How should a woman communicate her interest? I'm not doing it right...

[Sanitarium]

Again - two more men basically telling me to just do what I've always done and ask him out. Seriously, I will. I was just hoping there was something I was missing. People still look at me askew when I tell them that a man has never asked me out. I thought perhaps I was doing something wrong in communicating my interest. As it turns out, it sounds like many of you wouldn't think it was all that odd that I always have to make the first move.

 

Now I wonder why people give me the quizzical confused look when I mention that...and why so many men here have the impression that women get approached and ask out all the time.

 

 

There are a huge number of men who approach women no matter what so I'm shocked you're not getting approached by them

[ltjg45]

Again - two more men basically telling me to just do what I've always done and ask him out. Seriously, I will. I was just hoping there was something I was missing. People still look at me askew when I tell them that a man has never asked me out. I thought perhaps I was doing something wrong in communicating my interest. As it turns out, it sounds like many of you wouldn't think it was all that odd that I always have to make the first move.

 

Now I wonder why people give me the quizzical confused look when I mention that...and why so many men here have the impression that women get approached and ask out all the time.

 

Times is changing.

 

The sooner we are done getting through this shift, the better.

[Lonely Ronin]

Guys really? There has never been a time when a gal was interested in you, she flirted, you got the hint, and then you asked her out and she said yes? Not once?

 

So to sum up: We are hoping you'll approach and you are complaining that we're not interested which is why you don't approach. I think I see why we are all on loveshack instead of out having a snog.

 

Yes, I have been flirted with and got the hint, But I have also been flirted with a lot more where a date was never her intention (wanted free drinks).

 

for me the I just want a free drink women are usually either overly sexual with their flirting, or only talk about fluff. The ones that got my attention and I would ask out where usually the ones that where more bashful/shy (the literally seemed nervous being direct) and they conversation got much deeper much faster.

 

The other thing is flirting has gotten way to subtle lately, even for someone like me who is super observant. I can remember when flirting was obvious, You'd look over at a woman and see she was looking at you, she'd smile/blush and then look away/down for a moment and then look at you again. 2 or 3 rounds of that and most guys when i was younger would know she was interested.

 

Any more, it seems like the act of acknowledging your existence is considered flirting.

[PhoenixRysing]

There are a huge number of men who approach women no matter what so I'm shocked you're not getting approached by them

 

Nope, never happened - not once. I know we are all terrified of rejection, and I know what it feels like to be on the receiving end of a flirt gone wrong (thinking there was interest and there wasn't). I was really hoping to understand how to put men more at ease so he could take the initiative. I just want to feel like a man is truly overwhelmed enough by his interest in me to put fear to one side and come after me. I have done it all my life, and just once - I would like to know that feeling...to be surprised and flattered. I would like to know someone risked the feeling of rejection because the alternative was to never answer the "what if" question when it comes to me.

[iKING]

Times is changing.

 

The sooner we are done getting through this shift, the better.

 

Is it just me or does it seem as though in the struggle to gain gender equality, women have upset the balance of power and inadvertently caused minor role-reversal to take place? Or is it just sensitivity being bred into a gender who's renown for taking charge and displaying testosterone like a trophy? Granted this isn't a universal quality, but it seems to me that men are on the verge of a metro breakdown. Eventually I wonder if genders are going to be too equal and women will have to fend for themselves. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for equality, but men and women are like yin and yang, without that balance, people tend to just end up confused and distraught. Perhaps it'll just take some getting use to.

[Sanitarium]

Is it just me or does it seem as though in the struggle to gain gender equality, women have upset the balance of power and inadvertently caused minor role-reversal to take place? Or is it just sensitivity being bred into a gender who's renown for taking charge and displaying testosterone like a trophy? Granted this isn't a universal quality, but it seems to me that men are on the verge of a metro breakdown. Eventually I wonder if genders are going to be too equal and women will have to fend for themselves. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for equality, but men and women are like yin and yang, without that balance, people tend to just end up confused and distraught. Perhaps it'll just take some getting use to.

