My ex girlfriend dumped me for someone else?

[Kobe2345]

Feeling down today... i missed her still and i wish i can get over this... this kind of break up sucks balls so much

[Kobe2345]

anyone else have similar stories? or like advice lol... i still think about her at times, but its been better

[Sloan]

I had a very similar situation. I was dating a girl for 3 years and she randomly broke up with me. I had no clue why she did break up with me and when she called to do so, she as "Chitown" already mentioned, tried to make me feel guilty by dishing out excuses that I have never heard of. I treated this girl very well other than the fact I never went out much when we first dated. I would always make room for her but it would be watching movies at my house. But as I grew older, I started to become more social etc. I think the biggest problem was that she came from a dysfuctional family and my family was very old-fashioned and proper. Anyway, she left me for a week, hung out with an individual alone, was emotional involved with someone else, then figured it didn't work, and came back to me.

 

The next month and a half we were together was great, but it almost had me feeling like she made me feel guilty (I have always been a nice guy) for something I didn't do, so I almost like tried to double my nice guyness. It didn't feel right or good. As betterman said, this girl has trouble making and keeping friends. Also, her choice of friends are scary. She eventually met a new friend who knew many guys and she eventually left me and I found out she was going to visit a guy. When she broke up with me this time, she again made excuses. One of her excuses was that I made her college applying process difficult because she didn't want to do distance, but then she said right after she did want distance. I was like scratching my head. She told me she was looking at a school where this friend of her's was applying which happened to be the same place the guy friend lived. A week after the break up she went down to visit the school and she hung out with the guy, picked up drinking, and maybe drugs, I am not sure. She become emotionally involved with someone else twice and it's very tough. The toughest part is not only the fact that she could leave so quickly and possibly have s** with someone else in a matter of weeks, but that he wasn't in her interest at all to what I knew of (she could have been pretending all along though). Recently she has asked about me but I think she expects me to text her and is surprised that I haven't. It's alittle over a month of NC and I am building my confidence up and self esteem.

 

I was very hurt and depressed as you could imagine but I realized that these things happen for a reason, to make us stronger for the future relationships we encounter, and to appreciate them so much more. I also think about the fact that I believed I loved this girl, and when I meet someone who loves me back just as much as I do for her, it's going to feel ten times better. Think of this person as your wife, would she be a good example for your kids? NO! You want someone who will treat you with respect and dignity and is faithful/loyal!

 

Don't rush into things Kobe, work on yourself, and things will fall into place. Always be the better person. The most fascinating things happen when you least expect them too. Goodluck my friend!

[Chi townD]

anyone else have similar stories? or like advice lol... i still think about her at times, but its been better

 

 

Dude! You were in a three year relationship with this girl. It's not like you can flip a switch and make everything about her and the pain your feel go away. It's going to take some time. Three years is a long enough relationship to heal from and it doesn't happen overnight.

 

Just, be patient and stay NC. Post here often and vent, write out your feelings and just go with it. People will be here to listen.

 

And continue to make positive changes to your life.

[Sloan]

Dude! You were in a three year relationship with this girl. It's not like you can flip a switch and make everything about her and the pain your feel go away. It's going to take some time. Three years is a long enough relationship to heal from and it doesn't happen overnight.

 

Just, be patient and stay NC. Post here often and vent, write out your feelings and just go with it. People will be here to listen.

 

And continue to make positive changes to your life.

 

Wow you're inspirational and have really great advice! Thank you so much, you have helped me tremendously.

[Kobe2345]

@sloan- thanks for the support bro, and sorry about ur situation too hope your doing better now..

 

@Chi- Its just hard man, just to get over her. Over the past month it has been so tough, many times i would try not to think about her, but my mind would always go back to thinking about all the promises we had, all the daily things we do together, all the great and sad times we had together. Its just, she was such a charm in my life and now shes gone... The hole in my heart is just so huge. Sometimes i wish this was just a dream, and everything would be back to normal again, but this is the truth and i'm just trying to stay positive during the whole time. but yeah thanks for your support Chi.. This is such a sad chapter in my life.

