joystickd Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 Why do men feel a woman out of his league is what it takes for commitment? Why is one within his league not good enough when for the majority of women it is? Not all men feel that way. It's different for everyone. Why focus on leagues? Why do you like certain men? We all have preferences when it comes to people we date. Leagues are just an excuse unsuccessful people have for their reason for not dating or being in a relationship. Let go of the leagues and meet a man not a man in within your league just a man and see what happens. Have you ever thought maybe the men are not thinking about leagues and just meeting women?
RedRobin Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 They are just not to you. That's the thing people commit to people they think are worthy. Haven't you met guys who are great to be around but you didn't see them as relationship material or a sexual partner? It's basically the same principle in action. I get that... The guys I mentioned aren't committing to anyone though. It's not just me. Men who are seriously looking to commit and value commitment don't f*ck around. I've seen it before. Doesn't take them long at all. That's why I tell women who want to be married not to waste their time with men who are on the fence or who have objections about marriage for whatever reason. Men who want to be married... DO. Those who don't... sit on the fence and ride it out with whomever will let them. 1
kimberlydoll Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 Not all men feel that way. It's different for everyone. Why focus on leagues? Why do you like certain men? We all have preferences when it comes to people we date. Leagues are just an excuse unsuccessful people have for their reason for not dating or being in a relationship. Let go of the leagues and meet a man not a man in within your league just a man and see what happens. Have you ever thought maybe the men are not thinking about leagues and just meeting women? In my world, few men commit to women who arent hotter than them. Sure, they may date or sleep with women who arent but they dont commit to them
joystickd Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 I get that... The guys I mentioned aren't committing to anyone though. It's not just me. Men who are seriously looking to commit and value commitment don't f*ck around. I've seen it before. Doesn't take them long at all. That's why I tell women who want to be married not to waste their time with men who are on the fence or who have objections about marriage for whatever reason. Men who want to be married... DO. Those who don't... sit on the fence and ride it out with whomever will let them. Key thing here is let them. The thing I always say is you have to check your own gender. If a man f*cks around its because women let them. If a man wants his cake and eat it too its because women let them. You can't place all the blame on men without blaming your own gender for accepting bad behavior. People do what works and if you come across men like that more than likely they are like that because it has worked for them on quite a few occasions. So don't get on here ranting about men without ranting about women too.
RedRobin Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 In my world, few men commit to women who arent hotter than them. Sure, they may date or sleep with women who arent but they dont commit to them You are living in an area where 'image' is highly prized.... lots of climbers there. Consider going to an area more down to earth and less cutthroat than DC.
RedRobin Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 (edited) Key thing here is let them. The thing I always say is you have to check your own gender. If a man f*cks around its because women let them. If a man wants his cake and eat it too its because women let them. You can't place all the blame on men without blaming your own gender for accepting bad behavior. People do what works and if you come across men like that more than likely they are like that because it has worked for them on quite a few occasions. So don't get on here ranting about men without ranting about women too. personally, I feel ethics are a personal choice and one that shouldn't require 'maintenance' by the other gender. There are plenty of men who don't believe that chasing lots of women are in their best interests... even when they can get away with it. Those are the men I seek out. Edited February 25, 2013 by RedRobin 1
kimberlydoll Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 I agree that women are too enabling. It still speaks alot about the nature of men that women have "keep them in line" in order to get treated right though
joystickd Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 personally, I feel ethics are a personal choice and one that shouldn't require 'maintenance' by the other gender. Personal choice yes, but people do what works. I messed around with married women for a long time. I really wanted a single woman but had trouble when it comes to single women so I essentially did what works. Why even want a relationship with a man if you devote so much energy to negativity about men? Can you even name 6 things that are good about men?
joystickd Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 I agree that women are too enabling. It still speaks alot about the nature of men that women have "keep them in line" in order to get treated right though Both genders have to keep each other in line. Men have issues with women too.
