My story so far..

[808state]

So here we go. First I thank those posting their situations, I find comfort in the fact I am not alone right now. I'll include the back story then ask advise (think I know it is to remain NC)

 

I had been in a 23 month commited serious relationship w/ a girl (her 24 me 29) until Jan 24th. I'm 3 days NC since moving out after 1 yr sharing an apt.

 

So end of march 2 years ago a mutual friend (he's gay) invited our group of friends out for his birthday. He was having drama so it was on again off again, finally an hr before it was on but I was an hr away w/ my dad as he was I town. Glad I didn't go (soon you'll hear why)

 

The next week he texts me that a smaller group is going out that night & I was @ dinner a couple blocks away so I headed over. In line to get in was my usual friends and then her. The most beautiful girl I had ever seen. At first I didn't know she was part of our "click". But her wedged between ppl I knew, I figured she was. We went in & another guy in our group who I had gone out w/ said be my wingman while I scout (he tried to get anything walking all the time). I crused then saw while with a few of my other friends he was buying the "new girl" drinks. One after another. About an hr later I started to talk to her, could see she was a little faded but finally she wasn't around him. I assumed he knew her, but she said no, she just met him when they pregamed it @ my friends (gay guy) place. She and I hit it off immediately as we where from the same county some 2,500 miles away & worked in the same industry. She asked for my # so we could go to lunch @ a place who sold our local food style. I was in bliss. Then 20 mins later I watch her and he make out in the corner. It stung but I just met her. An hr later right @ last call I headed out & said goodbye to her, he had his arm around her. Once I got home I text her nice meeting u. She wrote back right way u too! I knew that guy & hoped she didn't fall into his trap. Then @ 3:30am she called while driving home saying she just left out gay friends place, had some waters but wanted to talk on the drive home bc she was tired. We did & I woke up to a fb request that morning/noon. I added.

 

We dated for a month 2/3 times a week, dinner ect , met up & saw each others places, work ect. It was when I was back w/ my group of friends someone mentioned her as the girl "my friend" ****ed. I was a little hurt but let it go until she called me that night. I said I heard a rumer @ she asked what. She said that was a lie. I saw everything, she lost her grandpa that week & was said & want proud of the way she acted that night it's not like her. (which my gay friend said when ppl mentioned it, they have been friends 15 yrs) I believed her, was ok, she said she wished I met her the time b4 & we moved on. Then @ another friends bday someone else mentioned her as the girl that slept w/ him. Too many rumors, I figured I'd ask her in person as now I was really falling for her & kissed her & slept beside her (nothing more than the amazing kiss & then holding all night). When I asked her she started crying. Why r people saying this? Then she confessed, when they went back our friend (gay) who had a DUI didn't want her leaving till sober so he put on a movie, gave her 2 glasses of water & said leave after. The guy I saw her make out w/ live in the same complex so her hung too. As soon as the friend passed out, she said that the guy started kissing on her. She was uncomfortable as her friend was on the same couch. He began to touch her and that's when she refused & said I can't. She said nothing more than his hand inside her shirt & it freeked her out why she left even knowing she was a little buzzed still. She called me about that time too. I was hurt she didn't tell me the truth first but it was before either of us had feelings or emotions anyway. She confessed her first partner cheated after yr 3 & she didn't find out till yr 5 when he went all the way & confessed. Her last was a 1.5 yr rebound & that 7 months b4 me it was a guy she liked that openly admitted he wanted fwb w/ girls & had a couple while seeing her. That one time fling made it why she & I took so long to take ourselves to the intamacy (which I picked up on) so I believed her & understood.

So we went on to a great 6 months no issues AT ALL! She was only earning enough to pay 80-90% of her bills so I helped. I even gave her extra money so if her friends were going to do something she had cash not an overdraft like she did b4 me all the time. One night while i wss at work she txt me w/ fiends free drinks. So drunk can't wait to see u. I said I'd pick her up after work or take a cab home & I'll meet u. She knew I lost the girl I dated in HS to a car crash due to DUI leaving a party. When I got off I called her, she was driving home. I hung up went to her place & told her I was disappointed, I could smell it on her & her words were slurred. She cried and the next day beged forgiveness. I slowly came back & she never even close in the next 18 months did anything like that.

