My ex girlfriend dumped me for someone else?

[Kobe2345]

hi

 

long story short, my ex girlfriend and i were in a almsot 3 year relationship, one day out of the blue she wanted to talk to me about some stuff and told me to call her, i ended up not calling her and texted her the next day, the next day she wanted to talk about alot of stuff we didnt each like and the stuff she isnt able to do because i dont like it, stuff like events and parties. so we ended up argueing abit thru text and she said it isn;t goign to work out. but later on we sent email to each other how we stated alot of stuff we didnt like but we still love each other and would make things work, a day later we met up at night and we would work things out but all she did was cry and i couldnt do anything but let her go because i thought it would be better if she just calm down. a few day passes by then i start texting her if she was okay and willing to work things out again, but this time she kept on saying its not going to work out anymore and confirming it, i was so sad and frustrated i beg and plead a bit, but at the same time i thought some of her reasons were kinda confusing and sort of like an excuse? i know i made some mistakes because i get angry sometimes at her but i also know its a communication problem we should sit down talk and figure out then it would be fixable. i also send her written letter of what happened and willing to work things out. but a week later we met up for one mroe time, i explained myself it was my fault and asked her for one mroe chance, but she said she cant. so after that i was heartbroken and i couldn''t do much more but let her go and send her another letter of how i would love her differently from the beginning. however, a week or so later i found out that she is already dating someone else from her friend,not sure if its really true or not but from her reasons to break and the first time we met all she did was cry, i had some questions to be ask, now im jsut heartbroken and don't know what was going on, i just felt so bad for 2 weeks. i need soem advice in what to do, can anyone help?

 

i know moving on is the best but i still love her a lot, any chance of recovering this???

 

thanks

[Navajo46]

This sounds somewhat similar to what I went through two years ago. I spoke to her and let her know how I fealt and fought for it hard over a few weeks and then went no contact and she eventually ended up coming back. The problem is that it is 2 years later and she left again for someone else... now I look back and should have never taken her back.

 

It's hard brother, it really is but chances are this guy has been in her ear for a while and that is why she was having second thoughts etc. Women (and men) are fickle nowadays... there is always someone else around the corner telling them what they want to hear.

 

You might be able to salvage it, but honestly you need to take time and a period of no contact to gather your feelings and see if that is what YOU want. It's too soon to honestly know.

[Kobe2345]

@navajo46- thx for helping, im on my second week of no contact already, see the thing is im not sure what she is really doing right cause i stop looking at any of her stuff just to heal myself from the breakup, facebook and other crap, and i pretty much put the ball in her court already. so now i kinda want to know what is my next step towards getting her back? i know i sound dumb but i don't want to put these 3 years to waste, ya know

[Chi townD]

Yep! Sorry dude. She isn't worth your time. What she did was tell you every excuse in the book on WHY this relationship isn't going to work (she was trying to convince herself that she was making the right choice). What she DIDN'T do was tell you that there was another guy involved.

 

So, she was probably cheating on you. I can't say if she physically cheated. But, she probably had an emotional affair. She was emotional invested in this guy so much so that she was willing to throw away a three years relationship.

 

Time to go dark on her. Complete NC. Do not answer any of her texts, phonecalls or emails. Stop writing her letters and (most important) block her on facebook. I have a feeling that her friend is going to tell her that she informed you of the other guy which is probably the LAST thing she wanted her to do. So, it wouldn't surprise me in the least if she reaches out to you. To see where your head is at. MOST girls hate the fact that there might be someone on this planet that hates them or doesn't think that they are a nice person. So, she's going to try to explain away this other guy. That he's just a friend....blah...blah... I'm single and we just went out as friends....blah....blah.... then she'll try and friend zone you.

 

Time to move on. Remember, this was her choice. She values this other douche rocket more than you right now. So, she can have him. So, don't give her your friendship, because I'm sure the knife she plunged into your back is probably still pretty sore.

[marklarsson]

@navajo46- thx for helping, im on my second week of no contact already, see the thing is im not sure what she is really doing right cause i stop looking at any of her stuff just to heal myself from the breakup, facebook and other crap, and i pretty much put the ball in her court already. so now i kinda want to know what is my next step towards getting her back? i know i sound dumb but i don't want to put these 3 years to waste, ya know

 

As you said you have put the ball in her court. There is nothing else too can do in terms of getting her back. Especially the fact that she is in a new relationship now. Stay clear of her go no contact and work on yourself.