 

 

Not really. Men still do 95% of the work when it comes to dating

[Lonely Ronin]

Granted this isn't a universal quality, but it seems to me that men are on the verge of a metro breakdown.

 

lol I don't know about that... I have been accused of being metro. While I do take really good care of myself, I'm just as likely to crush your skull in if you F with me as my dad was.

[jcrew11]

I just read through this great thread about women approaching men and it really has me wondering...

 

Several of the women in the thread noted that they don't approach because they believe that men who aren't asking you out are likely not interested. Conversely, several of the men pointed out that they would be fine with women not approaching so long as she helped open the door to let them know she was interested.

 

Meanwhile, every relationship I have ever had has been the result of me very directly asking out a man (typically after having been friends for quite some time). Each time, they said they thought about asking me out but thought that I was not interested in them. So it makes me wonder...what am I not doing right? How do you let a man know that it is OK, or even welcome that he ask you out?

 

I would love to be asked out by a man, but it's never happened. With my current crush, I have been going out of my way (I think) to let him know I am interested but then I always thought I had done so with my past lovers as well and somehow they were still clueless. So I have to assume that I am doing something very wrong.

 

I guess I am trying to figure out the fine line between a man not biting because he simply isn't interested, and a man not asking me out because he doesn't get clear enough signs from me that all systems are go.

 

So men, what does a woman do that makes you feel empowered to ask her out? Women, what do you do to let a man know you're interested (other than doing what I have always done and just ask them out)?

 

I'm going to tell you what may be "the honest truth" if you really want to hear it, otherwise, just ignore this post.

 

If "no guys ever directly ask you out" then its probably because you are "not that pretty/hot/beautiful" or you don't wear makeup or anything that makes you stand out from the crowd. If you are "pretty" then your personality is probably annoying, bland, or boring or too nice/shy/quiet - for guys to think you are "single and looking."

 

I would do an honest assessment of your looks and wardrobe. You can do a make-over, get a new haircut/coloring and wear some makeup. Get some "flirty" dresses. Buy a push-up bra. Wear heels.

 

Personality-wise, you should "laugh at everything he says" - not only is this tactic very noticeable, but it makes the guy think he is doing really well talking to you. Just be very sexual and flirtatious, someone out there will get the hint and want to sleep with you.

 

Lastly, choose the right guy. Some men are not single and have girlfriends. The easier single men are Players, who will sleep with you right away.

[MsSmurf]

I just want to say that I don't find anything wrong with your approach. I think you do more than 99.9% of women do when it comes to showing signs of interest

 

 

But I have to ask this, why do you feel the need to justify your fear of rejection with nonsense like "Under no circumstances will I ask him out. I've upped the ante enough and if he really doesn't get it after all of that then I'm not going to bother helping him any further". Just say "I hate rejection and I'm a woman so I should never have to face it. Men should face all the rejection because they're big and tough and they can handle it". I mean that's how you really feel, who are we fooling?

 

Because I don't have a fear of rejection. I simply don't desire to lead. I want him to lead and I don't want to waste oodles of time for him to figure out that I'm interested and I will be very receptive to his lead. And no I don't think men (or women for that matter) should face all of the rejection. So your assumption of how I really feel is incorrect. There's a reason I don't ask men out and I'll explain.

 

Attraction and sexual interest are heavily connected to actions and personality characteristics for me. I have no problem helping myself get warmed up by coaching him to lead so I can get from cold to lukewarm, but him taking the lead gets me from lukewarm to boiling hot. If he can't take over and lead from there then I'm never going to hit the boiling hot point and yep that means no sexual interest and the attraction will dwindle to nothing. I love watching men lead in other settings too whether its work, with family, etc. And its not a matter of them being aggressive, bossy, jerks, or inconsiderate of others. Are other women like this? I have no idea, but I am so I do what I can to make sure my motor is running.

