Imajerk17 Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 I don't disagree with this. I think there is a few reasons. I am a guy who initiates. I am now seeing 3 women, all of whom I met through "daytime" cold approach. I had to do a lot of approaches to meet these 3 women, but I am willing to do that. I think I am handsome and women are attracted to my looks (except for being on the short side) but considering how few responses I get from women online (I get on average only one unsolicited wink a month!) maybe not. My experience is that I have to rely on my hustle and smarts/personality. Anyway, as other guys don't approach, that leaves things open for a guy such as myself. Furthermore, at most one out of the 3 will get a relationship out of me. And I am still putting myself out there some more! Life is sweet if you are a guy with stones.... Proof that's it's really, really hard for many women, no matter how amazing, to find relationships: Pregnant Monica Cruz takes her dogs for a scenic walk in Madrid | Mail Online 1
ThaWholigan Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 Well enough I suppose. Not baggy but definitely not weird hipster skinny jeans either. As for the picture, I definitely don't wear my hair like that. I am working up the courage to shave my head though. Good idea, bad idea? Go bald dude. My bro's hairline is receding and he's younger than you. He went straight for the bald buzz cut, he's basically bald now. Some girls dig the bald look, trust me.
Els Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 And my point that there's a difference between having preferences and refusal to compromise on the ones that are less important stands as well. I dunno, maybe the good match thing is regional? I can look at my phone RIGHT NOW and see a text from my sister saying that I should approach her friend Zoe because we'd be a "really good match" So is 'really good' somewhere in between 'perfect' and 'good'? I suppose I have heard perfect, really good, and great used interchangably in this. I'd say that we do have some control over who we're attracted to; obviously the heart will continue to want what it wants, but the attitude we adopt when meeting new people makes all the difference in the world. It's no coincidence that I didn't meet anyone that I thought was a strong match for myself in the year after a 5+ year relationship dissolved. Oh, I definitely agree. I was assuming the person being open to allowing attraction to develop. I don't think you can choose to turn attraction ON, but you can choose to not allow it to go any further if you're already in a R.
Submisfit Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 So is 'really good' somewhere in between 'perfect' and 'good'? I suppose I have heard perfect, really good, and great used interchangably in this. Oh, I definitely agree. I was assuming the person being open to allowing attraction to develop. I don't think you can choose to turn attraction ON, but you can choose to not allow it to go any further if you're already in a R. Maybe one of us is over or under-analyzing the language too much, but when I hear those, I hear different meanings. I've also definitely heard others making the distinction, but yeah, it could vary from place to place. Just personally, I can't turn attraction on or off, but I can vary it along a spectrum quite a bit. It's very possible for me to decide between being on and open and on and scrutinizing.
pbjbear Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 THIS... I'm frequently called a liar on this forum, and it's starting to bring me down. I'm here because I have a crap love life and I want help, I want to learn, I want to do something to improve my chances of finding a really great relationship, and I get called a liar, dismissed, and laughed at. When the men here assume that a OK looking young female ought to have men constantly pursuing her and trying to date her, seeing myself literally have the most difficult time makes me wonder what the heck is wrong with me... it sucks, truth be told. I agree with this 100%. I came to this place to read others stories and for some self reflection. Its a common theme for both men and women if youre attractive, smart and nice and have a hard time finding someone there must be something wrong with you. Most of those threads turn into attacks about the person who is having a hard time. Committed relationships are hard to find in our culture today and timing and mutual reciprocity is hard too. 1
joystickd Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 I say man or woman if you have issues finding a relatioship then the problem is YOU. You sre the common denominator in all these situations. The day you stop blaming and accept some responsibility is the day you will find someone worth being in a relatioship with.
