sex with someone new if it is bad 3 strikes you're out?

[Krieger]

I know that a lot of guys, when they first start having sexual relations with a new girl, are really worried about trying to satisfy her and it is precisely that sort of anxiety that can lead to under performance in the bedroom.

 

Let’s define the terms for the sake of this argument: you’ve gone on a few dates, you definitely like the person, you’re attracted to him or her, you’re ready to have sex, and then it’s…awful. Not “meh,” sex, not “it was fine for me” sex, but like, so bad that you’re already mentally composing the text you’ll send to your best friend the second this is over. So bad it’s just embarrassing for the both of you. Do you try again?

 

Well me being 29 and only having had one sexual partner I am worried about this. My only sexual experience was not that great for me the girl just kinda do nothing. Sure I was happy not to be a virgin anymore that help out a ton.

 

OK without going into to much detail she was a female friend from a few years back and we ran into each other and estranged numbers. Long story short we hung out ,I stupidly told her I was a virgin , she said i do not care I have been wanting to sleep with you for years ,had sex it was great .

 

The bad I had to do every thing and she just laid there . There was no passion or foreplay at all and no lights on and would not try anything other then missionary.

 

On a good note she said she I was the only one ever to give her and orgasm her last few bf could not. I know she did because I read up on that and it seems like she did . The bad part I did not climax at all even after a good 30-45 min of me putting in work for lack of better words.

 

That went on for 6 months she called it off in a text and she moved on to a new bf with in a week.

 

Now that I am 29 and all that happen a few years ago so it all behind me. I just worry that seeing I am working full time and college full time gives me no time to date. I kinda gave up to focus on college and getting a good job.

 

I however worry once I get school done and start dating a girl what do guys like me do when having sex with a new girl for the first time?

 

lest say it been a few dates and she wants invites me in and things get hot ? just go with the flow and be as confident as I can. Then what if the sex is bad on my part hope she still wants to date me?

 

Should I stop making out with her and take her hand and look into her eyes and say hey I do not know how to say this but I am not very experienced when it comes to dating and sex. then see how she responds to that?

 

Do I say anything afterwards so if the sex is bad she might understand? One other option is say noting and if she ends it so be it.

 

I just know it would total relax me if she know I was not all to experienced in bed even thought it does not sound very confident for a man to admit to it.

 

One last thing it going to be 1-2 years before i can date so it going to be a while.

 

Also should I just try to hook up in one night stands or FWB in the mean time to get better in bed?

[sillyanswer]

Let’s define the terms for the sake of this argument: you’ve gone on a few dates, you definitely like the person, you’re attracted to him or her, you’re ready to have sex, and then it’s…awful. Not “meh,” sex, not “it was fine for me” sex, but like, so bad that you’re already mentally composing the text you’ll send to your best friend the second this is over. So bad it’s just embarrassing for the both of you. Do you try again?

 

I might, if it was the first time with a new partner and I liked her. If it continued to be bad then that would be a deal breaker for me. I know that I can have good sex, but not with just anybody, so it's one of the things I look for in a relationship.

[Ruby Slippers]

In the scenario you described, assuming I really liked the guy and we got along in other ways, I wouldn't end it after one night of bad sex. In my experience, men can improve leaps and bounds in bed with just a little bit of non-critical guidance.

 

Given that your partner just laid there, did nothing, and gave you no guidance, she sounds like a bad sex partner.

 

Just do whatever you do with gusto, and don't apologize for yourself. If she likes you and has any manners at all, she'll guide you in the right direction.

[ThaWholigan]

Here's my advice:

 

Be comfortable with your inexperience. Whatever sexual encounter you have next - doesn't matter which one, whether it's with a GF or an FWB or a girl for the night. What matters is that you are comfortable with yourself sexually. I would work on trying to do that. I understand where you are coming from - I am still relatively inexperienced despite my recent progress in the sex department. Do not think that nervous thoughts didn't initially wander their way through my head the first time I prepared to have sex with a woman. They certainly did.

 

One key is to focus on her. If you're with someone new and there is a blossoming rapport, I assume it is easier and thus focusing on her will probably triple the pleasure for her. Don't rush either, take your time so that both of you are comfortable. I don't mean be super gentle, just.....in no hurry. If you thinking of techniques to learn, well there are products you can buy that can help you if you're feeling uncomfortable in your sexual technique (or you can download them in torrent form if you get down that way).

 

Again, the emphasis is on being comfortable with yourself as a sexual man. And know that she might be nervous too, so focus on making her as comfortable as you. If you are uncomfortable, so will she be. Try to relax as much as possible, focus on her, lots of foreplay and things will progress from there .

[StanMusial]

Just don't stress over it or think about it too much. If you like each other enough you'll make it work. I never worried about it that much, I was just happy to be there.

[Phoe]

As long as you put in 100% effort I think you'll be okay. Make it clear that you are THRILLED to be doing that with her. If you're too anxious, you might seem distracted, which might give her the wrong impression.

[iKING]

In the scenario you described, assuming I really liked the guy and we got along in other ways, I wouldn't end it after one night of bad sex. In my experience, men can improve leaps and bounds in bed with just a little bit of non-critical guidance.

