zanzi Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 Iv'e been unofficially seeing this guy for nine months now, but Im pretty much thinking our relationship was dead from the beginning. Lets just say I "comforted" him one day a few weeks after he broke up with his ex of 8 years. From there we started seeing each other, but things have always been effed up. I'm a die hard romantic, and I freely admit it. All that smushy, unrealistic crap that exes have said to me about loving me more than anyone blah blah (who one might note ran as soon as they got bored) about love, I love it. This guy is about as romantic as a box of crackers. He freely admits that he doesn't want us to call each other boy friend and girlfriend and I say I don't want that either but I would like something more and I know he wouldn't. We had a fight two days ago, a trivial one. Iv'e had some time alone to think. I'm going to admit I have though in the past about looking for someone who wants what I want, as I think that is the main but certainly not the only problem for me. Maybe I'm immature and I say the L word too easily, but thats just what I like. I have often complained about the lack of affection and I'm thinking that if I want him to change, then he's probably not the one for me. I'm not really looking for answers or advice, I know this thing is almost over. I just wanted to get this out somewhere.
xpaperxcutx Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 It's not almost over- it never started. If you are the romantic type you wouldn't have settled. You're not entirely blameless and you need to stop being so passive about it either. Since it's an unofficial relationship, why do you feel you have a need to stay?
Author zanzi Posted February 24, 2013 Author Posted February 24, 2013 I know that. I have tried, I really have. I guess I was "hoping" something would change, giving him a chance to decide what he wanted. I don't think he had been honest with me. I guess if I leave him, I just know how hard it will be without him. And how much I will cry 1
Author zanzi Posted February 24, 2013 Author Posted February 24, 2013 ya'll can judge me but if you put yourself in my position you would see how difficult it is to expose oneself to heartbreak and break out of a relationship that has become comfortable. Why don't I leave? Because I still love him a little. 1
kiss_andmakeup Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 ya'll can judge me but if you put yourself in my position you would see how difficult it is to expose oneself to heartbreak and break out of a relationship that has become comfortable. Why don't I leave? Because I still love him a little. No one is judging you - it's just somewhat obvious what the proper course of action is.
kristinaaa Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 ya'll can judge me but if you put yourself in my position you would see how difficult it is to expose oneself to heartbreak and break out of a relationship that has become comfortable. Why don't I leave? Because I still love him a little. Of course it's hard to leave. You may love him a little or not, you still have feelings for him. The only thing to do is to actually let him know this once again and see where it goes. Do something special for him and see how he reacts, then maybe you can ask him where you guys are going in the future.
Author zanzi Posted February 24, 2013 Author Posted February 24, 2013 I don't know, people on this board are so easy to condemn a relationship and judge the person posting. 1
kiss_andmakeup Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 I don't know, people on this board are so easy to condemn a relationship and judge the person posting. Um... Iv'e been unofficially seeing this guy for nine months now, but Im pretty much thinking our relationship was dead from the beginning. Lets just say I "comforted" him one day a few weeks after he broke up with his ex of 8 years. From there we started seeing each other, but things have always been effed up. I'm a die hard romantic, and I freely admit it. All that smushy, unrealistic crap that exes have said to me about loving me more than anyone blah blah (who one might note ran as soon as they got bored) about love, I love it. This guy is about as romantic as a box of crackers. He freely admits that he doesn't want us to call each other boy friend and girlfriend and I say I don't want that either but I would like something more and I know he wouldn't. We had a fight two days ago, a trivial one. Iv'e had some time alone to think. I'm going to admit I have though in the past about looking for someone who wants what I want, as I think that is the main but certainly not the only problem for me. Maybe I'm immature and I say the L word too easily, but thats just what I like. I have often complained about the lack of affection and I'm thinking that if I want him to change, then he's probably not the one for me. I'm not really looking for answers or advice, I know this thing is almost over. I just wanted to get this out somewhere. I think you did an okay job of "condemning" the relationship yourself... 2
Author zanzi Posted February 24, 2013 Author Posted February 24, 2013 Its my relationship, not a Tina Turner song. Honestly. I wasn't looking for "advice" but merely venting. Then you decide to tear into the ass of a sad, depressed person who is considering ending their relationship because they are not being "pro-active" enough about it. Um yourself. 1
kiss_andmakeup Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 Its my relationship, not a Tina Turner song. Honestly. I wasn't looking for "advice" but merely venting. Then you decide to tear into the ass of a sad, depressed person who is considering ending their relationship because they are not being "pro-active" enough about it. Um yourself. Whoa lady! I did not "tear your ass" by any extent of the imagination! I echoed the sentiments of both yourself and the posters before me! ::slowly backs away from thread::
Author zanzi Posted February 24, 2013 Author Posted February 24, 2013 that right. Go now. Before I throw some internet trolls at you
xpaperxcutx Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 Its my relationship, not a Tina Turner song. Honestly. I wasn't looking for "advice" but merely venting. Then you decide to tear into the ass of a sad, depressed person who is considering ending their relationship because they are not being "pro-active" enough about it. Um yourself. I wouldn't have the heart to compare you to Tina Turner, she's a domestic abuse victim and survivor whose ex husband hit her to the point of death... if you haven't seen the Angela Bassett movie, I suggest you rent it. Stop playing the victim because you placed yourself in such a position. And yes, I have been where you were being strung along by a guy who didn't mind having sex with me, but didn't care for me enough to give me a relationship. And of course, I'm here telling you there's light at the end of the tunnel if you think you wouldn't live without him. You lived without an uncaring man for most of your life, 9 months with a man like him hardly makes 1/5 of your lifetime. There will always be other men, but make sure that from now on, you teach people how you want them to treat you.
