adelia Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 I've made the decision to go NC with a toxic relationship I'm currently in. There are some great points in the caliguy guide that will prove helpful but I need you guys to help me keep going with this because given my current state I'm not very strong and will cave. So every time I feel I want to reply I will come back to this thread and ask for your help to sway me back to my original decision. I need your strength to lean on and after reading so many posts on here I'm confident in that strength and wisdom. Thx ... Here goes.. 2
jagdude14 Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 We all got your back. If you do not get replied to read other issues from others and reply to those to get your mind off of yours 2
Author adelia Posted February 24, 2013 Author Posted February 24, 2013 Thanks these posts have helped tremendously! Just knowing I'm not alone in how I feel makes me feel less ashamed and not as lonely 1
Author adelia Posted February 24, 2013 Author Posted February 24, 2013 Day two of no contact and theres moments of sadness where i miss him but i know its the right decision. i dont feel any animousity towards him and wish him well. its still hard letting go though. i think it being a weekend makes it more difficult as well because theres more time to think and opportunity to peek. Someone on here had a great point to make small goals everyday and thats what ive started. well see how the rest of the day goes...
Author adelia Posted February 24, 2013 Author Posted February 24, 2013 Thnks..i think part of staying strong is to allow moments of weakness and not judge yoursekf. its all part of the process of loss. in my case the loss was something that never existed. loss of a lie but still it existed in my mind and at one point was as real as any real person.
Author adelia Posted February 24, 2013 Author Posted February 24, 2013 Are you the med student from yesterday? I did post yesterday but no thats not me
jagdude14 Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 I did post yesterday but no thats not me Oh my mistake. We talked yesterday in a thread I remember however all of my thoughts to everyone on here struggling.
Bluesocks Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 (edited) The last time I spoke to my ex was end of last year and even ran into her a few months after, which was extremely frustrating and disheartening. I Stopped talking to my ex though, no contact for about five to six months. Was very upset and still struggling to move on. She broke up with me more than a year ago, but we still saw each other and reminisced and I tried to make things work, but she wasn't having it and eventually told me to stop contacting her. At this point I gave in and stopped contacting her, but it hurt so much to hear that after almost five years of being together. I have been trying to date other people and she has moved on with other guys, which is fine, but still hurts. I am trying to work, stay busy, and think of anything but her, but at times it seems almost impossible and I feel pathetic and miserable. I started working out again, trying to stay positive and move on, and restart and put my life back together. NC is truly painful, but I try to remind my self, in the long run, it hasn't been enough time for NC but I am afraid she will never call me again. How can my ex not call me for so long and how she moving on? Is she happy? Is the guy shes with better or more loving than I was? Did what we "had" mean absolutely nothing? I guess, in her mind its completely over and I should move on with other people and my life. I have not meet anyone amazing yet, but have seen people here and there. I am afraid to give myself again to anyone else and I think about what my ex. is doing with someone else and it eats away at me. I do understand though, if I do not get things together and move on and, "man up," I will never be happy again or find someone else to be happy with. I could be missing out on life and life with someone truly amazing, I get it. But...I always wonder, will I ever receive that email, that text, or possibly even that phone call, like in the end of the movie, "Swingers." We all secretly want and hope for this and it drives us mad, but whoever has had that opportunity, I consider that a blessing and a curse, but ultimately amazing. It has only been four to five months with no contact, but I do not know how people go so long, I read on here 8 months and more of NC and I think thats just torture. Will she ever call me again? Will I be one of the lucky ones to look down at my phone and see that number that makes me scared and amazing at the same time? So, will she call and if she does, what will it mean? Will it mean she dated and got tired of it and thought of me or, she always loved me? Here's some harsh things I had to hear and read- I was told that- "I love you, but I am not in love with you right now." "Right now I do not think we should be together, but maybe someday." "Do not call or contact me, you will just cry and be pathetic." "Move on, because I am moving on with someone else, not you." "We can't be together right now, but who knows." I was told we would be, "just friends," and I will always love you, which makes me feel like total poop. That means nothing to me, even though its something. She made it sounds like, no future plans, don't hope because that is pathetic, go find someone else to love, and do not call or contact me, NC forever. I am low and have been through hard times, but I do not want to feel pathetic forever and always wonder what could be someday, will I ever see or hear from her again? Will she make that call everyone hopes for? I do not know how to continue with the NC, because it hurts soo much and everyone says that, they will eventually call back and I do not believe it to be true but I hope it will be because I hurt so much. In the meantime, I want to find someone else, but hope that my ex. and I will be together someday, I just can't picture anything else and its killing me and making me feel so foolish. Any advice would be appreciated, I just want proof that they eventually call back, that you need to give time and space, to almost everything, even to the ones you truly love. That they will call back, it may just take a long time of NC to see so. I just want to hear from her so bad, but do not want to make things worse. Thanks. Edited February 24, 2013 by Bluesocks
CaliGuy Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 Just follow the guide. Read it anytime you're faltering. That's what I did....
