Chloe1980 Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 Good morning everyone, Today is my third day NC. I woke up and I thought of him instantly, and then started to look on his Facebook account (that has been inactive for the last day or so). I started to cry and felt terrible alone and sad. I'm walking the dog this morning and try to study. I'll receive a book today (How to break your addiction to a person) that someone recommended here, and I hope this day will be a little better than yesterday. Im starting to realize he wont contact me again EVER, and it is so painful I cannot stand it, but I think it is good to start thinking this way. I dont want to stay stuck in this situation, I'm doing my best to overcome the pain. I may meet a new guy next week, I feel like crap and Im unstable emotionally right now, but I'll try again. 1
Damian12 Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 Hi chloe. I wouldnt recommend a new guy. Because if u arent emotionally attached yet from your ex. Its not fair to the new guy. Don't yourself a favor. Dont go on facebook. The breakup is still fresh. Give it time. Soon you'll feel better. When me and my gf split. I burst in tears on my bed. And im a dude! Haha but ya. It made me feel better afterwards. But good luck to you, use ur intuition from here. Listen to music that makes new dance!
TaraMaiden Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 You're not doing this right. Have you blocked him on FB? Have you completely deleted all his contact details, mobile number etc., and blocked him form calling/contacting you? You need to absolutely erase every trace, or possibility of contact, in both directions. Read the NC Guide in my signature, if you haven't already done so... I know you were pointed in the right direction on the 16th of this month, in another thread, by iouaname.... Look at all your threads. You're becoming obsessive... you posted a thread yesterday, and now this one.... Don't keep starting threads all over the place. Return to one, and call it a 'coping Journal'..... And Do what the NC thread suggests. Sever - all - contact. Otherwise, you will never survive. 1
creighton0123 Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 Looking at his facebook account, whether it's active or not, can be considered breaking the rules of no contact. Think of no contact like a cleanse. The idea of no contact is to remove completely triggers of memories from your past relationship: pictures, text messages, emails, facebook profiles, or even shared trinkets if they stir up too many negative emotions. If you want to keep some pictures, have a friend upload them to a dropbox account that they create to share with you in the future if you feel you want them back for the pleasant memories in a few years. But I can offer you some assurance: you're in a good place. You'll begin feeling more like yourself and more in control again after a week or two of no contact, but if you break that and introduce yourself to a trigger (like a facebook page), you risk stepping back to the beginning, as though no contact was ever started. 1
Author Chloe1980 Posted February 23, 2013 Author Posted February 23, 2013 Hi Damian, the new guy knows exactly my situation, he's totally aware. Tara: I am becoming obsessive, I know that. I need to break the circle. but I also need to write here Its my balsam...I wont start new treads, though. I cant block him, Ive done so many times and then I regret doing so. I deleted all his pictures, deleted the email account etc. How can I block his cel phone number?
TaraMaiden Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 It depends which provider/server you're with, but most Mobile Phones have this facility. There is also an app (Free I think) for blocking text messages, because many number/call blockers don't work with texts...... In any event, if you really need to get over him - and you really know you have to get over him - you are going TO HAVE to block him. Go to your call settings. There should be a system in there to block numbers. As for texts, you're obviously not strong enough to follow the No Contact Guide suggestion about sending a false 'blocked' response message, so you really should get that app.....
Author Chloe1980 Posted February 23, 2013 Author Posted February 23, 2013 What will happen if he does want to have something serious with me, if he regrets all this situation...? How can he contact me again if I block him? I'd never know then if the story could have changed... How to overcome this feeling?
TaraMaiden Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 Does he know where you live? Does he know where you work? Does he know, or can he find, the number to a good florist? If you can answer 'yes' to any of the above - if he really wants you - he'll find you. 1
Author Chloe1980 Posted February 23, 2013 Author Posted February 23, 2013 No, he doesn't know where I live. Only way he could ever contact me is cel phone and Facebook. If I block him he could never reach me again. What should I do?
NoLeafClover Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 Good morning everyone, Today is my third day NC. I woke up and I thought of him instantly, and then started to look on his Facebook account (that has been inactive for the last day or so). I started to cry and felt terrible alone and sad. I'm walking the dog this morning and try to study. I'll receive a book today (How to break your addiction to a person) that someone recommended here, and I hope this day will be a little better than yesterday. Im starting to realize he wont contact me again EVER, and it is so painful I cannot stand it, but I think it is good to start thinking this way. I dont want to stay stuck in this situation, I'm doing my best to overcome the pain. I may meet a new guy next week, I feel like crap and Im unstable emotionally right now, but I'll try again. I am 72 days NC (or maybe 73). You are still to early to jump into anything and re-evaluate your situation. Give it about a month, rething and reapply NC. I know it's hard hun, I know you want to contact him really bad (we all want to contact our ex's) but you can't keep getting hurt. You feel like you will be able to fix things and get him back by running back to him but he is not in the same page as you. If you block him and stop checking his social media sites only then you will be able to move on freely. Please read stories on here and try to relate using NC. We all had to go through this and have seen better days applying NC. If your ex truly wants to be with you he will find a way to get a hold of you. Do not let yourself down and allow him to know how sad you are, it will only make him feel better and boost his ego that he has this power over you. Please be strong for yourself. You are too young to be hanging on a guy for a long time. Life goes on, people change and new experiences come along.
