Rollo Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 (edited) I'm not proud of what I did, but there's also no turning back. I'm already the father of two beautiful daughters in which I have an outstanding relationship with. Their mother and I seperated after we realized we just weren't right for each other. It's been almost three years since my divorce and life just took a turn for the worst. I started a relationship with a married woman, which ill call X. In April of last year, X was hired as a co-worker. For me there was an immediate attraction, but I have great self control so I didn't make this aware at first. From the first day I met her I knew she was married, so I respected that and did not persue. I didn't even flirt in the beginning. As time passed, (because she had just moved from Alaska and didn't really know anybody) I began to give her the tour of all local hot spots and entertainment activities. I was dating a young lady at the time and X and her became "friends". Note: Xs husband works on the slopes in Alaska and was usually gone 4-5 weeks at a time, then would be home 3-4 weeks before going back. Anyway, OUR relationship didn't start until mid-late June. After a few drinks... Well maybe more than a few, X confessed in private while nobody was around, that she had strong feelings for me. I was shocked and excited, I knew she had liked to flirt, but I thought it harmless. After that night, just a few days later, I asked to kiss her... That's when it all changed. We spent almost everyday with each other after that. We would find any excuse to get out to meet up. For two months this carried on with no sexual intercourse, simply high school make out sessions and great conversations. I honestly can say I've never had so much fun with somebody like I did her, we laughed continuously. Never a dull moment, never a disagreement, I was in cloud 9... So a couple months more went by and the emotions became too much and led to sexual intimacy. It was like exctasy (an out of body experience) and I loved it! I broke up with my girlfriend at the time, for feelings of guilt after having slept with X. I still feel horrible for not have broken things off sooner, by waiting I only caused more hurt, in which I am remorseful. So now I was single and X would find ANY and EVERY excuse to get out long enough to see me. This went on for quite sometime. Then, Halloween night I get a call from X... She tells me she's pregnant! I was married for 6 years and have two children, so ultimately knew her menstrual cycle. Xs husband left to Alaska 6 days before she conceived. We had been together even while he was in town, so that gives him a slight possibility it's his... The catch is, they've been trying to conceive for over 5 years. X and I started sleeping together in Aug. So the chances are, it's probably mine. Well, he finally found out at the beginning of Dec about the A. She left the day he found out and moved in with her mom. Our relationship lasted about another three weeks after D day. Come Christmas, she started acting distant toward me. I knew immediately things felt... Wrong. On New Year's Eve, she broke it off with me. She said she felt guilty and overwhelmed with everything. She said she wanted me to be a part of my child's life, but she wanted to remain single. Ouch, it was painful to hear, but I respected her wishes. In just the last month I've come to find out she has intimately been seeing her husband again. I'm hurt, but I really have no say. She still tells me she wants me a part of the baby's life and that she really IS still single, but I know she's having regrets and doubts. Who can blame her, after 10 years of marriage I probably would too. She's allowing him to go to appts just in case it is his, but she wants me to go to some also. I don't know how I feel about walking in as "the other guy" though. Its somewhat embarrassing and degrading, but I don't want her to think I'm abandoning my child. I'm just confused as to what steps to take. Ive had no contact with X in over a week because of a disagreement. I basically called her heartless after she told fellow co-workers she was sleeping with him again. That's all fine and glorious, but have the decency not to tell people that I'm friends with and work with on a daily basis. I think that's just cruel. Now here I am... Wondering what to do next. Will she forgive me for calling her heartless? Anyone think shell keep the baby from me? She promised she wouldn't, but its hard to trust anyone nowadays. Any suggestions or advise? Edited February 25, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs
LadyGrey Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 She hasn't given you any reasons to trust her (she cheats) and she is back to cake eating. She wants to keep you hanging on, just in case her marriage fails. You'd be wise to go NC and consult a lawyer. If she can get away with it, she is going to pass this child off as her husbands. What a mess and this poor child is going to be the one who suffers for the poor judgments of adults.
