becks77 Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 Well, I find myself in emotional turmoil yet again. After over 2 months NC, he contacted me with 'Do you ever think about me? I think about you often and dream about you. It feels strange to not know how you are...I only didn't contact you because you asked me not to. I miss you, I miss being with you and our chats - it seems crazy not to be together.' So I stupidly (oh how stupid) contacted him - I was in a weak moment, after a couple of tough days and I contacted him back. I told him I felt the same and missed him too and wasn't it crazy to not be together if we both felt this way. He then replied with 'I don't want to hurt you and I'm struggling with missing you etc..' BUT he then went on to say that he didn't think he was ready or wanted a relationship again. Then he said - 'Let's meet for a drink' - AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! WHY WHY WHY - don't they realise what this does to us??? Surely they were there too once upon a time and know how heart wrenching it is??? I haven't replied and it's killing me. I just wish I could stop feeling like this. I have made a list of things to help move past this after reading a good Buddhist article about moving on (god how I have had to make myself get out of bed today) Maybe they might help if I believe them... 1. Release your regrets - you cannot change things by rehashing them and replaying them over and over. 2. Forgive - we are human and we all make mistakes - if you tried to fix it, that's all you can do. 3. It wasn't as perfect as you think - stop romanticising - there's no such thing as the perfect one. 4. Remember when...remember before you knew this person - who were you then? You didn't need them and you don't need them now. 5. Let go - want love and happiness to enter your life - not just one person - this person is not the be all and end all of that. 6. Pain - all pain passes eventually - you cannot control what happens but you can control how you respond to it. 7. Replace your fear - fear makes you hold onto whatever appears to make you happy so you don't have to face the alternative - being alone. 8. Some things are never meant to work - no matter how much we wish they would. I feel very alone right now - ready to be over this. 1
iouaname Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 What a misleading message for him to send you I guess that is the true definition of "breadcrumbs."
Author becks77 Posted February 24, 2013 Author Posted February 24, 2013 What a misleading message for him to send you I guess that is the true definition of "breadcrumbs." I know he obviously was only thinking about himself - he said that it's hard for him too and he struggles with missing me etc. I think he feels like we're both in pain and it's ok for him to tell me that - I don't know what he expects me to do or say to that!
Ready36 Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 That was very cruel of him. Stay strong and positive! Would be really grateful for your thoughts on my post. Thanks 1
happykat Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 Yeah, that was just plain mean..and he had to know that.. what at an ass! I really like #4 -- I always think of that : I was happy and strong before him, so I know it will happen again! ... good luck to you! - this will pass 2
Author becks77 Posted February 24, 2013 Author Posted February 24, 2013 That was very cruel of him. Stay strong and positive! Would be really grateful for your thoughts on my post. Thanks It was cruel - I get that he has feelings too and missing someone is not exclusive to the dumped but he had to know what this would do to me... Yeah, that was just plain mean..and he had to know that.. what at an ass! I really like #4 -- I always think of that : I was happy and strong before him, so I know it will happen again! ... good luck to you! - this will pass Thanks I wish it would pass quickly! Sick of feeling like a ghost of myself - I like 4 too - it's hard to remember that time but if you can it helps!
cavalier99 Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 Sorry becks. You got a HUGE breadcrumb and bit. Well try not to be too hard on yourself. We all would struggle with a text like that. Next time post here 1st. You'll be fine. Your not really back at day 1 emotionally. You'll shake this off in a while and will be even more resolved to move on. Its definitely a setback but it is also another nail in the coffin. Remember your recovery is the top priority. Cav 2
Author becks77 Posted February 24, 2013 Author Posted February 24, 2013 Sorry becks. You got a HUGE breadcrumb and bit. Well try not to be too hard on yourself. We all would struggle with a text like that. Next time post here 1st. You'll be fine. Your not really back at day 1 emotionally. You'll shake this off in a while and will be even more resolved to move on. Its definitely a setback but it is also another nail in the coffin. Remember your recovery is the top priority. Cav Thanks Cav - have been beating myself up a bit - it was impossible not to respond because it gave me that hope that he had changed his mind...what a fool! I think it will help me move on because it makes me realise how selfish he is - I was in a similar position with a previous ex that still wanted to get back together and I made sure I never gave him any breadcrumbs - it's just not fair. Anyway, tomorrow is another day - hope things are good with you 1
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