[Cogee]

Wow, nearly exactly the same story as mine except it was a 1 year long distance relationship that just crumbled with the same stuff: she starts to get distant with me after new years, starts to pump out a ton of outlandish excuses and blame me for some things. I try to talk to her but she seems to refuse to want to. Finally she meets with me and tells me a bunch of outlandish stuff once again, I call her out on her bull, then she says she doesn't have feelings for me any more. I ask her if there is someone else and she says no, so I go NC.

 

She removes all contact with me immediately, and I try to heal from a confusing and out of the blue breakup. 1 month of NC later I find out that there was someone else and she was with them BEFORE she ended it with me. Also find out she was likely emotionally cheating well before new years and lied to me about something dating back to late October.

 

It's no wonder she seems to be acting as if she wants nothing to do with me. How dare she do something so immature and hurtful to someone who was nothing but respectful to her and cared for her. It will be funny when I end up moving closer to her if her new relationship ends and she comes crying back to me. Pretty certain I will just say "Awww, that's too bad. Bye!"

[Kenji]

My ex-girlfriend also left me for another man. She has yet to admit it, however. She also made excuses to blame me, claiming the distance was too much and that I never made the effort to visit her. I knew she was beginning to like this other guy. When I confronted her about it, she played the "He's just a friend" line. I knew better. She also wasted no time flaunting him in places she knew I would see.

 

Part of me hates her, but another part knows that I can't hate her forever. Sometimes hate shackles you to this person, and by letting go of hate, you can free yourself. It's better that she fell for someone else while we were dating rather than when we were married with kids. I suppose it really is better this way, but I think I liked it better before it was better, you know? It's a cliche line, but time really does heal all wounds. I wish with every fiber of my being that things could just go back to the way things were. But I also feel much better than I used to. I know I can live without her.

 

Chin up, okay? You'll make it.

[Chi townD]

 

@Chi- Its just hard man, just to get over her. Over the past month it has been so tough, many times i would try not to think about her, but my mind would always go back to thinking about all the promises we had, all the daily things we do together, all the great and sad times we had together. Its just, she was such a charm in my life and now shes gone... The hole in my heart is just so huge. Sometimes i wish this was just a dream, and everything would be back to normal again, but this is the truth and i'm just trying to stay positive during the whole time. but yeah thanks for your support Chi.. This is such a sad chapter in my life.

 

Dude, the only thing that you're proving to people here is that you're human. Human and capable of loving another person on this planet. It is absolutely normal to feel sad, to feel anger, to feel rejected and to feel pain. Because we're human. It's easy to love someone when you allow yourself to be completely open. And it hurts when the person that you love shuts that door on you. It doesn't feel natural. So, it's going to be an adjustment to learn to walk on your own again and walking down your own path.

 

So, you have to start to heal. Start to move on. Your life CAN be good. No, scratch that. Your life can be GREAT if you start making positive changes in your life. Self improvements can make a big difference even if you don't think that the will right now. Even though you may not feel motivated to make those changes, but you have to force yourself. MAKE yourself get new clothes and a new hairstyle, MAKE yourself go to the gym. You need to keep busy! The more busy you are the more you're thinking about what YOU'RE doing and not what SHE'S doing.

[Kobe2345]

@chi- Yeah, i do agree with you that i have to become strong and stand on my own again, its been difficult and i have been trying my hardest to not think about her, move on and heal. But there are just times i can't hold on and look back to the relationship and see myself as a terrible boyfriend. There are just times i would not agree to her interests and i never do the things when i promised her i would do. There are just so much factors that caused the breakup, and this just makes me want to cling on to hope of reconciliation and wanting to make it up to her. Honestly, I know this is wrong and i know it does take the two of us to make this work. Its just the moments where i wish i have done better and i regret all of it now. Although i do hate her sometimes for fleeing with another dude instead of making it work with someone that loved and cared for her, but deep down inside i do love her and i just can't find myself hating the girl that i love more than anything. i guess i'm just that typical nice guy? haha. but i thank you again for supporting me.

