thewolfis Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 Last night was my good friends birthday party and we were drinking. There was this girl there that had been flirty with me before but I have a girlfriend and she knew that. Well we get drinking more and I'm at the point of blacking out and she come on to me. On not saying its your fault, I should of stopped her, but I didn't. My relationship had been up and down and for some reason I was okay with it. So I cheated. We had sex. (Funny part is that the whole time I was thinking it was my girlfriend). I instantly regretted what I had done. Then I made an excuse this morning saying I blacked out half way through the night. She believes me, I'm unfortunately a good actor/liar. So when I asked her if we did anything she said no. I feel horrible and guilty. I'm writing this mainly because I need to tell someone, but I can't tell anyone I know. I had to get it off my chest in to the internet. However, if there is any good ways of coping with this guilt I am all ears. I want to take this secret to my grave. Thanks for reading, --The Worst
esteem-jam Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 You should buy flowers, chocolate and wine and tell your girlfriend: "Honey, we need to talk. I have been guilty. Forgive me." People can sense such things sometimes, and it will be constantly on your mind bugging and stressing you. I heard such things can unite people closer, but you can choose not to listen to me, I am fail at Love. =)
venusianx13 Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 I would advise you to tell her... holding onto guilt (which is what it sounds like you plan on doing) will cause the relationship to become even more so unhealthy. And it will continue to spiral downward. I am telling you this from experience. 2
Feelin Frisky Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 Take it to your grave and try to live it down by behaving yourself properly. If you spill, your goose will be cooked.
todreaminblue Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 (edited) Last night was my good friends birthday party and we were drinking. There was this girl there that had been flirty with me before but I have a girlfriend and she knew that. Well we get drinking more and I'm at the point of blacking out and she come on to me. On not saying its your fault, I should of stopped her, but I didn't. My relationship had been up and down and for some reason I was okay with it. So I cheated. We had sex. (Funny part is that the whole time I was thinking it was my girlfriend). I instantly regretted what I had done. Then I made an excuse this morning saying I blacked out half way through the night. She believes me, I'm unfortunately a good actor/liar. So when I asked her if we did anything she said no. I feel horrible and guilty. I'm writing this mainly because I need to tell someone, but I can't tell anyone I know. I had to get it off my chest in to the internet. However, if there is any good ways of coping with this guilt I am all ears. I want to take this secret to my grave. Thanks for reading, --The Worst taking secrets with you is soul destroying , if she doesnt know anything is up , she will and it wont be too long, you are already proxy purging by internet.......when you do the wrong thing by someone you should own up no matter the consequences....do you know keeping things lies in particular hidden causes a change in your personality makes you distrustful, because you know yourself you cant be trusted, i cannot hang on to guilt i am highly trustworthy when i hang on to feelings i am feeling i begin not to trust myself......always watching what i say or do , mainly not for bad reasons but for me , its to make others not feel uncomfortable so i begin to act differently than i woudl if i was natural...which is honest........, i have copped it in the past because i have made mistakes and i own up to them.If i feel something in my heart i share it......no matter the consequences, embarrassment, fear, awkwardness, shame.....all by products of guilt...you have fear of losing her in your heart you are going to eventually possibly do exactly that.......give your girlfriend a chance to decide for herself whether she wishes to give you a chance, dont torment yourself any longer, the other possibility is she may find out from someone else....that would be worse........for you for her....for your relationship...you were drunk so you have no idea who knows nor do you know who the girl has told, its a circle my friend, these things do come out....and they are meant to.....deceit will never win against truth...its a god given fact if you didnt think of that possibility you will now....do the right thing......and pray that it works out and that you can make up for your mistake, you made one...own up......deb Edited February 23, 2013 by todreaminblue
