Thunderchild Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 She claims it was a one night stand at her works Xmas party, however, she fell pregnant to him. She didn't confess to it immediately. She told me in mid-February about 2 months after the event;when her pregancy was confirmed. I suspect she knew she wouldn't be able to hide the bump from me so she had to tell me quickly. We had been together for five years and I knew her cycle. She was away from me during the fertile period.
Author jagdude14 Posted February 24, 2013 Author Posted February 24, 2013 Not getting the crumbs is tough and getting them I am sure is just as tough
Author jagdude14 Posted February 24, 2013 Author Posted February 24, 2013 Please stop blaming yourself, jagdude. I'm sure it's not your fault. Accept it as a case of incompatibility, and let that be the closure you need. I know it's hard, I'm trying to do that too. I know I need to move on from him, I'm sure you can do it too. I am trying not to blame myself it is hard to. We shared so much including beliefs and religion and to go to church this morning and miss what we all had is hard. I have prayed so much. Sorry about bringing this up if you are not religious however I am sure you made your memories as well.
Author jagdude14 Posted February 24, 2013 Author Posted February 24, 2013 Na- hahaha ..so true about the bump on the street....that is why whenever i hear the "i miss u breadcrumb...i say it is a LIE. Jagdude- Before vday- i was on here whining about why i got no breadcrumbs and that i would want to yada yada..same as u... The i got one in vday "happy vday, destroyed4sho :-)" That is what she sent. I felt shocked first, numb, the i felt good for not responding, the next 2 days were a rage of emotions such as anger...how could u dump.someone and the send them happy vday, empty...why was it the only thig she wrote? .....sadness, feelings of rejection again..etc. Not fun. You will get a breadcrumb...guarranteed. Brace yourself. Hope that monster never sends me anything again. She is not worth it. And I do not believe I will get one at all
aussie sam Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 Interesting thread. Today marks one month of NC for me! But as much as I know they aren't good for me.... I am hungry for crumbs! I feel confident that I could ignore them but there is some sort of perverse ego stroking that I feel I would get from receiving them. The thought of her still thinking about me. It's human nature and I know I got to change my thinking but this is how I feel!
Author jagdude14 Posted February 25, 2013 Author Posted February 25, 2013 Interesting thread. Today marks one month of NC for me! But as much as I know they aren't good for me.... I am hungry for crumbs! I feel confident that I could ignore them but there is some sort of perverse ego stroking that I feel I would get from receiving them. The thought of her still thinking about me. It's human nature and I know I got to change my thinking but this is how I feel! This is exactly how I am feeling. While I want her to come running back and have changed and want me.... Lets be real it is not happening. I have not heard from mine in 37 days and I haven't contacted her either in that same time. I miss her a ton however I see breadcrumbs and I sit and think how could this girl not even try to reach out?
mwhitneyvi Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 You do NOT want breadcrumbs. Oh my god, just no. I have lived both scenarios. The first was my 'first real heart break.' Where he would not be up front about anything and tell me that he loved and missed me blah blah after we were broken up. Guess who got a free booty call!? Genius. He was screwing me, new girl, and ex from before me. I was so mind ****ed for months. Even 4 months after the initial split and after I hadn't en him for a month or two, I started seeing someone else and would cry because it wasn't HIM. Why? Because he was still talking to me. That took so long for me to get over, but one day I actually did see him and was disgusted that I was so crazy over him for so long. It was the idea, not the person. Scenario 2... We went through some serious **** for a while and one day (after a couple weeks of him toying me around while playing the you're a psycho card), he blocked me on Facebook, got a new number, EVERYTHING. I was devastated, but do you have any idea how much faster I got over that break up? In a fraction of the time it took to get over the first. This ended 13 months ago, I still haven't heard from him nor have I seen him. I've been told he still tells everyone I'm crazy if I'm brought into the conversation I still think he's a piece, but I can honestly 100% say that I don't care anymore. Nada. Not even a little sting. Currently going through a mix of the two. He will respond but not tell me anything I want to hear. After begging like the not so cutest little puppy while he laughed it off and told everyone I was insane, tried the friend card. Oh hell no. Just waiting for the day I can not care. He seems to be doing a good job of that with his new girlfriend. Anyway, breadcrumbs aren't as awesome as you may think. Nothing but a mind **** and a half 1
StraylightRun24 Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 I agree with aussie sam that this is an interesting thread. Today I am 8 weeks into NC with my ex and I haven't received one breadcrumb. The last time we spoke she asked if she could contact me in a few weeks to see how I was doing and maybe to hang out and I told her that while I would really like that I think it would be best if she didn't because I thought making a clean break was in the best interest for both of us. Obviously part of me is bummed that she hasn't even attempted to reach out to me, but then I come back to rational thought and realize I asked her not to and she has enough respect for me to follow through with my wishes. I really think the lot of us who are bummed about not receiving breadcrumbs should look at it from that perspective. Just because they haven't thrown any our way doesn't necessarily mean they don't think of us from time to time. Really it means they respect us (and do I dare say care about us) enough not to string us along.....
