CryForNoOne Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 (edited) I had a second date today that ended with a hug and an affectionate smile. Driving home I felt horrible as it was such a crash from the euphoria of our meeting and first date. I'm wondering if I'm overreacting and reading too much into what was just a few seconds of interaction - but it's driving me nuts right now. We met at a bar Sunday. She was very attractive so I approached her. We hit it off immediately, and within minutes I realized she was so much more than a pretty face. Same interests, same political/religious views, good school, and we had this great interaction and playful banter. All of a sudden I was thinking, holy crap, is she the one? Near last call, we exchanged numbers and parted ways. Normally I send a nice to meet you text and then try to setup a date a few days later or something. The "I'm interested but not too interested" BS. This meeting just felt "special" and totally different. So I texted her as soon as I got home and asked her out the very next day. She accepted which was a pretty clear sign the feeling was mutual. Our first date was literally the best first date I've ever had. She is stunningly beautiful and the most interesting girl I've ever met. We have so much in common its scary. I decided halfway through dinner she is my future wife. After dinner I took her to a bar and we hung out for several more hours. I took control of the entire evening and I could tell she was very attracted to my assertiveness. 330AM we were still talking in the car. To me that was a telltale sign I was in like flint. Anyway, we started making out and I think I could have gone further but intentionally stopped because I didn't want her to think this was about sex. We've texted each other constantly throughout the week. I suggested a hike today because I didn't want every date to end with getting drunk at a bar. We spent a very good afternoon together. Again great conversation and some flirting. We held hands a bit. But it felt somewhat like a step back. Then at the end of the date, we hugged. I didn't even try to kiss her because frankly I was a little sweaty and had a parched mouth after a 7 mile hike. And she didn't give me any body language suggesting she wanted me to. But when I drove off I had this horrible "did we just become friends" panic attack. Again perhaps I'm overreacting and this is just a letdown after our amazing meeting and first date. Can others give me some perspective here? In all likelihood I'll just text her later tonight and feel things out, but man is it driving me nuts right now... Edited February 24, 2013 by CryForNoOne
iKING Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 Slow down cowboy, take it easy. Try not to over think this one. Just take it as it comes and play it cool, not just cool on the outside, cool in your mind as well. Don't get too emotionally involved so quickly, that's just asking for hurt. She's taking it easy, so should you. The constant clinging might make you come off as needy or desperate, you might want to pull back a bit on that. Otherwise relax and just enjoy what you do, don't get 10 steps ahead of yourself quite yet 2
Author CryForNoOne Posted February 24, 2013 Author Posted February 24, 2013 Believe me it's not my first rodeo here. This is not the way I normally act, but I suspect that when one becomes so jaded in the dating scene as I have, you can react totally differently, when you meet someone you have a great connection with. I'm pretty certain it's a - going to work out fine or b - she's not the one anyway. Sitting at home restless now so I'm just stewing over it...
ja123 Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 I don't think it's the end. A hike is very different from having drinks at a bar, so it's likely that things were a little cooler. It sounds like the hike went well! It was a hike! You talked! You hugged! Those are all very good things. I agree, though, that you need to slow things down in your mind. Have fun. 1
Cutiepie1976 Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 If you'd still like to date her, send her a text tonight (or tomorrow) telling her how much you enjoyed your hike and ask for another date. I know you say it's not your first rodeo, but still refusing to kiss? Next time carry breath mints and a bottle of water instead of worrying about your parched mouth and ending the date this way. Good luck. 1
Ladybugz Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 Hmm you sound like you want it all to go.fast. Give the person space to grow into you or think if they Want a date.instead of wanting a date next day already. and going to the bar get alcohol or get tipsy or druk especially while dating dont give you the right situation and after some drink things can happen that the person may regret and lose interest.
Author CryForNoOne Posted February 24, 2013 Author Posted February 24, 2013 So I'm in my 30's, divorced after a 5 year marriage, and single again now for about a year. My band plays gigs along a trendy street in LA. 90% of the girls I meet are from that bar scene. Frankly, it's empty and lacking quality. Lots of pretty faces but all the bartenders / waitstaff just hang out at each others restaurants and bars and comp food and drinks to each other and hookup. Nobody really "dates". They just get drunk and have sex. She's another actress/hostess but as I soon found out - is SO not part of that scene. But I guess it's been almost 7 years since I've "dated" so I'm acting like a dumb teenager. I was momentarily considered showing up at her work but WTF was I thinking!!! If some girl did that to me I'd think she was totally nuts. I'm just going to take it easy for a few days. I guess the only feedback I'm looking for now is if the hug isn't necessarily a bad thing. Other than my marriage and one night stands in the last 12 months, I guess I have no idea how to deal with real dating anymore...
