My best friend broke my heart.

[Alyann]

Hey!

 

I really am not sure what to do about this situation, so any help is welcomed. I have/had? This amazing friend, we hung out all the time, texted every day, and he was my absolute best friend. We really cared a lot about each other and had an amazing frienship. I really thought we were gonna be friends for a very long time.

Anyway, here's where it gets complicated. About 2 months ago, he told me he really liked me, and if the feeling was mutual, we should give it a try. I always found him really attractive, and lately I had started to develop feelings for him, so I told him that it was mutual. I was a little apprehensive at first because he was my best friend after all and I wasn't sure if it was worth the risk. After discussing it, he told me he really liked me and he considered that dating me was one of the best things he could do, so we both decided that it was worth the risk.

I literally can't describe how happy we both were when we dated. We talked incessantly, laughed histerically, and were over all incredibly happy with each other. He told me he'd never been this happy with any one else, he even said we were soulmates at one point. My feelings toward him began to grow, and I really thought we were gonna last for quite some time. But, as you all know, life isn't a fairy tale and it all ended. I must say that we never argued, we never had a misunderstanding, and not a single fight, so imagine my shock when he ended it all COMPLETELY out of the blue. He pretty much told me he was confused about it all and his feelings weren't as strong as he thought. He said he didn't want to lose my friendship, so I agreed into just being friends again.

I was completely upset and confused. I scratched my brain for answers, wondering what I did wrong, but I literally had no idea. He told me he wasn't ready to be in a committed relationship. We both tried to move on and work on our frienship. Things were going pretty well and we hung out like the old days until he told me -about 2 weeks after we had "broken up"- that he met another girl and he really liked her. I really lost it at that point. I was completely upset. I could not believe he replaced me in so little time. I cried for days after that. I knew he was gonna get over me, but I never thought it was gonna be that soon.

Fastforward a couple of weeks, and I'm still upset. I should add that we study the same thing, hence we take classes together. I see him every single day, and I see him with this other girl who in no way is similar to him. She's just completely different and lacks a sense of humour and grace. I feel really upset when I see him, so I told him I needed space and ignored his messages. I had nc with him for about a week, but he texted me saying that I was an amazing friend and really missed me and cared about me. I told him I was upset, but we should try to be friends again.

I really am hurting. I do wanna be friends with him but just the thought of him being with someone else makes me wanna throw up. Why would he say he's not ready to be in a relationship, but is sorta dating someone else in so little time?

Why did he do this? Why did he lead me on, why did he confess his feelings for me and then backed out? Why did he replace me so soon? Should I be his friend even though I'm hurting? He was my best friend; I adored him. Why did he break my heart? Please help me get through this

Edited February 24, 2013 by Alyann
Typo

[denxnis]

The reason you two broke up was because he though he was "upgrading" or he got what he wanted from you, sex. Regardless of the reason do you really want to be friends with someone so self-centered?

 

You saw his true colors, I would keep up the good work and keep walking.

[Darren Steez]

Hey!

 

I really am not sure what to do about this situation, so any help is welcomed. I have/had? This amazing friend, we hung out all the time, texted every day, and he was my absolute best friend. We really cared a lot about each other and had an amazing frienship. I really thought we were gonna be friends for a very long time.

Anyway, here's where it gets complicated. About 2 months ago, he told me he really liked me, and if the feeling was mutual, we should give it a try. I always found him really attractive, and lately I had started to develop feelings for him, so I told him that it was mutual. I was a little apprehensive at first because he was my best friend after all and I wasn't sure if it was worth the risk. After discussing it, he told me he really liked me and he considered that dating me was one of the best things he could do, so we both decided that it was worth the risk.

I literally can't describe how happy we both were when we dated. We talked incessantly, laughed histerically, and were over all incredibly happy with each other. He told me he'd never been this happy with any one else, he even said we were soulmates at one point. My feelings toward him began to grow, and I really thought we were gonna last for quite some time. But, as you all know, life isn't a fairy tale and it all ended. I must say that we never argued, we never had a misunderstanding, and not a single fight, so imagine my shock when he ended it all COMPLETELY out of the blue. He pretty much told me he was confused about it all and his feelings weren't as strong as he thought. He said he didn't want to lose my friendship, so I agreed into just being friends again.

I was completely upset and confused. I scratched my brain for answers, wondering what I did wrong, but I literally had no idea. He told me he wasn't ready to be in a committed relationship. We both tried to move on and work on our frienship. Things were going pretty well and we hung out like the old days until he told me -about 2 weeks after we had "broken up"- that he met another girl and he really liked her. I really lost it at that point. I was completely upset. I could not believe he replaced me in so little time. I cried for days after that. I knew he was gonna get over me, but I never thought it was gonna be that soon.

