calgary Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 well not completely true, mainly for myself. my ex asked me to text her when she came and found me in a club i'd been going to to avoid her last weekend.. I still haven't text her and she hasn't gotten in contact with me.. I was going to go out tonight but everybody here said not to, and then I noticed her friend on facebook had said they were going to the place I was thinking of going to, so I just stayed home, which Is lame, I feel like I can't live my life and get on with my own thing because she's taking over . but yeah, Im having severely sad and lonely days where I almost get in touch and then like last night I didn't even care about her at all I was drunk with friends.. I've been fine all day until I took a nap and woke up and felt a bit tearful. I was talking to a friend of mine who was in a relationship with a guy and they broke up 5 months ago.. she told me everytime he gets in touch with her it's because she's gone out and she feels like he's stalking her, making sure she's not with guys.. and he only declares his feelings in emails when he's drunk . she showed me an email he sent her last night.. and she looked visibly upset but she said she wouldn't reply. a lot of my friends think my ex just needs some time to get herself back on track in life and experience the single party life since she's never had that before.. but eventually she's going to get in touch and want to get back together... which to me doesn't sound very appealing at all. taking a girl back after she's left you to go have fun with a bunch of other guys? who does that ? apparently by the sounds of things from my friends who've brought her into conversation, she seems really drained and upset and quiet lately. she's really not interested in anybody she is genuinely just trying to get on with her own thing for a while. I dumped her because I was jealous / she was holding hands with other guys and coming across as flirty and wouldn't stop even though it upset me and she knew it. didn't want to end it.. she said she doesn't want a relationship right now, but she loves and misses me, she cried on my shoulder and hugged me/held my hand for a solid 2 hours last week.... i'm maintaining no contact. just thought i'd update everyone on my situation ... im having days where i'm begging for her to throw me a breadcrumb and days where I feel really good about myself and not too sad about the situation. we broke up roughly 6 weeks ago. I don't have her on facebook I went no contact for 3 weeks in the start but responded to a few breadcrumbs and got reset.
Simon Phoenix Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 Do you really only have one bar in your town?
Author calgary Posted February 24, 2013 Author Posted February 24, 2013 we have a few, but all of our friends meet at this one place. None of my friends really want to go anywhere else. They all went out without me.
Author calgary Posted February 24, 2013 Author Posted February 24, 2013 I went to a different place for the last few weeks but she came to the new place I started going. mack05 and a few others said to just lay low for a couple of weeks. 1
Simon Phoenix Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 Maybe you should go out of town to more bars. I don't think you have to be a hermit, but go to different places and make more friends. And it's kind of messed up that your friends aren't willing to take one for the team and hit up a different bar or even a different town. Use this time to your advantage to discover new stuff. Don't be a hermit and wallow around necessarily. But yeah, if you know your ex is going to be at a certain bar, go to another bar that's nowhere close to it.
iouaname Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 That's kind of just how it goes. Some days you'll feel good and then some days you'll feel like complete crap. For me, I alternate between wanting to stay busy and wanting to just lie low and figure out what I want. Even if you're not going out tonight, do something for yourself!
Author calgary Posted February 24, 2013 Author Posted February 24, 2013 That's kind of just how it goes. Some days you'll feel good and then some days you'll feel like complete crap. For me, I alternate between wanting to stay busy and wanting to just lie low and figure out what I want. Even if you're not going out tonight, do something for yourself! haha I ate junk food and was completely lazy was quite nice. I went out last night, but my friend had seen her earlier in the day and she'd said she was staying in to catch up with work . so I went out. and yea simon phoenix pretty lame of my friends. but they think i'm pathetic for letting 'one girl' stop me from going out and to 'man up' etc I can imagine one of them will get drunk and talk to her and tell her im not out because im avoiding her or something stupid. they seem pretty annoyed at me.