Author Rollo Posted February 25, 2013 Author Posted February 25, 2013 She's told him that it's more than likely not his. He's verified that she did say that in a brief conversation we had. As for an attorney, there's NO way financially I can take those steps. I have started NC and its been about 5 days now. I even left my job for new employment. I feel like if I had stayed it would only get worse...
whichwayisup Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 A paternity test has to happen this way you know for sure, as will they. If the baby is yours, you should be involved if you choose to be. If the baby is her husbands, then you need to back off and end the A, leave them alone to raise their family. I doubt he knows the full truth. Seems she's talking out of both sides of her mouth... 1
spice4life Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 Wow, another pregnancy story? It must be in the water or something. Not sure what to tell you, but it is definitely a tough situation. What do you want out of all this? Her? Spend time with the child if yours?
Author Rollo Posted February 25, 2013 Author Posted February 25, 2013 It seems same law applies here as most other states. The child will be legally the product of the marriage. X has told me that the first thing she wants is a paternity, which I fully and completely agree with. All I want in the end are my rights as this child's father if proven mine. Im just worried with how changeable she is, she'll change her mind and refuse me anything to do with the baby after its born. I've been very civil and mature about this situation. When she asked me to stop contact, I respected her demands. Seems all I can do now is wait, be patient and have faith...
18Years2Late Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 Wow, another pregnancy story? It must be in the water or something. Not sure what to tell you, but it is definitely a tough situation. What do you want out of all this? Her? Spend time with the child if yours? I know right?...exactly what I was going to say...it's like a broken record around here now... geez people...BIRTH CONTROL????...it's not a new invention...if you were dating someone new (and effing single) surely you would use protection BOTH to prevent unknown STDs and unplanned/unwanted pregnancy...FGS you're in a GD AFFAIR????...why no birth control then????...think past the tip of ur d//k or the edge of ur nipples FGS... Well OP...now what?...
Pierre Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 It seems same law applies here as most other states. The child will be legally the product of the marriage. X has told me that the first thing she wants is a paternity, which I fully and completely agree with. All I want in the end are my rights as this child's father if proven mine. Im just worried with how changeable she is, she'll change her mind and refuse me anything to do with the baby after its born. I've been very civil and mature about this situation. When she asked me to stop contact, I respected her demands. Seems all I can do now is wait, be patient and have faith... Wow! I am sorry for your ordeal. I kind of wish this is not your kid so you can walk away peacefully. What a mess. If the baby is yours you will be in their lives for the next 22 years. If I was the husband I would send you the lady ASAP so you can take care of everything. Why is he staying with her? Who knows? Maybe he will sign the birth certificate when the baby is born. And if he does the baby is his regardless of the DNA. State law says the baby is the kid of the H till proven otherwise. If you want paternity you would have to spend a fortune. What a mess! What is she saying? How come she does not leave the guy to be with you? Something is fishy.
Ellin Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 It seems same law applies here as most other states. The child will be legally the product of the marriage. X has told me that the first thing she wants is a paternity, which I fully and completely agree with. All I want in the end are my rights as this child's father if proven mine. Im just worried with how changeable she is, she'll change her mind and refuse me anything to do with the baby after its born. I've been very civil and mature about this situation. When she asked me to stop contact, I respected her demands. Seems all I can do now is wait, be patient and have faith... I don't think she could refuse you access to the baby, if you're the father, as you would have legal rights to be present in the child's life.
Pierre Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 I don't think she could refuse you access to the baby, if you're the father, as you would have legal rights to be present in the child's life. When a child is born of a marriage the law assumes the H is the father. The MM will have to hire a lawyer and pay for a paternity test. If he does nothing the kid belongs to the H. The OP will have to spend some serious cash. Unless the H decides to divorce the woman and have MM adopt the child. The H will have to sign away his rights to MM.
Lillyfree Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 geez people...BIRTH CONTROL????...it's not a new invention...if you were dating someone new (and effing single) surely you would use protection BOTH to prevent unknown STDs and unplanned/unwanted pregnancy...FGS you're in a GD AFFAIR????...why no birth control then????...think past the tip of ur d//k or the edge of ur nipples FGS... the only 100% successful prevention is abstinence.
