kaylan Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 BS. Honestly, in the vast majority of the relationships I know, the girl is out of the guy's league. It's almost the only way for some women to be able to find a relationship nowadays not the other way around! Sounds like confirmation bias or you live in a weird area. Because from what I see most relationships seem to be even league wise...and if I do see people out of their partners leagues, I see an equal amount of men and women out of their partners league. I dont think many women pay much attention when the couple has a man out of the girls league. Because I keep hearing about women being out of the guys league all the time, and thats not the only thing Im seeing myself. That article proved nothing to me. It was pictures of a pregnant woman with a bunch of writing about how she opted to go with a sperm donor rather than a man. Women, most often, are single by choice. There are many, many, men out there looking for those same women. The problem is expectations. Many women want a a model prince charming, pushing out men in her league. They have suitors, but they choose not to go with them. Very few women actually have no men interested in them, and those women I feel bad for. "Average" women are more than able to find a match, just have to have realistic standards. This. You wouldnt believe a few of the women Ive spoken to in the last month. Some women really are just too judgmental and picky and thats why they are single. Or they simply scare off good men...because plenty of good guys are out there. Its just that some single girls arent lucky enough to meet them, or good enough for those guys to want to snatch her up.
xxoo Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 Most people probably would consider me a "loser" although I think that's a silly word to use for it. I'm geeky, nerdy, dorky, slightly strange tastes I guess. I'd be much better off paired with a geeky guy if I had a choice... I always had crushes on my physics professors in college How strange? Do your friends have boyfriends? Do your friend's boyfriends think you are "too strange"? I like strange! Let your freak flag fly! But a guy's opinion can be helpful, too.
somedude81 Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 THIS... I'm frequently called a liar on this forum, and it's starting to bring me down. I'm here because I have a crap love life and I want help, I want to learn, I want to do something to improve my chances of finding a really great relationship, and I get called a liar, dismissed, and laughed at. When the men here assume that a OK looking young female ought to have men constantly pursuing her and trying to date her, seeing myself literally have the most difficult time makes me wonder what the heck is wrong with me... it sucks, truth be told. You really shouldn't feel down. You know very well that your location is the number one reason why you are struggling. If you lived in a metro area you wouldn't be lacking in male interest. If for some reason you moved to a decent sized city in SoCal and still couldn't get anybody interested: message me, and maybe I'll let you buy me a drink.
ltjg45 Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 I know I sound like a broken record, but all my life I've had a hard time finding a relationship. I've had 2, and both were pretty bad to be honest. I am not single by choice, I cannot find a man who wants to be with me. Can I find a man who'd be happy to bone me? Probably, but that's not what I'm looking for. I want a relationship. I'm not picky either. I'm not "holding out" for some perfect prince charming, I'm not rejecting perfectly decent guys in hopes for something better (I'm not rejecting anyone at all actually, I'm not actually being pursued... although a coworker of mine told me yesterday that he knows someone who would like to meet me! He was being very mysterious about it but hey, maybe someone is interested!) Anyway, I'd be happy to just find a guy who likes me for me, puts in the effort to make me happy and actively shows that he's happy to have me in his life, someone I can be happy to share myself and my life with, and treats me with respect and kindness. That's all I want!! Seriously.....and I'm being brutally honest, I would love to meet you IRL. 1
Phoe Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 How strange? Do your friends have boyfriends? Do your friend's boyfriends think you are "too strange"? I like strange! Let your freak flag fly! But a guy's opinion can be helpful, too. I'm not freakishly strange, just a bit odd sometimes haha. 90% of my friends are men, but of the handful of female friends I have, a few have boyfriends. I don't know them very well, but we get along just fine. If they thought I was "too strange" I doubt they'd actually ever say that out loud haha. But I don't think I'm overly weird... but who knows!
