Do you reckon your ex is Narcissist?

February 23, 2013

Reading peoples threads, do you reckon your ex was a narcissist?

The way they can leave and never look back. Then send you breadcrumbs and accuse you of seeing other people to make there own 'guilt' feel better and other pathetic things they say/do?

Your views?

February 23, 2013

Oh that's funny. I just read the definition of that yesterday and hands down HELL YES SHE IS!

February 23, 2013

yea this has happened to me

February 23, 2013

Did they promise you the earth, say you the one, meant to be, want to build a life with you etc etc. Yet can cut and run on you. Then keep YOUR number, text you breadcrumbs then silence again?

Like some sick game really

February 23, 2013

In some cases I think its a way to explain away the sting of rejection .

In other cases, yes, I do think they were involved with someone personality disordered.

Their not ALL narcissists, however some certainly are....it does exist...the history and patterns of the person tell for sure.

February 23, 2013

Reading peoples threads, do you reckon your ex was a narcissist?
The way they can leave and never look back. Then send you breadcrumbs and accuse you of seeing other people to make there own 'guilt' feel better and other pathetic things they say/do?

Your views?

My ex did exactly just that. Broke up with me, met me a week after told me she regrets breaking up then walked out the car saying she couldn't do it after 3 hour conversation/kissing & crying in the car. Then she would get mad when I'd be going out with girls I was friends with checking on my FB status, texting me things like "it's things like this that make me not regret breaking up with you" (now that i think of it, what a POS thing to say. How can you say something like that to me)

I am not sure if she was narcistic or not, perhaps confused but it's still sad when someone plays with your deeps feelings like that.

This is what she wanted, not my choice. I went NC right after that.

February 23, 2013

Did they promise you the earth, say you the one, meant to be, want to build a life with you etc etc. Yet can cut and run on you. Then keep YOUR number, text you breadcrumbs then silence again?

Like some sick game really

1 week or so before my ex BU, I had an email from her saying how much she loved me and that I was the best thing that ever happened to her and she wished she would of known before all the other ex's.

Now I just laugh at the email.

Once a liar always a liar, that I have learned from my previous relationships so Im not shocked considering I caught her lying many many times.

February 23, 2013

i dont reckon, she admitted to it while we was dating lol.

February 23, 2013

Seems like most people are saying Yes. I know mine was for sure..she fitted into most of the DSM criteria. I even spoke to my therapist about it.

Before this thread posted, I was actually thinking about this a lot.

Do you think we are all Just victims of a narcissitic ex and that is why it is hard to move on, because we just don't get it. Or don't have closure because they left so suddenly?

Should this board be called "Narcissistic Victim Forum" instead? :-)

February 23, 2013

Reading peoples threads, do you reckon your ex was a narcissist?
The way they can leave and never look back. Then send you breadcrumbs and accuse you of seeing other people to make there own 'guilt' feel better and other pathetic things they say/do?

Your views?

Yes, my ex always accused me of cheating and I never did!! Nor did I have any desire to when I was with her.

She kept dragging it out for months that I cheated on her with a old friend(who I wasn't even close to) of mine, which was so ridiculous and embarrassing. I understand being a bit jealous but she made a huge fabricated story out of it and it went on and on and on for months.

Now thinking retrospect, I suspect she did this because she wanted to get rid of me. Idk.

February 24, 2013

Yes, my ex always accused me of cheating and I never did!! Nor did I have any desire to when I was with her.
She kept dragging it out for months that I cheated on her with a old friend(who I wasn't even close to) of mine, which was so ridiculous and embarrassing. I understand being a bit jealous but she made a huge fabricated story out of it and it went on and on and on for months.
Now thinking retrospect, I suspect she did this because she wanted to get rid of me. Idk.

I think they do it, so they in their messed up head. Convince themselves your with someone else, so in their mind. They did the right thing dumping us, then they don't have to feel any guilt and slag you off to everyone making US THE BAD GUYS.

Its sad and pathetic

February 24, 2013

they have to be or they would be giving the relationship another chance. Or they are too busy another fool to heap their narcissistic abuse on!

How does the refusal to give a relationship another chance make someone a narcissist?

February 24, 2013

I suppose we all are narcissists to some extent - I could accuse my ex of having those tendencies, but is it really fair to do that?

February 24, 2013

Yes but when they promise you the earth and they worked so hard to get you back. And suddenly just to change and discard you like you was never there.

It's the process, idolize, devalue, discard

February 25, 2013

Another day, another feeling 'stupid'

Argh

February 25, 2013

I think my last two were.

The first.one wouldn't even split a candy bar with me as he'd spent money on it. He was obsessed with me doing things for him. Make me tea / coffee etc while he sat on his arse. I used to say no and he once picked me up and carried me to the kitchen and put me.by the kettle to.make. him drink. he was.so.self centred it was unbelievable.

My next bf wasn't as bad but he dumped me as he didn't love me then acted like a brat after the bu and flaunted his new women in front of me at the sailing club. WTF.

February 25, 2013

I thought my ex might be, but I know that people are very quick to label, so wasn't sure.

