kaylan Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 So I dunno if people remember my other thread regarding a few women I was talking to. Well, I didnt really pursue the older gal, the bad texting girl hasnt had much to say after our phone convo (which I expected), but Ive been continuing to talk to the cool tall chick. We had a really good first date a couple nights ago. I took her out for coffee...and I was actually nervous, which is rare for me around people. But conversation flowed, and I was able to be my goofy self without much worry. Later in the night she actually kissed me before I had the chance to kiss her, so mucho kool points right there. Anyways, we hung out yesterday as well, and there was a lot of kissing, cuddling, looking into each others eyes and junk. And well, shes a pretty cool chick and I already sense Im getting those rush emotions again like with the last girl. I guess I just want some of you guys to give me some tips on slowing my role, calming my thought process, and not wanting to see or talk to her constantly. Thats where a lot of the rush comes from. I spent the previous 2 nights with her, and was wanting to again tonight...but I pulled back and and stayed home. 1
Archgirl Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 Do you need to pull back? It doesn't feel very nice to be on the receiving end of it. It's confusing when a guy appears to change interest level. I usually get cranky and ditch them.
Author kaylan Posted February 24, 2013 Author Posted February 24, 2013 Do you need to pull back? It doesn't feel very nice to be on the receiving end of it. It's confusing when a guy appears to change interest level. I usually get cranky and ditch them. I mean Im not trying to rush things. I dont want us to talk so much or spend so much time together that Im rushing things or smothering her. Obviously Ill still make sure she knows Im interest. I just dont want to put too much food on our plates too early. That was part of the problem with the last girl I dated.
CryForNoOne Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 Be careful not to smother. I have a friend who is very good looking and gets TONS of dates but his relationships never last more than a few weeks. He dotes after girls and acts like a puppy dog. He always moves too quickly and smothers them. He'll hang out with a girl for several days straight and then crash and burn. It always ends with her dumping him and then we have a night of doing shots as he wallows. Crazily enough, I was headed down that same path today, and I was on the verge of smothering the girl I'm very much into at the moment but decided to back off. Now it seems its working out for the best. I was almost the classic example of someone who can't even listen to his own advice...
ThaWholigan Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 Soppy git like me . Learn to meditate . Trust me. Watching your thoughts as they unfold is a fantastic way of learning to objectively follow your feelings without getting carried away with them - and able to be your natural affectionate self without having to feign slow interest or hold back. I'd be like you too, I do like all that gooey romantic sh-t too . I had a longer post but my phone decided to delete it and close the browser right when I went to click reply
iKING Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 Soppy git like me . Learn to meditate . Trust me. Watching your thoughts as they unfold is a fantastic way of learning to objectively follow your feelings without getting carried away with them - and able to be your natural affectionate self without having to feign slow interest or hold back. I'd be like you too, I do like all that gooey romantic sh-t too . I had a longer post but my phone decided to delete it and close the browser right when I went to click reply Excellent advice. It sounds silly, but meditation works wonders. It's like observing yourself from third person. It'll teach self control, not only physical self control, emotional self control, and it allows you to learn techniques of letting go. Emotions are like waves, they come and go, you can choose to ride the wave out, or just let it run its course untouched. After awhile you'll get to the point where you can pick and choose what to ride out, and if you crash and burn, you can let go and move on much easier. Same here on the gooey romanticism, deep down I think we all want to love, to share a special connection with someone and have mutual trust and respect, It's just sometimes we forget how. 2
ja123 Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 meditation works wonders. It's like observing yourself from third person. It'll teach self control, not only physical self control, emotional self control, and it allows you to learn techniques of letting go. Can you recommend a website or book to learn this kind of meditation?
CryForNoOne Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 Although I would not dissuade anyone from learning meditation, that is an entire discipline unto itself and maybe a bit much for just learning to cope with anxieties of early dating. I find what works very well is just taking a few deep breathes when you start getting anxious on a date. If you just observe your own body for a moment and take a deep breath (not visibly obviously to the point where your date would think "WTF is he/she doing") that works wonders.
veggirl Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 how can you even feel comfortable cuddling and being super affectionate with/gazing in the eyes with someone you barely even know? I will never understand that, I guess thats why I'm one who has never just jumped in, I would feel awkward cuddling with a near stranger, I have to get to know them first. I think daily contact is fine but you need to limit your hang outs to like 3x per week and include activities so you are actually getting to know her thru conversation and whatnot rather than just cuddles and gazes. I feel like the people who jump in randomly with everyone they like are the ones who have had a million boyfriends or girlfriends. Its just not a good idea and you can prevent it by...just not doing it. You dont have to see her everytime you want to or she wants to. You can express interest without hanging out every single day.