 

Then one day about 8 months into our RS & no fights att all, I was uneasy, my dad didn't confirm his flight arrival (airline CPT) I didn't want to let her know I was affraid something happened as my fear was him leaving & never returning due ro a crash. Since he didn't text back, i was paranoid so I closed off & she could tell, thinking it was something she did. We had our 2nd argument when she said don't bother going early to see him wait till the morning. I said u either come w/ me or stay here. I want to go see him (hoping his plane was in the air) She backed off, said relaxe hes ok. We headed to where he was to meet me in a few hours. As I put the car in park, my mom called to say the police just called to say he was found "expired" in his hotel from a fall in the shower and couldn't make it to the phone, lost consciousness half way from bathroom to phone.

 

I was in shock!!! Both of us!!! She spent a lot of time w/ us & we were buying an apt that he suggested she & I move into. The last thing he said when I hugged him last was take care of her! She consoled me the whole night and morning till I flew home to be w/ my mom and brother. She wrote an email saying how much she loved me, never will leave. We will get through this. Everything I needed to know. She became my rock. The day after his funeral I was in a massive 5 car accident on highway & seperated 3 ribs one up against my hear that they though had punctured it due to low BP. I was bedridden weeks, couldnt walk a block for months. I rehabbed months. Was off work and w/ that & the with loss of dad had to see therapist for PTSD & found I had an underlaying OCD. (why the kiss was burned in my brain so long)

W/ her financial issues (roomie gave her a weeks notice was leaving, me need a place as dad and I situation on hold, I moved in.) I asked about lease and if I was on it, how long, security dep being payed to me or og roomie etc. I come from conservative religious family her Dad (VERY religious) and mom (very organic the universe takes care of us) split @ age 4 after 6 yrs. he got citizenship & left. Paid child support which her mom (struggling painter) used for rent till she turned 18 and then asked her to split bills. Her mom left family rental prop after not being able to afford it just b4 we met. Mom Booked trips home than dropped how my ex was going to repay her, cost her an internship cause they said she wasn't commited if she was flying home a week b4 her yr assessment.

That takes me to next issue. Please stay w/ me, need advise. I put her car bills on my 0% credit card she made payments on, I paid grocceries, furniture (she had a used mattress and a couch she split w/ old roomie that she still owed on, that was all) I bought us a plasma tv, movies, dinner table chairs, coffee table light etc. then I found out the extra folding money she was getting from me, telling me she has $6 till payday a week away, was being saved to go home. Basically I was risking my credit, giving $ to fly her home. I found out & we fought. She said The $ was a gift & who cares what she did w/ the excess, she was trying to save $40 a month for a flight home & hoped I'd be home then too so we'd have a Christmas together. She got VERY defensive about $. I understand someone who grew up in a double wide, the a trash shack on an island the when dad has to pay Child support cause she was in US that mom used it for own financial sort falls. But I was living off savings! Money I saved to buy a home, to share with her at that point. We said hurtful things, went to corners and cried and then hours later she apologized and paid off the cc she borrowed. (she had 3 outstanding collections so NO credit at all!) she was never the same about me helping her again. Only if she HAD to she asked. Which was every other month.

 

Once I woke up @ 3 am to our recently single neighbor texting her "need me tonight again" this after I was away a week. I got scared asked her, she said she asked him to walk her in b/c no parking so he was up & helped her find parking & walked her into building cause the area was sketchy. I said I had a tough time believing cause the 1st night we met. She lost it @ me! A yr ago & I apologized! I got Cheated on, u think I'd do that! I can't believe u; I'm still paying for that! I got upset when I saw her cry & apologized. It's wasn't fair. I brought insecurities in and made sure not to raise voice or say hurtful things. I apologized & we didn't hold each other that night till 3 am she said sorry, I should've told u I asked him to walk in. I was scared and I never did anything with him or anyone else. I love u and only u. We cried, held and made love. (that was def NOT an issue or us from 1st time! We both couldn't believe how amazing!!! Everytime!!! Just saying.)

So my anxiety was getting better around late may when her & I got into an accident & I reinjured my ribs. She strained her neck, back, hip & had to take a week off work cause she couldn't walk. Knowing she wasn't able to pay bills & her car totaled (no content insu) she was freeked. Now I was afraid of everything! Next door neighbor found dead on doorstep, guy goes on killing spree two blocks up, gang fight out front our bedroom window, 3 domestic arrests in same house. I was losing it! Feared everything & started theropy for PTSD. She came to every session (sometimes 2 hrs sleep since off @ 3am & apt at 9) even switching shifts to be there for me. It was the I knew this is THE one! My family LOVED her, my mom offered to pay all our bills till we got back to work, even paid for our holiday to go to my best friends wedding. They hung out everytime my mom was in town and my mom bought everything. My ex would say, everything I am wearing except my undies your mom bought me. I liked that she was apart of my family! For 5 months I gave her my car, filled it up, paid everything till month 3 when she was working and paying all bills.

