SweetCharity Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 My bf of three months dumped me in front of a Buffalo Wild Wings two days before Valentine’s Day. It had started when I dropped by his place because I had remembered him mentioning wanting to hit up BWW and I wanted to catch him before happy hour ended. His phone was dead and he wasn’t at home but his roommate told me he was a BWW with his friend already. I rush over there and just miss him because he had forgotten something at his place. I wait with his his other friends and he comes back only to meet me with hostility and calls me a “stalker.” We both argue vehemently and he dumps me right then and there saying all sorts of awful things to me, like how I'm just too slutty and have daddy issues. Then he drives away to where I “can’t follow him.” I text and beg for him to take me back but am only met with silence. The next day he comes by to pick up his stuff, teary eyed and remorseful for hurting me and telling me he needs a couple days to think before even considering starting over. Two days pass. I cave and contact him and we agree to meet at the library. I show up with balloons and a sign with lyrics of “our” song written on it because I thought a grand gesture would remind him of what we had. And he just stands there and shakes his head, telling me we’re just too different and that he doesn’t feel that deeply about me anymore. I beg him to stay with me but he just tells me we both deserve better. I tell him I love him and he tells me I don't even know him and that he's given this a lot of thought. The next day we talk because I had something else to say and I end up crying. We hang up and I remember something else I wanted to say and he actually sounds annoyed when he picks up. He goes from “You’ll find someone new. Don’t cry” from our previous phone call to “We’re broken up. I’m going now” in our last one. And I just felt so insignificant and dismissed. He was the one that asked me out first, and asked me to be his girlfriend within a week of meeting me. We started fighting a lot after I started coping with an appendectomy, getting fired and family issues. I knew we weren't perfect but I never thought he would actually leave me. We had been through so much together and had so much to look forward to. And I was happy despite it all. I'd cook for him and his friends. We'd watch movies together. When something good or bad happened I'd contact him. We were always together. We weren't all bad together. It hurts much more than anything I’ve ever known. I'm no stranger to heartbreak but this is break up is so hard on me and I don't' know why. All I want is for him to come back to me. It's been one week and every day feels empty and I can’t stop blaming myself. If I hadn’t tried to catch him before happy hour or if I had been less quick to anger when he showed up…if I hadn't felt the need to always have him sleep over. If I had remembered that morning. Every night I dream about him and wake up sad. Other times, I get outraged. With the way he left me you would have thought I had cheated on him or done something horrible. And I knew I deserved better than that. So I'm having a turmoil of emotions and I just don't know how to cope with them. I've tried reading, writing, hanging out with friends, calling my family, going out...everything feels empty and meaningless. How should I proceed? I still have some of his towels and pants. I know it's too soon to contact him...if I should even bother. But it's always in the back of my mind. I'd appreciate some insight.
mishy Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 What did he ever do for you? How did he make you feel special or wanted? Write a list of things he did that made you feel like a princess, cared about or valued. Because I don't see much of that here. He sounds like a bit of a douche. He has no respect for you, I am sure you could do a lot better
Author SweetCharity Posted February 25, 2013 Author Posted February 25, 2013 What did he ever do for you? How did he make you feel special or wanted? Write a list of things he did that made you feel like a princess, cared about or valued. Because I don't see much of that here. He sounds like a bit of a douche. He has no respect for you, I am sure you could do a lot better Thanks. I'm beginning to see that now. I try to think of the things he would do for me but now all I remember are the awful things he said. Anything nice he ever said after the break up is worth crap to me now and was erased the minute he sounded annoyed with me the last time we spoke. I really do deserve better.
destroyed4sho Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 Im so sorry....i wish being dumped didnt feel so horrible and cold. At this point, he is gone and had left the relationship a long time ago. How long were you guys together? It doesn't sound like he is going to want you back.so get over him. Go NC and do not text him ever!!
Author SweetCharity Posted February 28, 2013 Author Posted February 28, 2013 Im so sorry....i wish being dumped didnt feel so horrible and cold. At this point, he is gone and had left the relationship a long time ago. How long were you guys together? It doesn't sound like he is going to want you back.so get over him. Go NC and do not text him ever!! We were together for three months. Three long months in which he assured me he wanted to be with me until that night. I brought up the idea of breaking up before but he said no, he really liked me, blah blah. I was kind of hoping for insight that will make me feel better. I know I have to get over him. The question is how? I'm going for NC but I still have some of his things and every day is slightly better but I'm starting to feel this large amount of rage.
GingerVixen Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 I wait with his his other friends and he comes back only to meet me with hostility and calls me a “stalker.” We both argue vehemently and he dumps me right then and there saying all sorts of awful things to me, like how I'm just too slutty and have daddy issues. OMG what? And then you gave him a balloon, begged him to come back to your arms? NO!!! NEVER!!! He's a major jerk, he's offended you! Why would you want him back? And if he misses his pants and stuff let him come and contact you. Don't do that. If you're too "slutty" for him , you don't have the obligation to help him with anything.
