thepeople Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 My girlfriend and me met 4 years ago when I was going through a messy heartbreak, she was 18 and I was 23 and we lived in different cities. Over the next couple of years we got closer, started having sex and she pursued me, wanting to make things official - which we did 2 years ago, just before she moved to the same city as me. The last 2 years have been excellent, we are loved up, fairly independent though see each other 3/4 times a week. She is more instigated into my friendship group than any partner ever has been. A couple of times she has moved into my flat for a month or 2 in-between places, its always been great. Sex is amazing. About 4 months ago I was getting a train to see my parents and asked to see me at the station. She said she was having a panic that she wasnt 100% about our future. I said that was understandable, we were still young and not looking at marriage yet. There was always a small undercurrent of an issue that we are different religions but that was more for our families as neither of us practice. The next 4 months were great, id get emails in the morning after leaving her place saying miss you already. Valentines day (last week) was great, she couldnt wait to show me the lingerie she had bought. 2 Days later she was in a bad mood and decided she was going to come late to my mates bday drinks. By the time she arrived the queue was long and she was in it for an hour, she left early and sent me a message saying she didnt feel right. I spoke to her on the phone, went round and she said she couldnt put her finger on it but didnt feel right, was away for the next week and felt she needed the time to think so would appreciate us not speaking. Believing I had to let her have the space I agreed. Last week was terrible, I was devastated thinking I had lost her and so out of the blue, hoping shed text saying she missed me but it didnt happen. On Thursday she sent a message saying she hadnt had time to think and could we give it one more week. I asked what she needed time to think about and she sent a message when drunk at 2am saying she needs time to live life on her own. I thought I had been dumped over text. I waited for her to get back to the country on Friday and called her to say lets meet up and talk. We chatted for half an hour...I hadnt been dumped but she said she had worked 5am-midnight every day and genuinely had not had time to think. I said that if there is something going on she can talk to me, im her bf and here for her but she was adamant that she needed a few more days, Im away Mon-Wed and we agreed to meet Wed night. Today is her 23rd birthday and Im not involved and pretty hurt. Im trying to play a tight NC game but said id call her today to wish her happy birthday, though not sure whether i should. I think shes panicking about her lost independence - she is a fiercely independent person and were pretty loved up, shes possibly also seeing now as the only real opportunity to live the single life and its understandable to an extent but I dont think either of us will be happier without the other and she gets a lot of attention... if I dont fight think she will quickly find solace elsewhere. I dont want to lose her, cant believe its gone downhill so quickly with no real explanation (she doesnt seem to know the questions let alone the answers yet) and dont know what to do. Could a deep and emotive convo on wed produce issues we can work on? Or is it a lost cause? thanks
Author thepeople Posted February 24, 2013 Author Posted February 24, 2013 ta John...see from your other posts you quite the cynic though...any other thoughts?
Navajo46 Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 I hate to say this, but there is a chance there is another guy involved. I went through this two years ago and again with the same girl 3 months ago. When there is another guy involved to whatever extent they lie there asses off and will not tell you the truth. 2 years ago, we broke up and she was seeing another guy for a few weeks while still living in my house. I have no doubt he was in the picture before and she lied straight to my face when I checked the cell phone bill and found his number. Hopefully that is not the case, but it seems when things go downhill that fast as you say it is a possibility. All I can say is let her know how you feel and then stay no contact. Won't help begging and pleading etc. when they are not sure what they want. Hope things work out the way that you want!
todreaminblue Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 i havent doen the space thing....when i break up with someone i say it outright the reasons why....over the phone once we were in an ldr.....that i wanted it over with...i told him the reasons why....... i dont believe space works to work things out.......i take the space i need in time to work out how to talk it out........that isnt a fact of backing off from a relationship and not contacting the other person...my space can take an hour no more .....to workout where i am at what i am feeling......that isnt where my life is going or major life decisions but more what is bothering me in behaviors or attitude...i split up with soemone if they arent on the same path....different goals and i dont need space to see that.....in a relationship they have always been major deal breakers when they havent worked.......cheating deception lies........everything else i can work out ....by talking it over with the partner i am with... i dont understand people who say i dont know where i am going in a relationship ....but that is there way.......to me its so simple where youa re going in your life is too share a life with a person you love.....thats how i start a relationship and fight to hold onto one........i think you just have to be sure of where you are going ....if you love this woman....fight....if you dont love her...dont fight......you cant control another's actions but you can act decisively to stay true to what you are seeking to have and to hold.....hold onto those aims ideals and values....and fight for them if they are worth fighting for...only you know if they are worth that...no one on here knows.........best wishes.........deb
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