I found my ex a new car. Her dream car and got my friend to take 3k off which was less than they'd get as a trade in. I even linked it to my car so the insu was $120 less a month! She got an insurance pay out for the accident & in Nov paid the car off, bought a laptop, etc. the money was intended for her if she needed further treatment since a preexisting injury isn't usually covered for surgery, which she knew when the lawyer cut the check. Within a month the 11k was down to 3.

That same month she got a great new job finally. We would now make the same exact amount as I returned to work the same time. It was then I noticed the "I'm miss independent!". I am getting take out every night cause I can. But the when we she got groceries, she'd asked me to split it. The 9 months I was off work I went through 80% of my savings and my ability to buy a place was a distant memory! I know had same as her saved up! Nothing close to a down payment!

I kept my mouth shut cause when I did question why she wanted to get takeout, get a new computer ($400 more than I get it w/ my company discount) she would say, don't tell me how to spend my money!!! I was hurt, I had gone from ritches to rags when the economy fell. I just didn't want to see her hit like I did. I wasn't pushy, just informative. I never meant to be controlling, I just said, I have invested a lot emotionally, time and yes financially & think it best we discuss things like that when she is living off me & my families kindness. Her own family kept saying, I'm having a hard enough time as it is honey. I Actually heard her mom say that when she asked to borrow money. This after her mom pulled her life savings (62yrs old btw) of 50k out of the bank & hid it in yard b/c of the Myan thing. I was concerned w/ my anxiety but I didn't make any pre-emptive plans. I apologized and said to myself if I am being used so be it. I'd rather help than do what everyone else in her life has done.

 

Two weeks later, a day or so before my dads 1yr aniversey of his passing. She did the unthinkable. Here's how it all went south. I surprised her w/ Christmas tree even though she was going home in 5 days till boxing day. The next day I came home from work to see she in the middle of decorating the apt and tree. I thought it was so sweet! We made out & had the most amazing u know what! She said one day she wants to go all the way & carry my child! I said I can't wait to be a family. When I got out of the shower she was on new laptop FB messaging a "friend from back home". I thought nothing of it.

She interacted w/ me about him inventing something. I had my mom arriving @ 4 am so I said I would go to bed. She messaged him next to me for a bit & I asked to use her iPad to play word game. She stopped messaging him & showed me stuff on amazon. After 10 mins I out the iPad down. She went to living room, I tried to sleep. I couldn't grabbed the iPad and as I clicked it on, messages from him popped onto the screen. "really when" "oh her, just once" then "I can't believe u did". I wasnt one to check on her etc. I walked out to confront her & saw her on Fb msg, I didn't know how to ask so I went to bathroom. When I walked out she was on amazon again. I got suspicious and walked to bedroom door way, I turned around & in seconds she was back on FB. I went to iPad and touched FB, it opened & there it was 10 messages that killed me inside! Stuff lik

her "did u finger her?" he wrote "yes". She writes" I had a 1night stand, gross it haunts me!" him "three some?" her "sorta made out w/ them at same time " her others were "got hammered @ my bday party threw up on myself & passed out while we were getting it on". An hr later she wrote. "too many four locos that's when I got super drunk when I slept w/ him and threw up & blacked out @ my party, ass" "gotta let lose once in a while, life's too short." "come home when I'm there! I miss my buddy"

I calmly walked out to her, she was so surprised. I looked at her & said u disgust me. I can't believe u r doing this right now. I was shaking I was so upset! I felt betrayed. She said I was crazy she was just talking to friend she hadn't seen in yrs or talked to in over a yr. both convos she started. He started the sexual talk but she sought him out to chat. I read her the one night stand word for word. She cried historically. She said she was lying to him, trying to get him to confess he cheated. She said they had a "Relationship" in HS later when pleading I calm down she said she chose words wrong, they were friends as he used to hang w/ her ex (one who cheated). I got even more furious. I began to cry like the time my 2 exes of 4 yrs prior admired cheating on me. I told her I had no idea how upset I was. We were already easing our voices. I told her I was goin to shower ( where I go to cry so I don't realize how many tears are streaming) I said take my gun in case (only I knew where the key was hidden) and to hide it. Prior law enforcement exp I knew if police respond to domestic @ registered gun owner its a code 3 higher threat level & all parties cuffed till weapon is found. She complied.