ascendotum Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 I dont think many women pay much attention when the couple has a man out of the girls league. Because I keep hearing about women being out of the guys league all the time, and thats not the only thing Im seeing myself. I suspect a lot of people who are a little despondent with their love life will instinctively focus on couples that align with their beliefs of distortions in the dating market that go against them. There is a bias there because it confirms their views + because those imbalanced couples stand out more especially when you are single and looking around more. There are guys here who will swear black & blue its the total opposite of mesmerized's observations. 2
Phoe Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 You really shouldn't feel down. You know very well that your location is the number one reason why you are struggling. If you lived in a metro area you wouldn't be lacking in male interest. If for some reason you moved to a decent sized city in SoCal and still couldn't get anybody interested: message me, and maybe I'll let you buy me a drink. The location does hurt my situation, but even when I lived in Santa Barbara I only got asked out 3 times. I think something about me just screams "undateable" - but I don't want to change myself drastically. I don't want to become someone I'm not, fake my way, just to get a guy to be interested. That would be terrible! Haha, I'd happily buy you a drink in exchange for an evening of good company! 1
RedRobin Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 I've dumped plenty of guys who wanted a relationship with me but claimed to not want to be married again or at all... or didn't know if they did. So, I could have had plenty of 'relationships' with those guys treading water... To me it is just one way they tried to lock me in while they continued fishing for other options. I'd rather be single than an 'option'... even an 'option' in a 'relationship'. ... because as long as I'm single, at least I'm available if/when a man comes along who values commitment. It is very possible that Ms. Cruz is in the same boat. Tired of fence sitters, hedge-betters, GIGs, and guys trying to use her to climb any kind of ladder. 1
xxoo Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 I suspect a lot of people who are a little despondent with their love life will instinctively focus on couples that align with their beliefs of distortions in the dating market that go against them. There is a bias there because it confirms their views + because those imbalanced couples stand out more especially when you are single and looking around more. There are guys here who will swear black & blue its the total opposite of mesmerized's observations. I agree....and...who are we, as outsiders, to say who is and is not in anyone's "league"? Mutual attraction defines "league" to me. And a whole lot more goes into that than looks.
Phoe Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 Seriously.....and I'm being brutally honest, I would love to meet you IRL. If we didn't live on opposite sides of the country, I'd say it's possible that we'd unknowingly run into each other someday and meet without even knowing it! Surely there are lovely girls you might unknowingly meet in Florida
StanMusial Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 I'm not freakishly strange, just a bit odd sometimes haha. 90% of my friends are men, but of the handful of female friends I have, a few have boyfriends. I don't know them very well, but we get along just fine. If they thought I was "too strange" I doubt they'd actually ever say that out loud haha. But I don't think I'm overly weird... but who knows! Hmm. I have noticed that gals with mostly guy friends seem to have a hard time with their romantic life. I can think of several examples right off the top of my head. So there's that. Also, if you are nerdy and dorky and like guys of that nature I could see why it would be difficult, because those guys aren't sexy typically. You might not be attracted to them in a romantic way.
Phoe Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 Single men? Nope, all happily married or very much so taken/in love. I've considered asking if any of them have friends that would be happy to meet a girl like me, but I'm a bit embarassed to admit that I'm so bad off in dating
xxoo Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 Nope, all happily married or very much so taken/in love. I've considered asking if any of them have friends that would be happy to meet a girl like me, but I'm a bit embarassed to admit that I'm so bad off in dating Ask their wives and girlfriends. If you aren't already friends with them, you should be! They'll help you out.