Imajerk17 Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 She might feel sad and rejected on her end and wondering what happened. If you havent done anything yet call her tomorrow for Date 3 (instead of text). And when you see her for Date 3 greet her with a kiss.
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 I think you are good here. Day dates are way less flirty and less romantic as there is no allure of the darkness and no alcohol. Don't put this much pressure on yourself. No every date will be breathtaking. Ask her out again, plan something more romantic and go from there. 3
Art_Critic Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 Send her a text.... a hug after a 7 mile hike isn't friendzoned
kaylan Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 (edited) OP, My rule of thumb is to always end a first date with a kiss if the chemistry is there. Then on the second date, tbh, Id say be even bold enough to start it off with a kiss. Im serious. With girls Ive dated/relationship or even just been seeing casually, once weve crossed that bridge and know we look each other and have already made out...then I dont wait too long at all into the second hang out to land some good kisses on them. I believe this helps keeps the established chemistry flowing, and makes the date just move along easily. You HAVE to keep the same romantic flow going after the end of a first date. So from now on, when going on second dates, make those romantic moves sooner. What I would have done is during the hike, sit with her on top of a big rock with a view, and just hold her face, stare into her eyes...and bam...moment created, then kiss her. And the rest of the day goes from there. No biggie bro. All will be well. You have to stay on top of things so she doesnt think youre pulling back or not that interested. And you dont want her to feel the friend vibe either. Edited February 24, 2013 by kaylan 2
Author CryForNoOne Posted February 24, 2013 Author Posted February 24, 2013 OP, My rule of thumb is to always end a first date with a kiss if the chemistry is there. Then on the second date, tbh, Id say be even bold enough to start it off with a kiss. Im serious. With girls Ive dated/relationship or even just been seeing casually, once weve crossed that bridge and know we look each other and have already made out...then I dont wait too long at all into the second hang out to land some good kisses on them. I believe this helps keeps the established chemistry flowing, and makes the date just move along easily. You HAVE to keep the same romantic flow going after the end of a first date. So from now on, when going on second dates, make those romantic moves sooner. What I would have done is during the hike, sit with her on top of a big rock with a view, and just hold her face, stare into her eyes...and bam...moment created, then kiss her. I think you are totally right here. I was thinking kiss her to start the second date or the chemistry can get killed. We had these odd circumstances that prevented that. Then as the day progressed there are certain playful things I did like playfully throw stuff at her, tease her. I know how that works. To me the end of the date today was just so odd with no kiss at all - I guess I'm just pissed at myself. But it seems that many ladies who chimed in don't think that's necessarily a bad thing. I guess I'm comparing her to bar hookups, yet treating her much differently, so just because everything isn't drunk heavy petting has made me feel out of sorts. Anyway, I'm going to grab dinner with a friend and just not sit at home and dwell on it. Cooler heads should prevail in the morning. Thanks all.
Author CryForNoOne Posted February 24, 2013 Author Posted February 24, 2013 So I think I did totally overreact. I texted her tonight and she replied pretty quickly and we resumed our flirting dialog. She even mentioned what bar she went to after work, which was an obvious hint that she was available to hang out. I didn't bite and chose to slow things down just for my own sanity. I told her I was having dinner with a friend (true) and then heading home for the night. Next time I see her I'm going to give her a kiss so she knows how I feel and we'll go from there...
Author CryForNoOne Posted February 24, 2013 Author Posted February 24, 2013 (edited) Dammit. Here I am right back at square one. I played it cool yesterday, maybe too cool, and now I'm in an even worse state of mind today. Here was our text interaction starting about 4 hours after our hiking date: ME: Playful joke about a bottle of wine we couldn't share during hike. HER: Haha nice. Hope the wine was good. Just finishing my shift and feeling deaddd tired. ME: Ah I'm saving it. I'm actually at <overrated deli> grabbing a bite with a friend. Totally not my choice! We're both foodies and joke about bad restaurants all the time. HER: Get the epic kosher dog! I'm at <nearby meat market> cafeing it up. Love their happy hour. I interpret this as come over after you're done eating. I live walking distance to her work, the bar where we met, the deli, etc... My buddy Dave says "back off dude, don't smother. You're obsessing about her way too much." So I don't reply for an hour. ME: Ah I'm done for the night. been up since 5AM. Hope you had a good time on hike. BTW I have your blanket so need to get it back to you. I figured she would text me back. RADIO SILENCE. First I thought, ah she's just being hit on by guys. She is gorgeous and all I can think about is her being approached constantly JUST like I did a week ago. By 2AM I'm like WTF Did she meet some other guy and is making out with him now. 3AM I'm totally worked up an can't sleep. I hardly slept last night. Now it's 1PM and still RADIO SILENCE. Did she take my reply as a rejection? Was I officially friendzoned after the hike despite the text banter last night? Is my paranoid delusional mind right and she hooked up with someone else? I intentionally avoided going right for sex because I really saw her as long term material. But now I'm opening myself up for big time hurt. Right at this moment casual sex just seems so much easier and less complicated. I have another date tonight but my interest in her is casual sex. Having no skin in the game I'm sure I'll get it if that's what I want. But what I REALLY WANT obviously is to be with my dream date. I can't get a damn thing done today and I was supposed to work from home... Edited February 24, 2013 by CryForNoOne
Shardish Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 Talk about investing way too much too early.