Author jagdude14 Posted February 25, 2013 Author Posted February 25, 2013 I agree with aussie sam that this is an interesting thread. Today I am 8 weeks into NC with my ex and I haven't received one breadcrumb. The last time we spoke she asked if she could contact me in a few weeks to see how I was doing and maybe to hang out and I told her that while I would really like that I think it would be best if she didn't because I thought making a clean break was in the best interest for both of us. Obviously part of me is bummed that she hasn't even attempted to reach out to me, but then I come back to rational thought and realize I asked her not to and she has enough respect for me to follow through with my wishes. I really think the lot of us who are bummed about not receiving breadcrumbs should look at it from that perspective. Just because they haven't thrown any our way doesn't necessarily mean they don't think of us from time to time. Really it means they respect us (and do I dare say care about us) enough not to string us along..... Mine asked me for space. Which I have to her and never hounded her not even while dating. This is not me being naive of my relationship I know I didn't act clingy to her. So I respected her no contact. She did not even try to give me the option to remain friends. I did nothing to cause a break up. I never told her I was in no contact. I told her I'd give her space and let her be the one to contact me. I did that while I showed my hand and have her the power it is because I wanted to take the option away from myself from texting her down the road which I will never. However to treat someone so great love them and to never hear from them amazes me. To go from sharing the holidays and all smiles and me planning to pick her up from the airport with flowers to kicked out of her life amazes me.
mcdo Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 Breadcrumbs are dreadful, don't wish for them. What seems to happen to me is that I'll get to a positive place. Then getting a breadcrumb, any kind of breadcrumb, sets me back a whole lot. And I have to go through it all over again to catch up to the positive place. I SAW my ex on Friday and it put me on a downer for the weekend. I'm making plans to leave this town cos I can't even deal with seeing her. 1
mcdo Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 Just got a breadcrumb. Woo. Hoo. I'm not even going to read it. She spent her weekend with her new guy in another city and messages me on Monday morning? There's something flat out wrong with that.
mcdo Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 Just got a breadcrumb. Woo. Hoo. I'm not even going to read it. She spent her weekend with her new guy in another city and messages me on Monday morning? There's something flat out wrong with that. She messaged on Facebook AND just texted as well! What the hell is she doing? I want to tell her to stop. But then I also want to hold NC and just ignore. I think I'll just ignore.
aussie sam Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 She messaged on Facebook AND just texted as well! What the hell is she doing? I want to tell her to stop. But then I also want to hold NC and just ignore. I think I'll just ignore. I strongly suggest that you do the proper-block on facebook. The one where you can't even search for each other or message each other. It has been good for me not only because I can't see her profile when I'm week, but more importantly that she can't see mine! It's nice not having the pressure of feeling like I need to make updates or post photos of "how awesome I'm doing" or worrying what her perception might be of me through my activity. Reclaim your space brother! You deserve it!
Thunderchild Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 Keep the Faith! If you feel yourself weakening, just open a thread on here!