Edited March 8, 2013 by Kobe2345

[Kobe2345]

SIGH SIGH SIGH......... FEELING ANGRY TODAY I JUST WANT TO TExt her AND BE LIKE WTF U DUMPED ME FOR ANOther DUDE.......... SIGH.... i need to vent so baddd! WHY ARE THESE GIRLS SO DAMN HEARTLESS?!!

Edited March 12, 2013 by Kobe2345

[Kobe2345]

@chi townD- i went back to reread all the texts she sent me, your right all along, i'm an idiot for still loving her.. . she blamed me for everything, disrespected me and lied to me when i loved her with all my heart, i'm so furious with her right now, i just want to bombard her with nasty texts, but i'm going to hold back. Seriously, you are 100% right that she isn't worth my time, if i see her right now i would punch her in the face so hard... but yeah i can't believe this person would become such a B***H.. no joke, shes nothing like the person i first met.

[Chi townD]

And again, I'll say this. What you're going through is COMPLETELY normal. You were sad, now you're angry as hell. Welcome to the rollercoaster of emotions, it's a bumpy ride. However, is a necessary part of the healing process.

 

BUT!! You also had a breakthrough. You sat down and started to think with your head and not your heart. I speculate that once you did that, then everything started to make sense. Hopefully, this will help you to let go and get even further in your healing. Bottomline, she wanted to leave but did it in a very crappy way. Sure, you had some issues that even YOU recongized that you need to fix with your insecurities. The first step into fixing a problem is realizing that there is a problem. Start making positive changes in your life.

 

Okay, like I stated eariler is that you can take the blame for 50% of the problems in your relationship. But, that 50% certainly didn't warrant the way she treated you in the end. Leaving you for another guy and also leaving you with a bag full of false thoughts that you were solely responsible for the demise of the relationship. She never owned up to her responsibilities and took a cowards way out.

 

You need to get our revenge and lead a DAMN good life. That's the best revenge that you can get. Go to school, meet people, get hobbies and join some clubs. Travel! See the world. There's a big world out there ready to be explored. When you go on an adventure your going to realize that THIS is the world and you realize that your Ex wasn't "your world" she was only in it. Just a part of it.

 

My new saying that I might be using alot around here is that you have to start thinking that maybe you're just one heartbreak away from the girl you're TRUELY meant to be with. Always keep that saying in the back of your mind. (until I get it copywritten )

[Kobe2345]

Yes i understand i am still on this roller coaster of emotions and i know it will take time to let go of a person i love the most once. However, what i was furious and so angry about was that SHE does not recognize how much i loved her, she put up excuses and excuses of HOW its not going to work, such as her friends for example which is COMPLETELY unrelated to US in the relationship, she also mentioned how i don't recognize how important she is.. i mean WTF? I looked back and gave a good thought about this and i just thought, I never stopped loving her and always put her on my first list, Sure i had tempers here and there and sometimes we didn't have the same interest, but man all i know is that i put in all my effort to make her happy, on one of her bdays, I walked into her school with a lecture hall of 200 people with flowers and congratulated her because it was her bday, and also times where i surprised her on other big days, plus of all the times i supported her in many things.. IT just SHE SAID the bad outweigh the good... I REALLY don't see how i terribly treated her wrong, or i have cheated on her or whatever. Honestly, the pain sucks and I really wanted to ask her HOW would she feel if i fell in love with someone else and kicked her to the curb? THIS IS WHY i am so angry and upset about.

 

AND YES, there is nothing i can do now but to make myself successful, i am a full time college student and i know where i am going with my life.. I believe that everything happens for a reason... I'm just going to improve my life now

Edited March 14, 2013 by Kobe2345

[Chi townD]

Yes i understand i am still on this roller coaster of emotions and i know it will take time to let go of a person i love the most once. However, what i was furious and so angry about was that SHE does not recognize how much i loved her, she put up excuses and excuses of HOW its not going to work, such as her friends for example which is COMPLETELY unrelated to US in the relationship, she also mentioned how i don't recognize how important she is.. i mean WTF? I looked back and gave a good thought about this and i just thought, I never stopped loving her and always put her on my first list, Sure i had tempers here and there and sometimes we didn't have the same interest, but man all i know is that i put in all my effort to make her happy, on one of her bdays, I walked into her school with a lecture hall of 200 people with flowers and congratulated her because it was her bday, and also times where i surprised her on other big days, plus of all the times i supported her in many things.. IT just SHE SAID the bad outweigh the good... I REALLY don't see how i terribly treated her wrong, or i have cheated on her or whatever. Honestly, the pain sucks and I really wanted to ask her HOW would she feel if i fell in love with someone else and kicked her to the curb? THIS IS WHY i am so angry and upset about.