Author adelia Posted February 25, 2013 Author Posted February 25, 2013 Just follow the guide. Read it anytime you're faltering. That's what I did.... Thnks caliguy. ive read a bit already and there is a lot of great advice!
Author adelia Posted February 26, 2013 Author Posted February 26, 2013 Day three here and I've had some difficult moments of wanting to conveniently forget a few things that led me to NC. But I remind myself and carry. Positive thinking has helped a lot. Everytime I come up with a negative I replace with a positive. Also remind myself how much better off I am. Keeping busy has helped as well. I'm starting to feel moments of relief and strength which is motivating!
Author adelia Posted February 27, 2013 Author Posted February 27, 2013 Day 4 and today has been a rough one. I find myself looking back at good memories but need to remember the nastiness that I've been through. I'm a good person whose kind nature has been grossly taken advantage of. Why do I fall for people that are out to hurt or play me. That is something I intend on changing within myself. It's something wrong from within me. I need to remember just because there may be some good doesn't mean it's good for me. I need to keep my head in the right frame if mind to keep moving forward and not slip back into old ways of thinking. Maybe some self help books I will look into. Any suggestions feel free to mention.
jagdude14 Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 Day 4 and today has been a rough one. I find myself looking back at good memories but need to remember the nastiness that I've been through. I'm a good person whose kind nature has been grossly taken advantage of. Why do I fall for people that are out to hurt or play me. That is something I intend on changing within myself. It's something wrong from within me. I need to remember just because there may be some good doesn't mean it's good for me. I need to keep my head in the right frame if mind to keep moving forward and not slip back into old ways of thinking. Maybe some self help books I will look into. Any suggestions feel free to mention. Just keep pushing. I am day 39 of nc I think ( it is stupid to keep count because that means they still are affecting you). So I need to stop keeping count. Just keep going. I am hurting from the great memories as well however I have no idea what I could do to get her back. I have tried and it is not up to me anymore. I miss her. I am hurting and sad however it is what it is. Just keep walking on head up
808state Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 I am only a day ahead of u. I stupidly text when I had to leave work 3 times cause "our" band kept playing, to find out she mentioned them and how thankful she was that they make her "feel" whatever that means! Today makes a week since I went back to our apt of 18 months to leave my key & get my mail when she wasn't supposed to be there, but was. When I walked in she was shaking then broke down. I stupidly held her (was 1 week NC btw) let her cry. She said things like I only felt loved about 2x a week, accepted we aren't right for each other. I stood up & calmly walked out the door saying, "if u have a change of heart I hope u follow it, because I have loved u 24/7, sorry if my interpretation wasn't better". I walked out & lost it. Like shaking, crying, almost when I first was left by her, actually when I read the messages that I lost complete trust for her. Haven't heard a word & always catch myself thinking of the amazing parts of our 22 months. It's hard not to, especially when I can coin on one hand how may arguments we had including the deceitful messages & her precious attept to end the relationship. Hang in there, you do, I'll do. One of my problems was loosing my cool when buttons were severely pushed. Hating her & thinking of her as a monster (which she has pleeded me not to do) doesn't help. I did that when I caught my last ex cheat. All the stupid things I did only hurt me in the long run & were things I was ashamed of. I gave myself a yr to not do anything w/ anyone. I met my current ex 6 weeks before that date & a week after my year we changed each others life's. I thought for good, lately she for bad. Idk what to do other than NC it on. I have $ from the apt coming & I dread her contact for "just" that. Time will tell. Give yourself time. Easier said than done but here u know you aren't alone! 1