Discarded2013 Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 She messaged on Facebook AND just texted as well! What the hell is she doing? I want to tell her to stop. But then I also want to hold NC and just ignore. I think I'll just ignore. One word Narcissistic
mcdo Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 Thanks for the replies guys. I contacted a friend about it, a friend who has been helping me a lot every step of the way. The friend laid things out plain and clear and made me aware of how selfish my ex is being. My friend also reinforced pretty much all of the good ideas, tips, thought processes, etc. that you guys on the forum are regularly putting forth. I deleted the Facebook message and I deleted the text. This girl chose not to have me in her life anymore. She needs to stick by her decision and let me repair myself.
Author jagdude14 Posted February 25, 2013 Author Posted February 25, 2013 Thanks for the replies guys. I contacted a friend about it, a friend who has been helping me a lot every step of the way. The friend laid things out plain and clear and made me aware of how selfish my ex is being. My friend also reinforced pretty much all of the good ideas, tips, thought processes, etc. that you guys on the forum are regularly putting forth. I deleted the Facebook message and I deleted the text. This girl chose not to have me in her life anymore. She needs to stick by her decision and let me repair myself. So what happens if she lays it all out for you and say she wants to be with you? You ignoring her may cause her to start to miss you and you could get that. I woke up this morning very sad. I just don't know what happened and I am stuck on that and I miss my ex
mcdo Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 So what happens if she lays it all out for you and say she wants to be with you? You ignoring her may cause her to start to miss you and you could get that. I woke up this morning very sad. I just don't know what happened and I am stuck on that and I miss my ex Who knows if that's what will happen. It's a possibility but I'm not going to rely on it. I'm not gonna sit around waiting for her while she's screwing other guys, hoping she'll miss me and come back to my wide open arms. It would be kind of humiliating really. If I ignore her and the day comes that she misses me I'll see what stage of recovery I'm at. It could be very unhealthy for me to get back into a relationship with her if I'm still depressed. And she could use me for a couple of weeks than walk out of my life again. How dreadful would that be? Alternatively I could be over her by the time she realises she misses me and I won't be interested anymore. If I ignore her and the day never comes that she misses me then so be it. I will already be on the road to full recovery. Anyway, as long as I stay in contact with her - she will never have experienced me being completely gone from her life. She will never come to any realisation that I'm truly gone. And she can go about her life knowing I'm there for her. She'll be having her cake and eating it too. Whereas I'll still be stuck in my own personal mess. The breadcrumbs have to be ignored! 1
aliceinthebox Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 There is not a day I don't think about her. From the story link in my original post you can read I treated her great I've read your posts, but I don't mean treatment wise... more mental and I'm just basing this own my experience. When I was with my ex everyone would tell us how cute we were together and I couldn't help but feel irked because it felt so superficial when there were so many problems which is why I probably pulled the trigger soon after I kept hearing it. He treated me very kindly, but there was just something wrong with me and him being together. I'm thinking the two of us, not just him, needed to grow up a bit. But, my main point I think was that there's a 99% chance that she's thinking about you because I'm still thinking about my ex everyday. (Not in a creepy expectant way, but more like there is someone that I care about and spent time a bit of time with and am not in the position to see them. ) For me I guess the reason I want to mention it is because I understand how worthless someone can feel after a break up and I wanted to put it out there that it might not be because of you or because the feelings aren't there, but rather it's more the circumstance isn't right. If that makes sense?
