Betterman31 Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 Hey man, sorry i've not been on to reply to you, i've just been busy. I also had the same feelings as you about not knowing any particular reason for breaking up, so I broke my NC after 3 weeks (kind of regret but kind of don't). I had it in my head that after some time she would see sense and come back even tho id tell my friends shes gone i always had that hope. As I said I contacted her via text to ask for reasons why (not that it matters much) because if it was a fundamental flaw then at least Id try fix it or try not to make the mistake again. She gave me nothing. Just said it wasnt right for her and we didnt see each other enough...easy solution yeah? we make more time for each other. Still not what she wanted. We texted for about 2 hours and talked about things we missed and things that reminded us of each other etc but still she wouldn't just give us a second go. So i told her she'd be ashamed of the way she ended things one day and that set her off. She said she told me all her reasons and I said that was all BS or played a minor role but it was all to do with this other guy, so I told her my version of events and she told me I made it all up in my head and to leave her alone. Not exactly how I wanted things with my first love to end but tbh I feel better for getting off my chest and closing the door because with it open I would always of wondered if she was going to come back and couldn't move on. I also found out if she had slept with the new guy (she hasnt) and if they were dating/seeing each other which she replied 'Hmmm not really' whatever that means. I don't know what the future hold but I'm almost certain it won't involve her. Its actually easier to move on knowing shes pissed with me and my feelings for her seem to have dwindled since the texting and I dont feel the urge to know what shes up to. I did have a set back friday night when she put a picture of mine (off my profile from a holiday we had together) as her profile picture on fb and it gave me a notification and she looks so hot and the guy shes 'Hmmm not really' seeing/dating liked it sent a pit to my stomach. eugh. Anyway man I think any kind of thinking about her will delay your healing. I wrote down a whole list of things why we wernt compatible and have it in my room for when I start to miss her and it just reminds me why we shouldnt be together. Mainly because shes boring and doesn't like to do anything. I just joined an online dating website (a free one) just for a laugh to see whos out there and tbh its a nice distraction.
Author Kobe2345 Posted March 24, 2013 Author Posted March 24, 2013 AHHH MAN lol u shoulda not broke NC haha, but you are right about the any thinking about them would delay the healing lol, it was my bday yesterday and i was kinda waiting for a message from her, but sigh haha nothing :[ oh wells i guess she doesn't want anything to with me anymore, i still think about her times to times, but i'm trying to push myself not to think about it anymore. its painful, saddest part of all is she didn't want to work it out haha, the BU seemed like it all happened yesterday, kills me inside out, but lets try to focus on ourselves now betterman..
Cogee Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 Yeah, I think in our situations it isn't easy for the ex to admit that they broke things off for this other person. They may have been unhappy about things prior to breaking it off, but the motivation to break things off being that there is someone else and choosing not to work on things with us makes them feel a little guilty I think. Put it into perspective: I found out that she was with this guy she left me for both shortly before and shortly after our "official" breakup conversation. Despite that, when I asked in the conversation if there was someone else she said no (I didn't know about the other guy until a month later). It's now 2 months after that date (Jan. 27th) and she is already engaged to him so of course there was someone else. She has to feel at least a little bit of guilt knowing she lied and prolonged my suffering by doing so, just so that she could save face in our final moment together. Regardless, she can carry that burden and it's not for my to worry about now.
Author Kobe2345 Posted March 24, 2013 Author Posted March 24, 2013 Well i think for my situation was the first time we actually met and all she did was cry i think its because she felt really guilty inside... and at that time i had no clue there was another dude that was probably comforting her all along... so im so blinded and thought it was just a fight.. but yeah i did say some stupid things but i wanted to work it out and she knows i loved her... but who knows how many times she have contacted that other douche already? later on she was firm about her decision just wanted to move on, even after my letter and asking for a chance which was no use haha..
Cogee Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 I think over time I am slowly but surely moving on. I've gone through every single thing in our relationship and asked myself what I could learn from it, so I am definitely moving ahead with a positive attitude. Unfortunately every night I get dreams of her and it's really destroying the amount of rest I get. I keep telling myself that it will improve over time, but things with her new guy moved so damn fast that I feel like I haven't had a chance to take a breath of fresh air.