RedRobin Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 I'm going to say it isn't (or hasn't) been that hard for me to find men who want to have a 'relationship'. It is me who breaks up with them or rejects a 'relationship' because their idea of 'relationship' is where I invest in them and 'us' with some long-term open-ended arrangement... Not open-ended as we still get to see other people, but they have no interest in getting married or married again.. but they'd like me to 'commit'... ... and well, weird as this may sound... that to me feels like a FWB arrangement... if that is what they are looking for, it is just easier for me to find a roommate to split the bills and then cycle through much hotter, younger, and richer guys for 'fun' for a few weeks or months until sex gets boring. So, no... finding a 'relationship' isn't difficult these days. Finding people of either gender who value commitment is. 1
boaaaar Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 (edited) Proof that's it's really, really hard for many women, no matter how amazing, to find relationships: Pregnant Monica Cruz takes her dogs for a scenic walk in Madrid | Mail OnlineI'd sincerely like to congratulate this woman for having the guts to achieve her pregnancy goal in a honest way without burdening anybody else and I hope more women will follow her steps. I wish her the best for her motherhood. Edited February 24, 2013 by boaaaar
joystickd Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 I'm going to say it isn't (or hasn't) been that hard for me to find men who want to have a 'relationship'. It is me who breaks up with them or rejects a 'relationship' because their idea of 'relationship' is where I invest in them and 'us' with some long-term open-ended arrangement... Not open-ended as we still get to see other people, but they have no interest in getting married or married again.. but they'd like me to 'commit'... ... and well, weird as this may sound... that to me feels like a FWB arrangement... if that is what they are looking for, it is just easier for me to find a roommate to split the bills and then cycle through much hotter, younger, and richer guys for 'fun' for a few weeks or months until sex gets boring. So, no... finding a 'relationship' isn't difficult these days. Finding people of either gender who value commitment is. What's the issue that keeps you picking/attracting people that don't value commitment? I mean you are the common denominator in these situations so what is you contribute to these situations.
man_in_the_box Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 ... and well, weird as this may sound... that to me feels like a FWB arrangement... Well, obviously it isn't. I'm sure most people in relationships that are not marriages for whatever reason define theirs as monogamous. 1
xxoo Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 I'm going to say it isn't (or hasn't) been that hard for me to find men who want to have a 'relationship'. It is me who breaks up with them or rejects a 'relationship' because their idea of 'relationship' is where I invest in them and 'us' with some long-term open-ended arrangement... Not open-ended as we still get to see other people, but they have no interest in getting married or married again.. but they'd like me to 'commit'... . Commit to what? Monogamy? Not dating others? Are they not committing the same? Outside of arranged marriages, I've not met any couples that started with the agreement of long term commitment. Knowing within 6-12 months if this is a marriage track is more in line with my life experience. Obviously if someone does not want to marry at all, ever, then that is not a good prospect for someone looking to marry. OLD is probably not a great prospect for someone seeking marriage, either.
kimberlydoll Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 What's the issue that keeps you picking/attracting people that don't value commitment? I mean you are the common denominator in these situations so what is you contribute to these situations. I highly doubt the problem is 100% her. Many men are commitment phobic and Cake Eaters. Not all go around blatantly advertising it either...many people (men and women) are deceiving at first and it takes awhile for their true colors to come out 2
joystickd Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 I highly doubt the problem is 100% her. Many men are commitment phobic and Cake Eaters. Not all go around blatantly advertising it either...many people (men and women) are deceiving at first and it takes awhile for their true colors to come out Come on now. Men commit to women they deem worthy of commitment. If they don't commit it means they just don't want to commit to you. It's just like guys whining about being friendzoned. If they are cake eaters its because you let them. All you have to do is not accept bad behavior. The thing is after a certain point you have to examine yourself and ask what is it that attracts this type of person or why am I having relationship problems. That is all I am saying. No one after a certain point can do finger pointing if you keep meeting the same type of people. The problem then is YOU!!!
kimberlydoll Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 Come on now. Men commit to women they deem worthy of commitment. If they don't commit it means they just don't want to commit to you. It's just like guys whining about being friendzoned. If they are cake eaters its because you let them. All you have to do is not accept bad behavior. The thing is after a certain point you have to examine yourself and ask what is it that attracts this type of person or why am I having relationship problems. That is all I am saying. No one after a certain point can do finger pointing if you keep meeting the same type of people. The problem then is YOU!!! I am almost 26 and alot of the men my age only commit to women out of their league (at least without hesitation and nagging on the woman's end). I agree with the not letting women allow men to be cake eaters...I have alot of self respect compared to most women my age. I find alot of women today to be kind of emotionally weak.