xxoo Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 Men who want to be married... DO. Those who don't... sit on the fence and ride it out with whomever will let them. The same man can do both. Both men and women can get mired in the trap of a comfortable relationship--the companionship, the sex, the friendship--and not want to lose that, but not feel in love enough to make a marriage commitment. Often they feel foolish to break if off because the person is "good on paper", and they want to feel it. Bring on a different partner, and they can suddenly act very differently. 1
Sanitarium Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 You are living in an area where 'image' is highly prized.... lots of climbers there. Consider going to an area more down to earth and less cutthroat than DC. I think this is true I live about 40 minutes away from a big city and it's night and day the difference in dating scene. Lots of women in the big city want a man who makes about 250K a year...Women in the suburbs here are perfectly fine marrying a regular hard working joe 1
joystickd Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 The same man can do both. Both men and women can get mired in the trap of a comfortable relationship--the companionship, the sex, the friendship--and not want to lose that, but not feel in love enough to make a marriage commitment. Often they feel foolish to break if off because the person is "good on paper", and they want to feel it. Bring on a different partner, and they can suddenly act very differently. I bold that because men and women think because they are good on paper means people should want to be with them. A lot of people with bad intentions and questionable character are good on paper. There are some that even know how to play the role and hide their true character.
fortyninethousand322 Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 Men who want to be married... DO. Those who don't... sit on the fence and ride it out with whomever will let them. Goes for everyone and more situations than just marriage. It's called "revealed preference". Like the old joke about two economists walking by a Porsche showroom: one of them says to the other "I want that" and the other replies "obviously not". People who want to and can get married will. 2
Woggle Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 These days men are not any more commitment phobic than women are. I see plenty of cases where women say they want a good man but once they get one they run. This is not something that is limited to just one gender. Also men might have high standards for commitment but it is not just about looks. Don't get me wrong my wife is an absolute beauty but I have dated very attractive women before and they never mad it past the first few dates. I look at men I know who have either been through nasty divorces or are treated with utter contempt by their wives and I want no part of that. She can look as good as ten Megan Foxes and I would not put up with that. I married my wife of course because I am madly in love with her but also because I knew I would not end up like those men.
Phoe Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 I say man or woman if you have issues finding a relatioship then the problem is YOU. You sre the common denominator in all these situations. The day you stop blaming and accept some responsibility is the day you will find someone worth being in a relatioship with. I personally have always taken responsibility for my inability to get a date. I'm not pointing my finger at men saying "Men suck! They only want this or that, they don't know what they're missing, blah blah" - I come here and express confusion over my situation, and then ask "what can I do to change my situation?". What kind of action can I take to get me some success? And I've been given a few pointers and plan to change the way I do things and see if it earns me more interest from men.
somedude81 Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 I personally have always taken responsibility for my inability to get a date. I'm not pointing my finger at men saying "Men suck! They only want this or that, they don't know what they're missing, blah blah" - I come here and express confusion over my situation, and then ask "what can I do to change my situation?". What kind of action can I take to get me some success? And I've been given a few pointers and plan to change the way I do things and see if it earns me more interest from men. Interesting. So what are you planning on doing differently?
StanMusial Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 Goes for everyone and more situations than just marriage. It's called "revealed preference". Like the old joke about two economists walking by a Porsche showroom: one of them says to the other "I want that" and the other replies "obviously not". People who want to and can get married will. Tru dat. There was another thread where someone commented on timing and relationships... the point is someone might come along that cuts the mustard but if either party is not in marriage mode chances are it won't happen.
crude Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 And from what I see about 85% of women are attractive or extremely attractive. If you ever saw these women without makeup, sitting on a toilet, naked, taking a dump, you might not think so. You seem to be idealizing women because you can't get them. They're really not all that!
