Is there hope that one day, she might want to try again?

[Ready36]

Apologies for how long this will be, but if I don't gie the background/detail there isn't much point in making a post is there? I should point out that we have agreed no contact henceforth as she said it is not fair - especially on me. OK...

 

We have been broken up about 4 months, together just under 7. We were both crazy about each other. She often said how attracted she was to me. Ironically, in the beginning I was playing it Mr. Cool - I don't think I was EVER a clingy guy - we saw each other a couple of days a week, spoke everyday (we live 30 miles apart). We had taken things very slow to begin with, in fact it was 3 months before we agreed we were an item and even then it seemed like a very big deal for her - but she was the one that said "I hope you don't mind, but I tell people you are my boyfriend". That night we also told each other that we loved each other. Up until then it had kind of been a fairytale romance. We NEVER argued......

 

But one day she rang and said the attraction had gone - she said she had just woken up one morning and felt differently about me. She said she had been blaiming it on hormones as she had had to have to morning after pills in a month after 2 accidents (thanks durex...). She said the last time we had been together in bed it had felt awkward. She said the other reason was that she just wanted to be by herself - she doesn't think she wanted to be with anyone and is thinking of going travelling.

 

Needless to say I was gutted - it felt like a real bolt out the blue. She had been a little 'off' the last few weeks. She said one day about a month before "I just don't feel myself at the moment and don't know why, but it is NOT you". One day she didn't ring (we kind of had a routine) I let a few hours go by and rang. After a couple of tries she answred, was a bit off and when I said flat out "do I need to worry" she was like "No, of course not don't be silly!). On the night we last had sex again she had been off again but as we were falling asleep she piped up "I love you (again) I don't know what's the matter with me at the moment but I keep having pains in my chest (she ssemed to keep having panic attacks lasting a few seconds) I just feel like I am on a train going 100mph and I just want to get off, and my firends keep coming to me with all there problems - you are the most stable thing in my life right now".

 

I should also point out that she kept telling me she loved me right up until the end. Just a few days before she ended it, she text me saying "you are always on my mind lately and I just want to be sat there cuddling you". She even gave me a surpise visit 3 days before as she said she "missed me".

 

Now I'm not saying this is the reason, I'm just looking at things as objectively as possible but she has had a lot of bad stuff happen to her in the past. Her dad left her when she was young, she had a boyfriend of 3 years who cheated on her for 6 months. Her last guy had sex with her when drunk and she had an abortion and counselling. This was about 8 months before we met. She hadn't had a serious relationship in a long time before me- just casual flings. She openly admitted that when she had been seeing these guys the last couple of years neither she or they were exclusive. Her best friend had also moved away a couple of months before with her boyfriend (who her world now rovlves around) and had distanced herself from my ex which she found hard as this is the person she had confied all this with (her support) and her othe oldest fried was being very 'off with her' too. I just tried to be supportive, be there for her, spoil her a bit more and take care of her.

 

Again in hindsight she said things (that I just put down to age - she was just turning 23 and I'm 29) like I'm not sure if I ever want to get married, I don't want kids, if I was ever in a relationship where the attraction went or there were issues in the bedroom (of the 'performance' kind) then she would know that was it etc. But I should point out in many ways, she was ahead of her years in terms of knowing herself - although she never really talked about feelings and said (I remember) "thank you, I never thought I would ever feel about someone again as I do about you - I never thought I could miss a guy"...

 

Since we broke up I have made contact, despite agreeing not to. I called a couple of weeks later - I needed answers as I just couldn't get my head round why she had suddenly felt differently after being so into me. She said I was the perfect boyfriend. She said she didn't know why, but knew that if she felt this way about me and I had been the perfect boyfriend she knew she didn't want to be with anyone and just wanted to be by herself and "sort herself out". She said that her mom had told her "If you had met M*** in 2 years that would have probably been it".

 

Then, nightmare - 2 months later (NYE) I am out in the city she lives - I see her. I think she may have seen me and tried to go past (not sure). I say hi, we hug and it was obviously a bit awkward. I then see she is seeing a guy. She is not seeing him now, he was bad news. I was STUPID, kept trying to talk to her, must have looked like an idiot. WHat's worse, in my drunken idiocy the guy came and started talking to me - telling me he was going to end it, for me to move on as I seem like a good lad and she is a "messed up girl, struggling with her mom and dad's breakup". He says if I want to go for a drink with him to talk about it, to do so. Now to anyone sober and in the right frame of mind this is insane. But I said "OK mate"... she found out and naturally wasn't happy. WHat an idiot I was...