 

Given that your partner just laid there, did nothing, and gave you no guidance, she sounds like a bad sex partner.

 

Just do whatever you do with gusto, and don't apologize for yourself. If she likes you and has any manners at all, she'll guide you in the right direction.

 

I'd say this is a pretty good response. 3 times is a relatively limited control sample, especially since the first 3 times can happen in one night (granted, you get a little sore). When you first start getting moving in sexual experience, the girls you're with should suggest lightly something to try, don't take it as a hit to the ego, take it as a blessing. Eventually you'll be the one in the lead, showing a girl the ropes. Like ruby said do what you do with gusto, even if it isn't the greatest thing in the world, it'll make the girl uncomfortable if you're overly worried about the way you're doing things. Remember that this is only a deal breaker if you don't show improvement, and considering the first girl laid there like a dead fish, I'm not sure she was all that experienced either. Relax and enjoy, and pay attention to her, sex isn't all about the guy, give her some special attention and odds are it'll be appreciated. Do some research on good positions to try, and especially what spots are best to hit. Statistically speaking, most girls don't get the big O from putting it in alone, unless you are in ideal positions for G stimulation, so don't be afraid to mix it up. You'll be fine, sex is fun, and a learning experience, don't sweat it.

[ScreamingTrees]

Why does a guy care so much to "lose it" - even if it's with a cold fish? Seriously, you still have the same fears and anxiety that you did before, it didn't really change anything. Which is why it's silly to give a **** about "losing" it..

 

If you were to look at every person, male or female, as an Island to be discovered.. Why would you claim to (or silently believe you) know your way around ANY Isle you wash up along the shores of just because you've explored ONE?

[Krieger]

Why does a guy care so much to "lose it" - even if it's with a cold fish? Seriously, you still have the same fears and anxiety that you did before, it didn't really change anything. Which is why it's silly to give a **** about "losing" it..

 

If you were to look at every person, male or female, as an Island to be discovered.. Why would you claim to (or silently believe you) know your way around ANY Isle you wash up along the shores of just because you've explored ONE?

 

yea true but I was getting to old to be a virgin and if a woman ever found out she might think some thing is wrong with me.

 

now that I am not one I still might have the same fears and anxiety's but it has helped my out when talking to woman and asking them out I can not uses the I am a virgin excuse. meaning now that I had sex with one girl I more sure of my self and hey one girl wanted me others will too.

 

often you get so wrapped up in she going to think your a loser for being this old still a virgin and start thinking what is wrong with me . then you find your self giving up more and more trying to meet woman .

 

I do wish it was with a girl I liked and we both loved each other but what are you going to do?

[ScreamingTrees]

yea true but I was getting to old to be a virgin and if a woman ever found out she might think some thing is wrong with me.

 

now that I am not one I still might have the same fears and anxiety's but it has helped my out when talking to woman and asking them out I can not uses the I am a virgin excuse. meaning now that I had sex with one girl I more sure of my self and hey one girl wanted me others will too.

 

often you get so wrapped up in she going to think your a loser for being this old still a virgin and start thinking what is wrong with me . then you find your self giving up more and more trying to meet woman .

 

I do wish it was with a girl I liked and we both loved each other but what are you going to do?

 

 

I'm just saying, if you sucked the first time, you're not magically getting better the second time. You have to let it go, and just do it. I'm basically in the same boat, but I don't give it much thought because it's petty to me, I'm not worried about that.

 

You're technically not a virgin, but that doesn't mean you're not going to still come off any less inexperienced than you did the first time.. So the next girl will know regardless. You don't even know how you did with that first girl because she was lifeless, she obviously wasn't good herself... Either uncomfortable with her sexually or just lazy and entitled..

 

Just do it, that's all. Not trying to discourage you, just saying that it really does NOT matter. Unless you have a crapload of sex with a girl over a few months, you're not going to be drastically different when it comes to your sexuality.. Just go with the flow.

[Krieger]

I'm just saying, if you sucked the first time, you're not magically getting better the second time. You have to let it go, and just do it. I'm basically in the same boat, but I don't give it much thought because it's petty to me, I'm not worried about that.

 

You're technically not a virgin, but that doesn't mean you're not going to still come off any less inexperienced than you did the first time.. So the next girl will know regardless. You don't even know how you did with that first girl because she was lifeless, she obviously wasn't good herself... Either uncomfortable with her sexually or just lazy and entitled..

 

Just do it, that's all. Not trying to discourage you, just saying that it really does NOT matter. Unless you have a crapload of sex with a girl over a few months, you're not going to be drastically different when it comes to your sexuality.. Just go with the flow.

 

I know wear your coming from . It just helps to at least doing it once , and some experience is better then none right?

[apple OR orange]

sex is no where near as good as its made out to be (in my opinion). Ive not done it in years and to be honest not sure i really want to (i dont miss what i dont have).

 

Granted when i do need it its nice to have someone (which never happens so its in front of a PC), but once i am done, i really dont want to deal with still being with someone, women tend to spot this as "selfish sex" which is probs why i could never get sex (so gave up).