When my therapist used this word several times to describe my ex's behaviour with no prompting from me, I knew it was true.

And as mentioned above, I was idolised beyond belief and then suddenly tossed out like rubbish. I think that's partly why it's so hard to move on, I'm missing being adored

February 25, 2013

I thought my ex might be, but I know that people are very quick to label, so wasn't sure.

When my therapist used this word several times to describe my ex's behaviour with no prompting from me, I knew it was true.

And as mentioned above, I was idolised beyond belief and then suddenly tossed out like rubbish. I think that's partly why it's so hard to move on, I'm missing being adored

And the abandonment issues from it. Love of his life for '10 years' got me back, then dumped easily as pie. While get a few breadcrumbs just to mess with me head

February 25, 2013

Oh absolutely. My ex is a narcissist to the T.

The size of his ego was amazing and the way he used me to inflate that ego even larger was ridiculous. Everything was always about him. The entire world had to revolve around him. I basically was a non-existent entity in the relationship.

Everything always revolved around HIS desires, HIS wants, HIS needs, HIS likes, HIS dislikes, HIS expectations, HIS interests, the way he spent HIS time, HIS family, HIS friends. I can't recall my ex ever doing one thing for me in which he went OUT OF HIS WAY to make me happy. He always did the bare minimum and it was only if it didn't infringe on anything he had going on in his life.

I was always expected to be there with him when he did family functions, or to see his friends, but on the rare occasion I had the free second to see mine and I invited him, he said no. So I just stopped asking and I really lost touch with friends because of this. I was always available for him.

If I had an emotional reaction to something, he'd always spin it around on me saying I was "starting a fight" or "starting drama." Meanwhile my emotional reactions were to things HE was doing to me. IE: allowing his friends to disrespect me right to my face, flat out lying to my face, cheating on me, putting me last in all aspects of his life, disrespecting my parents right to their face.

I think he is one of if not THE most selfish individual I've ever come across in my life. He'd always spend money on himself (meanwhile he thousands of dollars in debt) and then if we went out he'd ask if I had the money to put in, or if I could pay my way because he was so broke.

I remember for our 2 year anniversary he planned this whole evening and dinner which at the time I really loved, it was a nice evening but I had asked him how he came up with the idea and he said, "It's always something I've wanted to do." --- Extremely self absorbed, he didn't think about what I'D be interested in doing, it was all about him.

He was never wrong. He lied up and down to me, cheated on me, became emotionally abusive, but he was NEVER wrong. It was always my fault he was like that. My behavior was wrong, the way I responded to him was wrong. He would criticize me up and down and tell me everything about my life was wrong, my living situation was wrong, my job was wrong. He never really had anything positive to say about me.

After 2.5 years with him I literally had no confidence. I was walking on eggshells because god-forbid I said the wrong thing or offended him or made him angry, he would say, "I can't have a girlfriend like you. Things need to change or else." (or else being he'd dump me.)

He wanted me to be this little puppet he could control and when I really started fighting back on that, that's when he got nastier with me and it's why I think he wound up dumping me. I was no longer anything that served him. I lost all respect for him, I hated him, I no longer kissed his a.ss and boosted his ego. He disgusted me and I think he saw this.

He lacked all empathy with me. When I went to him telling him that his friends were disrespecting me and I told him what they said, he just laughed and was like, "well I can't control my friends."

He used me from day one. I should have seen the red flags. (we got into a relationship weeks after he ended a long term relationship). He said he had been out of love for a while and he really said and did all the right things. Meanwhile he was still in communication with his ex, cheated on me with her. He just used me as a nice little crutch to try to get over her. He had ZERO regard for my feelings or anything.

When he cheated he didn't even feel guilt or remorse. He hid it for 2 years until someone threatened to tell me and then he came clean. I recall the time when he cheated on me and there was no deviation in behavior. We were on vacation at the time, we spent a nice New Years together and then he went and f.ucked his ex girlfriend. Two weeks later he was buying me a bouquet of roses for Valentine's Day. No guilt whatsoever.

He doesn't know how to put himself is anyone else's shoes. It's all about how he views the world and if you can't view it exactly like him, you're not a friend or an ally.

He was extremely unappreciative and ungrateful of everything I did for him.

When he dumped me he tells me he loves me still and I'm his best friend and he wants me in his life. A month later he tells me to lose his number and have a nice life. As if 3 years was nothing to him. I was just something to occupy his time.

It's sick to see how narcissistic he really is and I can't believe I stayed with him as long as I did. The only thing I'm glad about is the fact that he won't change. He doesn't believe he has any problems and he'll never be in a happy or satisfying relationship with anyone. He's someone elses problem now!

February 25, 2013

And the abandonment issues from it. Love of his life for '10 years' got me back, then dumped easily as pie. While get a few breadcrumbs just to mess with me head

You want breadcrumbs? See post #5 in the below link:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/366895-absolutely-devastated-today#post4513405

He obviously had no concept of how much he was hurting me with all his to-ing and fro-ing at the end. Every day for nearly a month was torture as he sat around dangling me on a string. This lack of empathy (blowing me a kiss across the table and going all silly while I sat there in anguish!!) just cements the fact that he has at least strong narcissistic tendencies. I never heard back from him btw.