 

But anyway, after a few not so pleasant txts/calls were exchanged we both apologised and agreed we would forget this as we had ended on good terms. 3 weeks later, I sent her a kind of 'good bye' e-mail, summing up why I thought it had gone wrong - telling her I was dating again (I'm not). I said I'm not expecting a response, but I got one and a very nice one at that. This is what it said:

 

M***

 

 

Thanks for your email. Just for the record you don’t need to explain yourself to me, I know you probably don’t understand or believe me when I say you did nothing wrong, but, you really did nothing wrong. I know the typical saying ‘its not you, its me’ never washes with people but believe me it is true. Of course I was really attracted to you, had such strong feelings for you, had such a good laugh with you and always enjoyed being in your company but I don’t think I wanted to be in a relationship, so for that, I apologise. I know I have a few ‘issues’ (I HATE that word haha) that I need to sort out. I liked the fact you were a caring person m*** and in all honesty you acted exactly the same as any other decent boyfriend in the world….. it wasn’t the way you acted….it was me!!!

 

 

 

I am pleased you have started dating again, and I really do hope you find a girl that wants the same things as you because you deserve it. Even after the NYE episode I have never felt inclined to say a bad word against you, my family and my friends know you to be ‘the lovely boyfriend I once had’ – I was just in a bit of a weird place and still am. As much as you probably wont believe me, I am not dating…. That guy you ‘met’ on NYE was nothing (not to mention he turned out to be a nasty piece of work) but my point is…..i didn’t finish our relationship to find someone ‘more exciting’ ‘better’, I finished it because its not what I wanted with ANYONE! I am struggling with a lot of stuff at the moment and I am happier being by myself and being in relationships with my friends – especially charlotte (we are going out on valentines day haha).

 

 

I have contemplating leaving and going away for a while, have been looking into it these past few weeks….. I am just so sorry you have been sat there wanting to apologise or explain yourself. You don’t need to do that with me…. You shouldnt change yourself or justify who you are because quite frankly, you really are one of the good ones and one in a million and any girl is lucky to have you – I rarely say that about the s***e I have dated, in fact normally the opposite, but with you I mean it!!! It’s a good thing I ended our relationship when I did because I wouldn’t have wanted you to be with me when im the way I am at the moment, it would not have been fair on you.

 

 

Anyway, I hope things are looking up for you and I really do wish you all the best!! Youre an absolute gem m*** and if you don’t take anything away from this conversation…please PLEASE take away the fact, this was not your fault and you couldn’t have done anything better, you were great just the way you were.

 

X x x

 

I'm no idiot, I know things are over - she needs space etc. I also realise things are more than likely over for good. But my question is I suppose:

 

Do you think she might (when her head is right) consider giving it a 2nd shot? When we first spoke after we broke up I didn't "beg" or lower myself but asked if she might consider us giving it a chance when she is ready for a relationship and she said "of course I will". Possibly a load of crap...

 

Sorry for the war and peace....

Edited February 24, 2013 by Ready36

[calgary]

so weird but my ex gave me this sort of thing about a 6 weeks ago!

exactly the same sort of thing.. just needs to sort herself out etc and it does sound like since the break up she really hasn't seen anybody else and only concentrated on herself.. I don't know if you'll ever get back together.. I don't know why this just randomly happens.

 

I feel sorry for you man it's hard going through this I know your pain, it hurts that there's just no logic behind it.. they make out like you were perfect.. I guess perfects not what a girl wants. as much as the complain and moan, they actually enjoy complaining and moaning.. it could be gigs she does fall into that age group!

[Ready36]

Hi Calargy, thanks for the reponse and I'm sorry to hear you are going through this!

 

It's funny - it seems to me (and I could be wrong here) that once things started to get a bit more serious, when I was trying to be supportive, treat that extra bit more, that's when things stared t change?

 

But then you can over analyse things. I've had a lot of people tell me the same sorts of things, mainly that:

 

1) She probably didn't know how to handle being treated so good and so sabotaged the relationship. The weird things is she did say a couple of times in a jovial way "you are too nice to me" and even "I don't deserve it, I don't do anything this nice for you". Now.... people have said that as she has only ever known bad blokes (her father included) and because of how that ended (the guy even sends her and her sister horrible txts to this day telling them he is ashamed of them!!!) that she can't handle stable, good relationshiops.