Fastforward a couple of weeks, and I'm still upset. I should add that we study the same thing, hence we take classes together. I see him every single day, and I see him with this other girl who in no way is similar to him. She's just completely different and lacks a sense of humour and grace. I feel really upset when I see him, so I told him I needed space and ignored his messages. I had nc with him for about a week, but he texted me saying that I was an amazing friend and really missed me and cared about me. I told him I was upset, but we should try to be friends again.

I really am hurting. I do wanna be friends with him but just the thought of him being with someone else makes me wanna throw up. Why would he say he's not ready to be in a relationship, but is sorta dating someone else in so little time?

Why did he do this? Why did he lead me on, why did he confess his feelings for me and then backed out? Why did he replace me so soon? Should I be his friend even though I'm hurting? He was my best friend; I adored him. Why did he break my heart? Please help me get through this

I'm a man not saying it's not possible to be best friends with a girl but the minute you change the bounderies you are asking for trouble.

 

He wanted sex, plain and simple, he basically BS'ed you with all the feelings crap, most likely met this other girl and decided he wanted his cake and eating it too, relegating you back to friend zone.

 

So what does he expect now? He had sex, breaks up with you, gets with someone else but still wants your "amazing" friendship?

 

He expects you to forget everything and treat you like a pal even though you had feelings for him? It doesn't work like that. You are not being vindictive by not returning to the friend zone.

 

You let him into your heart because you trusted him when he told you how he felt. If you don't want t be friends then don't. Very simple.

[Alyann]

I appreciate your insight, but we never hac sex. Honestly, I don't think he's gonna get sex from this other girl, either. I really don't know what he sees in her. She's not very pretty nor is she cool.

 

Anyway, I know that I should keep my distance and avoid talking to him, but I can't help think of how good friends we were. We did so many things together that every little thing reminds me lf him.

 

I don't know. Maybe I'm just fooling myselft into thinking that he cares. I really did appreciate his friendship, but I wasn't the one that ruined it.

[Darren Steez]

I appreciate your insight, but we never hac sex. Honestly, I don't think he's gonna get sex from this other girl, either. I really don't know what he sees in her. She's not very pretty nor is she cool.

 

Anyway, I know that I should keep my distance and avoid talking to him, but I can't help think of how good friends we were. We did so many things together that every little thing reminds me lf him.

 

I don't know. Maybe I'm just fooling myselft into thinking that he cares. I really did appreciate his friendship, but I wasn't the one that ruined it.

 

Did he want to have sex? Did you turn him down or tell him to go slow? Could be another reason he put you back in the friend zone, thought he'd tell you he likes you, get to have his fun, but it wasn't that easy..

 

Anyway whatever the reasons, take your time. You don't have to immediately be friends but it's difficult going back to the way things were once you've crossed that line

[Yamcha]

Yeah, you had some great times together. But he's not the only one you can have great times with. Staying in contact with him is clearly screwing with your head. I wouldn't go as far as to say he's evil. But he's not good for you, at this point.

[JBB84]

I'm in the exact same position. I dated a friend, she pulled the rug out from under me out of no where, is dating someone else, and won't leave me alone/wants to go back to being friends. I told her I have to do my own thing for now. I still harbor a lot of resentments against her: I was strung along, time wasted, mad about certain things she did to me. Unfortunately I don't think I can be her friend while I have those negative feelings. Plus, it hurts to see her with this new guy. I deleted facebook and everything to get away from it all. I think that you have to respect yourself first - remember, your feelings matter too. He was the one who ended things with you, so you don't have to feel bad about taking the time you need for yourself away from him. It also adds value to you, that you are taking care of your needs and not still clinging to him. I think this is your best bet. It only going to hurt to see him with someone else and it will be a painstaking process of getting yourself back together. Take the space and time that you need.

[Alyann]

We never really discussed having sex; he knew that was pretty much off the table. I honestly don't think that's why he ended it.

 

I wish he'd give me a solid reason, or is "being confused" a valid explanation? He was the one that had the iniciative after all. I really wish things would go back to how they used to, us talking and hanging out all the time, but it's so hard because I feel used and replaced.

[JBB84]

Well, in a way, you were used and replaced. Now you have to save your last shred of dignity and walk away.

[Alyann]

Yeah, you are right. I guess I was trying to imagine that our friendship was worth the try, but overall it's not fair that I'm suffering while he's out with someone else. I gotta do what makes me happy, even if that means ending a valuable friendship.

[JBB84]

Regardless of ending a valuable friendship or not, you aren't in the emotional state right now to love him as your friend. You are hurt and there's no way you are going to be supportive of his new relationship. I'm not, at least (in my very similar situation). It sucks, but its the reality. Have time away and let your feelings dissipate. Once you have built yourself back up and perhaps are in a new relationship, then maybe you'll want to re-evaluate the idea of being friends still. When things become more clear in hindsight, you may not be as interested in that friendship as you are now. Time is the only answer for now.

[Alyann]

Thank you very much. I really appreciate everything you said. It is true, there is no way I'll be supportive of his relationship right now.