Author iris219 Posted February 24, 2013 Author Posted February 24, 2013 Come on now. Men commit to women they deem worthy of commitment. If they don't commit it means they just don't want to commit to you. t's just like guys whining about being friendzoned. If they are cake eaters its because you let them. All you have to do is not accept bad behavior. The thing is after a certain point you have to examine yourself and ask what is it that attracts this type of person or why am I having relationship problems. That is all I am saying. No one after a certain point can do finger pointing if you keep meeting the same type of people. The problem then is YOU!!! If a man doesn't want to commit to a certain woman, it doesn't mean she's unattractive, annoying, stupid, lacking ambition, or insert negative trait here. It doesn't mean she isn't worthy of commitment. She's not inherently flawed. I get so annoyed when it's assumed that all women who have trouble finding a relationship have something wrong with them. It's HARD to find a relationship. 1
joystickd Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 I am almost 26 and alot of the men my age only commit to women out of their league (at least without hesitation and nagging on the woman's end). I agree with the not letting women allow men to be cake eaters...I have alot of self respect compared to most women my age. I find alot of women today to be kind of emotionally weak. Its because that is women they deem worthy of committing to. Aren't there men you don't want to be in a relationship with? That is kind of the same principle. Now you have to ask are you picking men that don't want to commit to you on purpose. I mean like me for a long time all I ever seemed to find was married women or women in LTRs and had trouble with single women. It took me examining myself to figure out why. After a certain point self examination needs to be done to improve yourself and your chances of finding someone compatible
kimberlydoll Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 (edited) Its because that is women they deem worthy of committing to. Aren't there men you don't want to be in a relationship with? That is kind of the same principle. Now you have to ask are you picking men that don't want to commit to you on purpose. I mean like me for a long time all I ever seemed to find was married women or women in LTRs and had trouble with single women. It took me examining myself to figure out why. After a certain point self examination needs to be done to improve yourself and your chances of finding someone compatible I avoid: -players/womanizers -guys fresh out of a divorce or breakup or who are currently separated -guys who have insane work schedules -men at bars/clubs and alot of men at gyms I dont go for unavailable men. I pick men who present themselves as genuine. Dont take it personally, iris. Most men on LS are exceptions to the norm and thus dont understand most men in the real world arent like them Edited February 25, 2013 by kimberlydoll
joystickd Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 I avoid: -players/womanizers -guys fresh out of a divorce or breakup or who are currently separated -guys who have insane work schedules -men at bars/clubs and alot of men at gyms I dont go for unavailable men. I pick men who present themselves as genuine. Dont take it personally, iris. Most men on LS are exceptions to the norm and thus dont understand most men in the real world arent like them Then the question is what is it about you that makes them not commit. It's not saying anything is wrong with you. The thing is you can't assume that men are not willing to commit. Preferences are a subjective thing and what one man doesn't want to commit to another will. The thing is if you are repeating the same thing then all I am saying is maybe it's time to examine what is it about you that attracts these type of men. That is all I am saying and I know many men and women will agree with what I am saying
joystickd Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 I avoid: -players/womanizers -guys fresh out of a divorce or breakup or who are currently separated -guys who have insane work schedules -men at bars/clubs and alot of men at gyms I dont go for unavailable men. I pick men who present themselves as genuine. Dont take it personally, iris. Most men on LS are exceptions to the norm and thus dont understand most men in the real world arent like them What qualities to you would deem a man as genuine?