Author jagdude14 Posted February 25, 2013 Author Posted February 25, 2013 I've read your posts, but I don't mean treatment wise... more mental and I'm just basing this own my experience. When I was with my ex everyone would tell us how cute we were together and I couldn't help but feel irked because it felt so superficial when there were so many problems which is why I probably pulled the trigger soon after I kept hearing it. He treated me very kindly, but there was just something wrong with me and him being together. I'm thinking the two of us, not just him, needed to grow up a bit. But, my main point I think was that there's a 99% chance that she's thinking about you because I'm still thinking about my ex everyday. (Not in a creepy expectant way, but more like there is someone that I care about and spent time a bit of time with and am not in the position to see them. ) For me I guess the reason I want to mention it is because I understand how worthless someone can feel after a break up and I wanted to put it out there that it might not be because of you or because the feelings aren't there, but rather it's more the circumstance isn't right. If that makes sense? It does make sense. I can't compare you to her but you have been on both sides and you said you broke up with someone in a similar way. I still love her. I wish she would try as much as I did and am willing to. I know for a fact I treated her great. She didnt seem to be irked by me or the way people thought of us she seemed comfortable around. I can't tell for sure obviously. I am just lost because it has been a good amount of time and I have not heard anything and do not think I will. It shakes my confidence to treat someone so great everything seem fine then kicked out of her life like a stray dog
Thunderchild Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 Alice - I'm not a great believer in the 'it's-just-that-the-time-was-wrong' arguement. I've always found it to be a bit of a 'let-'em-down-gently' kinda excuse. 1
Author jagdude14 Posted February 25, 2013 Author Posted February 25, 2013 Alice - I'm not a great believer in the 'it's-just-that-the-time-was-wrong' arguement. I've always found it to be a bit of a 'let-'em-down-gently' kinda excuse. See I agree with this. If I am with someone I love no matter what I am going through it is important to me and I will make it a priority. Not postpone it. That is not a smart thing to do( if they actually cared about someone)
Chi townD Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 (edited) I don't think you're looking for breadcrumbs as much as you are for closure. I mean, the girl dumped you by text. She didn't even have the balls to do it in person. That should give you an idea of where you stood with her. Don't you think that you warranted a REAL explaination (which, probably would have been lies anyway)? But, you're left with questions and a lot of them. Wondering what you did wrong? Why were you dumped? Did you treat her badly? Is there someone else? Well, you're not going to get those answers through breadcrumbs. So, you need to find closure through her actions and not from her words. She ended it. And she took the cowards way out. She made a choice and you weren't it. That's where you're going to find your closure. That she left you high and dry. And you didn't deserve that. You have to look at her actions as childish and disrespectful on how she ended it with you. By text?!?! Really?!?! After everything you've been through with her, you only rated a text..... Perhaps, one day, you'll get another text from her. Your breadcrumb. The one thing about MOST girls is that they hate the fact that there might be a person on this planet that hates them or doesn't think that they're a nice person. That guilt is going to eat at her a little and she may throw you a breadcrumb with the only intention is to see where your head is at. Don't respond. You give her nothing. Don't let her know where your head is at. Don't let her see your sadness or your pain. She doesn't deserve anything from you after she left you high and dry. Keep going with NC. Promise you, it does get better. Edited February 25, 2013 by Chi townD
Author jagdude14 Posted February 25, 2013 Author Posted February 25, 2013 I don't think you're looking for breadcrumbs as much as you are for closure. I mean, the girl dumped you by text. She didn't even have the balls to do it in person. That should give you an idea of where you stood with her. Don't you think that you warranted a REAL explaination (which, probably would have been lies anyway)? But, you're left with questions and a lot of them. Wondering what you did wrong? Why were you dumped? Did you treat her badly? Is there someone else? Well, you're not going to get those answers through breadcrumbs. So, you need to find closure through her actions and not from her words. She ended it. And she took the cowards way out. She made a choice and you weren't it. That's where you're going to find your closure. That she left you high and dry. And you didn't deserve that. You have to look at her actions as childish and disrespectful on how she ended it with you. By text?!?! Really?!?! After everything you've been through with her, you only rated a text..... Perhaps, one day, you'll get another text from her. Your breadcrumb. The one thing about MOST girls is that they hate the fact that there might be a person on this planet that hates them or doesn't think that they're a nice person. That guilt is going to eat at her a little and she may throw you a breadcrumb with the only intention is to see where your head is at. Don't respond. You give her nothing. Don't let her know where your head is at. Don't let her see your sadness or your pain. She doesn't deserve anything from you after she left you high and dry. Keep going with NC. Promise you, it does get better. Thank you that was awesome. I hope so. It has been hard. I have been nc and will continue to be. It just shakes me though. To share all the great times and memories and just end it. Thank you for the help. She knows nothing about me now I am not on fbook twitter and have not seen her. I treated her to such a great Christmas prior to her breaking up with me and though it would be right back when she came back from home. I was hurt and surprised when I got the bu text
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