mwhitneyvi Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 Almost TWO MONTHS after he left I am giving no contact, but more importantly NO INTERNET STALKING another chance. It's been exactly 48 hours since I've looked at his Twitter/Facebook. I'm posting here because I want to look again, and I can't keep doing that to myself. The dude has a new girlfriend, come on. There is no reason this should be so hard, but it is. I'm praying that it's pregnancy hormones making this worse. I've, in a way, had to start the healing process over again (but with pretty much no tears this time). I don't have much to keep me distracted so my mind still thinks about it almost 24/7 and I'm up and down. I keep going back and forth, wondering when I will hear from him again, how he could have replaced me so easily, when he'll start missing me (LOL), etc. I feel that eventually my thoughts will filter themselves out, and as long as I'm keeping him out of sight, he will eventually become out of mind. Rejection and disappointment are hard pills to swallow. I wish that it was as simple as saying, he's a dick, don't need him, but it isn't. I feel like I'm doing an injustice by not caring, regardless of what he's done. It's just how my mind works. I've dealt with abandonment and other issues early on in life, so when I love/care about someone, it's pretty much forever. I know better than to compromise my self-worth now. I know better than to beg him to come back, talk to me, pay attention to me. It's been weeks since I've done any of that (after the initial month of shameless begging). The disappointment is overwhelming at times, but this isn't my first rodeo. It helps to think about past exes, one in particular, that completely shattered my heart. I still care about each and every one, but what they've done or the fact that they no longer care about me like that doesn't bother me in the slightest. I pray for, and equally dread, that day this time around. But on the bright side, I'm 6w/6d away from welcoming my first daughter into the world. Everyone tells me the love of a child makes everything else seem so miniscule in comparison. I am so looking forward to something more meaningful than these dreadful relationships I get myself into. 1
Exitleft Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 YAY for the baby!! no doubt it is going to change your world when your little girl comes along, please for your sake and hers try to reduce stress as much as possible during this time. It cannot be easy being so close to giving birth and nursing a broken heart. I have a feeling this baby will make you know you are worth more than someone who left you. I find that the first 3 days of NC are most brutal for myself, 4th and 5th you start to feel empowered and kind of look forward to getting on with life. Just come post here whenever you get an urge to look at his social network accounts and one of us will talk you out of it. You did well to lose him, you don't realize it now but you will.
FailedFirstLove Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 Congratulations on your baby please take care. Out your entire focus on the baby rather than the stupid ex. Your baby is forever so pour your heart and soul into her. Forgetting the ex and accepting the fact that his not worth it is so hard. I agree. But at the very least you have a new person coming into your life.
Author mwhitneyvi Posted February 25, 2013 Author Posted February 25, 2013 Today is so hard I can't stop thinking about how someone else is in my place right now. There are so many days when it's just surreal to me. Like no, he would never do that. But he did.. I don't understand people.
mcdo Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 Today is so hard I can't stop thinking about how someone else is in my place right now. There are so many days when it's just surreal to me. Like no, he would never do that. But he did.. I don't understand people. Exactly how I'm feeling right now too. Today has been a bad one, no idea why. This break-up crap is awful.
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