Nasher Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 I've been posting a bit about my story, but the long and the short of it is that my ex moved away and we split up. It wouldn't have worked long distance, and I know this however much it hurts. I've been having a bad time though as I genuinely miss her. I've started up counselling and so far in two sessions it's apparent that my upset and needs right now stem from the past and this breakup has just exemplified it all (and not getting over previous relationships properly hasn't helped). It's definitely helped me put perspective on things so far and got me through some tough times in the last few weeks (I would thoroughly advise it to anyone without the right support system). But anyway, it's been about 7 weeks NC. It's been mega tough and some days I just want to feel something other than a gaping hole of nothing. But I'm getting stronger, it's been getting better definitely, but yeah, still miss her... So today I check my email and low and behold whose emailed me but her. I saw people wrote about bread crumbs but she's not like that (I gather its a negative thing). She doesn't dislike me, we were mates long before partners. But she used a really arbitrary excuse to get in touch. Basically she sent me some money for a window she'd broken accidentally before she left, I'd never asked for anything as under the circumstances I couldn't give a ****. But her email was so business like and brief. I really didn't know what to make of it. I emailed her back saying wow, didn't expect to speak to her and yes I did the bad thing of writing far to much and not keeping it brief. I told her she can have the money back. She apologised for the brief email and said she didn't want to send a massive wafly one after so long. She said she'd missed talking to me. What she didn't give me what I wanted which is more answers to some of the stuff I had written. I guess I was doing the same old thing and trying to bate some answers out of her. Anyway, after I replied again with another long one her return was brief about how she'd like to stay in touch with me but she wants what's best for me. So after all this it dawned on me she will not and can't give me the answers I want. We are broken up. So she misses talking to me, but probably because she is in a new country on her own, and I was pretty f**king good to talk to (sorry trying to boost my ego a bit ). So I said, look you can't give me what I want but I can't be friends with you now. She said she understood and that was it. Now I can't tell you how damn hard it was to do. I wanted to call her up. I still do. Thank god I deleted her number 7 weeks ago. So yeah. I just wanted to see what people thought maybe and to show you that I did the toughest thing I could have ever done right now. I feel a bit like I've reclaimed some dignity and power. I will likely regret it tomorrow but I hope you guys will tell me I did the right thing. I know I did right now but we all know what the roller coaster is like. Thanks for listening.
Author Nasher Posted February 25, 2013 Author Posted February 25, 2013 Unfortunately today I can't stop thinking about why she contacted me. I suppose I can see why people say that when you break NC it does take you a few steps back though I am not sure what to feel right now :s I am still glad I said what I did but it still was so tough to do. If it was a few weeks before no doubt I'd have been pouring my heart out and been sorely disappointed when I received nothing back. I just hate this non-focus such a small event can have on the mind. It makes me feel so powerless. I just have to stay strong right now and keep reminding myself that my life is all about me now and no one else
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