Author zanzi Posted February 24, 2013 Author Posted February 24, 2013 you don't know me, not that its important. I got the living **** beaten out of me too, the other day actually. By my male flatmate. Not that Im comparing myself to a growly women singer. See I wouldn't actually put up with that crap. I don't know how me thinking of breaking up with this guy has become a running critique on my character. Im quite lost.
Cutiepie1976 Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 As you said, you weren't even officially seeing each other, he didn't want to be BF/GF, and the arrangement was dead from the outset. Since you're dissatisfied with your situation, just move on. There's really nothing to end. You were never official and he never wanted a relationship. This is as simple as it gets. If you need more from someone you're involved with, I would communicate that next time rather than just settling for whatever he wants to get from you. If your flatmate beats you, file a police report, press charges, and move out. No need to sit around being a victim and someone's pummeling bag. Good luck.
Ninjainpajamas Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 You seem to be someone who knows the outcome will be negative then do it anyway. I'm sorry but a hopeless romantic or not, you don't throw your heart at a box of crackers as you so eloquently described your......."romance". I mean really, if you can't let go of a damn box of crackers, I'd hate to see you with a heart-shaped box of chocolates...oh my! I don't regularly check the other sections of loveshack, but there's probably a better place to feel sorry for yourself and play the victim, while others console you like a child so you can engage into the same behavior as if you have learned nothing as soon as you're done "venting" about it. After all....you love him...a little bit, I don't know about you..but that's a love story if I ever heard one.
Archgirl Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 I know that. I have tried, I really have. I guess I was "hoping" something would change, giving him a chance to decide what he wanted. I don't think he had been honest with me. I guess if I leave him, I just know how hard it will be without him. And how much I will cry You will cry sweetheart, and it will feel like there is too much pain to handle. But you can. And then one day you'll realise that you haven't cried in a few hours. And then soon after that you haven't thought about him for a while. And then you will notice the cute guy next to you in class/at the next table. And life will go on and you will thrive and be happier, stronger and more confident for having made a decision to leave a man who doesn't value you and give you what you need. And I admire your honesty and strength of character as exhibited in the way you have posted about this
apple OR orange Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 I don't know, people on this board are so easy to condemn a relationship and judge the person posting. I duno, this board is very nice, i'm on other forums where women will say "well your never get anyone f*ch head, she should have dumped you and had her Ex over to make sure you understand how bad you acted" This was over someone missing a call when he said he would wait to pick it up....
Author zanzi Posted February 26, 2013 Author Posted February 26, 2013 of course I don't let my flatmate beat me. He did it once and I called the police and now he's going to jail to have his backside tended to by other inmates. Good. I was just pointing out that someone said they wouldn't have the heart to compare me to a domestic abuse survivor who knows nothing about how easy or how hard my life has been can suck it. I tried to end it yesterday, ended up going over to hash it out and basically ask where I stood. First he was angry, then said some vauge stuff. My heart is not longer happy knowing that I'm not respecting myself or my own needs when I'm with him so I'm leaving him. Obviously it was too much too soon after his break up.
Author zanzi Posted February 26, 2013 Author Posted February 26, 2013 and now that I realize how little respect he has for me, It doesn't matter what I feel, I can't feel ok about being treated like this.
Author zanzi Posted February 26, 2013 Author Posted February 26, 2013 you want to call me child when you've probably loved someone who didn't love you back too, go ahead, I don't give a cats *******. Im sorry Im only young and not right all the time. 100% an example to everyone at 20 years old! must have forgot the wisdom sauce on my way to ****ty life-vile. He who is free of guilt may cast the first stone.
soccerrprp Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 I don't know, people on this board are so easy to condemn a relationship and judge the person posting. Sometimes the truth is harsh and sometimes people need to be reminded of when they are screwing up and frankly, being a jack-wagon. Those are the risks you take when you have a wide range of people reading your posts and you certainly are open to it otherwise you wouldn't be posting your issues onto a public forum. Other than that, why not just leave and be done with it? It will be better for you and I think you know that. You'll find someone else. Word of warning, don't get involved with someone who broke up, let alone with someone who just broke up and was in a very lengthy relationship.
Author zanzi Posted February 26, 2013 Author Posted February 26, 2013 I have ended it. He didn't even seem to care that much, which made it easier. I just don't like being criticized when I haven't asked what people think of my character. I'm aware I allowed him to use me but it doesn't make me any less mad or depressed about the fact that it happened. I get sh*t from my college tutors, my mother, my friends who don't understand what its like to have depression, and some stranger today, and I'm less and less likely to take it because I CANT take it anymore. I don't need it from strangers on the internet as well who think I should have "figured it all out by now" when they obviously would have made the same mistakes themselves. From now on I'm gonna argue back, because I'm not an idiot.
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