[ltjg45]

Is it just me or does it seem as though in the struggle to gain gender equality, women have upset the balance of power and inadvertently caused minor role-reversal to take place? Or is it just sensitivity being bred into a gender who's renown for taking charge and displaying testosterone like a trophy? Granted this isn't a universal quality, but it seems to me that men are on the verge of a metro breakdown. Eventually I wonder if genders are going to be too equal and women will have to fend for themselves. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for equality, but men and women are like yin and yang, without that balance, people tend to just end up confused and distraught. Perhaps it'll just take some getting use to.

 

It's a possibility.

 

Many women has gotten used to being single and, even though I do want to get married, I'll be happy going solo if I have to. Outside of living with my mother, that is basically the path I'm following down right now.

 

Now, I literally think I don't need anyone or anything. I live and die by my own actions and I'm sure many other people, regardless if they are single or in a relationship, is following that same stance themselves.

[MsSmurf]

Yep, you are going just a tad step further than I do when I am first interested. Then finally I will bite the bullet and suggest they ask me out, or tell them about an event "we" should go to. Oddly, even then I have had men ask me while we are actually on the date, if it was, in fact a date. It sounds like you have the same MO that I do but you are bit more forward with your interest. I guess I will do the same!

 

Ok so you're branching out with the types of guys you're attracted to, that's good. But if you're still not getting asked out then something else is amiss. Perhaps this biting the bullet you mention comes off as way too strong. Too strong in the sense that they think you'll dominant absolutely everything. Now for some guys that might work, but since that isn't what you want they aren't important. But that assumption could be scaring off the guys you do want.

 

If you're actually on a date with a guy and he asks if its a date then yes something went terribly wrong in your approach and that's what you need to stop. Assuming it isn't a looks issue then I'd stop right after clearly making your interest known. Keep in mind after immediately saying you're into a guy and mentioning something that might be fun to do on a date (it's important that you specify "on a date" or "ask me out") that doesn't always yield the instant asking for a date on his end. Sometimes it'll take him a few days (maybe even a few weeks) and that's ok because the ball is in court. If you want a guy to lead you have to let him after you've laid all the ground work. Your job here isn't to get impatient and cave and ask him out. Your job here is just to reiterate your interest by being as clear as you were before in case he is still uncertain for some reason and just leave the door open for him to lead. If he does great! If he doesn't move on.

[Eggplant]

I don't ask men out, but I tend to opt for directness when it comes to making it clear I'm interested in them. There's a guy I'm interested in that I've only gone out with once largely because our free time doesn't always overlap. So just before the Presidents Day weekend I caught up with him and our conversation went like this:

 

Me: "Hey aren't you forgetting something?"

Him: confused look "I don't think so"

Me: "We're off work on Monday, so you're supposed to ask me out"

Him: big grin "I like that you just tell me what I'm supposed to do"

Me: "If I didn't I'd be waiting forever"

Him: "Yeah and I'm sorry about that. I am interested, things are just crazy and this weekend I have to go out of town."

Me: "No big deal, I get that things come up."

Him: "Things should settle down soon."

 

Ok so I didn't secure a 2nd date here, but I made it very clear that I'm interested in one and told him when I was free so there was no guess work on his end.

 

Other things I do to take away the guess work is just tell a guy I find him interesting, point out our shared interests, mention things going on in town that would be fun to do together, and make it clear that I'm single and looking.

 

This dialogue belongs in a Charlie Brown episode.

[PhoenixRysing]

Ok so you're branching out with the types of guys you're attracted to, that's good. But if you're still not getting asked out then something else is amiss. Perhaps this biting the bullet you mention comes off as way too strong. Too strong in the sense that they think you'll dominant absolutely everything. Now for some guys that might work, but since that isn't what you want they aren't important. But that assumption could be scaring off the guys you do want.

