McDonald Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 Okay, so I havent been sad about this in a while... well I mean to the point where I start to cry again... Its been 2 months of NC just about... and ive been doing alright, but all of the sudden it just hit me for some reason. I went out last night with friends and I realized that my self esteem is still really bruised. For some reason I just couldnt talk to anyone... and then all the thoughts of her came flying back... I felt like I was over this stage but I guess not. I feel like ive been lying to myself all this time when I say im over it... So why cant i be?? I have a good amount of friends, yet I still let the BU drag me down.. I know its all on me.. that she really doesnt have anything to do with it because i ant control her, only how I feel. And that im letting myself still feel this way.. but why is that? Is it becasue Im holding onto the ever so tiny chance of getting back together? Though its done.. is it becasue Im afraid to be alone? That I rather be with someone who hurt me than to stand another minute of being alone? Why do I have this continuous urge to message her? Im not weak.. because I havent sent anything, but this urge is driving me crazy. What good will come out of it? nothing most likely and I will probably get hurt again. Is it because I want the last say? or is that not how it works. sorry for this rant... its just been tough day and I dont understand why im just not letting myself go 2
Lillygoose Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 I haven't got anything remotely helpful to say. But chin up! and HUGS!! X
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