TaraMaiden Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 Last night was my good friends birthday party and we were drinking. There was this girl there that had been flirty with me before but I have a girlfriend and she knew that. Well we get drinking more and I'm at the point of blacking out I don't believe this 'blacking out' schytt.... and she come on to me. On not saying its your fault, I should of stopped her, but I didn't. If you remember this - you were nowhere near to 'blacking out'. I've seen 'blacking out' too many times, and the blacked out NEVER remember anything, after a certain point - way before they were about to black out. My relationship had been up and down and for some reason I was okay with it. Ah. The perennial 'justification'.... It's ok to cheat, because my relationship was rocky anyway.... There you have it. Had your relationship been on an even keel, cheating would never have even figured.... So I cheated. We had sex. Another factor which makes 'blacking out' a lie.... Guys 'blacking out' cannot have sex. The levels of alcohol required to make you black out, also make you unable to 'stay up'. (Funny part is that the whole time I was thinking it was my girlfriend) Hilarious. I instantly regretted what I had done. Why did you instantly regret it after, and not before? Would have been better, wouldn't it? Or were you too blacked out for self-control, but not blacked out enough for regret? Weird that, huh? Then I made an excuse this morning saying I blacked out half way through the night. She believes me, I'm unfortunately a good actor/liar. Not that good. I don't believe you, and I wasn't even there... So when I asked her if we did anything she said no. Yeah. She still knows you did. More importantly - so do you.... I feel horrible and guilty. I'm writing this mainly because I need to tell someone, but I can't tell anyone I know. I had to get it off my chest in to the internet. You CAN tell someone you know. In fact, I would recommend you tell someone you know, as soon as possible. That someone - is your (Ex-)GF..... However, if there is any good ways of coping with this guilt I am all ears. I want to take this secret to my grave. By your own admission, your relationship has been having its ups and downs. Then - you cheat. You not only know you cheated, you willingly permitted the cheating to begin, and to continue. You participated, and contributed. Do her a favour and break up with your GF. If things are rocky, it's probably for the best, because whatever is rocky in your relationship, even if you work to fix it, it won't ever be genuinely 'fixed' because what's REALLY broken it (your cheating) won't either be admitted or addressed. So the whole thing will be built on false pretences. "Blacked out". Humph! 3
Love Bytes Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 Well, you have two options... Lie, bury it deep down, and trick your girlfriend into being with someone that doesn't deserve her, or tell her the truth, and most-likely get dumped (deservedly so). Rocky relationship is no excuse, booze is no excuse. I was HAMMERED almost 300 miles away from home with the opportunity to cheat on my ex with a SMOKING hot blonde chick...and I passed. She was trying to make out with me on the dance floor, and while drunkenly tempted...I pushed her away...multiple times. Went back to my hotel room alone, slept alone, woke up and felt great with a clear conscience. 1
bitterruin Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 Eh, I'd suggest you get tested for STIs and tell your girlfriend. That's the only way to stop feeling guilty. 1
Author thewolfis Posted February 23, 2013 Author Posted February 23, 2013 Everyone that said tell her is right. I am ashamed for what I've done. I did tell her. I don't deserve her. I'm filth. I can't even say I hope she forgives me because I don't think I can forgive myself. I need to own up to my mistakes.
iouaname Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 You did the right thing by at least telling her. If she broke up with you, or asked for space -- or both -- give her that.
Kaza Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 It's human to make mistakes. But it's what you do after that also defines who you are. Take responsibility for your mistakes, but don't kill yourself doing that, and don't drown in self pity. When I feel ashamed of something I've done, I just have to keep telling myself, yes I've made a mistake and I'm not going to repeat it.
Sugarkane Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 No offense but how did you keep erect, if you "black out". Not possible.
venusianx13 Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 Everyone that said tell her is right. I am ashamed for what I've done. I did tell her. I don't deserve her. I'm filth. I can't even say I hope she forgives me because I don't think I can forgive myself. I need to own up to my mistakes. You did the right thing; good for you. Despite your very vapid story, telling her was the best thing you could have possibly done - for the both of you. Now, the goal here is to replace guilt with shame. Guilt is something you hang onto, shame is something you learn from. Be sure to commit this experience to wisdom, in order to be sure you don't repeat the same mistakes in the future.
aMguilts Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 Everyone that said tell her is right. I am ashamed for what I've done. I did tell her. I don't deserve her. I'm filth. I can't even say I hope she forgives me because I don't think I can forgive myself. I need to own up to my mistakes. another way of saying this is... `i need to grow up` it`s ok to saying you need to do this, or you need to do that and yes i agree with you, you are filth aM
Lillygoose Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 For a start, you did the right thing telling her. You where acting very cowardly to think you shouldn't. Personally, I have been where your other half is, and it isn't pretty. If you both love each other give each other the space to figure out what she wants and what you want. The fact you did it, says she doesn't mean that much to you!
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