2) She got scared. Liked me a lot, began to wonder is this it? Am I ready? etc. etc. She is 23 and all.

3) She is scared of commitment and pushes people away. She once said she is most horrible to those closest to her (her mom and sister) although they have a very good relationship.

 

I couldn't help beating myself up, thinking did I change form the cool, sexy guy she said I was to some 'nice guy'. Fom her e-mail, you would think this wasn't the case and I think it is dangerous to try and analyse everyhting you did.

 

The bottom line is, I did the best I could and if it was 'me' then that's who I am and i'm not changing for no one.

 

I just hope one day she thinks to herself "I had the perfect boyfriend once upon a time"... (that's how she described me).

 

Go figure...

[jovan]

NC. And try to get used to the thought that you guy's are not 2gether anymore. If she want's to risk losing you from her life, let her! So that's my best advice I can give you, live your life like you used to, if she does come back to you, then great, but I wouldn't count on it... You don't deserve to be treated that way...

[Hopeful714]

Ok,so I read it....ughh....

 

There's happy things here, and not so happy things here.

 

The not so happy is this girl is messed up. She admitted that to you. Told you. Believe her. On my first date my ex told me he was evil and a monster...I thought yea, right. He was not lying. We don't know what her problem is for sure, but she has one. Could be depression, anxiety, hormones, whatever...but it obviously exists. Then again, she's pretty young and maybe she is just confused about life right now and what she wants in it.

 

The happy..is that I believe her. What she tells you sounds genuine. I believe what she is saying to you. She took the time to write you a very nice letter in which she took the blame and absolved you from any wrong doing. She told you she liked you a lot, was attracted to you and enjoyed your company. Yes, that's hard to believe from her actions, but to her maybe she was giving all she had to give at this time.

 

You are doing the right thing to let her go. And go NC. First, like the old saying....set it free...and if it comes back....second, you are keeping your dignity which therefore makes you look better in her eyes.

 

The problem here though is she has issues. And you can't and should not sit around and wait for her to resolve them. Nor, can you expect to fix a girl with issues. Its a hurtful story. It has similarities to mine, except my ex wasn't nice to me....at all. Sure, you feel great love for this person, but the person is sick and can't give you the love back...which makes you sick...which makes for a troubled, toxic, sick RS.

 

You are going to have to completely let this one go. Go on your way and try your hardest to forget her and find what you deserve. If somehow, someway, this was truly meant to be, I have no doubt it will be...but again, you can't put your life on hold waiting for someone to fix themselves and then hope they pick you when they are well. She will remember you...but can't make promises. And there are no guarantee's she will fix herself either ...in which case its better your gone. You can't move on and have her come back later and destroy something you've built with someone else either.

 

These are the saddest of stories...you care...but they are messed up. Be glad though..this could have been wayyyy worse. Consider yourself lucky.

[cavalier99]

Well sound like thinks ended relatively amicably. So stay NC and keep it that way. The main thing is to heal. And of course KILL ALL HOPE. Any false hope will f up your recovery

 

She doesn't want back you need to move on. Sorry man. Cav

[becks77]

I agree with the PP - avoid contact and let her work through her issues. You need to go NC because it will help you feel better - slowly - but it will help

[Ready36]

Thanks all, really appreciate it. Of course, I know I can't nor should I put my life on hold. I suppose what really messed with my head for a long time was "did I get it wrong?" all the usual and totally natural thoughts. Especially when something so really good seemingly went wrong over night.

 

I have heard people talk about feelings suddenly changing, but then I've never experienced it and I suppose in my naiviety thought that as this girl had so many bad men in her life, she would see me as the knight in shining armour.

 

I do think she has issues. I remember her saying things to me that now, with a clearer mind I think hmmmmm.... should I have spotted it?

 

She once said that just before she had met me her mom had found her in her room in the dark staring at a laptop screen of places to go. Sounds like someone wants to run away from her problems - probably thought I was the solution, but she needs to fix herself. I realise now I could NEVER have done that for her, as much as I wanted to be the guy to save her and make her happy. Only she can do that.

