Zupreme Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 My ex and I have only dated 5 months, or maybe lesser. Even though our relationship was short-lived, I love him deeply. His reason on why he ended things was because he said he doesn’t love me anymore. I felt terrible! I cried and cried. I didn’t understand why, we never argued and we always spend time with each other, and always find each other during our spare time. After the break up, every two weeks we would chat and hook up, before taking a break from each other and the cycle repeats. The break was initiated when he stopped replying my texts, and 2 weeks later, he would text me and we would resume our ‘friends with benefits’ relationship. I asked him a couple of times to get back together, but every single time, he would say that we are better off as friends. I'm heartbroken. I love him deeply and I still want to be with him. He says that he doesn’t love me anymore. Just like that. Recently, we stopped contacting each other for a month, and I just couldn’t take it anymore and texted him, telling him that I miss him. He told me that he actually misses me too but chose not to text me so as to not hurt me. We hook up twice after that and I confronted him again, he insists that we still be friends and he even hinted that he would be okay if I were to stop contacting him ever again. It hurts me! I love him so much and I don’t understand how he could fall out of love with me, as soon as he fell in love with me. The few months that we were together, was beautiful, we can't stand being apart. And now everything is in a mess in my head. I am a wreck emotionally. I even had selfish suicidal thoughts to put an end to the way I am feeling right now and to stop the aching I constantly feel. I love him and I want him back desperately, I tried NC but have proved that I couldn’t handle it and gave in in the end. Is there any way I could get him back to love me again? If I have any chance to accomplish this, how should I go about making it happen? Thanks for taking your time out to read this. Sorry if I sounded needy, I am never the type to beg for a man, but I truly love this man and I want him back so badly.
Ready36 Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 Hi there, similar kind of situation to me except that we didn't hook up or intend to have contact as such after the break (see my post). I think from the sounds of it (this is going to sound bad) but he is simply keeping his options open and enjoys the buzz he gets off knowing you are there/not over him. That's what it sounds like. It's cruel toying with anyone's emotions like that. I am in a similar boat as right now, I would still like to get back with my ex even thought my head tells me I would be insane to do so. My mom said to me (best advice ever) "sometimes people are just strange, don't ever judge them by your standards". She was spot on. I'm sincere - if I like you, I like you. I will tell you so. If something changes, it would have to be something pretty significant i.e. cheating, deception etc. because I couldn't see myself being massively into someone and then just changing my mind. But that would seem to be exactly what my ex did. We were together 7 months (short duration like yourself) took things slow and she was massively into me and the BAM out of the blue, gone. Gave a similar reason but I personally think from what she told me she is in a pretty bad place too. So, my advice to you. Go no contact EVEN IF CONTACTED. Turn the tables. Give yourself the confidence and strength that will derive from doing so. Trust me - I was in a dark place. Anyone on this site will tell you it is toaly normal to be up and down, fine one hour and then a pit of dispare the next. If someone had told me 4 months ago I would have made the progress I have made I would have never believed them. remember this the person they are now is NOT the person you loved. Was the person you loved capable of doing something like this? Not a chance. I treated my girl very, very well. When she was going through a rough time I was there for her. I did things for her no bloke had ever done before. She had been cheated on, drunk raped, abandoned by her dad and I was probably the 1st guy in her life who loved her unconditonally and then... "see ya later". That girl is NOT the girl I loved. Think that every single time the doubt, fear, loneliness creeps into your mind. 1
Author Zupreme Posted February 25, 2013 Author Posted February 25, 2013 Hi there, similar kind of situation to me except that we didn't hook up or intend to have contact as such after the break (see my post). I think from the sounds of it (this is going to sound bad) but he is simply keeping his options open and enjoys the buzz he gets off knowing you are there/not over him. That's what it sounds like. It's cruel toying with anyone's emotions like that. I am in a similar boat as right now, I would still like to get back with my ex even thought my head tells me I would be insane to do so. My mom said to me (best advice ever) "sometimes people are just strange, don't ever judge them by your standards". She was spot on. I'm sincere - if I like you, I like you. I will tell you so. If something changes, it would have to be something pretty significant i.e. cheating, deception etc. because I couldn't see myself being massively into someone and then just changing my mind. But that would seem to be exactly what my ex did. We were together 7 months (short duration like yourself) took things slow and she was massively into me and the BAM out of the blue, gone. Gave a similar reason but I personally think from what she told me she is in a pretty bad place too. So, my advice to you. Go no contact EVEN IF CONTACTED. Turn the tables. Give yourself the confidence and strength that will derive from doing so. Trust me - I was in a dark place. Anyone on this site will tell you it is toaly normal to be up and down, fine one hour and then a pit of dispare the next. If someone had told me 4 months ago I would have made the progress I have made I would have never believed them. remember this the person they are now is NOT the person you loved. Was the person you loved capable of doing something like this? Not a chance. I treated my girl very, very well. When she was going through a rough time I was there for her. I did things for her no bloke had ever done before. She had been cheated on, drunk raped, abandoned by her dad and I was probably the 1st guy in her life who loved her unconditonally and then... "see ya later". That girl is NOT the girl I loved. Think that every single time the doubt, fear, loneliness creeps into your mind. Thanks for the advise. But i know going no contact would mean that he wont ever contact me again and it breaks me to know that i wont see this man again. I love him too much. he used to be the one contacting me but gradually, i am the one contacting him now. yes, i have used that thought before (this is not the guy i love) but every time i was reminded on how great it felt when we were together and i crawl back to him again. he too had a bad past, just like me. and i thought i found someone to count on and be happy with but i am just too afraid to let go because i am afraid i would never feel this way again and i would never meet him again.. Now he is the one not replying my texts and all. the feeling i'm feeling is insufferable.. i want him back so badly. any other tips to get over this besides focusing on why he's changed or he isn't the same person anymore?