I came out of shower and sat on couch crying. She Tried to console me but I didn't want her touching me! I asked her what she would do if she read me sending those messages. She admited she'd leave me. I said don't be surprised if that's what I do. For now I need to think. She walked to bedroom hysterical. I remembered she had my old phone which she checked FB on every 10 mins. I went and grabbed it and demanded she get her own. She got VERY aggressive w/ me. Grabbing me telling me to leave her phone alone. I said if she calls him & tells him they were lies about her I'd feel better. She said she won't do that so I put it out on the deck. I wanted to throw it but I learned from previous RS that type of aggression only makes me look stupid. I told her to do what she wanted, I had no right touching her phone, she had no right grabbing and hitting my hands. I said I will never trust her again. I changed and went to the airport 3 hrs early to get my mom.

My mom stayed w/ us. Two nights later I came home to my ex in tears on bed. Begging to not leave her. That I HAD to believe her. She'd never do anything behind my back, that her actions were stupid & don't let them cause us to break up. I said I was going to dinner w/ my mom & she asked about her. If she was willing to work through it, regain my trust, how ever long. Show up. Otherwise pack a night bag, stay at a friends and the following day when taking my mom down to families place, I'd let her know we where done. 20 mins later she showed up at dinner, to my surprise.

So we for a week tried. Every text it was in the back of my mind. Every FB log in I read her profile. She knew I was guarded the 1st time ever. She left to go home 4 days later. I told her I had major trust issues still. She just said I know, I am sorry.

 

The 2nd day out there she posted a pic on my moms FB and in the same album on her page was a picture of her & this guy she was messaging. I txt her the pic & asked if this was the same guy. After having her just text be b4 I asked her, she ignored me all night. Then I said the next day there has to be major changes. This isn't fair that I have to deal w/ this. My family doesn't know. I got an email that night. "My silence has been that Ive been reflecting on our relationship and rereading all you have written to me. I do agree with you, big changes are necessary. Our relationship does not work for either one of us. This is finally very clear to me.

You have paid*until January 1st, Please have your things out of the apt by then. *

I don't want to have any discussions about our relationship anymore. As I said, I'm am very sure of this."

 

I was crushed. I wanted communication, she was throwing in the towel. (did it once month 3 when she saw her ex leaving home & remembered all the pain & didn't want to do that again. Then 2 days later called me apologizing. I called left a message in tears. I said I want to talk & u want to break up. She called back saying I was ruining her time w/ her mom. I wasnt truly forgiving her. She then said she need a day to think. Called next day & said sorry. Doesn't want to give up.

Everything fine for week. Picked her up & airport. Let her borrow my car b/c her fiend didn't want to get up @ 5am to return car that they used 2 weeks (their car repo b/c goes out too much blows $) she asked me 3 times what time I get off. I waited in 30 degree weather 25 mins, called and txt no answer. Fears of trust back so I walked home. Half way home I checked my phone she called 2 times. Txt lost track of time, on way. 10 mins. I didn't want a fight (bummed cause I had a great night planned, dinner movie intamacy) I wrote back don't worry, on my way home see u there. I walked in & she was on iPad messages. It popped & she looked at me and said I know what u r thinking its my aunt! I said I am going to get warm and shower. Turned heater on, closed one door but kept other open so I didn't seam mad. She started picking fight. Why did u ignore me! What's ur problem now? Another bad day @ work? I said I was bummed I waited and had to walk home. Then she lost it! Stuff like... It's my fault right! I didn't answer my phone, I sent the messages! U r unbelievable!

The apt was half packed cause the nights she ignored me I boxed stuff up cause either way we were planning on moving cause all the safety of the area.

I got out of the shower and under covers (cold still) she came in & was cruel trying to provoke me. I said stop yelling, please close door cause it's cold. "cause I left out in the cold right! She walked out door wide open to the living room (no heater). I got up closed it. 5 mins back in she really layed into me. I knew in Hawaii I knew this RS is t healthy. I put in my headphones to not lose my cool or say hurtful things back. She walked out door open again. I said I should've listened to email and slammed door. Got back into bed. She walked in & said then pack the rest. Pissed I said sure. I put more in the half empty boxes. Then she opened the front door bag still packed from trip. I said where r u going, u don't have a car. She replied. I'm giving u room to pack & get out. 1st was in 3 days. I got warm clothes on grabbed shoes and keys & went out looking for her. Called & she ignored me. I walked up and down the area in the cold. All night she ignored me (I had work 9am next day, slept 20 mins)

Finally the next day she said I am safe at a friends. I waited 3 days she came back the 2nd when I left a note in apt that I deserve to be talked to not ignored. That night she was there. I planned on it being over and how we'd work out sec deposit, etc. I mentioned it she exploded into tears. Said she doesn't want this. I held her & she cried like I have never seen. Like on the news when a family

Member finds out that their loved one is killed etc. I changed my tune instantly. What do u want? She said u. I want to be happy. I want u to forgive me & I want us to be together like we both planned. I stayed. We were good, real

Good, for a week.

