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NC for 3 months after she broke my heart but still get a text message...


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Posted

Your reasoning sounds like it's coming along here, you're right she was not concerned about your feelings when she wanted a ride to go party with her friends. My guess is the party is probably over and now she is lonely and because you're convenient she's looking for you.

 

Personally I would not text back, if she really has changed her mind she would know laying it on the line might be the only way to let you know. I would dismiss it as a breadcrumb and potential to undo all your recovery.

 

If she really does want a chance and has seen her error, she would act as if she has nothing to lose and let you know her intentions via any means she can ie text.

 

Be smart, do not respond. I would also advise you save your time and energy for someone who considers your feelings as well. You sound like you're on your way. :)

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Posted
Listen i know these decisions are though. But the truth is even if she is having some doubts she will make MUCH more of and effort. She will be blowing up your phone and showing up at your door in tears. And then you can decide. You have no reason to feel guilty not responding. In fact be pissed she is messing up your recovery for what is most likely selfish reasons.

 

Indeed, I know she will probably be bored and / or want something from me, or missing what i gave her (everything she wanted). Until she does turn up in tears or i hear a heart felt apology she will simply be ignored. im sorry if it hurts her, but i can guarantee its nothing compared to the hurt she has caused me.

 

If she want to be friend were does that leave you?

 

i thought about this one for some time, and indeed there was a period after the break up when i tried to be just friends. it was simply frustrating; 1. because its more or less look but dont touch, touch but dont take it too far, we are just friends. and 2. she mentioned a guy she was interested in, i tried to stay postive and show it didnt get to me but it cut me in two.

 

being friends with someone you love deeply would mean watching them give their intimacy to someone else killing you inside. and then when they hit troubles, you will be the shoulder she cries on, the guy she talks to, BUT then she will go back to him and be intimate with him. its not worth it imo.

 

If she doesn't respond were does it leave you?

If she is confused and wants to hang out on her terms and see where it goes where does it leave you?

 

Hanging on what SHE wants, waiting for the point (which may never come) when she wants to get back with you. its not worth it.

 

What do you want out of this if you respond?

 

my girl back, the one i loved back, the girl i loved with all my heart, the relationship was so special. the problem is she is not that girl anymore. maybe in part she is, nobody changes completely, and thats what keeps me hanging on. but thats just my heart talking, in my head shes gone. i know it will just take time.

 

Id just stay NC. You have your self esteem back are progressing well. Don't let her derail it. Your not missing out on an opportunity with her. She blew one with you 3 months ago. Rock on! Cav

 

i agree, thanks cav you have been a great help getting me through this rough patch!!! thank you!!

 

 

Your reasoning sounds like it's coming along here, you're right she was not concerned about your feelings when she wanted a ride to go party with her friends. My guess is the party is probably over and now she is lonely and because you're convenient she's looking for you.

 

Personally I would not text back, if she really has changed her mind she would know laying it on the line might be the only way to let you know. I would dismiss it as a breadcrumb and potential to undo all your recovery.

 

If she really does want a chance and has seen her error, she would act as if she has nothing to lose and let you know her intentions via any means she can ie text.

 

Be smart, do not respond. I would also advise you save your time and energy for someone who considers your feelings as well. You sound like you're on your way. :)

 

Thanks for that, it helped :)

Posted
She is trying to friend zone you and alleviate guilt.
Nailed it!

 

To men in general (plus Richard): I see this as a common theme with you all. You don't know what to make of it and unfortunately it gives you a false hope. Women want to make sure their ex-men are okay, so that she can feel less guilty. On the one hand, it does at least mean that she did at least care a bit, but on the other hand it is selfish on her part. She wants to feel better. It's all about HER.

 

To the community as a whole: Is this addressed in one of the stickies? It should be. I didn't see it. I wish we had a FAQ kind of thing.

To Richard: Good for you for looking at things logically. I got here when I saw another of your posts elsewhere. You were saying that we don't understand that you felt she was a life-partner when we actually do. We do, because we've been there too. I've had more bad relationships than I ever care to think about. Most recently it was a 23-year marriage. Now THAT was a relationship that I thought was going to be life long.

 

In the end, it is important to understand that once you are broken up, you are broken up. Never try to hope that her intentions, no matter what her actions are, are considerate.

 

Good luck to you Richard, you sound like you're doing very well. Hugs.

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Posted

Agree with the alleviating guilt but also my friend even if you think you're throwing away the last chance at love, she dumped you for a reason, when things settle down again she'll do it again...why? Because she did once before.

 

She's in control, and that is not a relationship, that's ownership, and what happens when your possession is old and worn..you trade it in for a new one.

 

Don't do it to yourself.

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