 

AND YES, there is nothing i can do now but to make myself successful, i am a full time college student and i know where i am going with my life.. I believe that everything happens for a reason... I'm just going to improve my life now

 

There ya go! That's the spirit! Keep you eyes on the prize. Look, with all the BS excuses she was giving you and the blame game and all of that crap. You have to realize that she did that to CONVINCE herself that she would be better off without you. Hard to walk away from a guy that treated her right. Treated her with love and respect; the kind of guy that would deliver flowers to his girl in the middle of class. How do you walk away from that? So, she had to demonize you. Blame you....make you into a monster of a boyfriend in her mind so she could give herself permission to walk.

 

But, now you know the truth of things. You're turning down the right path and, MAN! It's gonna lead to good things for you.

[Kobe2345]

There is one thing i want to point out tho, one of the major issue i also think was we took each other for granted, while things settled down and we got comfortable with each other, the relationship started to get boring i guess, its just i never saw this coming till the fact.... And while this new guy appeared on the scene, it was over. I always thought she shoould of told me this and we should of sat down and talked it out… its just too late now…

[Kobe2345]

Are there anyways i can just get her off my mind, i missed her like crazy today, i really want to just move on lol, but i cant seem to focus on my school work...

[Betterman31]

Hey Kobe. Its been a while since i posted. Im now 20 days NC with my ex and haven't heard anything from her. Not knowing what shes doing is making it easier (ignorance is bliss eh!). However like you I am currently yo-yo'ing between I dont need her state and where i feel so miserable and angry thats shes not in my life.

 

Its good that your venting on here and not venting to her! How many days NC now for you ? I thought about sending my ex and email today about how im seeing things more clearly and things that I did which drove her away (helped getting it on paper). I became pathetic, weak and needy without even realising saying how much i love her etc. Im actually ashamed of the way I acted, like she was some kind of goddess. Ive come to realise tho that her leaving me for some 'player' isnt a reflection on me or the relationship its a reflection on her, thats shes too immature for an adult relationship (currently in a i dont need her state i guess!). I wrote the email but didnt send it. I sent it to a friend whos been through something like this before and he had done the same with his ex and im learning from his mistakes. The bad days are getting less and i think about her less. I just hope you start having these periods like I do

 

This was my ex-gfs first serious relationship aswell and as she had already moved on before ending things I dont expect her to feel any remorse as shes never had her heartbroken so has no idea how painful it is! Maybe she will one day realise what shes done but i dont think that day will be anytime soon

 

Hope your coping and still doing all your activities to fill your time! Alone time is the killer! like my 1 hr drive home and when i do 12 hr nightshifts alone. Just keep busy and she will slowly fade from your mind. I know how hard it is as im currently trying to do it haha. My new philosphy is 'Patience'. She will either come back on her own or ill just move on and not give a ****. I just need to be patient and let the feelings fade. I suggest you do the same.

Edited March 17, 2013 by Betterman31

[Kobe2345]

Yo Yo betterman wassup, glad ur improving on your own situation and yeah its definitly good to write down ur feelings because im doing that also haha, but anyways its been more than a month i have contacted her, i do miss her at times and there also times i hate her, its been really tough on me trying to forget her especially when im home alone working on my school stuff... its just somewhere deep inside my heart i still love her, i guess i need more time haha... one thing i do to improve is i blast music on my computer haha i guess that's a good way to get her off my mind.. i really want to reach the point where i just don't care anymore, that's where i really want...

 

Well, We never know whats going to happen in the future, maybe things will turn around for us when its really bad... you never know!