na49 Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 If he says he doesn't love you, then he doesn't love you. It doesn't matter how much you love him, you can't make him love you again. He'll have to see how life is without you and if it isn't all it's cracked up to be, he'll come back. On the contrary, if he meets someone new or likes the single life then you're out of luck. Love is weird like that. It doesn't matter how much we loved them, if they don't love us, they aren't obligated to be with us. Where does their love for us go? Usually they stop loving us because they find someone else that they'd rather be with. Am I saying he cheated on you? No. but I don't believe someone can just "fall out of love" with a person like that without there being someone else impacting their decision. Of course he's not going to tell you he's leaving you for that reason. but I wouldn't believe everything he says. So I'll suggest the same thing everyone else will suggest. Go NC and try to live your life without him. Going NC does NOT mean you won't hear from him again because you will. He just may not tell you what you want to hear and might ask if you guys could be "friends".
Author Zupreme Posted February 25, 2013 Author Posted February 25, 2013 If he says he doesn't love you, then he doesn't love you. It doesn't matter how much you love him, you can't make him love you again. He'll have to see how life is without you and if it isn't all it's cracked up to be, he'll come back. On the contrary, if he meets someone new or likes the single life then you're out of luck. Love is weird like that. It doesn't matter how much we loved them, if they don't love us, they aren't obligated to be with us. Where does their love for us go? Usually they stop loving us because they find someone else that they'd rather be with. Am I saying he cheated on you? No. but I don't believe someone can just "fall out of love" with a person like that without there being someone else impacting their decision. Of course he's not going to tell you he's leaving you for that reason. but I wouldn't believe everything he says. So I'll suggest the same thing everyone else will suggest. Go NC and try to live your life without him. Going NC does NOT mean you won't hear from him again because you will. He just may not tell you what you want to hear and might ask if you guys could be "friends". Alright, thank you so much for your advise. I guess I just have to suck it up and move on. I will do my best to not contact him now and move on... If I can ): Thank you so much for your kind replies. If it were from the others, they would judge me as someone who is needy and stupid enough to give my all for someone who doesn't love me. Thank you.
venusianx13 Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 (edited) Hi there. Sorry you're going through this, I'm sure you feel desperately hurt right now. Please know that you don't ever have to "work" to get someone to love you. Imagine a year, even, of feeling like you had to put forth immense amounts of special effort to get someone to "love" you. Wouldn't it be exhausting, and wouldn't you feel insecure? Love is not painful and it doesn't take a lot of special effort. Love isn't about playing games and doesn't fade after just 5 months. I'm pretty confident in saying that this man never really loved you. This IS in fact, hope - hope that you can salvage you self-esteem, your sense of worth, and self-love, and get on with your life. If you don't think you'll be able to ignore his texts, phone calls, etc, change your number or block him. Do not speak to him and try your best not to think of him, and I guarantee that you'll be feeling better within a few weeks, despite how badly you feel now. Again, I assure you that, yes, there IS hope... and you WILL have a happy life, and will eventually meet someone who deserves your love. But first, learn to love yourself. Edited February 25, 2013 by venusianx13
Coping Vortex Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 Hi there, similar kind of situation to me except that we didn't hook up or intend to have contact as such after the break (see my post). I think from the sounds of it (this is going to sound bad) but he is simply keeping his options open and enjoys the buzz he gets off knowing you are there/not over him. That's what it sounds like. It's cruel toying with anyone's emotions like that. I am in a similar boat as right now, I would still like to get back with my ex even thought my head tells me I would be insane to do so. My mom said to me (best advice ever) "sometimes people are just strange, don't ever judge them by your standards". She was spot on. I'm sincere - if I like you, I like you. I will tell you so. If something changes, it would have to be something pretty significant i.e. cheating, deception etc. because I couldn't see myself being massively into someone and then just changing my mind. But that would seem to be exactly what my ex did. We were together 7 months (short duration like yourself) took things slow and she was massively into me and the BAM out of the blue, gone. Gave a similar reason but I personally think from what she told me she is in a pretty bad place too. So, my advice to you. Go no contact EVEN IF CONTACTED. Turn the tables. Give yourself the confidence and strength that will derive from doing so. Trust me - I was in a dark place. Anyone on this site will tell you it is toaly normal to be up and down, fine one hour and then a pit of dispare the next. If someone had told me 4 months ago I would have made the progress I have made I would have never believed them. remember this the person they are now is NOT the person you loved. Was the person you loved capable of doing something like this? Not a chance. I treated my girl very, very well. When she was going through a rough time I was there for her. I did things for her no bloke had ever done before. She had been cheated on, drunk raped, abandoned by her dad and I was probably the 1st guy in her life who loved her unconditonally and then... "see ya later". That girl is NOT the girl I loved. Think that every single time the doubt, fear, loneliness creeps into your mind. I say that to myself everyday.
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