 

I suppose my final question is (playing devils advocate) if in say a year or two I have not met someone else and still have this "what if?" feeling going on inside of me, would it be wrong of me to make the first move and say "hey"?

[becks77]

 

I suppose my final question is (playing devils advocate) if in say a year or two I have not met someone else and still have this "what if?" feeling going on inside of me, would it be wrong of me to make the first move and say "hey"?

 

You won't be thinking about her in a year or 2 I promise - and if you are still thinking of her the only way you might contact her is if you are completely over her and would be ok knowing she is with someone else and happy

[Hopeful714]

Ready-

 

In the beginning...everybody HOPES that it will be ok. That they have finally found the one to make everything perfect. It don't happen that way. I'm finally coming to grips with this myself. At first its all nice...we put on our most positive facades...but as time goes on the real us which sometimes includes the UGLY...from past baggage, family issues, mental issues comes out. That is why you (me) her, everyone gotsta comes to grips with themselves. I give this young girl much props for being able to tell you this.

 

No playing devil's advocate. You move on. You don't know if this girl is going to get well, get worse, or whatever. Leave her alone. Someday if she ever feels well enough and wants you bad enough she will contact you....but...DONT SIT THERE AND WAIT FOR THIS. And, again, dont break someone else's heart over it. If you meet a great girl, and this one comes back..down the path...you better have a clear head of what you are doing or it can be total DISASTER! for everyone.

[Ready36]

Thnks for that. I'mnot changing for no one - I know i'm a good lad, I like to treat my girls well - spoil them, suprise them, do nice things for them and if they don't like that then they are not the right girl for me.

[calgary]

Hi Calargy, thanks for the reponse and I'm sorry to hear you are going through this!

 

It's funny - it seems to me (and I could be wrong here) that once things started to get a bit more serious, when I was trying to be supportive, treat that extra bit more, that's when things stared t change?

 

But then you can over analyse things. I've had a lot of people tell me the same sorts of things, mainly that:

 

1) She probably didn't know how to handle being treated so good and so sabotaged the relationship. The weird things is she did say a couple of times in a jovial way "you are too nice to me" and even "I don't deserve it, I don't do anything this nice for you". Now.... people have said that as she has only ever known bad blokes (her father included) and because of how that ended (the guy even sends her and her sister horrible txts to this day telling them he is ashamed of them!!!) that she can't handle stable, good relationshiops.

2) She got scared. Liked me a lot, began to wonder is this it? Am I ready? etc. etc. She is 23 and all.

3) She is scared of commitment and pushes people away. She once said she is most horrible to those closest to her (her mom and sister) although they have a very good relationship.

 

I couldn't help beating myself up, thinking did I change form the cool, sexy guy she said I was to some 'nice guy'. Fom her e-mail, you would think this wasn't the case and I think it is dangerous to try and analyse everyhting you did.

 

The bottom line is, I did the best I could and if it was 'me' then that's who I am and i'm not changing for no one.

 

I just hope one day she thinks to herself "I had the perfect boyfriend once upon a time"... (that's how she described me).

 

Go figure...

yeah exactly, I did so much for her, I tried really hard I gave it all i'd got. I played it cool in the start, her dad walked out of her life and was horrible to her too.

her last boyfriend cheated on her so much and was horrible to her, so was her boyfriend before that.. she was in her early 20's too. I can relate in a lot of ways.. she told me she doesn't want to be in a relationship right now.. she doesn't want to be with anyone else she's just trying to sort herself out so I fully understand your situation.. even her family really loved me and her friends/ co-workers. they were all my friends and I miss them like crazy and her life.

 

I miss every little thing I spent almost every day with her. I just can't understand how she doesn't miss it or want to get in contact.. it's like un-human? we'd laugh and joke everyday we were always holding hands and snuggling up. I just can't understand what happened. i'd give anything for it back.. but she doesn't want it anymore. so I've gone no contact.. and she's not contacting me? I guess it's the most horrible break up scenario.. you haven't cheated, you wasn't horrible to her, you wasn't too busy for her.. no excuses.. you was just too nice that's all.

[Ready36]

yeah exactly, I did so much for her, I tried really hard I gave it all i'd got. I played it cool in the start, her dad walked out of her life and was horrible to her too.

her last boyfriend cheated on her so much and was horrible to her, so was her boyfriend before that.. she was in her early 20's too. I can relate in a lot of ways.. she told me she doesn't want to be in a relationship right now.. she doesn't want to be with anyone else she's just trying to sort herself out so I fully understand your situation.. even her family really loved me and her friends/ co-workers. they were all my friends and I miss them like crazy and her life.