She has to contact you. But don't sit around and wait keep busy. Some times they come back but most of the time it's too late because the dumpee has mived in before the dumper comes to their senses. That if your relationship was not toxic

[Navajo46]

@navajo46- thx for helping, im on my second week of no contact already, see the thing is im not sure what she is really doing right cause i stop looking at any of her stuff just to heal myself from the breakup, facebook and other crap, and i pretty much put the ball in her court already. so now i kinda want to know what is my next step towards getting her back? i know i sound dumb but i don't want to put these 3 years to waste, ya know

 

If you have already told her how you feel then there is not much else you can do. Problem is not all people are the same. All I can tell you is through my experience, but I don't want to get your hopes up. 2 years ago, I talked to her for a few weeks and let her know how I fealt... but this was more of a mutual breakup and she started seeing someone else... he was probably there testing the waters for a little bit. Then she texted me a few times over the next couple of weeks and I responded with very short texts just saying thanks or something and not asking for her back etc. But, I never initiated contact. Finally, I left her a message and told her we need to move on and to get her stuff out of my place and that is when she wanted to meet up and reconcile. This time around, I had enough and went full no contact because I decided I could never be with her again. I have heard nothing from her and have not contacted her either. I still think about her everyday, but this is for the best.

 

So for me, NC has been vital but I didn't follow it to the letter before. If I was you though where you are at... I mean you already put your chips on the table and she knows what you want. I would not contact her at all and give both of you some space.

 

Hope things work out for you!

[Kobe2345]

thanks for the advice guys, after the BU i havent been sitting around haha, went out alot with my buds and exercised alot, although i did complain my life sucked and how much i missed her and so much more different without her lol but they're my true friends so no worries. but back to my relationship, mostly it was healthy and small fights sometimes, but every couple has fights. also we were each others firsts, so this meant alot to me and her i think. but as u guys said NC is probably the best i can do and see whats gonna happen, i'll keep this post updated if anything

[Kobe2345]

BTW, if she does contact me and ask me something do i go cold? polite? or warm?

[Chi townD]

You ignore it.

 

Remember, she made the choice to have you out of her life. So, you're giving her exactly what she's asked for, and thats for you to be gone.

 

We go NC for us to heal and move on with our lives. It makes it extremely difficult for us to do that if our Ex's are still in our lives.

[Kobe2345]

@chi townD- thanks for the reply, but thinking back to the relationship, i realized i made a lot of mistakes too, such as controlling sometimes and lash out on her when she wants to do her stuff with her buddies or not go with her, i guess i wasn't that good of a boyfriend haha, im pretty sad about this, sometimes i feel like i forced her out of this relationship. i probably should of not took her for granted, but one thing i had was loving her unconditionally :], there are just many dumb things i have done. afterall it does take two to tango, and there is no perfect relationships out there, I really wanted a second chance, but at this point i learned from my mistakes and have no choice but to go NC and see what is going to happen in the future.

Edited February 25, 2013 by Kobe2345

[Chi townD]

@chi townD- thanks for the reply, but thinking back to the relationship, i realized i made a lot of mistakes too, such as controlling sometimes and lash out on her when she wants to do her stuff with her buddies or not go with her, i guess i wasn't that good of a boyfriend haha, im pretty sad about this, sometimes i feel like i forced her out of this relationship. i probably should of not took her for granted, but one thing i had was loving her unconditionally :], there are just many dumb things i have done. afterall it does take two to tango, and there is no perfect relationships out there, I really wanted a second chance, but at this point i learned from my mistakes and have no choice but to go NC and see what is going to happen in the future.

 

Okay, so you weren't boyfriend of the year. You didn't have a perfect relationship. Point a perfect relationship out to me. They don't exist. The most loving and caring relationship aren't perfect. Im sure I do stuff that my wife hates. And there's things about my wife that drive me bat sh*t crazy. Like when she's telling me a story about something that happened to her that day, it takes her a half hour to tell it because she goes off on tangents. Its like, WILL YOU PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING HOLY! GET TO THE FRICKIN POINT!!! But I wouldn't trade her for anything in the world.