ltjg45 Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 If we didn't live on opposite sides of the country, I'd say it's possible that we'd unknowingly run into each other someday and meet without even knowing it! Surely there are lovely girls you might unknowingly meet in Florida That would be a high possibility. Unfortunately, while I'm focusing on finding employment first, I really only spoke to a couple of females that I was attracted to after seeing how they act in public. I may have only a few females show interest to me (at least that is what I'm thinking they are doing) but I didn't follow up on it. I'm being patient and still looking. 1
Phoe Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 Hmm. I have noticed that gals with mostly guy friends seem to have a hard time with their romantic life. I can think of several examples right off the top of my head. So there's that. Also, if you are nerdy and dorky and like guys of that nature I could see why it would be difficult, because those guys aren't sexy typically. You might not be attracted to them in a romantic way. I'm not sure if my lack of female friends is to blame or not... I get along just fine with females, I just don't typically become close with them. I'm usually just "one of the guys", ya know? Lately I've been actively trying to branch out my social circle to include more girls but it's been slow haha. I know that nerdy guys aren't socially recognized as being "sexy" but to me they are... all too often in college I'd find myself daydreaming over the graduate students who TA'd from time to time... uber nerdy, glasses, intellectual, slightly awkward and silly.. *melts* ... but those guys are never interested in me. 1
ScreamingTrees Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 THIS... I'm frequently called a liar on this forum, and it's starting to bring me down. I'm here because I have a crap love life and I want help, I want to learn, I want to do something to improve my chances of finding a really great relationship, and I get called a liar, dismissed, and laughed at. When the men here assume that a OK looking young female ought to have men constantly pursuing her and trying to date her, seeing myself literally have the most difficult time makes me wonder what the heck is wrong with me... it sucks, truth be told. I can believe you, but I do think you should have more "standards".. Not sure how to make this point, because I know you don't mean to come across this way, but somehow reading your posts in this thread made me feel like.. Hmm.. If I was a random potential love interest who knew very little about you, but you basically parroted your previous post about what you're looking for, I'd be thinking "well, am I *really* what you want? or am I just the first guy to come along? am I just convenient? 'good enough'?.." If any guy can win you over, the one that does might not feel very special.. But I think you'd make him feel special, I'm not saying you wouldn't.. But if you were to tell a guy what you said here, he might get the wrong first impression. Just because you're not particularly lucky, doesn't mean you should settle for less, because when the time is right, you'll find exactly what you were looking for.. But if you're not *looking* for anything in particular, when will you ever *see* anything at all?
kaylan Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 I've dumped plenty of guys who wanted a relationship with me but claimed to not want to be married again or at all... or didn't know if they did. So, I could have had plenty of 'relationships' with those guys treading water... To me it is just one way they tried to lock me in while they continued fishing for other options. I'd rather be single than an 'option'... even an 'option' in a 'relationship'. ... because as long as I'm single, at least I'm available if/when a man comes along who values commitment. It is very possible that Ms. Cruz is in the same boat. Tired of fence sitters, hedge-betters, GIGs, and guys trying to use her to climb any kind of ladder. Why must marriage define a relationship. If Im happy and in love, and the girl Im with doesnt want to ever get married, Im fine with it. Its really just a piece of paper to me. What else do I need to do to show her how much I love her when I will already be doing those things in our relationship. If we are already practically married, I dont see how a public display and recognition of our relationship changes anything. Thats just me though. I could take or leave marriage. Doesnt mean Im any less committed than a devoted husband can be. 1
Phoe Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 Ask their wives and girlfriends. If you aren't already friends with them, you should be! They'll help you out. A few of the girlfriends, unfortunately, despise me. I've never met them, they refuse to meet me despite my attempts, and typically tell their boyfriend that they don't like them being friends with me. Makes things rather difficult... one of my best friends recently moved in with his girlfriend and I've resigned myself to the fact that I will likely never see him again ... The wives, however, I have actually been making active attempts at getting closer with. There are 2 who I recently hung out with one on one, and I think that perhaps some good friendships may come from those 2. But I'm also considering online dating. I dunno whether that's a great idea or a horrible idea, but I'm willing to put myself out there if the results will be good.