Author Kobe2345 Posted March 24, 2013 Author Posted March 24, 2013 (edited) OMG dude me too lol, im getting dreams constantly too of her. and it just destroys me when i wake up and shes already in my mind, mornings to me are pretty much the worst time of the day for me, but yeah i learned a lot about my relationship too, and i wish there are times i could have done better... im moving on slowly also, i just felt like both of us could have been more mature and handle the situation properly and we can probably still stay as a couple, sigh haha... she doesn't even have the courage to say a happy bday to me yesterday... Oh wells Edited March 24, 2013 by Kobe2345
Betterman31 Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 Happy Birthday for yesterday Kobe . I feel the same about the maturity part that you said and handling it better but thats on her not you. In both our cases they never mentioned anything meaning we had no chance of working it out, thats there immaturity not ours, cos when I had an issue with anything Id just come out and say it. Its my bday in about 2 months, it will be intresting to see if I get messaged aswell, my guess is probably not as by then I wont have talked to her for like 2.5 months but thats when this other douche goes away so it may be her way to reach out to me but who knows. Contacting her was the best thing Ive done, it seems to have flicked a switch where I see her for what she actually is. A heartless lonely immature girl. I think im more scared about being on my own and possibly not finding someone else, thats why I wanted her back. However my friend likes to remind me that there are 7 Billion people on the planet and how many people do we know that are alone (not many) so I should just focus on me for now. Once I'm happy again, thats when someone will come into my life. I shouldn't need a woman to define me. btw guys joining a dating site and just talking to new attractive women (even tho I have no intention of dating atm) takes my mind off it loads haha. I think ive finally taken her off her pedestal and put myself on it and what can I say....its a god damn nice view for once! Be strong guys!
Author Kobe2345 Posted March 24, 2013 Author Posted March 24, 2013 Thanks Betterman, honestly all the problems she did mention, it was salvagable and i could have been still with her right now together happy, just almost 3 years of together, we shared so much, we were so close together... everything down the drain... she decided leaving me for another dude was better off so theres nothing i can do lol, oh well whatevers sigh haha, lets just try to move on...
Author Kobe2345 Posted March 25, 2013 Author Posted March 25, 2013 I really want to break NC lol and jsut explode on her......
Cogee Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 Don't do it Kobe, take the high road! When we are left for someone else all we really have left is our own self respect and dignity. NC helps us to retain both and even though it might feel good in the short term to blast an ex that you were hurt by it ultimately doesn't change what you have to do for yourself - build yourself back up and get back out there! Besides, if you don't burn your bridges she may eventually come crawling back, at which point you will have the chance to turn her down in a respectful manner, showing you are a better person than her!
Author Kobe2345 Posted March 25, 2013 Author Posted March 25, 2013 (edited) haha im not but sometimes i just really want express all my feelings on her whether its anger or whatever lol, however she already burned the whole bridge lol, towards the end she already painted me black and convinced herself that im a piece of trash.... Lol but no joke she was like there are two types of people that comes into your life they are either a blessing or a lesson.... And im a lesson.... Honestly that is like a stab to the heart considering i was once her special one, i may not b the best boyfriend but i have never stopped loving her, it really hurts when she said something like that, and its coming from someone i loved unconditionally, but sigh haha, never been this sad in my life, especially when your first love does something like this to you… Edited March 25, 2013 by Kobe2345
incandescent Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 I know what your going through kobe, I broke NC after a month of us breaking up, as I found out she was seeing my old best mate, and throughout the relationship she kept lieing to me, which in return made me insecure and untrustworthy of her. (my old best friend looked at her through a keyhole whilst she showered - she told me about it 3 months after it happen!) So I didn't want to be friends with him anymore, he betrayed me like that, so I told him to piss off. My ex gf and him didn't talk for 3 months, then he got back into contact with her, and kept saying he liked her, couldn't get enough of her, she was his eye candy, all this crap. So she dumped me, and went to him... So yeah I broke NC and told her EXACTLY what I thought, much anger, and 100% from the heart truth, and she said she felt like **** after what I had wrote to her and didn't want to ever talk to me. All I said was the truth, and she couldn't hack the truth... the truth hurts. Try and forget her kobe, it helped me when I broke NC because I had all that crap on my chest, and it felt great. It has been about 2 months of NC for myself, and I got everything out of my system when I contacted her. So I am feeling not too bad at the moment, time is the key! I'm not saying go ahead and break NC, but I'm just saying it helped me. 1
Author Kobe2345 Posted March 26, 2013 Author Posted March 26, 2013 (edited) I'm Just living in regrets and anger both at the same time, i always thought if was more calm when i first texted her about the issue i probably still have her right now, but within a few days she made up her mind and she was ready to date this new guy, i know its already the past, but this maybe is the biggest regret i have made....... instead of raging on her, i should of been calm and jsut cooperated ........SIGH Just find it hard to forgive myself sometimes Edited March 26, 2013 by Kobe2345
Cogee Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Kobe, it's natural to be feeling regret. It's part of what makes us who we are and what we grow to be. As long as we learn from what happened we can put the regrets behind us. I definitely have regrets as well, but when I really sit down to look at what I learned from everything I feel that at least I got a lot out of it. It wasn't a waste. The ones who repeatedly make the same mistakes or don't take the time to sit down and actually learn are the ones who don't come out ahead. Take my situation, my ex immediately left me for another and is now engaged. Do you seriously think that in the time she has known this guy and is now getting engaged that she has had a chance to reflect on herself? She might have regrets, but she is happy now so those regrets don't matter. Once the love blinders come off she will have to face them. Write yourself a letter explaining what you did, what you have learned, and what you will do from now on. It will be easier to let go once you come to terms with it.