 

If you're actually on a date with a guy and he asks if its a date then yes something went terribly wrong in your approach and that's what you need to stop. Assuming it isn't a looks issue then I'd stop right after clearly making your interest known. Keep in mind after immediately saying you're into a guy and mentioning something that might be fun to do on a date (it's important that you specify "on a date" or "ask me out") that doesn't always yield the instant asking for a date on his end. Sometimes it'll take him a few days (maybe even a few weeks) and that's ok because the ball is in court. If you want a guy to lead you have to let him after you've laid all the ground work. Your job here isn't to get impatient and cave and ask him out. Your job here is just to reiterate your interest by being as clear as you were before in case he is still uncertain for some reason and just leave the door open for him to lead. If he does great! If he doesn't move on.

 

I think the main thing you are doing that I am not is clearly stating your interest. I never do that until I finally just go ahead and ask them out. I flirt for ages, then finally hit them over the head when they still don't take the ball (3 years of friendship with my ex-husband). I am not sure I see much difference in clearly voicing my interest in them, asking them to ask me out, and simply asking them out. I eventually do one of the latter, but I can't say that I have ever just stated my interest. I guess I feel like if I'm going to go that far, I may as well just ask them to ask me out or ask them out directly. The risk feels the same to me if I am blatantly telling them I am interested already. Is there something in between friendly flirting and outright declaration of interest to make a guy feel just safe enough to ask, but to allow him to actually take the risk. Does that make sense at all?

[PhoenixRysing]

I'm going to tell you what may be "the honest truth" if you really want to hear it, otherwise, just ignore this post.

 

If "no guys ever directly ask you out" then its probably because you are "not that pretty/hot/beautiful" or you don't wear makeup or anything that makes you stand out from the crowd. If you are "pretty" then your personality is probably annoying, bland, or boring or too nice/shy/quiet - for guys to think you are "single and looking."

 

I would do an honest assessment of your looks and wardrobe. You can do a make-over, get a new haircut/coloring and wear some makeup. Get some "flirty" dresses. Buy a push-up bra. Wear heels.

 

Personality-wise, you should "laugh at everything he says" - not only is this tactic very noticeable, but it makes the guy think he is doing really well talking to you. Just be very sexual and flirtatious, someone out there will get the hint and want to sleep with you.

 

Lastly, choose the right guy. Some men are not single and have girlfriends. The easier single men are Players, who will sleep with you right away.

 

Let's assume for the sake of argument, that I am stunning and further that I am very flirtatious when I am into a guy. Let's also assume for the sake of argument that I laugh at most of what a man I am interested in says (because maybe he actually is very funny and that is part of what attracted me to him). Now let's say that this guy is a bit obtuse and is missing my signals. Let's also assume that he is interested but thinks there is no way in hell that I am. Now...what would have me do? How would a woman make you feel special and empowered to ask her out?

[TheZebra]

I was going through this earlier and still find myself going through it. Feel free to check my previous threads.

 

Anyway, my guy and I have been 'hanging out' since December. We would always have a great time but he would never make a friggin move! At the end of January I just gave up completely. I was tired of it. He is the epitome of the shy/reserved stereotype. My goodness, if you look up 'socially awkward' in a dictionary, his picture is there.

 

Of course, as soon as I 'gave up' he started showing a lot more interest; at least in seeing me. As of two weeks ago he contacts me all the time to set up stuff for us to hang out, he actually follows up (before I would be running around confirming with him), and has been doing quite a bit of facebook stalking. He's not exactly the smooth kind, so he'll blurt out how cool he'll think a picture I posted is, or a video, etc, making it blatantly obvious.

 

Still no (physical) move though. He invited me out to this function on Tuesday (it's a business/networking thing he's a part of), which surprised me. Since I'm not a member he had to jump through hoops to get me in, but he did, and he really wants me to go. We'll see what happens and how he acts. We're also supposed to go out for drinks on Friday (I asked him - he was doing all the asking lately so I figured I'd reciprocate). Not gonna lie, I'm trying hard not to get too excited about this week since he's taking forever to the point of me questioning his intentions, but we'll see.