KS11 Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 Hey Chloe, I know how hard it is resisting the urge to contact, but I promise you it wont do anything. Eventually you'll become tired of never getting the response you want. Someone posted a quote from Swingers on here the other day that is helping me so much! Can't remember who, as i cant find it again, but i did some googling... MIKE And what if I don't want to give up on her? ROB You don't call. MIKE But you said I shouldn't call if I wanted to give up on her. ROB Right. MIKE So I don't call either way. ROB Right. MIKE So what's the difference? ROB The only difference between giving up and not giving up is if you take her back when she wants to come back. See, you can't do anything to make her want to come back. You can only do things to make her not want to come back. MIKE So the only difference is if I forget about her or pretend to forget about her. ROB Right. MIKE Well that sucks. ROB It sucks. MIKE So it's almost a retroactive decision. So I could, like, let's say, forget about her and when she comes back make like I just pretended to forget about her. ROB Right...or more likely the opposite. MIKE Right... Wait, what do you mean? ROB I mean first you'll pretend not to care, not call - whatever, and then, eventually, you really won't care. MIKE Unless she comes back first. ROB Ah, see, that's the thing. Somehow they don't come back until you really don't care anymore. MIKE There's the rub. ROB There's the rub. Thats taken up a lot of space!! But its so true! Theres nothing more you can do, as much it hurts.. 1
TaraMaiden Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 No, he doesn't know where I live. Only way he could ever contact me is cel phone and Facebook. If I block him he could never reach me again. What should I do? Oh stop. You know what you should do! Like I said - if he wants to get in touch with you, trust me, he would find a way. But he won't. he doesn't want to.# he's happy where he is, he told you so himself. He doesn't want to reconcile, and certainly he's not even considering it right now.... Put that consideration out of your head, right now, and forget it. Carry on, Block, delete and Go No Contact. But you won't, will you? Because you would rather cling to the desperately hopeless pain and anguish, rather than go Cold Turkey and start your healing process. Chloe - this is drama. Pointless drama. You need to follow the NC Guide, hun......
Author Chloe1980 Posted February 23, 2013 Author Posted February 23, 2013 No, he won't find a way. Like I said: he only has my cel phone number. He doesn't even know my name, I've never told him. My Facebook account doesn't have my name. Only way he would ever contact is cel phone ( and Facebook) I can truly disappear very easily, without a trace. This is not drama, don't be so rough, it's only been 3 days, I am trying to do my best. I just want to let some door open just in case. I won't contact him again, never again, but I cannot block the only way he could ever contact me. It's long story, but he doesn't know a lot of things about me. I can try not to look at Facebook, don't sign in. And definitely try to move on.
geegirl Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 (edited) You met him in Dec. Just sex for two months. He doesn't even know your name. Edited February 23, 2013 by geegirl
Simon Phoenix Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 Wait, you are all goofy about some guy who didn't even take the time to know your name?
TaraMaiden Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 You have to be kidding me..... He knows nothing about you - and you think he's still Mr Marvellous??? Holy Mother of......... I'm speechless.
Hopeful714 Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 He doesn't know your name, and doesn't know where you live but you had casual sex for 2 months? Yikeees....... What is wrong with you? and I thought I had problems?...........
Author Chloe1980 Posted February 23, 2013 Author Posted February 23, 2013 Yes, it sounds weird, right? No, he doesn't know my name, because I didn't want him to know. He asked me but I denied him my info. I'm a private person and I knew somehow things were not completely right with him. I already told you he was on dating sites, homosexual as well... I didn't trust him, until the end when I realized he was being honest with me after all. Yes, sex for two months, weird kind of a relationship, but I still care for him.
Simon Phoenix Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 Yeah, you don't need to be meeting guys, or anyone. You need to figure out why you would settle for such a dysfunctional situation and why it causes you such stress.
Author Chloe1980 Posted February 23, 2013 Author Posted February 23, 2013 I am already in counseling. I am aware of all that too.
geegirl Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 I am already in counseling. I am aware of all that too. Keep on with counseling. Work on yourself and being alone for awhile. The last thing you need is meeting men and dealing with any type of drama that could entail when you're still struggling so badly over this guy. You clearly have self-esteem issues. You're no good to anyone until you start learning to love yourself.
AlexfromBoston Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 Yes, it sounds weird, right? No, he doesn't know my name, because I didn't want him to know. He asked me but I denied him my info. I'm a private person and I knew somehow things were not completely right with him. I already told you he was on dating sites, homosexual as well... I didn't trust him, until the end when I realized he was being honest with me after all. Yes, sex for two months, weird kind of a relationship, but I still care for him. Chloe, this is exactly what drove him away to begin with. So let me get this straight, you were having casual sex with him for two months and he never A. doesn't know where or what you do for work B. visited your place or C. even found out your name?!?! Sweetie, you couldn't trust him, imagine what he thought of you. I would venture to guess that he became weirded out, if not freaked out by the whole "relationship". He probably figured you were married or something and looking for a quick fling. I can pretty much promise you that this one is long gone. Hell, I would be too. You need to pick yourself up, meet new people and carry on with your life. Learn from this fiasco and avoid repeating the same mistakes with your next guy. Anyways, if you couldn't trust him why would you want him?
mishy Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 I bought the same book, How to Break your addiction to a person, bought it online 2 days ago, I wish it Would hurry up and get here I am only a day NC, but technically 2 days, seeing that my stupid phone accidentally called him yesterday
mishy Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 Why are you worried about a guy hat doesn't know your name or where you live. And how on earth did you sleep with him for two months without exchanging names?
NoLeafClover Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 Yes, it sounds weird, right? No, he doesn't know my name, because I didn't want him to know. He asked me but I denied him my info. I'm a private person and I knew somehow things were not completely right with him. I already told you he was on dating sites, homosexual as well... I didn't trust him, until the end when I realized he was being honest with me after all. Yes, sex for two months, weird kind of a relationship, but I still care for him. What's more private your name or what's inbetween your legs? I would suggest you go and get checked for STD's first because this doesn't sound like a very healthy sex partner if you know what i mean. 2
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