Author Kobe2345 Posted March 26, 2013 Author Posted March 26, 2013 (edited) Cogee, Yes you are right, I have written down a lot of things where i need to improve and change, I also pinned it on my wall so i can look at it everyday lol. honestly i don't hate my ex for what she did, shes not a bad person, maybe were just not meant to be? i don't know haha, but she did point out a lot of issues which is on me lol, for example my temper.. but shes still immature thats what i know lol.. However like what you said, this is a great lesson for me, i did learn a lot, and im willing to change my behavior for the sake of myself... i do love her still, however whatever happens happens... for now i'm just trying improve myself and become a better person and of course try to succeed in school Edited March 26, 2013 by Kobe2345
Cogee Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 I'm with ya Kobe! Each day is a new day, some are better than others but slowly I can feel things getting better. I still get her in my thoughts and small things can trigger vivid flashbacks, but I know that in time those will pass as I occupy myself with other things. It drives me nuts because some of our most intimate conversations together were while travelling with me driving in my car, so even when I'm driving I'll come across situations that triggers a flashback and sets me back. I think maybe I need to sell this car.
Author Kobe2345 Posted April 1, 2013 Author Posted April 1, 2013 Will i ever let go? i felt like im going through it all over again, i felt good throughout my spring break, now classes begin.... im goign thru the cycle all over again AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! part of me wants her back because i did her wrong, part of me doesn't because of what she did... What the hell.....
Author Kobe2345 Posted April 12, 2013 Author Posted April 12, 2013 Heard from a friend that My ex said i never tried for her.... What does this mean???
denxnis Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 Kobe, Here is a quick write-up of my journey. If you think it will help, read it, otherwise don't (it's kind of long). Met a beautiful girl in high school piano class. Our first kiss was in the grass after I tackled her playing soccer. Things were amazing in the beginning. We were together for nearly six years since 2007. During the relationship we both made many mistakes, kissed another person, flirted with other people, etc etc... Nothing got too out of hand though, although our trust in one another began to fade. I truly loved this woman, cared about her, but we were both immature. As my graduation drew near I landed a reputable internship and was working 60-70 hours a week easily (school + work). She wasn't getting the attention she wanted or God knows what and fell for a coworker. We both made many mistakes during the relationship and I never truly analyzed or learned from them until we broke up in late October of last year. Going no contact is what kept me sane. I tried to win her back for a good month and a half with no success. Focusing on finishing school, going to the gym, getting ortho work, and just doing things that improve my body mentally/physically have proven to be a HUGE help. I read technical books on the weekends sometimes to get ahead and focus on making more money! =) It's been about 6 months now. I still feel lonely on occasion but definitely not as much as I used to. I am slowly beginning to feel more and more confident and comfortable in my own skin. The absolute worst things that you can do to yourself in a time like this is snoop around or contact her. Whenever I checked up on her I was always setting myself back, if what I saw made me happy I would constantly think about her afterwards, if what I saw made me upset I would constantly think about how much I hate her. Tell your friends and parents you don't want to hear about her. You will want to check-up on her but you are only prolonging your recovery. Remind yourself that you have and will become a better man because of this experience. You will become physically and mentally stronger and you will someday meet someone once you are ready. Natural instincts will tell you to try and hunt down a new woman but in reality you are setting yourself up for failure. Be happy with yourself, enjoy life, travel, become successful and make an effort to just go out and do things when you feel you are ready. It won't happen overnight, you will have ups and downs, but things will get better; this coming from a guy who thought his life was over for a good 2 months post breakup... 1
Cogee Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 Heard from a friend that My ex said i never tried for her.... What does this mean??? Kobe, don't ask your friends anything about your ex any more. There is absolutely nothing that you can gain from that except setting you back even further. Look at what you are doing to yourself right now: agonizing over something your friend says your ex said. This is all self inflicted and doing nothing positive for you. We have no clue what this meant from your ex without context.