 

These shy guys... *sigh* lol

 

I also did everything I thought was obvious... lots of eye contact, laughing at all his jokes, lots of conversation, never rejecting an invitation to hang out (unless I was busy - in which case I offered a reschedule), asking him out in the beginning, TOUCHING him, kissing him on the cheek when leaving, teasing, etc.

 

I think I'm just gonna kiss him. Yup. At least then I'll know where HIS mind is.

[iKING]

Let's assume for the sake of argument, that I am stunning and further that I am very flirtatious when I am into a guy. Let's also assume for the sake of argument that I laugh at most of what a man I am interested in says (because maybe he actually is very funny and that is part of what attracted me to him). Now let's say that this guy is a bit obtuse and is missing my signals. Let's also assume that he is interested but thinks there is no way in hell that I am. Now...what would have me do? How would a woman make you feel special and empowered to ask her out?

 

You've done just about all you can do on the nonchalant end of the deal. Sounds like the guy is refusing to take a chance with a girl he thinks is out of his league. Unfortunate scenario really. If you're really really into him you can go for more direct signals of interest but it'll put a stop to the chase. Otherwise he's going to have to nut up (for lack of a better expression) and take a chance.

[PhoenixRysing]

You've done just about all you can do on the nonchalant end of the deal. Sounds like the guy is refusing to take a chance with a girl he thinks is out of his league. Unfortunate scenario really. If you're really really into him you can go for more direct signals of interest but it'll put a stop to the chase. Otherwise he's going to have to nut up (for lack of a better expression) and take a chance.

 

I agree; It sounds like all I can do at this point is clearly state my interest, ask him out, or just walk up to him and lay one on him. I am not averse to this - but damn I was hoping that wasn't the case.

 

I will admit that I am afraid of rejection - because it sucks. I would much prefer for him to "nut up" and I am not ashamed to admit that. I just wanted to feel that feeling of being chased, rejection be damned, just once. Not going to happen with this one it seems.

[MsSmurf]

I think the main thing you are doing that I am not is clearly stating your interest. I never do that until I finally just go ahead and ask them out. I flirt for ages, then finally hit them over the head when they still don't take the ball (3 years of friendship with my ex-husband). I am not sure I see much difference in clearly voicing my interest in them, asking them to ask me out, and simply asking them out. I eventually do one of the latter, but I can't say that I have ever just stated my interest. I guess I feel like if I'm going to go that far, I may as well just ask them to ask me out or ask them out directly. The risk feels the same to me if I am blatantly telling them I am interested already. Is there something in between friendly flirting and outright declaration of interest to make a guy feel just safe enough to ask, but to allow him to actually take the risk. Does that make sense at all?

 

You telling them you're interested = you encouraging them to lead. Now you have to be a little patient and wait for him to lead. I think you're expecting the guy to take the risk much faster than he may be ready to.

 

You asking them to ask you out = you further encouraging them to lead, but only if this is done correctly. You don't just drop this line in randomly, you mix it in with flirty banter so that it doesn't come off as aggressive and dominating or desperate. You're not saying "please ask me out for a date this weekend" or "darn it just ask me out already!" you're saying "I bet if you asked me out this weekend we'd have a blast." The latter is fun, flirty, clearly establishes the outing as a date, and nudges him to lead. Now keep in mind you don't move to this step immediately after just telling him you're interested. Give him some breathing room after that first step to lead, but if he still hasn't and you sense that he's interested then move to this step.

 

You asking them out = you're in charge and you don't want it any other way. This is what you've been doing and its not getting you what you want so I'd say this is a step too far.

[iKING]

I agree; It sounds like all I can do at this point is clearly state my interest, ask him out, or just walk up to him and lay one on him. I am not averse to this - but damn I was hoping that wasn't the case.

