Michelle83 Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 So I went on my first 2nd (and 'real') first date since starting online dating last night. Didn't go so well. It wasn't so much that he was bad, we got along okay, but at the end of the night, I felt like he was forcing a kiss on me and tried for more (I pulled away and fortunately he didn't fight me). I realized that I think it's going to take me more time to be ready for that. I'm the type that takes a good 3-5 dates to gain that passion/desire to kiss someone. Once I'm there, I'm almost good to go the full way, but it's getting there that takes me a bit. I get the impression though that most men, especially with online dating, expect or want at least a kiss at the end of the second meet. Do you think there are many that would wait longer? Would it be best to talk to him about how I feel about it all before the second date maybe so he knows in advance? If I think back to all the men I've been with, I've known them for some time before I kissed them and everyone I kissed, I went on to sleep with very shortly after. Usually the next date after the first kiss. I'm just not sure to handle this. The kiss we had was so lacking of passion/desire, it was such a turnoff and I don't really have any interest in seeing him again now.
Weezy1973 Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 I just got home from my fourth date with a woman that I met on POF. Still haven't tried to kiss her. I'm like you though and I think so is she on that a kiss is something you do with someone you really like. For a lot of people a kiss is no big deal. They'll kiss some random just because kissing is fun. To each their own I guess... 1
happykat Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 nice to know I'm not the only one who operates like that A couple guys have told me that I am hard to gauge as far as if I am attracted to them or not.. because I won't be affectionate or kiss for a while, but once I do - shortly afterwords we are ON. Maybe you can work that into the conversation somehow.. by asking thm if they are affectionate, or how they feel about PDAs.. then they will know what to expect.. good luck! 1
CryForNoOne Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 I haven't gone on an online date yet but my first is tomorrow. I think my expectation is at least a kiss on the first date. Nothing more nothing less. If I try to kiss and she pulls away, I'm pretty much done. It's not about sex, it's just about being clear on what I expect from the relationship (romance versus friendship). I think that is pretty standard in my peer group (20-30 somethings living in big city). So of course depending on your peer group, but I would actually suggest telling guys IF you pull away that it doesn't mean you are not interested. Because I WOULD take it that way and would either never call again or just pursue friendship. Whereas if I really liked you and you told me that, I'd respect that and would be willing to wait. 1
Author Michelle83 Posted February 24, 2013 Author Posted February 24, 2013 Thanks for the replies. It's really good to know that I'm not the only one who feels this way. I was pretty down after getting home last night. I haven't gone on an online date yet but my first is tomorrow. I think my expectation is at least a kiss on the first date. Nothing more nothing less. If I try to kiss and she pulls away, I'm pretty much done. It's not about sex, it's just about being clear on what I expect from the relationship (romance versus friendship). I think that is pretty standard in my peer group (20-30 somethings living in big city). So of course depending on your peer group, but I would actually suggest telling guys IF you pull away that it doesn't mean you are not interested. Because I WOULD take it that way and would either never call again or just pursue friendship. Whereas if I really liked you and you told me that, I'd respect that and would be willing to wait. I can understand this and get that for a lot of guys, it's a signal that there is something more and they aren't just being friendzoned. I like what you said though about talking to them about it, do you think this would be best to do after say the first coffee date (I usually always do a short coffee date for first meet, so that's a bit less of a 'kiss' situation) but before the second main first date? Maybe tell them that I need to know someone a bit more to get to the physical stage so he goes in not expecting it? Or would it be best to wait until the end of the date and re-enforce that I had a really good time and would like to get to know him more... and that this is how I feel about physical content at the very start?