 

Now i do know, it takes 2 people to get it right, sounds like shes not in to sex either, hence why other BF left her or wasnt happy for the same reason you have found.

 

Sex is 80% brain, no brain stimulation then no sex (i can look at certain videos and it do it for me, i can see real people and although i like the look of them not even be hard as i know it will never be the same as certain videos i watch).

 

However you do touch on something else, most women wont go near you unless you have had sex and know what to do, also need to only have been with 1 or 2 people when doing that AND have a really good reason to now not be with them. This reason needs to be one they are happy with.

[Ninjainpajamas]

Experience is going to be necessary for some guidance...as not all women work the same in the bedroom. That lack of experience, that inability to adjust and anticipate what women will like or not like may lead you blindly into a sexual engagement where you don't know exactly what you are doing and feeling insecure about it. Some women are easy to please, others are extremely demanding and have high expectations for how a man should perform in bed...at least in order to be fully satisfied.

 

But that's if you feel like being somewhat of a casanova, In your situation I wouldn't put a lot of emphasis on that, you don't have the experience and therefore should concentrate on other areas as there is a lot you can do during the build up for sex.

 

Sex is very psychological and is dependent on chemistry as well, you can fake good sex believe it or not knowing what you're doing, but great sex comes easy with someone who clicks with you on your wave length. If you don't do well in the bedroom don't take it so personal, sometimes it just isn't there. Also understand that many men are not good in the bedroom, so you're not necessarily going to stand out.

 

So in your situation you could either;

 

A) Hook up with random girls that you are semi-interested in just for sex, and gain experience with them in the bedroom. You've got a practice before playing in the big game after all, so you might want to learn on women you don't really care about having a relationship with or worried about losing if the sex isn't that great.

 

B) Simply just go with the flow, not get over-stressed and anxious about it because that's just gonna make it worse and just let it happen and then you can express your inexperience during the dating stage at some point if you're that worried about it, but honestly the woman is either going to accept it or not

 

Otherwise, don't put so much emphasis on the act itself. There is so much more to it, it's so many other factors combined with it, if you're just focused on intercourse itself and try to act like a porn star it's not going to work...good sex is not about pounding or unlimited endurance or having a huge penis, you could turn some woman on so much you could stick a pencil in there and she might pop...by using other skills you can completely enhance the physical part of intimacy known as "sex" even if you're not that great sexually.

 

Because of your inexperience I would strongly suggest getting a FWB or Fbuddy and going to town on her until you really figure out how a woman's body works. That's if you're really going want to have some confidence going into the bedroom, but it would also be wise to be with other women as some point in time time to learn how to adjust to what that woman likes...unless you feel like asking a lot of questions and trying out a lot of different things until you get it right. You might make one girl scream and send another to sleep.

 

Unfortunately there isn't a lot to make you feel better about this...some women sex is higher on the totem poll than others, but good sex is pretty much always a perk. You will be judged and critiqued by experienced women in the bedroom and they will look at you differently for not knowing what you're doing...it's part of a mans obligation to women that he know what he's doing and how to perform...they might tell you on here that "oh it's alright, as long as you have other qualities and we can enhance that" but the majority of women don't want to play sex teacher and don't feel like telling you exactly what to do all the time, they want to be pleased and satisfied and brag to their friends how amazing the sex is...that's the reality of it, so if you're on the "amazing" side of the line, it's a good thing, if not well you're going to be talked about in a humorous way possibly as women talk about everything with their girlfriends...but hey maybe you'll get really lucky and get one that isn't that way or doesn't talk about those things to their friends.

 

You could always try a more conservative girl with less experience, or someone who's not as sexual and demanding in that area. Otherwise, you've got to learn...you're just like every other guy out there, no special exceptions for the virgins with most women.

[Krieger]

 

So in your situation you could either;

 

A) Hook up with random girls that you are semi-interested in just for sex, and gain experience with them in the bedroom. You've got a practice before playing in the big game after all, so you might want to learn on women you don't really care about having a relationship with or worried about losing if the sex isn't that great.

 

B) Simply just go with the flow, not get over-stressed and anxious about it because that's just gonna make it worse and just let it happen and then you can express your inexperience during the dating stage at some point if you're that worried about it, but honestly the woman is either going to accept it or not

 

I would like to hook up or find a FWB but I do not have the time right now.

 

With me working full time and college full time time is hard to come by. Soon I will be taking one class vs 3 and then I have more time to hook up and lower my standards to nothing.

 

I do not think woman like inexperienced guys over all IMO . I just do not want her to think something is wrong with me.

 

I could just go for woman 10 years younger but they might have more experience then me .

[Life'sGood]

Sex is better when you're comfortable with someone. Explore new things and enjoy. Of course it depends on your sexual partner too.

[Krieger]

Sex is better when you're comfortable with someone. Explore new things and enjoy. Of course it depends on your sexual partner too.

 

 

It is hard to be comfortable with yourself sexually when you not that experienced . I am working on it and becoming more confident.