Author Kobe2345 Posted April 12, 2013 Author Posted April 12, 2013 (edited) @denxnis- love the story, i like that soccer part haha, and thanks for the advice, i'm trying my best to improve myself... oh btw i like the butters avatar too lol. @cogee- Well from what i heard, she said she was not happy one month prior to BU when we fought that time, and she thought about it a lot and she said we were two seperate people and she felt that i never tried for her... i admit, i was selfish and i didn't understand her needs and we may have took each other for granted... maybe it was my fault after all, and i apologized to her back then and asked for another chance.. but after hearing from what happened yesterday, i just felt so left in the dark by her, she never told me she wasn't happy... i thought everything was okay and i just never thought she dated so quickly just a week or so after our breakup and just dropped the bomb on me out of the blue, again this is just something in my head i thought about and thats why i felt she should of talk to me and truly sat me down and address the issue so we can fix the problem together, i don't know, and i'm not blaming her for any of this, because i love her, now its all too late, I just feel like a complete idiot for not knowing she wasn't happy. Now i feel like i'm the bad guy, and i have guilt and regrets again, I still love her and What the hell, its all one sided now.... FML Edited April 12, 2013 by Kobe2345
denxnis Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 @denxnis- love the story, i like that soccer part haha, and thanks for the advice, i'm trying my best to improve myself... oh btw i like the butters avatar too lol. @cogee- Well from what i heard, she said she was not happy one month prior to BU when we fought that time, and she thought about it a lot and she said we were two seperate people and she felt that i never tried for her... i admit, i was selfish and i didn't understand her needs and we may have took each other for granted... maybe it was my fault after all, and i apologized to her back then and asked for another chance.. but after hearing from what happened yesterday, i just felt so left in the dark by her, she never told me she wasn't happy... i thought everything was okay and i just never thought she dated so quickly just a week or so after our breakup and just dropped the bomb on me out of the blue, again this is just something in my head i thought about and thats why i felt she should of talk to me and truly sat me down and address the issue so we can fix the problem together, i don't know, and i'm not blaming her for any of this, because i love her, now its all too late, I just feel like a complete idiot for not knowing she wasn't happy. Now i feel like i'm the bad guy, and i have guilt and regrets again, I still love her and What the hell, its all one sided now.... FML Relationships take work and many people don't realize this. If everyone jumped ship after meeting someone attractive, other than thier current bf/gf, nobody would be getting married. You work through the unhappy times and you use self-control in-order to stay faithful to your partner; some people are too ignorant to realize this. Don't blame yourself. 5
Author Kobe2345 Posted April 12, 2013 Author Posted April 12, 2013 Well, everything was going good now, i hit a wall again lol, i won't deny i made mistakes in a few areas and i am taking full responsibilities for them, but i did not treat her like crap and i loved her unconditionally, its just the way she says it makes me look like i'm the bad guy haha, i know dating has no contract but who knew she had someone lined up, and you are right, she bailed on me when obstacles came along and went off with some dude... I fully understand it takes two to work and i just wished she would've been more mature and address the issues with me, i had no clue this was all happening behind me, Sigh..
Betterman31 Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 Hey Kobe, I feel your pain man i really do. I thought my pain was over. I had stopped looking on fb and checking up on her and was moving forward but then last friday she contacts me out of the blue asking me how I was and not wanting to leave the things the way they had ended just incase we ever meet in person again. She told me she misses me and thinks about me still but she doesn't want to go back. Its set me back MASSIVELY. I was happy the way things ended thinking she hated me and I was happy being mad at her but now I just feel **** again. Sigh. I think she was just lonely and was throwing some breadcrumbs my way but its ****ty of her. I realised something though. I shouldn't have to try to 'sell' the idea of a new relationship to her so i stood up for myself and told her if she missed me and cared for me enough there would be nothing stopping us being together and that If I knew someone cared about me like that and I felt the same, nothing would stop me getting back with them. I told her she clearly thinks she can do better than me and i'm not willing to be 'settled' for. So i wished her the best of luck in finding someone who will treat her right and care for her and if she ever did consider 'us' getting back together she would have alot of work to do as these last few months learning to live without her in my life have been really hard. I got no response to my last text. Did I do the right thing? I feel so ****ty and down about it all. Hows things coming along with you Kobe? Gimme an update 1
Author Kobe2345 Posted April 15, 2013 Author Posted April 15, 2013 Yo betterman wassup, Hows it going? i've been busy with school and stuff haha, but yeah hearing from her friend talking about how i was the bad guy was not a good feeling, i really felt like **** after hearing i didn't tried for her and were separate people crap, the pain sucks and it just forces me to go back down all over again. However she's right about some stuff, i didn't support her through many things and the activities she wanted to do and i admit i own up to my mistakes. As for your situation, at least you know your ex misses you and still wants to talk to you lol, for me nothing, but i think you should've not wished her luck in finding someone better and can treat her right lol, because all in all you do want her back right? well that's my opinion haha, but you're right about the other part tho where if she really does care about you and wants you back, nothing would stop you guys from getting back together, As for me, I felt really bad these two days, after hearing some stuff, i want to break NC just to talk to her and reason with her and probably apologize again, but i know its probably not going to work, i don't even know what the hell to do, somewhere deep inside my heart i still want her back ..... Sigh, now shes off with some dude.... Jeez
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