RedRobin Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 If you ever saw these women without makeup, sitting on a toilet, naked, taking a dump, you might not think so. LOL, maybe this ought to be the new 'third date' rule instead of the other 'stuff'. if you are still attracted to them after that, you know you got a keeper. ha ha ... but seriously... since I'm an athlete (not professional) I go without makeup a lot. I do have the open door policy on the bathroom except for #2. No one wants to smell your shyte. As long as you don't ask how old I am
TheBigQuestion Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 This is perhaps the biggest myth perpetuated on LS. The vast majority of adults (at least in North America) are in relationships. 55% of adults are married or in common law relationships. If you add people that are in relationships, but don't live together (a much tougher stat to find) and people that are exclusively dating, but don't call themselves "a couple" yet, the number is much higher. People that are single and want to be in a relationship are relatively rare. Most people that want to be in a relationship do what it takes to get into a relationship. Honestly, almost all the adults I know are in relationships - and almost all of them are married. I have two friends that are divorced; one got into a relationship about six months after the divorce, the other one it took a year and a half. I personally know one woman who has not been able to find a relationship and she struggled with mental illness her whole life. Myself - I am not much of a catch - below average height, below average money/career, cheap car, crappy dresser, average body, shy, introverted, in fact I was diagnosed with a severe social anxiety disorder a few years back, and I have been in three long term relationships! And Iris, from what I've read of your posts - you know why you have a hard time getting into a relationship - your location. And for every beautiful, successful, celebrity that has a hard time finding a relationship, you can probably find ten that are in relationships or married. This was probably the best post in this entire thread. No wonder everyone seemed to overlook it. 1
RedRobin Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 This was probably the best post in this entire thread. No wonder everyone seemed to overlook it. I saw it... and when I read it, I thought "yep" My situation is similar to Iris's... there aren't a lot of single people where I live. and I'm a freak, well, an outlier in a lot of ways.
somedude81 Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 This is perhaps the biggest myth perpetuated on LS. The vast majority of adults (at least in North America) are in relationships. 55% of adults are married or in common law relationships. If you add people that are in relationships, but don't live together (a much tougher stat to find) and people that are exclusively dating, but don't call themselves "a couple" yet, the number is much higher. People that are single and want to be in a relationship are relatively rare. Most people that want to be in a relationship do what it takes to get into a relationship. Honestly, almost all the adults I know are in relationships - and almost all of them are married. I have two friends that are divorced; one got into a relationship about six months after the divorce, the other one it took a year and a half. I personally know one woman who has not been able to find a relationship and she struggled with mental illness her whole life. Myself - I am not much of a catch - below average height, below average money/career, cheap car, crappy dresser, average body, shy, introverted, in fact I was diagnosed with a severe social anxiety disorder a few years back, and I have been in three long term relationships! And Iris, from what I've read of your posts - you know why you have a hard time getting into a relationship - your location. And for every beautiful, successful, celebrity that has a hard time finding a relationship, you can probably find ten that are in relationships or married. Eh, it's hard for some people to find a relationship. After my mother got divorced to my dad in 1985 she's had three boyfriends that I can remember. The last of which was over ten years ago. I'm 31 years old and have never had anything close to a relationship. I've only kissed one girl in my entire life. What is rather unfortunate is that my mother and I have very similar, almost anti-social personalities. Both of us have trouble making friends and that has also affected our ability to date people. We also have some form of depression and that probably hasn't helped. In my life I've been rejected by about 25 girls. They ranged from casual acquaintances to my best friends. There is just something about me that prevents women from becoming interested in me as more than a friend. I'm currently interested in two girls and will try to make some move very soon. But I'm also expecting to get rejected because it is par for the course. When I'm 0 for 25, it's really hard to expect a better outcome.
joystickd Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 I personally have always taken responsibility for my inability to get a date. I'm not pointing my finger at men saying "Men suck! They only want this or that, they don't know what they're missing, blah blah" - I come here and express confusion over my situation, and then ask "what can I do to change my situation?". What kind of action can I take to get me some success? And I've been given a few pointers and plan to change the way I do things and see if it earns me more interest from men. That's cool but there are some on this thread that lack the maturity to accept some accountability for their failed relationships and all they can do is blame the opposite sex.
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