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Going long distance... sad :(

SkyPilot

By SkyPilot
in Long-Distance Relationships

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SkyPilot New Member

SkyPilot

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After college graduation my boyfriend is going off to grad school, where he will be for the next 5-6 years. We're both originally from the same state. I was planning on returning home to work for a year or so, then apply to programs myself (mine require more in-depth experience that is easier to get after graduation).

 

I'm a little depressed because he could be going anywhere in the country... on the other side of the country. He didn't apply to many places on our side of the USA. We've been dating for ~2 years... I could have seen myself marrying him. It would be difficult to move near him because of where the programs I'm interested in are located... I'm also applying to competitive programs, so I have no idea where I would be accepted... its a crap shoot. We could be apart for 5+ years. One of the schools he applied to, and is probably going to, is in Texas... I really don't want to live in Texas... its too hot down there and I don't think there are many opportunities for me there.

 

I don't know what to do :(. It doesn't really seem to be a big deal to him.

 

He's not the best person in a long distance situation... we have been apart months at a time during summers, etc. There's little communication and just feels very distant..... I don't really ever feel like I have a place in his life in those kind of situations. Imagining 5 years of that is like a prison sentence.

 

I'm just really sad and disappointed. I can't even describe how depressed I am right now... I don't want to end it, but if I don't... I feel like I might lose my mental sanity.

 

I WANT to be supportive with his best interests in mind. I WANT to be myself around him. But this situation is making that very difficult... Lately I keep feeling like I'm going to start crying every time I talk or hang out with him. I feel like I'm just naturally acting colder toward him a little too, because my self defenses are already up.

 

I'm afraid I'll just end up fading out of his life. I've already been feeling that way this past month as he's gone on interviews every weekend.

 

The only alternative is to end it :/. I really don't want to... but I feel so miserable right now. 5 years seems like a really really really long time...

 

Not sure if someone has any advice they'd like to spare... :(

 

 

The real kicker is that I really really thought he was someone I could definitely marry in the end. That's why I'm so upset right now. This situation is making me reconsider though... I feel like if it was meant to be, it shouldn't be this hard. I'm not the type of person that just dates around to date around... I get really attached and ultimately I'm looking for a future husband :/.

Edited by SkyPilot
final thoughts
dazedandconfused17 Member

dazedandconfused17

Posted
Posted

Hey there! I'm sort in a similar position as you. My boyfriend of a year and half left to grad school in January and he had found out this news of his acceptance in early november so I know the feeling that you're talking about feeling sad all time and just wanting to cry because honestly that is the way I felt prior to him leaving. I felt sad knowing that we wouldn't be able to do the things we use to do together but what honestly really helped me was talking to him about it. When we talked about how we felt about the relationship and what we wanted to do with the distance we both realized that we didn't want our relationship to end and we are willing to make the distance work for the next 2 years since we had already been together for over year we were not ready to just break up. Just knowing that we were going to be together and make it work was such a mood booster for me and it really made the following two months a lot easier but that moment that you say good bye is one of the worst things you will feel but honestly the distance made me realize just how much we really do love each other and how much we miss each other and it just makes you value your relationship more and your boyfriend or girlfriend. Granted he is only an 8 hour drive away we only see each other once every 3 weeks but we talk every day and we try to facetime/skype whenever possible. I know I haven't been in an LDR very long but i've learned that communication and trust are key to making this work because if I didn't trust him I would be going crazy worrying but that doesn't even cross my mind so make sure that you both trust each other. And also take up a hobby once he leaves. I recently got a new job so after my classes I go straight to work 3 times a week and it makes the days go by faster and it makes the countdown until I see him go by fast too :) i've also started to do spinning at the gym and that's helped also to keep me busy and it makes me feel good about myself so when I see him he sees how good I look lol. I hope this helps you out a bit! And again I know i'm not an expert but this is what's helped me so far and I know that when I first started I wanted advice as well :)

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