 

I will admit that I am afraid of rejection - because it sucks. I would much prefer for him to "nut up" and I am not ashamed to admit that. I just wanted to feel that feeling of being chased, rejection be damned, just once. Not going to happen with this one it seems.

 

That's no fun though!

 

There's no need to fear, life is too strange and wondrous to not take chances when you really want something. You sound like a very interesting individual who could actually hold a conversation on theories of life and the universe while remaining light-hearted about it all. Which is rare these days. Everyone seems to understand human nature, society, the purpose of life in their own special way, while some of us just sit with a baffled expression thinking they're living a strange dream. Einstein once said something along the lines of life is merely an illusion, albeit a persistent one and I can't help but agree.

 

You're going to have to find someone fun and flirty, with a good heart and brains to back it up. Life is an adventure. Unfortunately I'm in the same boat you are, so there's limited advice I can give on how to get out of it.

[TheGuard13]

For most men, you pretty much have to say something along the lines of "You know, I wouldn't mind hanging out after work, school, tennis practice", etc.

 

Or "I want to **** you till your face falls off". That let me know she was interested.

 

The whole "subtle flirting" thing stopped working well when women and men both started doing this, not to display interest, but to tease and boost their egos. Playful punches in the arm, laughing a lot...smiling, eye contact, that doesn't neccessarily mean anything specific to men anymore.

[iKING]

For most men, you pretty much have to say something along the lines of "You know, I wouldn't mind hanging out after work, school, tennis practice", etc.

 

Or "I want to **** you till your face falls off". That let me know she was interested.

 

The whole "subtle flirting" thing stopped working well when women and men both started doing this, not to display interest, but to tease and boost their egos. Playful punches in the arm, laughing a lot...smiling, eye contact, that doesn't neccessarily mean anything specific to men anymore.

 

Face falls off? What?! That's pretty intense.

 

Personally the subtle flirting you've mentioned has prompted me to make a move more then once, but a control sample of one is well.. Limited. Odds are you may be right pertaining to the majority of individuals. Perhaps they just take everything way too seriously.

[jcrew11]

Let's assume for the sake of argument, that I am stunning and further that I am very flirtatious when I am into a guy. Let's also assume for the sake of argument that I laugh at most of what a man I am interested in says (because maybe he actually is very funny and that is part of what attracted me to him).

 

Now let's say that this guy is a bit obtuse and is missing my signals. Let's also assume that he is interested but thinks there is no way in hell that I am. Now...what would have me do? How would a woman make you feel special and empowered to ask her out?

 

I don't want to sound mean, but are you sure you are "attractive/pretty" or in "the same league as these guys"? If you were pretty, these guys would definitely want to date you. If you are "not pretty/average/ugly" then these guys just aren't into dating you. What it comes down to for men is whether they want to have sex with you. Its likely these men don't see you as a sexual person or a sexual creature. You may appear too prudish, asexual, demanding. But if you are an "alpha female" asking out a "beta male" then just ask him out directly and if he likes you he will accept, and if he rejects you (then you move on with you life). But some people (men and women) just need time to warm up to dating, so it may be better to become platonic friends first and slowly gain their trust. I don't know your age, but the older you get, the less games people have time for, unless they have been traumatized by bad relationships.

 

But if you are "ugly/average-looking" I really suggest that you look in the mirror and see if there are things that can make you 'more attractive' by either getting a makeover at a cosmetics store or buying new clothes. Cultural and Religious issues may be affecting your dating life without you realizing it.

 

For your Personality, you may be too serious, no-nonsense, moody, unhappy or bitter. Some men may be afraid of bothering you. I would suggest being more friendly, easy-going, and happier. Do other hobbies that make you happy and fulfilled on your own, without needing a man or appearing too desperate. People like being around happy people.

[Taramere]

Everyone just assumes only shy men or men who aren't interested don't ask women out. Actually there's a large group of men who are sick and tired of the dumb games and rules that they're supposed to play by, so they simply say the hell with women, if you're interested, have the balls to tell me and ask me out for a change, or else I can spend some time with my male friends.