CryForNoOne Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 Definitely wait until they attempt to make contact on the second date. Anything before that could be perceived as weird and maybe even make things awkward and shut down something that might have been there. Different people have different paces at which they become comfortable with intimacy - but that doesn't mean you're not compatible in the long run. You should actually check out my very recent thread about my "bad second date" to get a guy's perspective on confusion created when a girl who is interested avoids intimacy and offers no explanation. We got very intimate on our first date, and then I kind of wigged out when our second date (earlier today) felt like I was friendzoned. Turns out I may have overreacted as we're already flirting again by text message this evening. So let them try to make a move. If you don't like the kiss say nothing and unless he's a moron or desperate, he'll get the message. If you do like him, it's OK to pull away but BE SURE to tell him you like him but are just not ready yet. Any guy worth dating will respect that and wait. I don't see how it could end badly for you if you do that. 1
todreaminblue Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 So I went on my first 2nd (and 'real') first date since starting online dating last night. Didn't go so well. It wasn't so much that he was bad, we got along okay, but at the end of the night, I felt like he was forcing a kiss on me and tried for more (I pulled away and fortunately he didn't fight me). I realized that I think it's going to take me more time to be ready for that. I'm the type that takes a good 3-5 dates to gain that passion/desire to kiss someone. Once I'm there, I'm almost good to go the full way, but it's getting there that takes me a bit. I get the impression though that most men, especially with online dating, expect or want at least a kiss at the end of the second meet. Do you think there are many that would wait longer? Would it be best to talk to him about how I feel about it all before the second date maybe so he knows in advance? If I think back to all the men I've been with, I've known them for some time before I kissed them and everyone I kissed, I went on to sleep with very shortly after. Usually the next date after the first kiss. I'm just not sure to handle this. The kiss we had was so lacking of passion/desire, it was such a turnoff and I don't really have any interest in seeing him again now. i have had guys go for it on the first date i dont like that...i think the first kiss should feel natural and relaxed ....... kissing to me is intimate so a first date is out.... i normally just let it happen i dont expect it i hope that i dont have to fend them off on a first date...its a bit disrespectful...... i can normally tell half way through a date is thinking about it......have in the past.......the best first kisses are the ones that happen i feel when you are smiling...to me i have had guys kiss me unexpectedly....and it isnt a forced tongue down the back of the throat kiss....just a soft kiss.......on a smile.....that to me is heart melting....deb , 1
iKING Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 i have had guys go for it on the first date i dont like that...i think the first kiss should feel natural and relaxed ....... kissing to me is intimate so a first date is out.... i normally just let it happen i dont expect it i hope that i dont have to fend them off on a first date...its a bit disrespectful...... i can normally tell half way through a date is thinking about it......have in the past.......the best first kisses are the ones that happen i feel when you are smiling...to me i have had guys kiss me unexpectedly....and it isnt a forced tongue down the back of the throat kiss....just a soft kiss.......on a smile.....that to me is heart melting....deb , Have to agree with this, wait until It's special. I know kisses are turning into the new hugs, but if you wait until just the right time, it'll be memorable, which lasts much longer then the excitement of the first kiss itself. I'd say realistically, wait at least 2-3 dates, and then, wait for good timing and don't make it sloppy. Doves and fireworks don't have to be going by (although that would be neat..) but an awkward forced kiss is probably just going to turn her off. 2
Casablanca Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 I wait until it feels naturally, a forced kiss is not fun for anyone, I've had three dates with this one girl, no real feel for a kiss yet, though one was a meet up with her friends and the the other two were us meeting when she gets off work. I expect things to change next friday as I actually get to pick he up and drop her off. Plus she seems a little old fashioned and is slow to open up, but she has really started opening up the last couple days 2
2.50 a gallon Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 In my life I have dated many women. One of the lessons that I learned was that one of the keys to a good relationship is the first kiss. Ex-fiance was not attracted to me, was dating two other dudes, but had never gone fishing so agreed to go fishing with me. I knew this was my one and only shot at this girl. In the morning we caught some fish, and then spent the rest of the day enjoying her first time at a river setting. A camp fire, hot dogs, and a beer and some good conversation time. It also included her stripping off her shirt and cut offs to reveal a super sexy two piece, and going for a swim. Which led to us horse playing (dunking) in the water, meaning I was man enough to not be afraid to touch her. And when I got the chance I gave her a kiss, that caught her off guard and she gave me a funny quizical look. Later a nature hike, and when the evening came on and the fish again began to bite a nice stringer full of fish for a fish fry. When we got our gear back into my truck it was she who laid the