Mongrel Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 Hello internet. I was hoping that some of you might be able to give me some basic advice on dating. You see, I’ve only had two romantic relationships in my 25 years of life, one very short lived one with a girl in college and one foolish and ill fated internet relationship with a guy (I’m bisexual in case this didn’t clue you in). In both cases, they approached me. What this means is that I have exactly zero experience in finding someone for myself. So, basically, I’m looking for any advice you can give me starting with the basics. I’d just like to get my bearings and hopefully avoid the awkwardness of standing around in a club or bar simply not knowing where to begin. Where can you meet people, other than bars/clubs? What are the rules/rituals and social faux pas of these areas? Do they differ from each other? What’s a good way to initiate contact with someone I find attractive or interesting without seeming creepy or desperate? What do you say to them? How do you pull a person you’re interested in away from their friends? Or, alternatively, how do you approach someone surrounded by friends without it being awkward? What are the differences in approaching someone for a one night stand versus a relationship? Are there any? When should you buy someone a drink, if ever? And for gay guys, I have a few questions for you as well. I have awful gaydar, so it’s especially difficult for me to ask guys out because I’m afraid that they might be straight, which would put me in a very unpleasant situation. This is probably not as big a deal as I’m making it out to be, but I’d still like advice on it all the same. What clues you in to whether or not a guy is gay? Where do you go looking for gay guys? How do you handle it when you get a “sorry I’m straight” response? How do guys differ from girls with regards to approaching them? Finally, a friend of mine (who's in a relationship) recommended I go visit a swingers club that he and his girlfriend discovered. This is appealing to me (even though I expect it's unlikely I'd find any lasting relationship there). Does anyone have any insight on that? Particularly the rules of such an establishment, or maybe share an experience you've had at a similar club so I have an idea as to what I'm getting into. I know that these are (mostly) questions I could pose to my friends/family, but quite frankly it’s kind of embarrassing. Any advice is appreciated.
florence of suburbia Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 Can you narrow down to one or two questions to start? I think this is overwhelming for most readers.
Author Mongrel Posted February 24, 2013 Author Posted February 24, 2013 (edited) Sorry about that, I wasn't really intending for the questions to seem exhaustive, they were really more examples of things I'm interested in knowing. You certainly don't need to answer all, or even any, of the questions I asked. Any advice at all is appreciated. I tried to edit the original post but this forum won't let me, so for those overwhelmed by the OP here's a tl;dr: I'm new to dating, please walk me through the process. The two things I'm probably most interested in is 1) where to go to meet people to date and 2) what to say to them/how to approach them. Edited February 24, 2013 by Mongrel
Submisfit Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 Depending where you live, gay bars and clubs might be an option. You could also try OLD. Some friends of mine find hookups, and occasional serious relationships with an app called Grindr; basically, if there's another guy with the app within 1000 ft (or some specific distance) of you, you get a message showing you their picture and short bio. If you both check that you're interested, it connects you to chat.
Author Mongrel Posted February 24, 2013 Author Posted February 24, 2013 Thanks for your help Submisfit. A few questions: Is Grindr an Android app? I can't seem to find it for my Windows phone. If it is, do you know of anything comparable for Windows phones? There are indeed gay clubs/bars in my area, quite a lot of them actually. I've been to one or two of them before but just found myself kind of milling around not really doing much feeling awkward. Any advice?
Submisfit Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 Thanks for your help Submisfit. A few questions: Is Grindr an Android app? I can't seem to find it for my Windows phone. If it is, do you know of anything comparable for Windows phones? There are indeed gay clubs/bars in my area, quite a lot of them actually. I've been to one or two of them before but just found myself kind of milling around not really doing much feeling awkward. Any advice? I know that it's on droid and iOS, but beyond that I'm not sure. I'm hetero myself, so I'm not super acquainted with it. As for gay bars and clubs, I'd say make yourself approachable. Look like you're enjoying yourself, even if you're not; no one wants to approach the guy who looks like he doesn't want to be there. Maybe go with some friends (esp. female friends) so that you can have a good time, and still give off a vibe of being single? If you see someone that you're interested in, strike up a conversation. You should be able to tell pretty easily if he feels the same, and unless he's there with someone, he's probably looking for a date as well.
Author Mongrel Posted February 24, 2013 Author Posted February 24, 2013 Your advice seems sound, thank you for it. I wonder if we might be able to get a little more specific though? For instance, what do I do if they're surrounded by friends? Or, on a different track, are there any signals I should watch out for that show that someone is probably not interested in being approached? I know that most of this will come with experience, but I'm hoping to arm myself with as much second hand experience as I can before I try going to clubs/bars again so that I have a better time than I did with my few previous tries (some of which could be considered disasters). I've started looking into online dating as well with very little success. If my quick scan of this forum is any indication it seems online dating is a dodgy scene at best for a male, and as I mentioned in my OP I think I'd prefer to actually physically meet people anyway.
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