18Years2Late Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 the only 100% successful prevention is abstinence. And then there's that...
Author Rollo Posted February 25, 2013 Author Posted February 25, 2013 As for Birth Control and abstinence... A little late now, don't ya think? So let's focus on what can be done instead of what should have. I unfortunately don't have the gift of time travel... For those who choose to criticize and belittle, I made a mistake, I can't change that. This woman is bearing what quite possibly could be, and probably is my child. Of course I've got feelings for her still, you would have to be inhuman not to. Anyone who uses a child for any other reason but to love and protect is a low life. So NO, there are no hidden agendas when it comes to me being a part of ANY of my children's lives. Im a father who simply wants his rights to his kids, that simple.
Pierre Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 (edited) As for Birth Control and abstinence... A little late now, don't ya think? So let's focus on what can be done instead of what should have. I unfortunately don't have the gift of time travel... For those who choose to criticize and belittle, I made a mistake, I can't change that. This woman is bearing what quite possibly could be, and probably is my child. Of course I've got feelings for her still, you would have to be inhuman not to. Anyone who uses a child for any other reason but to love and protect is a low life. So NO, there are no hidden agendas when it comes to me being a part of ANY of my children's lives. Im a father who simply wants his rights to his kids, that simple. This is very complicated. If i was you I would walk away and allow the H to adopt the child or allow the H to assume it is his child. As soon as the baby is born the law will say the H is the father and there will be no need for a paternity test. Unless, you hire an attorney and petition the court to have a paternity test. The court would have to hear all your details regarding the affair and I assume your MOW would have to be cooperative with you. OTOH, the H may decide he wants to stick it to you and keep you on the hook for the next 22 years. You will have to pay for everything and he will have your kid most of the time. At most you will have some visitation. I don't know the H: Some men decide to raise these kids as their own whereas others cannot handle that and get a divorce. For the life of me I don't understand why this guy is not dumping the MOW. Unless, she is a typical cake eater MOW talking from both sides of her mouth and sweet talking her H into staying married. Edited February 25, 2013 by Pierre
Author Rollo Posted February 25, 2013 Author Posted February 25, 2013 Thank you for not being judgmental Pierre. I welcome your advice. I know it's just hearsay, but I'm told through a mutual friend that if the child is mine, she expects me to take responsibility. As for the H, I'm told he wants divorced from her, but is sticking around to see if the baby is his. It's the waiting game from here on out. Should I stay with NC through the entire pregnancy? She's due in July.
Ellin Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 When a child is born of a marriage the law assumes the H is the father. The MM will have to hire a lawyer and pay for a paternity test. If he does nothing the kid belongs to the H. The OP will have to spend some serious cash. Unless the H decides to divorce the woman and have MM adopt the child. The H will have to sign away his rights to MM. None of this contradicts what I wrote. If the paternity test is done and OP turns out to be the father, he has a right to be in his child's life and his MW cannot stop him from being there.
Author Rollo Posted February 26, 2013 Author Posted February 26, 2013 I think I can handle whatever is dished my way. I'm prepared for anything at this point. If things don't go how I'd like, I'll just move on respectfully. Whatever is in the best interest of the child... Which, by the way, I found out is a boy. :/
Author Rollo Posted February 27, 2013 Author Posted February 27, 2013 Her mother sent me a message informing me after she had the sonogram.
Author Rollo Posted February 28, 2013 Author Posted February 28, 2013 (edited) I haven't attempted to contact anyone in her family or social group. When I received the message from her mother, I figured she's just keeping me informed. I did not respond though, I didn't see any reason to. Them contacting me is purely of their own choice. Her choosing to insult her H is nothing I have to do with. I'm staying at NC because I feel it's the responsible thing to do. For all I know, he probably knows I was informed. Edited February 28, 2013 by Rollo
Pierre Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 None of this contradicts what I wrote. If the paternity test is done and OP turns out to be the father, he has a right to be in his child's life and his MW cannot stop him from being there. Sure, but OP will have to hire an attorney and cough up a fortune. OTOH, the state will immediately assume the H is the dad with no DNA test. needed.
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