I'm sorry for how you've been treated, your ex sounds as big a dickwad as mine x

February 25, 2013

Oh absolutely. My ex is a narcissist to the T.

The size of his ego was amazing and the way he used me to inflate that ego even larger was ridiculous. Everything was always about him. The entire world had to revolve around him. I basically was a non-existent entity in the relationship.

Everything always revolved around HIS desires, HIS wants, HIS needs, HIS likes, HIS dislikes, HIS expectations, HIS interests, the way he spent HIS time, HIS family, HIS friends. I can't recall my ex ever doing one thing for me in which he went OUT OF HIS WAY to make me happy. He always did the bare minimum and it was only if it didn't infringe on anything he had going on in his life.

I was always expected to be there with him when he did family functions, or to see his friends, but on the rare occasion I had the free second to see mine and I invited him, he said no. So I just stopped asking and I really lost touch with friends because of this. I was always available for him.

If I had an emotional reaction to something, he'd always spin it around on me saying I was "starting a fight" or "starting drama." Meanwhile my emotional reactions were to things HE was doing to me. IE: allowing his friends to disrespect me right to my face, flat out lying to my face, cheating on me, putting me last in all aspects of his life, disrespecting my parents right to their face.

I think he is one of if not THE most selfish individual I've ever come across in my life. He'd always spend money on himself (meanwhile he thousands of dollars in debt) and then if we went out he'd ask if I had the money to put in, or if I could pay my way because he was so broke.

I remember for our 2 year anniversary he planned this whole evening and dinner which at the time I really loved, it was a nice evening but I had asked him how he came up with the idea and he said, "It's always something I've wanted to do." --- Extremely self absorbed, he didn't think about what I'D be interested in doing, it was all about him.

He was never wrong. He lied up and down to me, cheated on me, became emotionally abusive, but he was NEVER wrong. It was always my fault he was like that. My behavior was wrong, the way I responded to him was wrong. He would criticize me up and down and tell me everything about my life was wrong, my living situation was wrong, my job was wrong. He never really had anything positive to say about me.

After 2.5 years with him I literally had no confidence. I was walking on eggshells because god-forbid I said the wrong thing or offended him or made him angry, he would say, "I can't have a girlfriend like you. Things need to change or else." (or else being he'd dump me.)

He wanted me to be this little puppet he could control and when I really started fighting back on that, that's when he got nastier with me and it's why I think he wound up dumping me. I was no longer anything that served him. I lost all respect for him, I hated him, I no longer kissed his a.ss and boosted his ego. He disgusted me and I think he saw this.

He lacked all empathy with me. When I went to him telling him that his friends were disrespecting me and I told him what they said, he just laughed and was like, "well I can't control my friends."

He used me from day one. I should have seen the red flags. (we got into a relationship weeks after he ended a long term relationship). He said he had been out of love for a while and he really said and did all the right things. Meanwhile he was still in communication with his ex, cheated on me with her. He just used me as a nice little crutch to try to get over her. He had ZERO regard for my feelings or anything.

When he cheated he didn't even feel guilt or remorse. He hid it for 2 years until someone threatened to tell me and then he came clean. I recall the time when he cheated on me and there was no deviation in behavior. We were on vacation at the time, we spent a nice New Years together and then he went and f.ucked his ex girlfriend. Two weeks later he was buying me a bouquet of roses for Valentine's Day. No guilt whatsoever.

He doesn't know how to put himself is anyone else's shoes. It's all about how he views the world and if you can't view it exactly like him, you're not a friend or an ally.

He was extremely unappreciative and ungrateful of everything I did for him.

When he dumped me he tells me he loves me still and I'm his best friend and he wants me in his life. A month later he tells me to lose his number and have a nice life. As if 3 years was nothing to him. I was just something to occupy his time.

It's sick to see how narcissistic he really is and I can't believe I stayed with him as long as I did. The only thing I'm glad about is the fact that he won't change. He doesn't believe he has any problems and he'll never be in a happy or satisfying relationship with anyone. He's someone elses problem now!

Wow I'm lucky I never got it that bad (or maybe I dont know if he cheated)

But you hit the nail on the head. He'll never be in a happy or satisfying relationship with anyone

February 25, 2013

You want breadcrumbs? See post #5 in the below link:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/366895-absolutely-devastated-today#post4513405

He obviously had no concept of how much he was hurting me with all his to-ing and fro-ing at the end. Every day for nearly a month was torture as he sat around dangling me on a string. This lack of empathy (blowing me a kiss across the table and going all silly while I sat there in anguish!!) just cements the fact that he has at least strong narcissistic tendencies. I never heard back from him btw.

I'm sorry for how you've been treated, your ex sounds as big a dickwad as mine x

I don't want the breadcrumbs, just breaks my heart over and over again

Promise you the earth, they get your trust, love. Then BAM, your kicked out of there life

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