[Betterman31]

Whilst they are intrested in someone else I dont think they will give us a second thought tbh. They are currently in the self validation stage where they are validating that they made the right decision by being in a rebound. There will come a time when that ends and they will have to deal with the issues of being alone and single (like us) and thats when we are likely to have some breadcrumbs thrown our way. Sadly I dont see it happening anytime soon and tbh its too soon for both of us as we would be just as pathetic and grateful that they came back. We need the time to get OUR heads right and build our confidence up again so that when/if they do contact us we arnt these weak beta males who would just take them back at the drop of a hat. We could at least look at it objectively then and make a decision which is best for us,

 

Im starting to come to terms with she isnt the one for me (although people do make mistakes so would probably give it another go but then am i just wasting another few years of my life with someone who doesnt actually really love me like i love them). I know we both miss them alot but do we miss them? or miss the way they made us feel being part of a relationship?

 

We all think are relationships are special and unique but in reality they arnt. We will find others we are both young free and single, we can do what we want, when we want.

 

(I really wish I could take my own advice!)

[Kobe2345]

Your right about everything betterman, and i cant agree with you more, but what im sad about isn't that i lost her, but because of what we had over time and the moments, bonds and ups and downs together, but she found someone better that came along and decided to bail. As much as i want her back, i just don't see it or anytime soon because of the immaturity in her and not being responsible when obstacles comes through in a relationship. Sure the honeymoon is fun and all, but everyone is flawed and when the honeymoon dies down, more issues comes out and they have to deal with it again. Maybe this is some sort of GIGS or just this new guy is better fit for her, I don't know. But to me i think its the best for us to find happiness from within , like what all blogs and forums says, u never need someone to find happiness, u want to share your happiness with the one you love.

 

I wish i can take my own advice too, but going through this really sucks lol, i find myself sighing a million times a day...

Edited March 17, 2013 by Kobe2345

[Betterman31]

To be honest with you I severely doubt the fact that the guys they chose to leave us for are 'better'. I made my ex's new guy taboo by trying to steer her away from him with my own insecurities which ultimately did the opposite of what I wanted. One of my friends said to me 'Its not about you, its not about him. You could of been anyone and he could of been anyone she was always going to leave because shes young and wants that thrill. Its better now that 20 years down the line with kids, married etc. We will bounce back from this Just remember shes no longer the person that you fell in love with and had those moments with. They CHOSE to leave us nobody forced them. In years to come im sure we will see this as a bullet dodged and a good life lesson for future relationships. I know my ex's new relationship will be short lived as shes quiet, doesnt drink or go out and this player goes out and gets hammered all the time and will want to pull girls so like ive said previously once hes got her hooked he will booty call her and thats about as far as it goes. Going cold turkey from sex is one of the hardest things about this and I cant really look at any other girls atm and want to do anything with them. Argghhh so frustrating!

[Kobe2345]

Well i'm not saying their new guys are better than us, rather a better fit cause they provided something we didn't prior to our old relationship, so to me i think its a GIGS thing maybe or wanted to try something new instead of the taking responsibility? i don't know lol but all i know is she fell for this new guy and i didn't see the red flags(which sucks by the way). From what i heard my ex seems happy where she is... but i know her personality that she likes to hide her feelings and puts a front to it, so deep down inside i don;t know if she is happy or not. But that's not my focus anymore, i wanna focus on myself, i really need to study for my finals lol.

 

I also think jumping from relationship to relationship seems unhealthy tho, because she just relying on someone else and never can stay alone and find out what she really wants i guess.... but it all depends on the person..

 

Thats why i mentioned that when things get comfortable, u cant take each other for granted and communication is the most important to keep the relationship exciting.

Edited March 17, 2013 by Kobe2345

[Kobe2345]

Came across an old place we usually eat today, god damn it thought about her again, now im reminiscing some good times.... Freaken A. I Still don't see a legitimate reason why she broke up with me... Life isn't fair........

[Kobe2345]

Do u guys think analyzing the situation would delay my healing?? I miss her so much at times… but sometimes i weigh the pros and cons in the relationship. I also look at what i did wrong and what i couldve done better… is this bad for the healing stage?? I miss her alot this morning… sigh