Author adelia Posted February 27, 2013 Author Posted February 27, 2013 Don't be too hard on yourself. It takes two to tango and it's human to react to things that hurt or bother us. Good luck! I am only a day ahead of u. I stupidly text when I had to leave work 3 times cause "our" band kept playing, to find out she mentioned them and how thankful she was that they make her "feel" whatever that means! Today makes a week since I went back to our apt of 18 months to leave my key & get my mail when she wasn't supposed to be there, but was. When I walked in she was shaking then broke down. I stupidly held her (was 1 week NC btw) let her cry. She said things like I only felt loved about 2x a week, accepted we aren't right for each other. I stood up & calmly walked out the door saying, "if u have a change of heart I hope u follow it, because I have loved u 24/7, sorry if my interpretation wasn't better". I walked out & lost it. Like shaking, crying, almost when I first was left by her, actually when I read the messages that I lost complete trust for her. Haven't heard a word & always catch myself thinking of the amazing parts of our 22 months. It's hard not to, especially when I can coin on one hand how may arguments we had including the deceitful messages & her precious attept to end the relationship. Hang in there, you do, I'll do. One of my problems was loosing my cool when buttons were severely pushed. Hating her & thinking of her as a monster (which she has pleeded me not to do) doesn't help. I did that when I caught my last ex cheat. All the stupid things I did only hurt me in the long run & were things I was ashamed of. I gave myself a yr to not do anything w/ anyone. I met my current ex 6 weeks before that date & a week after my year we changed each others life's. I thought for good, lately she for bad. Idk what to do other than NC it on. I have $ from the apt coming & I dread her contact for "just" that. Time will tell. Give yourself time. Easier said than done but here u know you aren't alone!
Author adelia Posted February 27, 2013 Author Posted February 27, 2013 Just keep pushing. I am day 39 of nc I think ( it is stupid to keep count because that means they still are affecting you). So I need to stop keeping count. Just keep going. I am hurting from the great memories as well however I have no idea what I could do to get her back. I have tried and it is not up to me anymore. I miss her. I am hurting and sad however it is what it is. Just keep walking on head up No it's not stupid to count it's not easy going NC. It's like getting off a strong drug. Congrats on getting this far. I know the worst part is missing that person. Once you attach to a person they become a part of your life and it's only natural to miss that.
808state Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 My ex was still on my FB. I didn't like or comment on anything of hers since the bu a month ago. I noticed everytime me or my friends/family (they came to me) were on at the same time as her, she would instantly get off. Tonight I saw she added a friend (girl from HS). I thought what if that had been a guy who she is now seeing? I'd be devisated so I better delete her... I kept thinking it would hurt her, show immaturity that I even think about her, hurt me. So I didn't only to see a couple hours later (way late for her who is asleep usually early, that she Unfriended me. I was/am (hr later) CRUSHED! Idk hot to go to work in 2.5 hrs. Someome who just walked out so quick, hoped to "friendzone" me, just made it clear she wants no insight into my world, nor me into her. So tuff!
Author adelia Posted February 27, 2013 Author Posted February 27, 2013 My ex was still on my FB. I didn't like or comment on anything of hers since the bu a month ago. I noticed everytime me or my friends/family (they came to me) were on at the same time as her, she would instantly get off. Tonight I saw she added a friend (girl from HS). I thought what if that had been a guy who she is now seeing? I'd be devisated so I better delete her... I kept thinking it would hurt her, show immaturity that I even think about her, hurt me. So I didn't only to see a couple hours later (way late for her who is asleep usually early, that she Unfriended me. I was/am (hr later) CRUSHED! Idk hot to go to work in 2.5 hrs. Someome who just walked out so quick, hoped to "friendzone" me, just made it clear she wants no insight into my world, nor me into her. So tuff! Im sorry sweety hugz that hurts. ive had moments like that and it physically painful like getting punched in the gut. i guarantee with time itll fade.
Author adelia Posted February 27, 2013 Author Posted February 27, 2013 Day 5 and today is even more difficult. i keep going back over good memories and feelings of guilt. yes guilt as preposterous as that is. guilt because i always feel i need to love regardless. thats always been how i am and why i get trampled on. Im learning you can forgive but that doesnt mean you have to figure the person out or put yourself in a vuknerable position again. i hope i look back one day and it all makes sense.
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