kaylan Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 A few of the girlfriends, unfortunately, despise me. I've never met them, they refuse to meet me despite my attempts, and typically tell their boyfriend that they don't like them being friends with me. Makes things rather difficult... one of my best friends recently moved in with his girlfriend and I've resigned myself to the fact that I will likely never see him again ... The wives, however, I have actually been making active attempts at getting closer with. There are 2 who I recently hung out with one on one, and I think that perhaps some good friendships may come from those 2. But I'm also considering online dating. I dunno whether that's a great idea or a horrible idea, but I'm willing to put myself out there if the results will be good. These women are threatened by you, because lets be honest...most of the time, guys typically are attracted to their female friends and thats how they pick them out. 2
Phoe Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 I can believe you, but I do think you should have more "standards".. Not sure how to make this point, because I know you don't mean to come across this way, but somehow reading your posts in this thread made me feel like.. Hmm.. If I was a random potential love interest who knew very little about you, but you basically parroted your previous post about what you're looking for, I'd be thinking "well, am I *really* what you want? or am I just the first guy to come along? am I just convenient? 'good enough'?.." If any guy can win you over, the one that does might not feel very special.. But I think you'd make him feel special, I'm not saying you wouldn't.. But if you were to tell a guy what you said here, he might get the wrong first impression. Just because you're not particularly lucky, doesn't mean you should settle for less, because when the time is right, you'll find exactly what you were looking for.. But if you're not *looking* for anything in particular, when will you ever *see* anything at all? I understand that completely, and I wish I knew how to be more picky, but I wonder if I get TOO picky, will I unknowingly pass up a wonderful guy? I hate seeming "desperate"... Yes, I'd go on a date with any decent and respectable guy, there's no good reason for me to say no to a guy I know nothing about. If from there, no real connection was seen then I'd pass him up knowing that I'd tried... but I'm not gonna be picky about trivial things like height or whether he's drop dead gorgeous, or if he's a little shy or inexperienced. None of that is a concern to me.
StanMusial Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 Nope, all happily married or very much so taken/in love. I've considered asking if any of them have friends that would be happy to meet a girl like me, but I'm a bit embarassed to admit that I'm so bad off in dating I find it interesting that you choose to associate only with TAKEN men. I wonder why this is?
xxoo Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 A few of the girlfriends, unfortunately, despise me. I've never met them, they refuse to meet me despite my attempts, and typically tell their boyfriend that they don't like them being friends with me. Makes things rather difficult... one of my best friends recently moved in with his girlfriend and I've resigned myself to the fact that I will likely never see him again ... The wives, however, I have actually been making active attempts at getting closer with. There are 2 who I recently hung out with one on one, and I think that perhaps some good friendships may come from those 2. Are these guy friends really your friends? When there are mixed-gender, group activities (bbqs for example), are you not invited or something? Foster those friendships with the wives!
ltjg45 Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 I understand that completely, and I wish I knew how to be more picky, but I wonder if I get TOO picky, will I unknowingly pass up a wonderful guy? I hate seeming "desperate"... Yes, I'd go on a date with any decent and respectable guy, there's no good reason for me to say no to a guy I know nothing about. If from there, no real connection was seen then I'd pass him up knowing that I'd tried... but I'm not gonna be picky about trivial things like height or whether he's drop dead gorgeous, or if he's a little shy or inexperienced. None of that is a concern to me. You certainly sound like a real catch to me. The way you look at dating basically matches up perfectly with mine. I personally don't think you need to change anything. You are perfectly fine just the way you are. 1
iKING Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 A few of the girlfriends, unfortunately, despise me. I've never met them, they refuse to meet me despite my attempts, and typically tell their boyfriend that they don't like them being friends with me. Makes things rather difficult... one of my best friends recently moved in with his girlfriend and I've resigned myself to the fact that I will likely never see him again ... The wives, however, I have actually been making active attempts at getting closer with. There are 2 who I recently hung out with one on one, and I think that perhaps some good friendships may come from those 2. But I'm also considering online dating. I dunno whether that's a great idea or a horrible idea, but I'm willing to put myself out there if the results will be good. You're making an effort which is noble, there's really not much else one can do. It sounds like the ones that don't like you find you to be a threat, which should be a compliment in disguise really. There was an article I read awhile back about guys assuming that girls whose friends are all guys (and visa versa) are more likely to cheat, so that might be where that notion came from. Really it comes down to being threatened. As far as online dating goes It's a bit of a crap-shoot, but you won't know until you try. It'll at the very least get you out there, which is better then nothing. You could also try something like meet-up, it'll allow you to enter casual environments with others who share your interests, which may or may not open up opportunities. You're a sweet girl, you'll find a guy! Keep that chin up 1
Recommended Posts