kimberlydoll Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 Then the question is what is it about you that makes them not commit. It's not saying anything is wrong with you. The thing is you can't assume that men are not willing to commit. Preferences are a subjective thing and what one man doesn't want to commit to another will. The thing is if you are repeating the same thing then all I am saying is maybe it's time to examine what is it about you that attracts these type of men. That is all I am saying and I know many men and women will agree with what I am saying Probably because I dont settle and go for men within my league ( if leagues hypothetically exist. ) The only successful relationships I see around me are when men are with women who are much hotter than them. It seems that is what it takes to inspire them to commit 1
RedRobin Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 Come on now. Men commit to women they deem worthy of commitment. If they don't commit it means they just don't want to commit to you. It's just like guys whining about being friendzoned. If they are cake eaters its because you let them. All you have to do is not accept bad behavior. The thing is after a certain point you have to examine yourself and ask what is it that attracts this type of person or why am I having relationship problems. That is all I am saying. No one after a certain point can do finger pointing if you keep meeting the same type of people. The problem then is YOU!!! No, many men aren't looking for any kind of commitment, and certainly aren't looking to get married. Has zero to do with me. I don't take their lack of desire to commit to me or possibly anyone personally at all. Nor will I stick around and try to change their minds. That would be stupid. While it sounds like I'm whining, I'm really not. I haven't accepted any bad behavior. I don't date men who aren't actively looking to be in a committed relationship leading to marriage. This comes out very early, and I know how to filter out the ones who just say they are and the ones who really are. After that it is just lack of compatibility or a mismatch in other goals. For instance, I could have been the wife of a prominent politician or a three-time Emmy winner. At the end of the day, I just couldn't get comfortable living in the public eye so we split amicably. My penchant for privacy is probably well noted here...
joystickd Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 Probably because I dont settle and go for men within my league ( if leagues hypothetically exist. ) The only successful relationships I see around me are when men are with women who are much hotter than them. It seems that is what it takes to inspire them to commit Not inspire. Its what they think is worthy of committing to. You see what fits your current set of beliefs. I bet if you actually looked you would see a diverse set of couples in the area you are in. In addition to committing to people we think are worthy we also commit to people that want to commit to us too. Maybe it's because those women are not giving men a hard time. It's just a matter of actually putting in the work and finding someone compatible. Hell most of the complainers on here are from big cities and have an easier time finding someone than me. Hell I'm a black guy in rural America. Dating is loads of fun here.
joystickd Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 No, many men aren't looking for any kind of commitment, and certainly aren't looking to get married. They are just not to you. That's the thing people commit to people they think are worthy. Haven't you met guys who are great to be around but you didn't see them as relationship material or a sexual partner? It's basically the same principle in action.
Weezy1973 Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 It's HARD to find a relationship. This is perhaps the biggest myth perpetuated on LS. The vast majority of adults (at least in North America) are in relationships. 55% of adults are married or in common law relationships. If you add people that are in relationships, but don't live together (a much tougher stat to find) and people that are exclusively dating, but don't call themselves "a couple" yet, the number is much higher. People that are single and want to be in a relationship are relatively rare. Most people that want to be in a relationship do what it takes to get into a relationship. Honestly, almost all the adults I know are in relationships - and almost all of them are married. I have two friends that are divorced; one got into a relationship about six months after the divorce, the other one it took a year and a half. I personally know one woman who has not been able to find a relationship and she struggled with mental illness her whole life. Myself - I am not much of a catch - below average height, below average money/career, cheap car, crappy dresser, average body, shy, introverted, in fact I was diagnosed with a severe social anxiety disorder a few years back, and I have been in three long term relationships! And Iris, from what I've read of your posts - you know why you have a hard time getting into a relationship - your location. And for every beautiful, successful, celebrity that has a hard time finding a relationship, you can probably find ten that are in relationships or married. 1
kimberlydoll Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 Not inspire. Its what they think is worthy of committing to. You see what fits your current set of beliefs. I bet if you actually looked you would see a diverse set of couples in the area you are in. In addition to committing to people we think are worthy we also commit to people that want to commit to us too. Maybe it's because those women are not giving men a hard time. It's just a matter of actually putting in the work and finding someone compatible. Hell most of the complainers on here are from big cities and have an easier time finding someone than me. Hell I'm a black guy in rural America. Dating is loads of fun here. Why do men feel a woman out of his league is what it takes for commitment? Why is one within his league not good enough when for the majority of women it is?
Recommended Posts