 

Look, you can take the blame for 50% of the problems in the relationship. And she needs to own up to the other 50%. But her ending things, chickening out and running off with some other dude, thats 100% on her. So, don't beat yourself up. You need to recongize the mistakes that you did during the relationship, and make those correction. Start making positive changes in your life.

[Kobe2345]

@chi townD- lol ur replies sure make me feel a lot better. thanks man, but yeah i was working hard to recover and looking to make changes so i can show it to her, but now i found out she was dating another person, its just crushed my heart u know? i guess we're both just immature since were in our 20s. but im definitely going to improve myself after all this, i still miss her alot, but I'm sticking with NC and see whats going to happen. BTW any chance of her that she is IN GIGS?? or no

Edited February 25, 2013 by Kobe2345

[Chi townD]

Might be GIGS, who knows... the only thing I find fishy is that she was in a three year relationship with you. She breaks it off and no more than a week later, she's dating someone else. No mourning the loss of you, no mourning the loss of the relationship. Did she find a rebound guy? Possibly. But, to be in a new relationship just one week out tells me she knew this guy and there was interest. My moneys on that she got emotionally invested (emotional affair), and decided to take it to the next level. Which required to kick you to the curb.

 

Once the newness of this relationship dies down, I have a feeling she's going to reach out to you. Ignore it. Heal and move on dude.

[Kobe2345]

haha i'll try my best to heal and see watsup...

[magnoliasoutherly]

I just want to point out that I completely agree with everything Chi townD said. I mean 100% everything.

 

Very well said Chi!

[Kobe2345]

the fact that shes willing to give up our almost 3 years for another dude is just so painful to watch and let her go, i just feel like i never existed in her life, i know its not my business anymore, but i hope she realizes what shes doing.

Edited February 26, 2013 by Kobe2345

[magnoliasoutherly]

the fact that shes willing to give up our almost 3 years for another dude is just so painful to watch and let her go, i just feel like i never existed in her life, i know its not my business anymore, but i hope she realizes what shes doing.

I would say it's more than painful. I can almost guarantee she doesn't realize what she's doing, but she's made her decision and she'll have to face what happens to her.

 

You will get through this. Just take it slowly and vent here when you need to.

[Kobe2345]

Its super painful, when its someone u cared for and loved, then all of a sudden they disappear, It sucks so much. Then again i felt like she has her rights to dump me because i got comfortable and took her for granted. This has been such a nightmare, she comes up in my mind everyday from the moment i wake up all the way to night time, i really missed her and i cant seem to get a grip to what has happened. This is a lot harder said then done, its been up n down in my life… do u guys think she'll ever comeback?

Edited February 27, 2013 by Kobe2345

[Navajo46]

Just remember it takes two, SHE got comfortable and took YOU for granted. Who know if she will come back.... Most likely not and you cant worry about that. Losing someone you love especially to someone else is the toughest thing to go through in life to me... Im still going through it. But you need to get back to the confident person that you were before you met her and be happy with yourself. You have no control over anything but what you do with your life now.

 

Its gonna take time. After 3 months for me i have gotten much better and still think about her but know its out of my control. I had to go through my bday, christmas, valentines day, her bday, and our anniversary is next week. Not good timing lol.

 

Good luck man.

[Kobe2345]

Sorry for what u went thru man, hope ur alrite.… but yeah the fact that i cant do anything about it while i sit and watch her off to another person just makes me so sad… i love her with all my heart, but i guess sometimes you just got to let them go… i don't know whats going to happen in the future, but now i just want to heal but its so hard also… any advice in healing?? And it does suck how my bday is comin up and our anniversary is comin up also

Edited February 27, 2013 by Kobe2345

[Kobe2345]

Found out shes happy after the Bu and seemed like nothing has happened, and shes good to go for this new man of hers. lol i kinda never really gave up until today. i finally realize what my friends and family have been telling me all along, think its time for me to go out and be the alpha again LOL... thanks for all ur support. in the end i still love her and im happy for her that she found happiness again.

