, and got me thinking. My girly parts are inextricably tied to my brain. No mind stimulation = no stimulation at all. However, once the neurons are firing, a man becomes a sexual being to me. Until then, no matter how traditionally good looking he is, I just won't/don't see him. After that, you would be hard pressed to tell me he wasn't a god, whether anyone else would agree with me or not. Don't get me wrong, I am not immune to a gorgeous man, I just don't get turned on looking at him. I see him the same way you see a piece of art. While I might appreciate his beauty, I don't want jump his bones. Let a man tell me how he runs his network infrastructure or share his perception of the cosmos - yum. Your perspective is pretty reasonable. Why do you never try to make something happen when you do see a man you find attractive from the beginning?
miss_jaclynrae Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 Women always say how personality matters a lot, so what personality traits make for a good boyfriend as opposed to a guy who has a great personality but is seen only is a friend. Some guys always get the short end of it and are only seen as a friend, while other guys always seem to better. Can you describe the differences? I have my own ideas based on my observations, but I would like to know what others think. DISCLAIMER: Yes I realize a lot of the difference is purely based on looks, but what else? For me it is merely the feeling. My best guy friend is attractive, I had the hugest crush on him all throughout high school, gradually it just faded though, and he never saw me as more than a little sister. I was the one friend-zoned then. It's just a feeling, and it has to be mutual on both ends.
PhoenixRysing Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 Your perspective is pretty reasonable. Why do you never try to make something happen when you do see a man you find attractive from the beginning? Do you mean when I see the "artwork?" I would no more do that than you would flirt with The Mona Lisa. It's art - I appreciate it and move on. I am not attracted to it. I need to know something about a man before I try to make something happen. Once I do know him, I flirt and indicate my interest. However, as I am trying too figure out in my current thread - even that doesn't get me to far. I still have to be overt to get them on a date. Which I do - eventually.
Krieger Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 most woman want a guy to have it all. IMO. looks money goals funny smart educated good with kids leader knows how to fix things romantic sensitive good listener nice hair takes care of him self huge..........social circle never boring unpredictable good lover car his own place a savings account with money in it dreams for the further two homes good credit hard worker family orientated That what woman want for the most part . 2
mesmerized Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 -Looks -If he is available -If he is actually attracted to me And that's why you're my most favorite female poster.
iKING Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 Do you mean when I see the "artwork?" I would no more do that than you would flirt with The Mona Lisa. It's art - I appreciate it and move on. I am not attracted to it. I need to know something about a man before I try to make something happen. Once I do know him, I flirt and indicate my interest. However, as I am trying too figure out in my current thread - even that doesn't get me to far. I still have to be overt to get them on a date. Which I do - eventually. The issue here is your brain is wired like a Gemini's. Granted I may try flirting with the Mona Lisa, her androgynous portrait, coupled with the out of place scenery depicting a physically impossible scenario, is oh so alluring. Not to mention the fact that there's the number 72 written under the bridge, which sparks further questioning. Perhaps It's the questionable smile (is the Mona Lisa eying me from across the room?), or the fact that it was painted by one of the most brilliant men in history that leaves us all yearning for more answers. What strikes one even more is the last supper was painted by the same artist, two of the most renown works of art in history, same artist. Although Michelangelo did some impressive work in the sistine chapel, I'll give him that. Unfortunately he was a bit of a princess, which seems to be a theme among artistic masterminds and celebrities alike. 1
Author ptp Posted February 25, 2013 Author Posted February 25, 2013 Not at all. Almost all of my adult relationships started out with me being friends/coworkers/long term acquaintances and then one day the switch flipped on for me. After that I asked them out and ball got rolling! I rarely meet men that I am attracted to at first glance. I need to know the mind before the switch flips so my single male friends are way ahead of the game! It was never anything they changed or did, just continued good conversations, laughter, and time spent getting to know each other. Then I literally woke up and thought, "hmmm - I think I have a crush him." How come this has never happened to me? Not meeting the right type of women? Or maybe I am just weird?
Author ptp Posted February 25, 2013 Author Posted February 25, 2013 Empathy & caring is a big turn on. It helps if the guy has a dog whom he loves. If I see the guy standing up for the person being picked on and not just going with the crowd, wow Intelligence and wit, these are really attractive. Sense of humor -- this demonstrates resilience to life's ups and downs, as well as intelligence. I would like to think I have both of those of those, but it really hasn't help me land a lady. I think I have a sophomoric sense of humor that resonates more with guys that girls. However, I don't think I can really change that now.
