He doesn't know what he wants, or whether he still loves me or not?

[dreamcatcherplease]

Hello, I would really like some view on this situation.

My ex boyfriend broke up with me - but he said he wanted it to be more of a break at the start of january, he seemed sad about it and just said he wanted me to be ok. During this time he would message me and say that he loves me and misses me so much and wants to get back together.

I will see him and he will act very couply with me and kiss me, he always makes the first move however he still wouldn't know what he wants. I know he is not just a "player" because he crys very much and feels so upset about the situation and hates hurting me by stringing me along. I have suspected he may have depression as he said at points he was "sad for no reason" however i have see that he goes out with friends a lot and see to be ok, and he said he feels guilty as he has gotten with other women during our (still going) time apart. I have a feeling this is what may lead him to his depresion. He says he doesnt know if he loves me, but he cares about me more than anybody else and thinks he will always have some romantic feeling for me and would never be able to treat anybody else the way he has treated me. He also brought up sometthing that i did in the past, i never cheated on him or anything but i hurt him and i think this is why he may not feel the same. However, when we hang out together he always makes the first move and seems so attracted to me - not in a sex way, in a couple way. He loves how i am, i make him laugh, and he told me i am beautiful and he snuggles me. He was feeling more comforatble with me as i just stayed round his for a few days, and he said he felt safe with me - he felt happy and liked being able to be with me but didnt want to jump into things as he said he was scared he was going to change his mind and hurt me. I pushed him by demanding answers as to whether he wanted to get back together or not because since the start of jan - and its now mid feb - i have been a complete mess without him and i just want to know from him if i should move on. He said he really wants to be with me in the future but feels he can't handle a relationship right now, and he doesnt know if he really loves me but he is more leniant towards thinking that he does. Right now we are on No contact for 2 weeks, we will meet up and discuss our time apart - please can somebody help me, i love him with all of my heart and i will do anything for him, literally anything. He is my soul mate, even he said if he wasn't going to be able to marry me, he didnt want to get married. He makes me the happiest girl in the world, and i really do just love everything about him. Please, if anybody can help the situation. x

I wish i could just drop him, but he is VERY genuine and at he told me he wanted me to try and move on whilst he got his head together because he said he felt selfish, and didn't want to hurt me thi way - he's not "playing" me, he's genuinely confused.

[H3Drvr]

Sounds like you already ARE doing "anything" for him although you two aren't a couple anymore.

 

So basically, he goes out and hooks up (more or less) with other girls while you stay home and cry or be sad. Then he comes back to you and feeds you leftovers because he fed his A-game to some other girl the night before. For a guy that's playing the field, that's the best kind of relationship.

 

You are acting as a backup at the moment while he goes out and search for a replacement. If he really, truly, deeply cares about you...HE WOULD BE WITH YOU.

 

Stop eating his leftovers and cut this dude from our life. If he's suffering from depression, then he needs to get professional help. But it sounds like he really just needs you to be safe launching point while he aims for the stars...obviously without you.

 

And it's not only his fault because he's told you to move on, yet you still cling on. You share in the blame in that you are accepting his indiscretions and allow him to come back into your life when he feels like it.

 

If you truly love him, let him go! We should give those who we "love" what they ask for!

[TaraMaiden]

This is very simple:

 

He is, what is known in dating circles, as a "cake eater".

 

he wants you, but at the same time, he doesn't.

 

You are his 'soft place to fall' his 'option, not Priority' his emotional back-up.

 

Now he may not MEAN to do all this, but that doesn't matter.

he's doing it anyway.

 

He's playing with you.

And that, no matter how much you feel for him - is completely unfair.

 

Sadly, this is absolutely, definitely what you need to do:

 

You need to tell him that you want to go Complete, Total, absolute no-messing, No Contact.

 

And that he is NOT to get in touch with you, at all, in any way, shape or form, unless it is to tell you either:

 

Yes: We have to stay together, as a couple, and I will do everything in my power to make this work -

 

OR -

 

No, I'm sorry, I've had time to think about this, on my own and I can't make a go of this, so we have to part.

 

Nothing else will do.

 

He cannot keep playing with your heart like this, and you cannot keep living in uncertainty.

 

And tell him - he has one Month.

 

One month, to make his mind up.

 

Until then, you will wait and see, and there must be absolutely no contact between you two whatsoever.

If at the end of this month, he still hasn't come to a decision - then he's reached a decision.

It's 'No'.

 

Because if at the end of one month, it's still "I don't know" then he might as well pack it in, because his heart sure ain't in it.

 

And if it's no, don't worry.

You'll survive.