Author CryForNoOne Posted February 24, 2013 Author Posted February 24, 2013 Talk about investing way too much too early. That's all you've got for me?
Shardish Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 That's all you've got for me? What I want to know is quite why you're getting in such a state after just two dates? Why are you putting so much stock into something which is so new and has no solid foundation to it?
PhillyDude Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 Future wife mid way through the 1st date?
kimberlydoll Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 You are thinking way too much. Chill out Yes bar scenes attract low quality men and women, perhaps start meeting women at places other than bars? This isnt anything new... 1
Author CryForNoOne Posted February 24, 2013 Author Posted February 24, 2013 What I want to know is quite why you're getting in such a state after just two dates? Why are you putting so much stock into something which is so new and has no solid foundation to it? So when I was 22, I met a girl very much like her. We had this incredibly rare connection the relationship progressed at light speed. The problem is I was very inexperienced and she left me after a tumultuous 4 year relationship. I felt like I met my soul mate and blew it. I've dated many women since then, and even married once and divorced - but I was always comparing and knew in the back of my mind I was settling. So I met this girl last Sunday and it started as an exact repeat of 15 years ago up until the end of the second date. Now it seems like in the last 24 hours everything has horrible gone off the rails. Frankly, I'm feeling like a connection like I have with her comes along once every 15 years. I can get a date almost anytime I want so it's not like I haven't met girls. Yes admittedly, I'm totally over-investing here. People seek advice from me all the time but now I'm the idiot. So that's the context. My specific question, which perhaps I did not make clear is what is everyone else's interpretation of our most recent text dialog. And why is she suddenly radio silent when we've send a few hundred text messages in the 4 days between date 1 and date 2. Like we were giving each other play by play of our days until my final text last night...
Author CryForNoOne Posted February 24, 2013 Author Posted February 24, 2013 You are thinking way too much. Chill out Yes bar scenes attract low quality men and women, perhaps start meeting women at places other than bars? This isnt anything new... So I work 60 hours a week and only social outlet really is my band. I meet lots of women through it and none through my male dominated work industry. I'm creeping to the age most of my friends are married with kids. Agreed bars are not the place to meet quality personalities, but she defies all those stereotypes. That's why I'm so into her. She's a feminist who went to a sister seven college and is a thespian not a "dumb actress". All of that is incredibly sexy to me.
Shardish Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 My specific question, which perhaps I did not make clear is what is everyone else's interpretation of our most recent text dialog. And why is she suddenly radio silent when we've send a few hundred text messages in the 4 days between date 1 and date 2. Like we were giving each other play by play of our days until my final text last night... You have probably scared her off by rushing into things. Also why are you texting so much? In fact why are texting at all? Technology should not be replacing human interaction. You're doing all this texting and it's any wonder that you two have anything to discuss when you meet face-to-face on your dates. From that last text exchange between it looks (to me at least) like two friends exchanging text messages.
kimberlydoll Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 So I work 60 hours a week and only social outlet really is my band. I meet lots of women through it and none through my male dominated work industry. I'm creeping to the age most of my friends are married with kids. Agreed bars are not the place to meet quality personalities, but she defies all those stereotypes. That's why I'm so into her. She's a feminist who went to a sister seven college and is a thespian not a "dumb actress". All of that is incredibly sexy to me. Your entire thread just reeks of overthinking and getting too excited before you know somebody. Just chill out and go with the flow. Learn to not have expectations so early and you wont feel so much anxiety. She didnt do anything worrisome at the end of your date. Not every date will be the picture perfect fairytale date.
Author CryForNoOne Posted February 24, 2013 Author Posted February 24, 2013 Future wife mid way through the 1st date? Exactly. And I'm not one who falls for many girls. But I know when I do, I do hard. It happened to me 15 years ago.
Shardish Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 Exactly. And I'm not one who falls for many girls. But I know when I do, I do hard. It happened to me 15 years ago. Are you falling for a girl or an image of your own creation?
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