mesmerized Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 ok now a better response, it's not always only looks. Sometimes guys are only friend material because they're boring or lack confidence/backbone/ambition or don't know how to be sexually exciting or.... 1
ThaWholigan Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 ok now a better response, it's not always only looks. Sometimes guys are only friend material because they're boring or lack confidence/backbone/ambition or don't know how to be sexually exciting or.... You don't beat around the bush at all.............. I like that. 3
PhoenixRysing Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 I would like to think I have both of those of those, but it really hasn't help me land a lady. I think I have a sophomoric sense of humor that resonates more with guys that girls. However, I don't think I can really change that now. I guess that depends on how much you want to broaden your playing field. I will say that a sophomoric sense of humor does more to damage sex appeal than you would think - at least for me. I love a man who can banter, make quick funny observations, and preferably is drenched in sarcasm. My tastes aside, there are many women in my circle who are similarly turned off by "dude humor." I won't tell you to change this, but depending on the kind of women you are interested in, you may want to consider if you can refine your humor a touch. I will hang out with a guy who is a joker, a clown, and a bit off-color, but, I lust after a man who says quirky things in deadpan way, or simply laughs at life in general. That said, if it is an integral part of who you are and you don't care to change it, then you need to find a gal that appreciates it. It's like the conversation about video games, you can either realize that a lot of women don't see the appeal in an adult men playing them and are turned off by it, or you can wait until you find a gal who will sit down for a marathon WOW session with you...slightly smaller pool. I have a similar issue - I am a challenging and direct woman, too much so for a lot of men. I have come to accept that this is part of who I am and a part of me that I like. This narrows my playing field a lot, as only men who are into women with a little hellfire will want to date me. Those looking for a demure shy gal will run the opposite way. I could tone it down if I wanted to open the door to more dates, but I have learned that I don't really like men who like me when I am not being me. But since you asked, depending on how sophomoric you mean, that could definitely land you in the "little brother" zone - much worse than friend zone because there really is no escaping that black hole! 3
Author ptp Posted February 25, 2013 Author Posted February 25, 2013 I guess that depends on how much you want to broaden your playing field. I will say that a sophomoric sense of humor does more to damage sex appeal than you would think - at least for me. I love a man who can banter, make quick funny observations, and preferably is drenched in sarcasm. My tastes aside, there are many women in my circle who are similarly turned off by "dude humor." I won't tell you to change this, but depending on the kind of women you are interested in, you may want to consider if you can refine your humor a touch. I will hang out with a guy who is a joker, a clown, and a bit off-color, but, I lust after a man who says quirky things in deadpan way, or simply laughs at life in general. That said, if it is an integral part of who you are and you don't care to change it, then you need to find a gal that appreciates it. It's like the conversation about video games, you can either realize that a lot of women don't see the appeal in an adult men playing them and are turned off by it, or you can wait until you find a gal who will sit down for a marathon WOW session with you...slightly smaller pool. I have a similar issue - I am a challenging and direct woman, too much so for a lot of men. I have come to accept that this is part of who I am and a part of me that I like. This narrows my playing field a lot, as only men who are into women with a little hellfire will want to date me. Those looking for a demure shy gal will run the opposite way. I could tone it down if I wanted to open the door to more dates, but I have learned that I don't really like men who like me when I am not being me. But since you asked, depending on how sophomoric you mean, that could definitely land you in the "little brother" zone - much worse than friend zone because there really is no escaping that black hole! Thanks PhoenixRysing, I think you make some very astute points and I do think this might be one of my problems.
Author ptp Posted February 25, 2013 Author Posted February 25, 2013 ok now a better response, it's not always only looks. Sometimes guys are only friend material because they're boring or lack confidence/backbone/ambition or don't know how to be sexually exciting or.... Confidence/backbone/ambition isn't a problem. However, being sexually exciting yea that is a little confusing to me. To me that just seems just being more overtly sexual. Saying things to a girl that you wouldn't in polite company. Idk how one learns to be sexually exciting though. Seems like some guys naturally develop that and others don't. Sounds like PUA material might help in that area.
Els Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 I have a much wider range of 'acceptable' personalities for friends than for a partner. For instance, I have friends who sleep around casually, who smoke, who think it's okay to hold double standards for women they date, etc. All of that doesn't affect me as a friend, but it would as a partner. Not to mention that some people make great friends but horrible partners, due to their priorities in life. Basically, the traits required in a friend (honesty, some level of care and compassion towards me, some degree of compatibility mentally) are a very small subset of the traits required in a bf. Hence, my bf is always a friend, but my friend is not always a bf. 5
serial muse Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 I guess that depends on how much you want to broaden your playing field. I will say that a sophomoric sense of humor does more to damage sex appeal than you would think - at least for me. I love a man who can banter, make quick funny observations, and preferably is drenched in sarcasm. My tastes aside, there are many women in my circle who are similarly turned off by "dude humor." I won't tell you to change this, but depending on the kind of women you are interested in, you may want to consider if you can refine your humor a touch. I will hang out with a guy who is a joker, a clown, and a bit off-color, but, I lust after a man who says quirky things in deadpan way, or simply laughs at life in general. This is quite true. I will also add that it helps if a guy "gets" me, too, and laughs at my jokes, and then plays off of them in turn. I don't particularly enjoy it when it's just a guy cracking broad jokes at me and only wanting an audience - there needs to be interaction, riffing off of each other; a kind of heightened attention we're paying to one another. That's the essence of banter, and it's super-sexy. 2
kimberlydoll Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 Im more lenient with friends in terms of personality. Because you arent committing yourself to them and you can have friends of varying degrees (some close friends, some further away) A few of my close friends have major flaws I wouldnt accept in a boyfriend. However, in general my closest friends tend to have the best personalities. 2
Author ptp Posted February 25, 2013 Author Posted February 25, 2013 Im more lenient with friends in terms of personality. Because you arent committing yourself to them and you can have friends of varying degrees (some close friends, some further away) A few of my close friends have major flaws I wouldnt accept in a boyfriend. However, in general my closest friends tend to have the best personalities. I have a much wider range of 'acceptable' personalities for friends than for a partner. For instance, I have friends who sleep around casually, who smoke, who think it's okay to hold double standards for women they date, etc. All of that doesn't affect me as a friend, but it would as a partner. Not to mention that some people make great friends but horrible partners, due to their priorities in life. Basically, the traits required in a friend (honesty, some level of care and compassion towards me, some degree of compatibility mentally) are a very small subset of the traits required in a bf. Hence, my bf is always a friend, but my friend is not always a bf. I don't know if I have any of these major flaws. Nobody has said anything yet.
Els Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 I don't know if I have any of these major flaws. Nobody has said anything yet. Well, 'flaws' differ depending on the girl, I guess. There isn't a one-size-fits-all solution. My point really is that for most women, I don't think there's a separate set of traits for 'friends' which if you fulfill, puts you in 'friend' role. It's usually a subset, and lacking the 'extra' boyfriend traits is what keeps someone a friend.
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