 

I can't imagine anything more offputting to any woman who's considering being more proactive in dating. The prized is the reserved guy who likes women but is a bit shy around them. No woman in her right mind wants to pluck up the courage to approach a man, just to find that she's dealing with somebody who's riddled with negativity about women

[PhoenixRysing]

I don't want to sound mean, but are you sure you are "attractive/pretty" or in "the same league as these guys"? If you were pretty, these guys would definitely want to date you. If you are "not pretty/average/ugly" then these guys just aren't into dating you. What it comes down to for men is whether they want to have sex with you. Its likely these men don't see you as a sexual person or a sexual creature. You may appear too prudish, asexual, demanding. But if you are an "alpha female" asking out a "beta male" then just ask him out directly and if he likes you he will accept, and if he rejects you (then you move on with you life). But some people (men and women) just need time to warm up to dating, so it may be better to become platonic friends first and slowly gain their trust. I don't know your age, but the older you get, the less games people have time for, unless they have been traumatized by bad relationships.

 

But if you are "ugly/average-looking" I really suggest that you look in the mirror and see if there are things that can make you 'more attractive' by either getting a makeover at a cosmetics store or buying new clothes. Cultural and Religious issues may be affecting your dating life without you realizing it.

 

For your Personality, you may be too serious, no-nonsense, moody, unhappy or bitter. Some men may be afraid of bothering you. I would suggest being more friendly, easy-going, and happier. Do other hobbies that make you happy and fulfilled on your own, without needing a man or appearing too desperate. People like being around happy people.

 

I am almost positive this is not a league issue. While you may not be trying to be mean, you seem to be missing the actual question at hand - hence my rephrasing with the assumptions. I am quite happy and have no issues socializing or interacting - far from it. If anything, I am the opposite - a veritable social butterfly.

 

I want to know what would make a man feel safe to ask me out. So again, assuming he is interested but feeling insecure, what can I do so that he knows he is safe with me? What could a woman do, especially if you thought she was out of your league, to get you to take the leap?

 

If there is nothing, as others have suggested, I have no problem making the first move. I have done and will do with my current crush, my own fears be damned.

 

I am curious though about a potential reframe of this thread. Assuming we are all terrified of rejection and that we all think we might be misreading the signs, perhaps if you can't help me inspire him to feel safe, some of the men can tell me the signs you think you give when you are into a woman. So flip the question around, how do I know if a man is interested in me? What do you do to let a woman know you like her and would like to see more of her - it is apparent that most of you don't actually ask women out...so what do you do? What should I look for?

[jcrew11]

I am almost positive this is not a league issue. While you may not be trying to be mean, you seem to be missing the actual question at hand - hence my rephrasing with the assumptions. I am quite happy and have no issues socializing or interacting - far from it. If anything, I am the opposite - a veritable social butterfly.

 

I want to know what would make a man feel safe to ask me out. So again, assuming he is interested but feeling insecure, what can I do so that he knows he is safe with me? What could a woman do, especially if you thought she was out of your league, to get you to take the leap?

 

If there is nothing, as others have suggested, I have no problem making the first move. I have done and will do with my current crush, my own fears be damned.

 

I am curious though about a potential reframe of this thread. Assuming we are all terrified of rejection and that we all think we might be misreading the signs, perhaps if you can't help me inspire him to feel safe, some of the men can tell me the signs you think you give when you are into a woman. So flip the question around, how do I know if a man is interested in me? What do you do to let a woman know you like her and would like to see more of her - it is apparent that most of you don't actually ask women out...so what do you do? What should I look for?

 

You just have to directly ask him out or to hang out for a drink/coffee/lunch. Unless you work with him, then he might not want to date you if there could be sexual harrassment issues.

 

First, find out if he is single. Second, become a friend and get his number. Third, if he still appears disinterested, just ask him out directly.