[siris]

I have been in your shoes it seems a million times trust me you should move on. Is it hard; yes one of the hardest things you will face. The fact that you ask the question what should you do if she contacts you is your mind wanting her too. When they treat you like this its time to move forward. If you don't you will repeat this all over again. Just focus on something else right now time will pass. Accept the pain not telling you to like it but it want last forever and don't worry about if karma bites her back it may and then again you may not see it but just focus on you. Trust me on this one been there done that. Give her what she asked be gone from her life. So the question is should you be cold, polite or warm. I think you should disappear from her radar. Don't even entertain the thought of if I go NC will she miss me thats your mind playing tricks cut her off completely and work on You, history they say repeats its self. Move forward you will thank me in the long run right now its hard but it will get better be polite and warm to yourself. Here for ya bro!

[Betterman31]

Hey, Ive been reading your thread and its exactly the same to your situation. My ex-gf (20yo) broke up with me (22yo) after 2.5 years, no signs other than becoming abit distant over the last few weeks of the relationship (which i took for University stress/shes was busy). She initially wanted a break and then got back with me (told me she would love to marry me one day, go travelling with me) for her then to break up with me a week later when i thought everything had gone back to normal.

 

She said she had been feeling unhappy with me for the last 2 months but like i said, i saw nothing to indicate this. We planned for the future, were gonna move in together this summer and she seemed excited. However 2 months ago a co-worker of hers started taking more of an 'intrest' in her, wanting to come round for 'coffee'. I knew something was amiss, so when she told me I told her that I wasnt happy with this and to me coming round for 'coffee' means only one thing...she denied it all and said that hes just a friend etc. Anyway this blew over and she didnt meet him (that im aware of) but then a few days before she wanted a break he told her that he liked her...coincidence! I think not. Anyway again i brushed it off thinking LOVE trumps LIKE so I have nothing to worry about. To cut a long story short, shes now to my knowledge started seeing/dating him even tho hes a player and she knows there is no possible future (GIGS?)

 

Anyway to summarise, I also feel like **** thinking about how hes going to **** her and then chuck her ( I know she deserves it). Im just still in shock how she she could just give up a perfectly good relationship for a shot with this 'player', makes me feel rubbish about myself.

 

I am now 3 weeks post break up and 5 days NC. Even tho she has tore my heart out and stood on it. I remained mature and kept my dignity (leaving the door open, just incase). I am going to move on with my life gym, football, going out etc If she comes back then hopefully I will be over her and tell her where to go or at least get abit of pay back

 

Sorry If you feel im stealing your thread! Hope you start feeling better soon man

[Kobe2345]

Lol thanks for all your support guys, and im sorry for ur situation also betterman, no worries about the thread lol, but ya im doing great going to gym, hanging out with friends, and also trying to focus on my school work. the thing that intrigues me is that how the hell do they move on so fast, i looked at some other threads and i think my ex checked out weeks ago before the break up and also because of this douche that is in her life being the "friend". one of her friends told me that she doesn't think about me anymore and can careless about me lol. its like wtf? im here missing u so much and ur out there having fun and dont give a sh*t about me? well, as much as i care about her and stuff, i think i kinda hate her for all this crap she did to me, even though i took her for granted and messed up on my areas, but the way she ended things is just so selfish, btw in one of her texts she said she wanted to be on her own, that was GG when i heard she started dating in just weeks within the break up, i feel like a piece of SH*T these past weeks and just couldn't do anything while shes having fun, WTF!? but oh wells i want to be the bigger man and just stay cool about it. GOING NC FULL on this girl. Ignorance is bliss Right?!

Edited March 1, 2013 by Kobe2345

[Betterman31]

Kobe2345 it baffles me aswell how they can move on so quick. I guess they did it the selfish way, they knew it was coming for the last month or so but kept us around until they got it all sorted in their heads and obviously our replacements in place to just take over from us as soon as they end it. We are left baffled and heartbroken and the other guy just fills our niche, so to them its like we were not even gone.

 

My ex probably did the best thing for me, the last time I broke NC after 10 days thinking that if I told her how I feel she may just see sense but it didnt work and she basically told me 'shes fallen out of love' with me. Best thing she could of said to me tbh....No Love = Not worth fighting for, no point wasting my energy.

 

I just know Karma is a B!tch and she will get her just rewards when this dude goes to USA in america in the summer, finishes his degree and quits his local job and she will be left with nobody (she severely lacks any friends and doesnt go out). Me = lots of friends and goes out all the time. It may sound petty (well it is) but in the long run, Me = Winner