 

I got back to town after a day she had to go back early. My phone was dead so I waited at the train loading area, thought that was logical. I saw her parked across the st (to her defense she dropped off there once b/c it is easier to get on highway. I simply said after kissing her and saying I missed u, next time meet me at loading zone and I'll do the same. She ignored me, a 30'sec I said did u hear me. She replied we r done talking about this! I get it I did the wrong thing ONCE again! I said it wasn't wrong just now we have a plan. She said well, it wasnt right!!! I couldn't believe it came to arguments about this! When we got home she said she can't do this anymore. I said u r breaking up with me again, twice in 2 weeks a week before my birthday?! Unr unbelievable, cause I came up with a plan do both of us as we take the train to our families places often now. Wow. SHE brought up messages again. Saying I know we're going to argue & that's gonna come up like it did about the night we met! (once in 2 yrs I mentioned it. & the messages I was determined to move on from)

I said to her you tell yourself a lot that isn't true and then u treat me like I did say or do what u think. (once I said something wasn't my fault, she replied, I didn't say it was ur problem I know I have to deal with it. Your not my father!" wtf?) u treat me like I did what u think I am GOING to do! You put the boxing gloves on and throw walls up & the slightest HINT of conflict! I don't deserve it. Do what u want. I went and watched tv. She came out and said how can I forgive her when she can't forgive herself. She said she knows she ruined it, she wrote that & created the trust issues. I said I am determined to work throught it not leave. She stayed 2 weeks. But everyone saw the new her. Snappy. Condisending. Rude remarks like bday tomorrow, I'm with an old man. My mom said nice shirt who got u that. since she bought it, ex replied some old bag.) I think she meant it sarcadtically. But it was tasteless. She even looked at job opens in Oregon infront of my mom who moved closer to be around (1.5hr away) to me and my brother (marine who joined in my dads honor, whom I worry about his saftey, she said that contributed to her not wanting to be w/ me) I said, u want to move to Oregon? First I knew of it. She said "maybe". Obviously mom asked me privately if we were moving. Day of my bday my car was in shop, asked if we could take her car to lunch w/ my friends (same place her & I had first date) she said I u have to. Wow I gave her a car for 5 months & 10 plus tanks of gas! Ok. I bit my tongue. More than once, pick up your shoes by the couch before u go she said as she had clothes from 3 days on the bathroom floor. Didn't want to go to my bday lunch cause she was feeling sick, but walked up to store for Gatorade and cleaning supplies. I was so confused! My mom left 2 days early cause she was uncomfortable around her. 1st time, they were inseparable when together.

 

Last part. So I was headed to my families place and she to hers jan 23. Hers said they were busy so she asked if she could come w/ me. Of course I said he's even though I didn't like what I was seeing (blamed it on pms). She got very needy that night at my families, wanted me to be around her not wait for them outside as they were on their way. Asked why we had to sleep on air mattress, why my mom wouldn't let us have the guest house. (she usually stayed on couch in living room at cousins but their new cat kept her up 2 nights) then the morning it ended!