 

I miss every little thing I spent almost every day with her. I just can't understand how she doesn't miss it or want to get in contact.. it's like un-human? we'd laugh and joke everyday we were always holding hands and snuggling up. I just can't understand what happened. i'd give anything for it back.. but she doesn't want it anymore. so I've gone no contact.. and she's not contacting me? I guess it's the most horrible break up scenario.. you haven't cheated, you wasn't horrible to her, you wasn't too busy for her.. no excuses.. you was just too nice that's all.

 

How long has it been since you broke up Calgary?

 

Some people told me, that people in this sort of sitaution who have only ever known hurt - who have only ever had negative male influences in their lives have difficulty handling true happiness. Maybe because of low self esteem, they feel unworthy of it - it makes them feel uncomfortable, like they don't know how to handle it and start asking themselves "why is he being so nice to me?". I know she used to tell me things like she had dreams about me - in my dreams I was horrible to her, I was cheating or ignoring her etc. It's almost like subconciously she just didn't get why things had been so good. She actually said that too me once - she didn't understand why things had been so easy, why we hadn't argued. I think if all you are used to is instability, you perhaps can't handle stable.

 

Plus, factoring in the age thing is important. She said a lot of good things, about how attracted she was to me, that she loved me etc. But every now and then said something that should have been a red flag e.g. she once said the idea of being with one person for the rest of her life scared her. Now.. don't get me wrong - I was not, NOT even contemplating lettin g things get really serious. For the longest time I deliberatley held back a bit, played it cool until I realised how I felt. Ironically, that's when she seemed the most into me. Maybe, it's because she has always had to fight/work for male attention that she just couldn't handle unconditional love.

 

The truth - I'm not sure she has actually ever experienced a guy loving her before and it scared her.

[destroyed4sho]

Thanks all, really appreciate it. Of course, I know I can't nor should I put my life on hold. I suppose what really messed with my head for a long time was "did I get it wrong?" all the usual and totally natural thoughts. Especially when something so really good seemingly went wrong over night.

 

I have heard people talk about feelings suddenly changing, but then I've never experienced it and I suppose in my naiviety thought that as this girl had so many bad men in her life, she would see me as the knight in shining armour.

 

I do think she has issues. I remember her saying things to me that now, with a clearer mind I think hmmmmm.... should I have spotted it?

 

She once said that just before she had met me her mom had found her in her room in the dark staring at a laptop screen of places to go. Sounds like someone wants to run away from her problems - probably thought I was the solution, but she needs to fix herself. I realise now I could NEVER have done that for her, as much as I wanted to be the guy to save her and make her happy. Only she can do that.

 

I suppose my final question is (playing devils advocate) if in say a year or two I have not met someone else and still have this "what if?" feeling going on inside of me, would it be wrong of me to make the first move and say "hey"?

 

Typical case of bad girl wanting bad boy. She is not a "normie"! You are. She is not interested in you. She wants someone that is familiar ...someone that treats her asher dad treats her. Your a good guy, she has no idea what to do with you hence the questioning of why you are so nice to her, etc.

There may be chance in the future when she recognizes that she is attracted to abusive men or men that dont treat her well and wants to change. Then she has to go to years of therapy.Other than alll that you dont stand a chance.

[Coping Vortex]

yeah exactly, I did so much for her, I tried really hard I gave it all i'd got. I played it cool in the start, her dad walked out of her life and was horrible to her too.

her last boyfriend cheated on her so much and was horrible to her, so was her boyfriend before that.. she was in her early 20's too. I can relate in a lot of ways.. she told me she doesn't want to be in a relationship right now.. she doesn't want to be with anyone else she's just trying to sort herself out so I fully understand your situation.. even her family really loved me and her friends/ co-workers. they were all my friends and I miss them like crazy and her life.

 

I miss every little thing I spent almost every day with her. I just can't understand how she doesn't miss it or want to get in contact.. it's like un-human? we'd laugh and joke everyday we were always holding hands and snuggling up. I just can't understand what happened. i'd give anything for it back.. but she doesn't want it anymore. so I've gone no contact.. and she's not contacting me? I guess it's the most horrible break up scenario.. you haven't cheated, you wasn't horrible to her, you wasn't too busy for her.. no excuses.. you was just too nice that's all.