Simon Phoenix Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 haha I ate junk food and was completely lazy was quite nice. I went out last night, but my friend had seen her earlier in the day and she'd said she was staying in to catch up with work . so I went out. and yea simon phoenix pretty lame of my friends. but they think i'm pathetic for letting 'one girl' stop me from going out and to 'man up' etc I can imagine one of them will get drunk and talk to her and tell her im not out because im avoiding her or something stupid. they seem pretty annoyed at me. It's not like you are prevented from going out. You just want to stay out of harm's way. They are kind of d-bags for not respecting that. Plus, it would probably do them some good to try new bars for a change. Going to the same damn bar every weekend is incredibly lame. 2
Mack05 Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 I went to a different place for the last few weeks but she came to the new place I started going. mack05 and a few others said to just lay low for a couple of weeks. Somebody rang . I wouldn't be surprised Calgary if NC was broken last night? I can sense you were right on the edge. Let me tell you exactly why staying in on weekend nights after a breakup (for just a few weeks) is a good idea. My recommendation is a month, but very few at your age can do this. In your social age a month is like a year. I've been there. A lot of times people like to go out with friends and get drunk after a breakup. As the night goes on more often then not, you find yourself feeling quiet good and having a good time. You think to yourself this ain't so bad. However when you wake up in the morning there is a MASSIVE crash. When we go out and get drunk in the aftermath of a breakup, this is called 'avoidance'. Dealing with a breakup by avoidance only delays pain and makes it so much worse. We look for escape routes for our pain and instead of confronting it, feeling it and dealing with it. Last night you stayed in. It was like an addict going cold turkey. You feel immensely uncomfortable. Your mind is working overtime. Wondering how the night is going. Are guys chatting her up? Is she thinking about me? Is she talking about me? asking my friends questions about me. If you managed to get through last night, I bet you feel better or at least more in control then you did last week when you met her? If not you really should. You shouldn't feel as uncomfortable as you did last night. Sure the urges are there to break NC but they shouldn't be as strong. You may not see it but if you managed to stay NC last night you took a MASSIVE step forward. You keep talking about how silly you are to breakup, or you would jump on a breadcrumb. You still don't understand why this girl is not good for you. You still don't understand if you get back together the long term pain will be so much worse. Still if I were to guess last night. She (or you) texted at about 2am and you folded like origami. Really hope I am wrong though. Not to sound condescending, but I would be so proud of you if I am wrong.
AlexDP Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 It's not like you are prevented from going out. You just want to stay out of harm's way. They are kind of d-bags for not respecting that. Plus, it would probably do them some good to try new bars for a change. Going to the same damn bar every weekend is incredibly lame. But that's where everybody knows your name.
Author calgary Posted February 24, 2013 Author Posted February 24, 2013 Somebody rang . I wouldn't be surprised Calgary if NC was broken last night? I can sense you were right on the edge. Let me tell you exactly why staying in on weekend nights after a breakup (for just a few weeks) is a good idea. My recommendation is a month, but very few at your age can do this. In your social age a month is like a year. I've been there. A lot of times people like to go out with friends and get drunk after a breakup. As the night goes on more often then not, you find yourself feeling quiet good and having a good time. You think to yourself this ain't so bad. However when you wake up in the morning there is a MASSIVE crash. When we go out and get drunk in the aftermath of a breakup, this is called 'avoidance'. Dealing with a breakup by avoidance only delays pain and makes it so much worse. We look for escape routes for our pain and instead of confronting it, feeling it and dealing with it. Last night you stayed in. It was like an addict going cold turkey. You feel immensely uncomfortable. Your mind is working overtime. Wondering how the night is going. Are guys chatting her up? Is she thinking about me? Is she talking about me? asking my friends questions about me. If you managed to get through last night, I bet you feel better or at least more in control then you did last week when you met her? If not you really should. You shouldn't feel as uncomfortable as you did last night. Sure the urges are there to break NC but they shouldn't be as strong. You may not see it but if you managed to stay NC last night you took a MASSIVE step forward. You keep talking about how silly you are to breakup, or you would jump on a breadcrumb. You still don't understand why this girl is not good for you. You still don't understand if you get back together the long term pain will be so much worse. Still if I were to guess last night. She (or you) texted at about 2am and you folded like origami. Really hope I am wrong though. Not to sound condescending, but I would be so proud of you if I am wrong. no contact! from me or her! I went a little nuts but not too bad! I feel a lot better about things. it's true, ever since the break up she's been out partying so much, she told me it helps her get over her depression, I feel so good when i'm drunk I feel so much more myself and cheery again... and then the next day I lay in bed depressed hahaha. but yea I don't feel as desperate to break no contact! maybe later tonight i'll be in a state again! my mood seems to change so often lately! I'll keep you updated on my progress!