I woke up at 6:45a to a little deflated mattress and full bladder! I didn't want to wake her by getting up b/c I new she had cramps night b4. I waited till I had to get up. She woke up to me getting off bed, asked to hold her. I did, but said I had to go bathroom. She said can I go change myself first? I said sure like 10 mins later she comes out. Said please wait she had to go #2 (has a condition but no Insurance (part why i wanted to get back to work so when we got married and she needed healthcare). I was thinking like really but oh well. I waited 2 hrs for this! The main house locked I had no choice. My mom left her ring in bedside table. I had a deposit on a ring for v day for my ex. To show her I cherish her and want her to see a reminder of my love (never bought a girl a promise ring). I just didn't know her size. As we waited, I asked if she liked it, she shrugged, I said try it on (so I could get her size) she put it on her pinky then thumb. I said what about ring finger. She said no and handed it back to me. I said why. She said she didn't know, there's no reason. Stop making me do things I don't want to! Surprised I said sorry. I went to go to bathroom. She stopped me and said hold me. I did and then she said, know ur mad about the ring. What the hell?! I said I'm not, I got to pee, I've had to pee just don't want to wake her up. She replied so it's my fault again! I was like are you kidding me?! I said no its not. And I am not mad about the ring just don't understand why u wouldn't let me see a ring on ur finger not even ur wedding finger. She got pissed! Said I don't have to KNOW everything. I said to her, this is why I have been guarded. Your over reacting to everything. Picking fights, not talking just raising ur voice. I went to shower, came out she was on bed bag packed back up. She looked at me, I can't do this anymore. This is unhealthy. She began to yell not knowing (either of us) that my mom was in the kitchen, not far away. I told her the reason about the ring. She said I'm just saying that cause she's breaking up. I showed the email from 2 weeks before the confirmation order. She got mad, said there's more bad than good. I'm not happy anymore! I can't be in such a destructive relationship. She said we bring out the worst in each other and fight all the time. I said we have hade including that on 5 fights in almost 2 yrs, maybe a disagreement a month thY we always work though in 20 mins. She said that way to much. If we were right for each other we wouldn't have any problems. She has come to accept that we arent right for each other. I said it takes two to argue and her tendcies don't help. She said it doesn't take 2 to argue! That I always start the fights! I said if she's 100% sure then take my car and leave the keys on the counter. I'd rather I figure out how to get home on public Transpo than her. I almost cried. She did. I walked out of the room & w/in a minute the car was gone. My mom walked up and asked why she was yelling at me. I told her. I was crushed.

Within 4 hours she was txt me that she filled my car ( I filled it on way down, she out like 2 gallons in). I ignored them as I felt I couldn't go on either. Next day a misse call no message. Then the following day a txt what's your work sched? Then a text the next day (4 days nc) when I was at work, Don't worry about ur car for street cleaning I will move it. I will be out we'd till sat night at my cousins. I finally replied hours later ... "my car isnt ur concern. It doesn't matter where u stay." she writes back INSTANTLY. Well too bad I already did. Don't worry I wont ever touch your car again!" I didn't bother replying.

So two days later, the wed she's supposed to be out of the apt till sat (I stayed on friends couch) I show back up to find her in our bed. When I looked up at the window I saw a light on, now there were no lights on all of a sudden. She pretended to be asleep. I talked to her knowing she was awake. I though u werent going to be here. Do u want to talk to me? Why did u contact me everyday? She ignored me, I know her sounds when asleep after 2 yrs. I got changed, got into bed didn't touch her. She pops up like she just woke up! You want to leave? She says. I said up to u, I don't want to be mean or bitter. Do as u wish. She layed there. In an hr she fell asleep. I layed there.

 

Next night she was there again. We talked & she said the same thing but less abrasive. Next night morning same. My days off came and b/c my family had flu I stayed away. She did t come home to the morn. Shocked to see me, she said "u didn't go see family?" I said no. Later that day my friend said she was w/ our gay friend from first night & asked him if she could stay on his couch b/c she didn't want to be home alone.

I worked a day and then took some sick days cause being there was too painful w/ or w/out her. I came back a couple days later, her days off and she was there. Back to mean self. I began to look for a place and found a sublease.

The days there she came around. Let me hold her, we kissed good bye, held hands in car and changed infront of each other. She said she still refered to me as her boyfriend to new clients and coworkers. It felt like maybe she was reconsidering. I asked how she felt after we got out of the shower (did nothing, I jumped in to get ready as she was finishing like we did a thousand times) she said it doesn't feel like I respect her decision. I asked if she wanted me to stay or leave before lease. She said she didn't know. Same response when I said does she want to keep trying to make it work and would intamacy and go on more dates be something to try. Then she said this when I asked if it effects her when I am not there, "I don't think about it. If u r not here I go on w/ my night if u r I talk to u." that cut me up! I knew then I wanted out! This person isn't true to themselves or at least me! The icing on the cake was when I came back the weekend I had signed my new lease to pack the rest & move out. A crackhead gangster like neighbor came at me w/ a pipe saying he was going to kill me. She was home when I came in. We were cordial b4 and she asked me what happened. I told her, with in seconds 20 police arrived outside & arrested him. I wasnt the only one he threatened. I left to my friends since I never felt safe at our place, always an issue outside every week!