 

Women love you until they don't.

[Ready36]

The only thing I can possibly think is- I remember her once saying to me "you are the perfect balance between compassionate and sexy, don't ever change".

 

That played in my mind- was it that I stopped being sexy in her eyes? I feel like I was doing more for her, but the last couple of months she was going through a tough time. Maybe I did too much. But then I think you can over analyse and will always see yourself as the one to blame.

 

More and more I'm starting to think that she just didn't know how to handle normal!! And a decent bloke. At first it would have seemed a novelty, she sai I wasn't her normal type. I never got to the bottom of what her type was but I think it was doorman/bouncer type guys. Well im 5"9 and medium build lol.

 

 

Maybe she meant I was a thoughtful guy, who knows. Maybe she felt that in her state she couldn't give as much as she got . Maybe she wasn't ready?

 

 

Her email above screwed with my head a little- if I did nothing wrong, really did nothing wrong, does that mean there was nothing I could have done? There is a difference in my mind to not doing something wrong and not getting something right- but she told me she liked that I was caring etc and it really is her and not the way I acted.

 

 

Confused.....

Edited February 26, 2013 by Ready36

[Ready36]

The only thing I can possibly think is- I remember her once saying to me "you are the perfect balance between compassionate and sexy, don't ever change".

 

That played in my mind- was it that I stopped being sexy in her eyes? I feel like I was doing more for her, but the last couple of months she was going through a tough time. Maybe I did too much. But then I think you can over analyse and will always see yourself as the one to blame.

 

More and more I'm starting to think that she just didn't know how to handle normal!! And a decent bloke. At first it would have seemed a novelty, she sai I wasn't her normal type. I never got to the bottom of what her type was but I think it was doorman/bouncer type guys. Well im 5"9 and medium build lol.

 

 

Maybe she meant I was a thoughtful guy, who knows. Maybe she felt that in her state she couldn't give as much as she got . Maybe she wasn't ready?

 

 

Her email above screwed with my head a little- if I did nothing wrong, really did nothing wrong, does that mean there was nothing I could have done? There is a difference in my mind to not doing something wrong and not getting something right- but she told me she liked that I was caring etc and it really is her and not the way I acted.

 

 

Confused.....

 

• 
  

[marklarsson]

Women love you until they don't.

 

Could not have said it better myself

[marklarsson]

The only thing I can possibly think is- I remember her once saying to me "you are the perfect balance between compassionate and sexy, don't ever change".

 

That played in my mind- was it that I stopped being sexy in her eyes? I feel like I was doing more for her, but the last couple of months she was going through a tough time. Maybe I did too much. But then I think you can over analyse and will always see yourself as the one to blame.

 

More and more I'm starting to think that she just didn't know how to handle normal!! And a decent bloke. At first it would have seemed a novelty, she sai I wasn't her normal type. I never got to the bottom of what her type was but I think it was doorman/bouncer type guys. Well im 5"9 and medium build lol.

 

 

Maybe she meant I was a thoughtful guy, who knows. Maybe she felt that in her state she couldn't give as much as she got . Maybe she wasn't ready?

 

 

Her email above screwed with my head a little- if I did nothing wrong, really did nothing wrong, does that mean there was nothing I could have done? There is a difference in my mind to not doing something wrong and not getting something right- but she told me she liked that I was caring etc and it really is her and not the way I acted.

 

 

Confused.....

 

• 
  

maybe you be you have to accept the fact that there was nothing you could have done. its a large pill to swallow but me personally if my ex told me there was nothing i did wrong or could have done i would be happier than if she gave me a whole list of things i did wrong and there was still nothing i could have done.

[magnoliasoutherly]

If it makes you feel any better, I often wonder why the men I've had in my life have never loved me the way you all seem to love yours. In other words, your love for her is very beautiful.

 

I'm no idiot,

No, you're very much not.

 

Do you think she might (when her head is right) consider giving it a 2nd shot?

Honestly, it doesn't sound like it. It sounds like she is moving on and I doubt very much she'll come back to you.

 

I know that is hard to hear and I know that the pain is just about unbearable, but there it is. I have to agree with the others by going NC. It is the best thing you can do for yourself.