Author SweetCharity Posted February 28, 2013 Author Posted February 28, 2013 OMG what? And then you gave him a balloon, begged him to come back to your arms? NO!!! NEVER!!! He's a major jerk, he's offended you! Why would you want him back? And if he misses his pants and stuff let him come and contact you. Don't do that. If you're too "slutty" for him , you don't have the obligation to help him with anything. I KNOWWW. I'm a huge idiot. I don't know what I was thinking. I should have just slapped him the minute he called me a stalker and walked away. You are absolutely right. He did apologize the next day but you can't take certain things back.
GingerVixen Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 I KNOWWW. I'm a huge idiot. I don't know what I was thinking. I should have just slapped him the minute he called me a stalker and walked away. You are absolutely right. He did apologize the next day but you can't take certain things back. Yes... please if after only a few months of relationship he's saying your "slutty"... can you imagine a long-term relationship with this guy? Nightmare.
Author SweetCharity Posted March 1, 2013 Author Posted March 1, 2013 Yes... please if after only a few months of relationship he's saying your "slutty"... can you imagine a long-term relationship with this guy? Nightmare. I wonder if he ever cared about me or respected me at all. Yes, I had a checkered past but I told him that BEFORE we went into a relationship. He was just throwing that out there to hurt me.
geegirl Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 I wonder if he ever cared about me or respected me at all. Yes, I had a checkered past but I told him that BEFORE we went into a relationship. He was just throwing that out there to hurt me. Put the pants and the towels in a bag and dump it on his front door, but if you still have a soft spot, mail it back to him. Stop holding on to stuff and using it as a lifeline. The man treated you like crap. If I was your friend, I would have burst all those balloons and dragged you back home. If you're saying now you should have walked away sooner, then give him back his crap and shut the door.
Keenly Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 Your story makes me sad that the horrible men in the world get the awesome girls like you. If you had done any of those things for me my heart would have melted.
Author SweetCharity Posted March 1, 2013 Author Posted March 1, 2013 Put the pants and the towels in a bag and dump it on his front door, but if you still have a soft spot, mail it back to him. Stop holding on to stuff and using it as a lifeline. The man treated you like crap. If I was your friend, I would have burst all those balloons and dragged you back home. If you're saying now you should have walked away sooner, then give him back his crap and shut the door. You're right. I'm trying to give myself more time to heal but I guess I am using that pile as a lifeline. I even washed them. Ugh. I thought about just dumping his crap at his place but he tends to have shady people there all the time. That's how our fight began. His roommate felt the need to tell him I was stalking him and demanding that he was there.
Author SweetCharity Posted March 1, 2013 Author Posted March 1, 2013 Your story makes me sad that the horrible men in the world get the awesome girls like you. If you had done any of those things for me my heart would have melted. Thanks. That was the original plan. lol.
Author SweetCharity Posted March 1, 2013 Author Posted March 1, 2013 I also thought about telling his friend to come pick his things up but I don't know. I'm just letting time pass.
geegirl Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 You're right. I'm trying to give myself more time to heal but I guess I am using that pile as a lifeline. I even washed them. Ugh. I thought about just dumping his crap at his place but he tends to have shady people there all the time. That's how our fight began. His roommate felt the need to tell him I was stalking him and demanding that he was there. Girl, I am going to come and shake you! After all he did to you, you did his laundry! Grrrr....! Put it all in a box, and mail it to him. That severs all ties and you get to move on. You said the moment he called you a stalker you should have walked away. This is your second chance at making a statement. Get rid of his clothes and never look back. Honestly, this man never cared for you, in the right sense. He most likely cared much more about what he could get from you and the relationship.
geegirl Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 I also thought about telling his friend to come pick his things up but I don't know. I'm just letting time pass. Letting time pass? So you can open communication or at least wait for him to reach out for his pants and towels? What is your objective in terms of waiting for time to pass?
LostGirl11 Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 I wouldn't even bother giving them back to him. Throw them away! I'm sure he has more pants and towels.
2sure Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 He called you names. If he wants his stuff back, let him make an effort to get them. If he doesn't, throw them away. Do not contact him again, ever, for any reason. You will feel bad about yourself if you do. You were with him for 90 days. This is about you and how you feel about yourself, not him.
aussietigerwolf Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 He's an ass who never really cared for you. I'd suggest reading a book called he's just not that into you.
Author SweetCharity Posted March 3, 2013 Author Posted March 3, 2013 Letting time pass? So you can open communication or at least wait for him to reach out for his pants and towels? What is your objective in terms of waiting for time to pass? I was hoping to open communication after enough time has passed to get closure. But the advice I'm receiving is telling me to just let it go. Perhaps I should.
Author SweetCharity Posted March 3, 2013 Author Posted March 3, 2013 He called you names. If he wants his stuff back, let him make an effort to get them. If he doesn't, throw them away. Do not contact him again, ever, for any reason. You will feel bad about yourself if you do. You were with him for 90 days. This is about you and how you feel about yourself, not him. Thank you. I never thought of it that way. It was a little over 90 days but it did feel like forever now that I think of it. And yeah, the last time I spoke to him I only ended up feeling bad about myself.
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