lip lock on me. And it was not a quick kiss, but a long sensous one that said you are winning. With my current GF I had stood in the back ground for a couple of years, awaiting her then live in BF to make a mistake. The first date was one of the worst dates I had ever been on, even though I had been in the dating game for neigh on 30 years for some stupid reason I acted like a total rookie beginner. I was lucky to somehow get a second date, and again was a total wuss, but we did have some good conversation. The date was so bad that half way through I gave up and took her back to her place. My thought was I have waited for over 2 years for a date, and even though it might be ending badly the least you can get is a final kiss. That kiss blew me away. As in the way she kissed me back there was this message of this is what you are going to be missing if you walk out the door now. That was 17 years ago, and although we have been kissing ever since, none have come close to be as good as that first one. 1
iKING Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 In my life I have dated many women. One of the lessons that I learned was that one of the keys to a good relationship is the first kiss. Ex-fiance was not attracted to me, was dating two other dudes, but had never gone fishing so agreed to go fishing with me. I knew this was my one and only shot at this girl. In the morning we caught some fish, and then spent the rest of the day enjoying her first time at a river setting. A camp fire, hot dogs, and a beer and some good conversation time. It also included her stripping off her shirt and cut offs to reveal a super sexy two piece, and going for a swim. Which led to us horse playing (dunking) in the water, meaning I was man enough to not be afraid to touch her. And when I got the chance I gave her a kiss, that caught her off guard and she gave me a funny quizical look. Later a nature hike, and when the evening came on and the fish again began to bite a nice stringer full of fish for a fish fry. When we got our gear back into my truck it was she who laid the lip lock on me. And it was not a quick kiss, but a long sensous one that said you are winning. With my current GF I had stood in the back ground for a couple of years, awaiting her then live in BF to make a mistake. The first date was one of the worst dates I had ever been on, even though I had been in the dating game for neigh on 30 years for some stupid reason I acted like a total rookie beginner. I was lucky to somehow get a second date, and again was a total wuss, but we did have some good conversation. The date was so bad that half way through I gave up and took her back to her place. My thought was I have waited for over 2 years for a date, and even though it might be ending badly the least you can get is a final kiss. That kiss blew me away. As in the way she kissed me back there was this message of this is what you are going to be missing if you walk out the door now. That was 17 years ago, and although we have been kissing ever since, none have come close to be as good as that first one. If there's anything I've realized from reading the posts on this site It's this, everyone has some sort of game-plan, but when they find someone they instantly fall for, all bets are off and all preconceived notions go out the window. Ahh love, what a mysterious and devious emotion you are indeed. 2
pbjbear Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 I haven't gone on an online date yet but my first is tomorrow. I think my expectation is at least a kiss on the first date. Nothing more nothing less. If I try to kiss and she pulls away, I'm pretty much done. It's not about sex, it's just about being clear on what I expect from the relationship (romance versus friendship). I think that is pretty standard in my peer group (20-30 somethings living in big city). So of course depending on your peer group, but I would actually suggest telling guys IF you pull away that it doesn't mean you are not interested. Because I WOULD take it that way and would either never call again or just pursue friendship. Whereas if I really liked you and you told me that, I'd respect that and would be willing to wait. Ive never gone on a date with a guy from an online site where I wanted to kiss him at the end and several of them I ended up liking quite a bit. Online dating involves strangers...not everyone is going to want to kiss someone they hardly know. Most men will kiss any girl though, its not a big deal to them 2
Author Michelle83 Posted February 25, 2013 Author Posted February 25, 2013 Thanks again for all the replies. Have to agree with this, wait until It's special. I know kisses are turning into the new hugs, but if you wait until just the right time, it'll be memorable, which lasts much longer then the excitement of the first kiss itself. I'd say realistically, wait at least 2-3 dates, and then, wait for good timing and don't make it sloppy. Doves and fireworks don't have to be going by (although that would be neat..) but an awkward forced kiss is probably just going to turn her off. Yeah, that's pretty much what happened. It was too soon and I wasn't giving signals to push further, but yet he did and it just put me off altogether. I agree though, it's a good point not to bring up before hand or he may take offence to it or it may come across as strange. Ive never gone on a date with a guy from an online site where I wanted to kiss him at the end and several of them I ended up liking quite a bit. Online dating involves strangers...not everyone is going to want to kiss someone they hardly know. Most men will kiss any girl though, its not a big deal to them Yeah, exactly. I just need more face time to get to know them. Even if we emailed back and forth, I still feel like the in person time is what really counts and after a 2 hour coffee date and a show, I just wasn't there yet with that one guy.
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