ja123 Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 Learn to meditate . Trust me. Watching your thoughts as they unfold is a fantastic way of learning to objectively follow your feelings without getting carried away with them A book or webite recommendation would be appreciated. Thanks
veggirl Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 Do you need to pull back? It doesn't feel very nice to be on the receiving end of it. It's confusing when a guy appears to change interest level. I usually get cranky and ditch them. They hung out 2 days in a row and are just getting to know each other. Theres nothing wrong with him not doing it a 3rd day in a row!! Its not confusing, its normal to continue having a life outside of a NEW romantic interest. Jumping in and giving everything else up is what is not normal.
iKING Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 Can you recommend a website or book to learn this kind of meditation? Meditation is pretty simple, sit down, back somewhat straight, cross your legs, and just start observing the universe that takes place inside your head. Observe what thoughts make you feel, observe what your reaction to said thoughts are. Dig deeper into why things make you feel a certain way. Then let them go. Practice clearing your mind. Suffering is a result of clinging. When you cling to something it causes distress, negativity has an immediate effect, positives cause distress when they go away. Phenomena is merely an illusion. Observe what you experience and you can learn to over come what holds you back. You can then use the techniques in every-day encounters. They say a true master never comes out of a meditative state. They constantly observe the world outside of the notion of self. As for books, my suggestion would be the Tibetan book of living and dying, It's where I started. As for a website, you can try many, there's a plethora of information on the different meditation methods, and if you have questions you can try newbuddhist, or another meditation forum. If you wish, message me and I'd be happy to try to answer questions you may run into along the way. 2
Author kaylan Posted February 24, 2013 Author Posted February 24, 2013 how can you even feel comfortable cuddling and being super affectionate with/gazing in the eyes with someone you barely even know? I will never understand that, I guess thats why I'm one who has never just jumped in, I would feel awkward cuddling with a near stranger, I have to get to know them first.Well I did meet her back in the fall. But before last week, I had only seen her twice. And we had been talking a bunch in the run up to last week...but youre right, we still dont know one another well enough yet. Hey man, some folks are just naturally affectionate and wanna have someone to feel comfy with, ignoring time tables for that. Fools rush in? I think daily contact is fine but you need to limit your hang outs to like 3x per week and include activities so you are actually getting to know her thru conversation and whatnot rather than just cuddles and gazes.We have been talking a lot. Thats part of why I think we felt comfy enough for the cutesy crap lol. And nah, Im not gonna aim for 3x per week. Id be afraid of scaring her off and not giving her space. I was thinking twice was good actually. I feel like the people who jump in randomly with everyone they like are the ones who have had a million boyfriends or girlfriends. Its just not a good idea and you can prevent it by...just not doing it. You dont have to see her everytime you want to or she wants to. You can express interest without hanging out every single day. Hmmm, Im very picky about who I commit to. I have only had 2 girlfriends, so I dont agree that what Im doing means Ill have many gfs. Thanks for the advice though.
kimberlydoll Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 how can you even feel comfortable cuddling and being super affectionate with/gazing in the eyes with someone you barely even know? I will never understand that, I guess thats why I'm one who has never just jumped in, I would feel awkward cuddling with a near stranger, I have to get to know them first. I think daily contact is fine but you need to limit your hang outs to like 3x per week and include activities so you are actually getting to know her thru conversation and whatnot rather than just cuddles and gazes. I feel like the people who jump in randomly with everyone they like are the ones who have had a million boyfriends or girlfriends. Its just not a good idea and you can prevent it by...just not doing it. You dont have to see her everytime you want to or she wants to. You can express interest without hanging out every single day. My main problem with online dating is that these people are strangers and it takes me longer to warm up to them. I cannot seriously fathom how anybody can have sex with someone online before 5 dates...you hardly know them! I find alot of men on these sites to be impatient and expect physical contact way too early. I dont necessarily need to be "boyfriend girlfriend" before I sleep with someone but I need to trust you and know you somewhat well first sheesh! Ive never been anywhere near this level of gushiness and physical contact with any guy Ive dated online early on...with other people I knew better before I started dating them yes. Some of the guys online I ended up liking them and getting into relationships so no men, if a girl you met online doesnt make out with you during the first 3 dates it doesnt always mean shes not into you. Today's culture is really bad for cautious girls like me... Im not the type at all to jump into anything
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