Mack05 Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 no contact! from me or her! I went a little nuts but not too bad! I feel a lot better about things. it's true, ever since the break up she's been out partying so much, she told me it helps her get over her depression, I feel so good when i'm drunk I feel so much more myself and cheery again... and then the next day I lay in bed depressed hahaha. but yea I don't feel as desperate to break no contact! maybe later tonight i'll be in a state again! my mood seems to change so often lately! I'll keep you updated on my progress! This right here is why she is incapable of being in a healthy relationship. By behaving like this she is going to end up in a far bigger mess then she already is. She is not confronting her demons, she is running from them. My last two ex's are like this and will never change. I was like this, but I recognised the behaviour. Sadly for me, plenty of emotional damage was done before coming self aware.. I like getting drunk as much as the next guy, but drinking is just a temporary high and should never be used to get over something or to avoid dealing with pain. You are doing so much damage under the surface. Damage you can't even see. Your ex is doing you a huge favour now staying NC. I think a breadcrumb will come. How you deal with this bread crumb will determine how long you stay like this.
Author calgary Posted February 24, 2013 Author Posted February 24, 2013 she is a mess you're right ! i wondered if it was a gigs thing i mean she's in her early 20's. but she sounds really really depressed about stuff. people keep telling me how down she seems really upset. she doesn't want me around though. who knows if i'll ever hear another word from her.. last contact was 8 days ago in person... care to place a bet on how long until the breadcrumb comes? i'll be straight on here as soon as it does !
Keenly Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 I say, if you can handle it like a man, go out even if you know she will be there. Ignore her, after all she is not part of your life anymore. Hit on other girls in front of her. Send the message its time to move on. Your tie will be severed completely... the total recovery time will be drastically reduced.
Author calgary Posted February 24, 2013 Author Posted February 24, 2013 I say, if you can handle it like a man, go out even if you know she will be there. Ignore her, after all she is not part of your life anymore. Hit on other girls in front of her. Send the message its time to move on. Your tie will be severed completely... the total recovery time will be drastically reduced. still not ready to do that at all unfortunately! i deleted her from facebook, but if i still go on her profile i can see everything.. i thought i'd see if i could handle it.. bad idea. saw one of my friends who i'm supposed to be hanging out with this weekends been liking a lot of her stuff. it bothered me, because her best friend once let slip that she thought he was hot when i introduced her to him. i am still a mess obviously if something that pathetic can bother me !
iouaname Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 Why don't you block the FB? That's what I did - it wasn't malicious (well, maybe it was a little spiteful ^_^ ) but it's so much of a hassle for me to unblock him just to look at his FB profile that I haven't bothered once since we broke up.
Mack05 Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 Calgary checking Facebook is essentially breaking NC. Block her..
Author calgary Posted February 24, 2013 Author Posted February 24, 2013 Calgary checking Facebook is essentially breaking NC. Block her.. that's the first time I've ever checked it. i feel pretty stupid! will do.
Author calgary Posted February 24, 2013 Author Posted February 24, 2013 Why don't you block the FB? That's what I did - it wasn't malicious (well, maybe it was a little spiteful ^_^ ) but it's so much of a hassle for me to unblock him just to look at his FB profile that I haven't bothered once since we broke up. i suppose it was a way she got in touch once after the break up, i always kind of wanted to leave the door for contact open.. i suppose that in itself is me not getting over things properly right ? i always hope for that apology one day... that'll never come.
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