I text her I was grabbing my things and leaving next day so she could stay elsewhere. She came home. Saw half my things gone, ignored me while in bed watching netflix on her computer. I asked if she wanted to talk she said now. She asked if I did. I asked if it even bothers her. She broke down. Said of corse, it hurts, I'm trying to be strong cause I know it's for the best. This was the first time in 3 weeks I asked her to reconsider. I was about to change both our lives in the morning. I saw her cry everytime I was around her for 3 weeks. I did a little too. I asked about counseling, space, time etc. everything I knew I shouldn't. She said people break up, why doesn't it have to be all or nothing? Why can't we be friends? Exes stay friends all the time. I calmy answered every question. I can go from seeing u as my soulmate (which she said about me more often as I did her) to know someone I see every so often how they are doing. Friends might be in the future but now I am to emotionally attached to know the difference or act accordingly. I said tonight's the last night is there anything I can do. She shook her head. In the morning, I cried, I we to the shower and lost it! She said no to hug or kiss good bye as I got ready for the movers to arrive to take the big stuff. She started a fight about our bed. It was a gift from my grandparents but we had to pick it up so I rented a truck, she split the gas. The day I moved she said its as much her's as mine. She yelled. I walked up to her and as she pressed herself into the wall I gently curesed her arms and said it was a gift from my family. If you feel you are entitled to the $40 we can discuss that but I didn't want this. I am sorry it has come to this, if I was aware of this being a possibility I would've tried before it snowballed and u got to such an unhappy relationship severed place. She admitted fault for first time, she said I should've told u instead of hoping it would get better not worst. My fault. I said no ones fault, I should've handled my temper better I hate she thought I would hit her. I'd never in a million years, I would've walked away and cooled off but that damages her so bad! I'm not perfect. She said the night of messages I looked like I wanted to hit her. I never considered such a thing. I was hurt, mad, scared but not my style to use my hands or anything physical. She said she was scared or my reactions so kept it to herself until it became to much. She walked away. feb 10

I was nc for a week until I saw on fb she became friends w/ a guy from Oregon who was w/ her when she was back home. I found out of up a pic on IG of her snd him and another one of ber girlf friends who he was friends w/ on fb long before he added my ex. My Ex liked a couple of his pics and so did her aunt which I though was weird. I called her to say her car ins attached to my car was cancelled and I asked about him. She said he has family out there, so what if they all went out together when she was home. Funny thing is the girl in the picture is in town and they are going to Disneyland. My ex commented on a pic saying that it was too bad he wasn't going as well. It's been concerning me that while "thinking about us" she did something w/ him.

 

I went to the house 4 days ago to get my mail. Didn't see her car, mail box full. I walked in thinking she wasn't there. She was unpacking from a trip up to aunts during v day. (saw the pics she posted) she saw me and started shaking. Started crying. I explained I grabbed mail. Now I see the mail forward letter I don't need to come back. Handed her my keys and she lost it. I said this is what u asked for not me. She sat on couch crying. I felt bad, sat next to heroic my arm around her and she leaned on my shoulder and cried. I was uneasy and got up. Asked her if she wanted me to leave. She said I can't ask her. I said I dot feel comfortable. Idk what I am supposed to do. We talked, she said she was moving into smaller place in same complex, tried to find out where I moved. Asked about my job, I said I got promoted and wasnt moving down to other office just commuting. I said I didn't want this, she said her either. I said yeah but I didn't make this decision and it kills me. She said her too. I asked why then. She said its for the best. I got frustrated. Said unwant me to leave? She nodded. I stood up said good bye. Hope u have a change of heart, for what it's worth I love u. Closed the door and walked away not a tear. Got home and lost it! Like scared myself lost it! Like when I first got the email she was done 2 months before lost it! I broke contact 3 days ago when she put up a post on fb. Thanks "our fav band" your music makes me "feel"! Ironically that band had 3 songs play that day around me at work & I had to leave the office cause I was devisated. I let her know FYI it hurts to hear them cause how much we listened to them together. I said just letting u know. Nothing else. She read it but never replied.

Last night/this morning she went to a common friends bday party, I didn't go obviously. She left at midnight judging from the change of venue & her not in anymore pics, but at 3:30am was commenting on and liking her bday party pics.

She never went to bed past 12 when I was with her (after new job w/ 9-5 hours)

So sorry but that is all of it! I'm an all info to make best decision kind of guy obviously.

 

I fight with these thoughts questions....