 

I think your final email to her was sweet and touching. It's a perfect exit email and I think it would be best for you to leave it at that.

 

Stay out of her area of town as well. Stay as far from her as possible.

 

Hugs.

[marklarsson]

If it makes you feel any better, I often wonder why the men I've had in my life have never loved me the way you all seem to love yours. In other words, your love for her is very beautiful.

 

No, you're very much not.

 

Honestly, it doesn't sound like it. It sounds like she is moving on and I doubt very much she'll come back to you.

 

I know that is hard to hear and I know that the pain is just about unbearable, but there it is. I have to agree with the others by going NC. It is the best thing you can do for yourself.

 

I think your final email to her was sweet and touching. It's a perfect exit email and I think it would be best for you to leave it at that.

 

 

Stay out of her area of town as well. Stay as far from her as possible.

 

Hugs.

 

that is the irony sometimes gesture you do in the attempts win back your ex may not b appreciated by them but are appreciated by others. sometimes it does come down to maturity.

 

sending a bouquet of flowers to your ex to say sorry to an immature girl may respond with "stop sending that to my house you creep".

a more mature woman rather will say something like 'thanks for the flowers they were nice but i will appreciate it if you didnt send anymore because i just need some space right now"

 

especially if the break up was not a dirty one. a man is more likely to respect the second response than the first.

[StraylightRun24]

maybe you be you have to accept the fact that there was nothing you could have done. its a large pill to swallow but me personally if my ex told me there was nothing i did wrong or could have done i would be happier than if she gave me a whole list of things i did wrong and there was still nothing i could have done.

 

marklarsson you are completely right about this but it seems like Ready36 is much like myself, we're our harshest critics. My ex while breaking up with me gave me a very similar line, "It's nothing you did..." and to be quite honest that stung like hell because in my eyes that meant, "it's just you..."

 

That's not true though Ready36, trust me! I've gone through the guilt, shame, and self-pitying during the last 2 months of BU/NC wondering what I could have done differently, what's wrong with me, and so on. In the end I have come to realization (even though I do sometimes slip back into that funk) that I did everything in my power to be the best boyfriend possible because I was in love with this girl. Unfortunately she decided to end things for her OWN reasons and I had no control over that.

 

It's a hard road ahead Ready36 but you'll get through this. My best advice is don't blame yourself over something you had no control over and do your very best to not try and over-analyze everything that happened in the relationship. I'm speaking from personal experience....it gets you no where.

[magnoliasoutherly]

If I may, I see a common theme here.

 

My ex while breaking up with me gave me a very similar line, "It's nothing you did..." and to be quite honest that stung like hell because in my eyes that meant, "it's just you..."

 

if my ex told me there was nothing i did wrong or could have done i would be happier than if she gave me a whole list of things i did wrong and there was still nothing i could have done.

 

Granted, I cannot speak for all women, but I can speak for many of us (so please take this into account as I write this). I am guilty of saying that same thing "It's nothing you've done". While it is very true when I have said it, all these years later I have learned something about men too. Mostly because they tell me this, so it's not a guess.

 

Men tend to want to fix things. They want to know what went wrong. In a man's mind, that is the simple answer. The problem is that women don't think like that. There is no simple answer for us. We're a ball of feelings and logic plays no part in it whatsoever.

 

The truth is that we usually don't really know the cause ourselves. It's hard for men to accept that. They wonder 'Is it another man?' 'Is it boredom?'

'Is it sexual incompatibility?' It may not be any of those and we still may not be sure. We just know that it's not working the way we had hoped.

 

There is a lot of truth in that men can never figure out what women are thinking. A large percentage of that is because many times we can't figure it out either. lol! I kid you not.

 

that is the irony sometimes gesture you do in the attempts win back your ex may not b appreciated by them but are appreciated by others. sometimes it does come down to maturity.

Oh absolutely. Maturity is everything.

[McDonald]

My ex a few days before the break up was telling me things like "I don't deserve you". Then she leaves me for someone else... Go figure.

 

I guess there's no point in trying to understand why they do what they do...

[Ready36]

My ex a few days before the break up was telling me things like "I don't deserve you". Then she leaves me for someone else... Go figure.

 

I guess there's no point in trying to understand why they do what they do...

 

 

 

Interesting point, I can't help but feel that she kind of felt like that- maybe she felt uncomfortable having someone treat her good when all she has known is guys who treat her like dirt?