 

Were the messages to HS friend true?

If so was the 1night stand the night we met? Or the guy who wanted FWB?

Did I over react to messages? I felt betrayed.

Is this person fighting insecurities and blaming me?

Why would she feel like she was only loved 2x a week when I showed constant effection to he point people said I would despise her if I didn't take time away to do my own thing. Never felt that way FYI.

Was I a financial security blanket and once independent I was pushed aside?

How could I trust if she came back she won't leave again?

How do I work on the temper she saw if I'm on my own? I went to an anger mangament support group but these people are court ordered and hit screem and threw things. I hardly yelled back!

I am set to inherit enough money to buy a house, cars, toys and still live of the interest which would be more than our combined incomes. (dad owned business and life ins policies plus on job ins and investments. If we did rebuild & take the step we both wanted to, I would have to have a prenup w/ anyone as this is millions at stake)

What if she did or does sever our physical bond & she's doesn't own up or didn't. It drives me crazy thinking/ fearing it.

I never thought this would ever happen. I know I have it easy compared to a lot of us, but I am devisated none the less. I had dreams, I felt were so unattainable, now I have a new place full of things but empty of what I had before w/ her. I'm crushed. Every hour is so hard. The nightmares of the what ifs, the dreams of what could have's. I've exhausted my friends. Some say sleep w/ someone else (did that when last ex ended and felt bad cause hurt her) some say fight, but that'll push her away. I think NC stay away but know she's alone and hate for her to hurt, even though I know her actions have more than just hurt me!

I wonder if she even cares, even notices. How great is she at these illusions of grandure? Has she convinced herself I don't exist like all the other issues she has that are evident. Self esteem, abandonment, finances, codependency, lack of truthfulness, no amount of love good enough, unrealistic expectations of a healthy relationships. Understanding that conflict is communication and holding in problems and nurturing them will cause any relationship to fail.

Anyone been in a similar situation at month 1 of a break up? There's no evident other guy. No physical cheating or conformation from her of doing anything. Actually if she did she deserves an Oscar Sunday cause her performances were so intense. I've never seen someone lose it like that and to beg and pleed someone believe them!

 

If she comes back and realizes she made a HUGE mistake and apologizes, should she be given another shot at a happy life. I would consider a shot for me too, as I have never loved nor known true love before. Never felt so loved and bed through so much!

Thanks

[808state]

All of a sudden our mutual friend has posted 6 pics of his bday party w/ him and his fiancé. My ex went, she commented on his photos till about 3:30am. Now his fiancé commented on my new profile pic. In almost 2 yrs she hasn't FB'd a thing & he has posted 10 pics in 2 years (including the party). Are they trying to get me to break NC? She did say does it have to be all or nothing? Ah, because we broke up & I can't yet accept u as just a friend when a month ago I was planning an engagement this spring!

[808state]

This same ex seams to always gets off of FB (which I confronted her about 10 months ago, having somewhat of an addiction to) everytime my family or friends log on. Why would she do this? Because I had said something months and months ago? Cause she thinks maybe one of them will contact her? I just don't get it.

[808state]

Funny after writing this... She w/ in last couple hours has Deleated me & my family. I didn't send a single message, like a single comment or photo. I had no idea the pain it would cause. I have been hysterical for an hr. at midnight I saw in my feed she added a new girl friend from school. I said, maybe I should delete here & not see this, but i dont want to hurt her. Then boom... Done to me. So much pain right now.

[808state]

After talking to our mutual friend that introduced us, who no details about the end of us gave me advise. If you think that happen w/ her & our friend ask him. I contacted the guy she was w/ the first night we all went out. He sat down and told me he did in fact sleep w/ her. He told me all about it, he got her drinks him too, she said she was hurting. He took her home & she was a "buzzed" participant. She left before he woke up, obviously that's when she called me. The lies were here regret of what she did the night we met, something she held for 20 months. She had 3 chances to confess, especially when she DID intact confirm w/ her friend when I intercepted the messaage. I broke NC to tell her I knew, I always knew. Her defensiveness told me all along. I now don't have to beet myself up asking why. Unfortunate that she could of confessed and I am sure in time it would've been worked out & we'd be together after working it out. She hasn't contacted me since I told her I now know it all, all the missing elements. Doubt she'll come back, but either way I am liberated! Sucks to think she chose that course of action the night we met, her close friends even said they never have seen her that way. Oh well, will be someone else's problem (as well as hers) In the future. Time to be me again!!